Hope, self esteem rebound, finally!

[Caldespair]

Just a note of hope for all of us who have suffered due to divorce.

After 9 months of agony and pain and depression I am slowly getting back to the way I was pre marriage. Last few days and weeks I have been getting my self esteem back. This has led me to meet numerous women and habit a feeling hope. Its a complete 180 for me. I hated shopping or doing domestic errands that I never had to do when married. Now, I love it. So many women are nice, friendly and welcoming, that I feel I'm on cloud 9. I never thought I wuld have that buzz from meeting and talking to women. Of course it's not linear,but it better then being depressed about div circumstances all the time. Bottom line, there is hope and that hope can be realized in ways unimaginable in days of gloom.

[trippi1432]

Oh..there are plenty of women who want a better a man than their husbands....now you love it...no you don't. OMG!! If there is anyone who gets this crap wrong on finding YOU....is YOU.

[revitup]

Just a note of hope for all of us who have suffered due to divorce.

After 9 months of agony and pain and depression I am slowly getting back to the way I was pre marriage. Last few days and weeks I have been getting my self esteem back. This has led me to meet numerous women and habit a feeling hope. Its a complete 180 for me. I hated shopping or doing domestic errands that I never had to do when married. Now, I love it. So many women are nice, friendly and welcoming, that I feel I'm on cloud 9. I never thought I wuld have that buzz from meeting and talking to women. Of course it's not linear,but it better then being depressed about div circumstances all the time. Bottom line, there is hope and that hope can be realized in ways unimaginable in days of gloom.

 

Great news

 

Nine months is not that long after all! It is wonderful to see many of those I "met" along this journey moving on and proving it does get better.

 

The self esteem issue is really strange for me as well.I get a kick out of the smallest of things now.And when you catch a flirting woman and she knows it.....priceless!

 

Keep it up

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

Oh..there are plenty of women who want a better a man than their husbands....now you love it...no you don't. OMG!! If there is anyone who gets this crap wrong on finding YOU....is YOU.

 

 

You lost me on this one.....?:confused:

 

REVITUP

[trippi1432]

You lost me on this one.....?:confused:

 

REVITUP

 

He starts a new thread when he needs validation. Not even going to explain it...too many new threads now.

 

Good luck Cal...don't forget your hat, STD's out there.

 

Sorry Rev...it's just a shame when people's marriages break down over something relatively simple to fix..this was one.

[revitup]

He starts a new thread when he needs validation. Not even going to explain it...too many new threads now.

 

Good luck Cal...don't forget your hat, STD's out there.

 

Sorry Rev...it's just a shame when people's marriages break down over something relatively simple to fix..this was one.

 

 

The dreaded "Multi-threader" ....I was in the dark on this one.

 

I only have one thread,am I missing something by only having one thread?

 

If I am missing something by only having one thread,I blame my STBXWW! Not really,she is wonderful,at something,somewhere,I guess,maybe?

 

Validation-it's an inside job!

 

I'm up to speed now.

 

REVITUP

[2sunny]

Get help from a professional.

 

You need to learn about yourself. Need to learn about NOT needing external validation to feel happy. Need serious help with owning YOUR PART in the breakdown of your marriage. That way you can grow and learn to be a better partner - maybe learn to communicate better, respect others more and understand how best to participate in the world.

 

Do this BEFORE dating new women - otherwise you're just offering them your self that needs help.

 

Do things that help you feel compassionate toward others - learn to be humble - learn how money isn't the means to thinking you're a catch.

 

Learn what honoring and respecting others should look like.

 

Please, get help... Almost a year in - and your ego is still in your way!

 

Quit keeping score - sheez, your judgment shows all over the words you choose in your prior threads - high road - low road - always the need to show that you are better than the rest. Let that go...

 

I'd bet women MIGHT be attracted to you if you'd lose the ego.

 

Learn what happy on your own looks like before offering yourself to someone else.

Edited August 26, 2013 by 2sunny

[revitup]

Cal, I just read a few of you older THREAD topics.It is apparent to the casual observer that you really like.... YOU! And starting new threads.And at one point picking up hurting women...on here?

 

Sometimes we all need to stop and count ourselves.I'm pretty sure you will come up with about... ONE when you count,just as we have.It has helped me to return and read my own threads in order to see how much I have changed since Aug 2012.Reflection is a good tool.

 

It's your world Cal,I'm just passin' through.

 

REVITUP

[Caldespair]

Skewered to a crisp! Tough audience here.

Multi threads sin, quilty. And revitup it has taken long time to feel good about myself. I sticking with it. This forum is for all of us, perfect or not.

Sunny...what can I say? Your often unhappy with my posts and others. Did I ever say I walk on water?

Getting help, I do therapy each week, I volunteer for underprivileged. Yes, I do like myself. Better then disliking oneself.

Very judgmental comments guys.

[hayewils]

Cal,

Write away. Post threads. It doesnt matter who has what to say.

What matters here is that YOU are feeling better about yourself.

Its a horrible thing that we have all gone through, and its a great time when you realize that you are feeling better about yourself.

I just may start a new post each morning now just to irritate people.. Lol

Keep up the feeling better about yourself!!

[Caldespair]

Hay, thanks for message and support. I prob was / can be a bit sensitive about negative comments. I'm getting back to my half full attitude which was ripped from me with sudden div. Onward and upward.!

[Caldespair]

Trip

 

I wish my marriage was savable. There were no deal breakers, but stubborn positions that became harder over time. Believe me, I went back trying to patch it back numerous times. She would have none of it. I had to relent as each attempt , then rejection from her would set me back emotionally. I still can admit to myself, part of me loves her and I dream if her. But I can't keep hitting my head against the wall for her pleasure.

One point about sbxw that knaws at me. 27 years, before our own kids my niece was born (my sisters child). Said niece was close with us and my kids for their entire lives. My x has no contact with her, zip nor the 5 nieces and nephews we all so adore. Something not right with her ( of course I had many wrong turns and would do things differently if I could especially post sep)

[2sunny]

And what exactly, did you do in your M that pissed your wife off so much that she's this angry at you?

 

Remember, it's never about one argument...

 

 

Tell us what YOU did (not your wife). We can help you change you. We can't help you change her.

 

 

Honestly, if I considered dating you - I'd want to know how you participated in your M that lead to this demise - but I'd also want to know what you've changed about yourself that makes you a better man. I'd also never date you knowing you're still in love with your wife. Who wants to date someone who is in love with someone else? That's not fair to other women.

 

You stand firm on being this glorious god - but that doesn't help us to help you grow. Ask your counselor point blank what your character defects are - that's what YOU can work on - to grow into a better person. That's what you are paying for.

 

You must have done many things to make your W that angry - tell us what those are so we can help you sort through your deficiencies and grow to be better suited for your future.