me0wth Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I will try to keep this short, but not deprive it of details. I need some kind of analysis. My gf and I met up in 2012 after I approached her and introduced myself, yada yada. After that day, we were pretty much inseparable. She has been in this country for 4 years, always goes back for the Summer. Later that month, however, she had to go back to China to be with her family for 3 months. We promised to wait for each other, and we did. She came back, and we were together again until another Summer rolled around. This year, some time in July, she stopped contacting me. It took about 2 weeks, and I assumed that she was just in a small village or whatever. I tried to make excuses as to why she would not contact me. She eventually contacted me again and said that she's not on the computer all of the time, etc. I started to get the feeling that something was wrong. She came back, without me knowing. I didn't know her flight # or arrival date. I tried calling and her phone rang so I knew she was in the country since it wouldn't work unless she was. I texted her and asked if she was alright, she said she was fine. I told her to tell me when she got back so I could help her with the luggage and she said no thanks. I knew somethign was wrong. Let me preface this next part by mentioning that this is my first relationship and that I did everything I could for this girl. I taught her how to drive, I introduced her to the town, etc. I also want to mention that her parents are divorced, one in China one in the US. She came here to study so that she could get a good job back in China. She has everything over there, and I understand that. Her stepdad here "likes" her, and I know that her situation is not easy. I went to her house, freaking out. I waited for her to return, and eventually she pulled up. She had lied to me about being on a transport bus home. She was with her mom and stepdad. She asked why I was there. She was cold. I knew soemthing was wrong. Eventually we walked over to my car, and she broke the news to me. She "had thought about our relationship" and she said she wanted to just be friends. I told her I did not want to be her friend, and I left. I called her the next day and she sounded happy to hear my voice, so I asked if I could come over and talk. She said sure. She said that she needed time, space, and that she was scared that we had no future together because she wanted to go back to China. I figured she was just trying to soften the blow, and I suppose that she was. After 4 days of NC, I called her up. I told her I needed to talk to her. She had always been a brat, immature, acted like a princess. She is very much a "perfect little princess". She acts like she is the boss. I didn't tell her over the phone, but I said that I had no intention of getting back together (of course, after realizing what kind of person she was, I was pretty sure I wanted out of the relationship as well). We agreed to meet up. I told her that I cared about her not as a friend or a lover but as a human being. I did not want her to go on in life hating Mexican people, or Japanese people. I told her that she did not even consider my feeligns when she said bad things about Mexicans. I told her that I had hoped to slowly change her by showing her my city, and my friends. I had taught her how to drive. I had created a resume for her to help her get a job. I picked her up every single night. Every single night. I told her a lot of things, because I did not want her to leave and go on in life as a cold and mean person who only cared about themselves. I told her that, too. It wasn't mean. We did not argue. She tried to act cool at first, like she didn't care. Then I talked about how I knew that she was a good person because of a few things she had done for me (just a few, mind you). I told her that I knew her life was not easy here. I knew taht she had many reasons to dislike my city and this country. We enjoyed each others' company, as friends. She said that I was the only person that she could trust. She said that if we were just friends, we could get mad at each other and just be friends again in a few days. She asked me how I felt about that, and it took me a long time trying to think of an answer. She said, "what, it will be too hard for you, huh?" and after a few moments, I said "yeah, I think so". It made me wonder why she had broken up with me. I asked her, and she said "you know, I think I understand now, and I want to tell you but I don't wnat to hurt you." She said that she had broken up with me because she though tthat the longer we were together, the harder it would be in the future for us if we realized that we did not work out together. I laughed, said I understood, but that's what love is. It's about being best friends. We drove home, and I just wanted her to hold my hand. I guess I pestered her about it a bit, and she seemed off-put by it. She needed to pee, and when we got home, she peed and came back outside to the car. My car battery died since we had been sitting in the car in silence for so long. She was thinking deeply about us, as I was thinking deeply about her. A guy came and helped me jumpstart the car, and I knew I had to drive it for 15 mins so I asked her if she wanted to come with me. We went to the grocery store like we used to (just for fun) and she bought her facial cream. On the way there, she grabbed my hand and said she was sorry. She told mee to promise to take her home whenever she wanted. She said she needed time. She acted normal for the next hour, calling me