La_Montréalaise Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Hi guys! First time here! Let me tell you my story very quickly. I was with a guy for 7 years and he cheated on me. Then I was single for a year trying to regain my self-esteem and I randomly met this German guy on an app on my iphone (I know.... haha) At first it was nothing. We just chitchatted about everything. Music, our lives, our interests. We used Messenger on Facebook. Then we moved to Skype. We sent since March 16000 messages. Always communicating. And eventually, I went to travel to Europe and visited him in Germany for 12 days. It was great. We got along very very well, had a really passionate time too. He's amazing. He's a tree hugger like me, he does art like me. We have the same sense of humour. But he doesn't say much about the relationship. He was scared to have LDR but told me last week that he was more than fine. But he doesn't talk about the future. He wants to come see me but he's a starving artist so it's a bit hard for him to save fast. I know it's ok to take it slow too. My other concern?? Jealousy!! He's a DJ sometimes and everythime I see a new girl on his FB (which rarely happens) I start imagining what he's doing with her and that he will leave me for her. Like my ex's ghost coming back. Or maybe a real feeling?? This whole LDR is harder than I thought. How do I communicate better with him about the future without putting pressure on him. I need something more now. I'm 33 btw and he's 32. Both coming out of tough relationships.
TMichaels Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 How do I communicate better with him about the future without putting pressure on him. I need something more now. I'm 33 btw and he's 32. Both coming out of tough relationships. You've only known this guy six months. What's the big rush? Best, TMichaels
HeavenOrHell Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Would either of you be able to move in the future? If not I'd think very carefully before you get in any deeper. So far you've only spent 12 days together, it's not enough to know you could make a huge, drastic change in your life and move, you need to spend much more time together. Can you afford to see each other? If not then it's probably a non starter. Sorry to sound negative, I've been in an LDR for nearly 3 1/2 years, see him every other month, we have no plans to move countries, so we're in limbo and it's painful, it will probably result in splitting up at some point, but the longer we're together, and the more time we spend together the harder it is to split up. If you're talking about the future with him, you could just say something like, 'do you feel that we could have a future together, I understand if not, but just wondered how you feel'. Good luck!
ThisGal Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 But he doesn't say much about the relationship. He was scared to have LDR but told me last week that he was more than fine. But he doesn't talk about the future. He wants to come see me but he's a starving artist so it's a bit hard for him to save fast. My other concern?? Jealousy!! He's a DJ sometimes and everythime I see a new girl on his FB (which rarely happens) I start imagining what he's doing with her and that he will leave me for her. Like my ex's ghost coming back. Or maybe a real feeling?? This whole LDR is harder than I thought. How do I communicate better with him about the future without putting pressure on him. I need something more now. I'm 33 btw and he's 32. Both coming out of tough relationships. I hope he at least helped pay for that trip, pitch half the cost (if he hasn't, I'm making assumptions here, sorry). As for your concerns, well it really isn't a concern, they are valid points. You SHOULD be able to ask him about where this relationship is headed without feeling that you're pressuring him. He should talk about the future, you shouldn't be left in the dark. At least the near future. I mean if he hasn't even asked you to make this relationship official then it really isn't yet exclusive and you two aren't really in a bf / gf relationship. You two are adults, not high school lovers, all this should have been discussed in-depth. If more is what you seek then discuss it with him. You clearly want a serious relationship. See if he's on the same page. But all this should have been discussed PRIOR to flying 100s of miles. And why all the new girls on his Facebook page, he should be considerate. I can understand why you'd feel a certain way, especially after your last relationship. However, without trust in the relationship there is nothing there Trust is vital. It's not earned easily so make sure he's trustworthy. Don't bestow that title on anyone, he needs to prove he can be trusted, especially being that far from each other. Btw, does it say you two are "in a relationship" on his Facebook? The relationship is still new so keep your expectations realistic, however, you both should be very open with each other. Anyway, keep us posted on your situation. Take care!
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