Smitten with this guy but wants to go slow and is wary

[purple30]

Most of my relationships have been rushed and ended up hurt badly, just recent I met this guy and he wants to take things "slow" So I don't want to push and scare him off but i'm just not used to guys being "slow" he has just got out of LTR and I don't mind going slow and i'm waiting for a second date to happen do I ask him time and date since he told me he wants to see me or let him do it? He says he likes me as I don't hound him by texts 24/7 like most women do.

 

He also says hes wary abit hes been badly hurt and I want to heal that for him as hes such a gentleman but like I said I don't want to push him for second date even tho he says theres going to be one and hes still texting me which is a good sign i'm getting smitten with this guy tho. Any advice would be good

[chicaD]

He sounds like an introvert (but this only you can tell). Most of us intros hate all those stupid dating rules out there and prefer to go slow, at a natural pace. There are many other things you might not like if you are in constant need of social interaction though. That drains us.

Edited August 25, 2013 by chicaD

[purple30]

His ex has hurt him really badly and hes been depressed about that thinks everyones the same which is why i'm not pushing him and hes still text etc, and slowly going to hint to him to do something when hes back from holiday but not right away, hes trying to find his feet back in to the dating world and I don't blame him for being wary but I wish I wasnt smitten so quick as i've also been hurt badly.

[cliche1]

Sounds similar to what I'm going through, except we are at date 7 and she is the one really taking it slow, we havent even kissed yet, but she likes me. It is difficult to suggest what to do or say except go at his pace, it can be frustrating as you may not be used to it or quite know what he is feeling but just go with thw flow

[tbf]

You can't heal someone. They and time will heal themselves.

 

In this situation, be wary. People who aren't over their exes, can and will react to situations in unusually negative ways. Find out what happened so you can gauge whether this one's worth the effort of putting up with backlash.

[purple30]

Thankyou, well he said his ex cheated on him when they lived together and it crushed him, hes defo a keeper well for me anyway suppose if I want him I better go easy so hoping date 2 is round the corner I know it takes me awhile to get over an ex so I know how it feels its just weird at a slow pace so I guess the saying is "good things come to those who wait"

[Object_a]

I've been in the same boat as this guy. If he hasn't had time to process (which I hadn't when I was in this situation) then he probably feels like ****e right now and he may not feel up to dating much. You can help move things along by pushing gently if he seems overly slow but try to keep your expectations under control because he is likely to have some serious problems to work through before he's ready for a proper relationship. The main thing is don't become another problem in his life by being too pushy because you will be far easier to 'solve' than most of the other demands upon his attention if he feels under pressure.

[purple30]

He is a gentleman I really don't know why she would cheat on him, he was with her a good few years and it was only early this year she dumped him so hes probably abit scared to let people in.

I might not tell him to make it a second date, yet call it just friends getting to know each other without presure I think that might be better even though I want it be a date just want to show him not all women are bitches I might suggest that within the next week as I don't want to be pushy.