baby, hugging on to me. We didn't kiss, and she didn't come back to my house to sleep with me. I felt like I understood those things. I felt happy, but also as if there was a tiny thing wrong. I couldn't ignore what she had done to me. She had left me alone in my most vulnerable time, and come back to the country saying that she wondered why I was at her home. I know that she had family stuff going on in China, and I trust that she did not find anyone else to be with. I trust her despite her flaws and immaturity. I know I had some things of my own, but I always gave and gave in our relationship, because I did not want to lose her. I feel like it may have smothered her, but for a year, she was at my house every night. We got into a few arguments, but she would always come back at the night and sleep with me because she missed me. Now, I have talked to my mom and her boyfriend. He told me to stop talking to her for 2 weeks, even if we had gotten back together. I had tried to call her the enxt day twice, within a 4 hour time period. She didn't pick up. She called me later that night at around 11pm and called me baby and asked if I had called. I was annoyed, and said I had, and asked why she hadn't picked up. She said she was at T-mobile with her family and that she had done math hmwk. I knew that she was lying to me. I told her to think about whether or not she really loved me, and she said that she wanted to hear my voice before she went to sleep. I want to leave her alone for 2 weeks and see how she reacts. I have not done anything wrong to her, and I am worried that I cannot trust her. I feel like she has to come to me and prove that she really wants to be with me. I feel like I deserve better, but I can't help but wonder if she is being honest about being scared. I know that her life was ruined by a divorce, but I also feel skeptical because she could just be unsure. She hasn't contacted me since Friday night when she told me she wanted to hear my voice. Should I stop talking to her and see if she comes back, or should I just put all of my effort into moving on with my life?
Philosoraptor Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 You're just going to be back in this same place when she moves out of the country, might as well get a start on moving on now. She had taken the time while in China to work this out with herself and didn't let you know that the relationship was over. Now you're allowing her to use you to get over you, and go back to being emotionally there for her when she isn't willing to do the same thing for you. You need to focus on yourself, drop the friendship bit as you're clearly not ready, and allow yourself to heal up and move on. 4
Author me0wth Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I just came back and read this, hahahah. So sad. I haven't contacted this girl since about 2 weeks after this message was posted. Basically, what happened was that I tried to talk to her a few times after I posted this. We met up, I cried, we talked, and I just disappeared. She hasn't talked to me since then either, I doubt that either of us will talk again. 2-3 days after posting that message, despite all the sadness and chaos, I landed a new job that paid me more than I've ever made before. In the past 8 or 9 months, I ended up getting the best grades in college classes that I've ever gotten, ****ed a stripper in SF, got a new car (2014 WRX), moved out, and met new women. I have a date tomorrow morning with this super hot mexican chick who seems pretty dope. My ex gf still crosses my mind often, but after enough research, I understand that it is in the past and all that I need to do is keep improving. I have no idea how I accomplished so much despite being in such a ****ty situation. Going back and reading this, from nearly one year ago.... It's eye opening! Why did I care so much about that chick? Hope more people will see this and just move on from old lovers that are worthless...
TylerDurdenn Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I just came back and read this, hahahah. So sad. I haven't contacted this girl since about 2 weeks after this message was posted. Basically, what happened was that I tried to talk to her a few times after I posted this. We met up, I cried, we talked, and I just disappeared. She hasn't talked to me since then either, I doubt that either of us will talk again. 2-3 days after posting that message, despite all the sadness and chaos, I landed a new job that paid me more than I've ever made before. In the past 8 or 9 months, I ended up getting the best grades in college classes that I've ever gotten, ****ed a stripper in SF, got a new car (2014 WRX), moved out, and met new women. I have a date tomorrow morning with this super hot mexican chick who seems pretty dope. My ex gf still crosses my mind often, but after enough research, I understand that it is in the past and all that I need to do is keep improving. I have no idea how I accomplished so much despite being in such a ****ty situation. Going back and reading this, from nearly one year ago.... It's eye opening! Why did I care so much about that chick? Hope more people will see this and just move on from old lovers that are worthless... So you've gone from a decent sounding caring guy to a complete and utter dickhead. Congratulations brah 3
Author me0wth Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 So you've gone from a decent sounding caring guy to a complete and utter dickhead. Congratulations brah It's better than being whatever the hell that was last year loolol
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