Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Trust me, if you ignore her request and try to use it as an opportunity to talk to her she's just going to resent you even more. She'll either ignore you or making cutting remarks, so do the decent thing and best of luck with it! I know. Part of me just thinks she is just going to resent me regardless of what I do. In hindsight I should have just left her alone and just began making up excuses not to see her until she got suspicious and asked what was up. But it's too late for that now.
supaflyz Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Run away from this girl. Sit somewhere else. Who the heck sleeps with a delivery boy?
Author tart6245 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Run away from this girl. Sit somewhere else. Who the heck sleeps with a delivery boy? Yeah, that was the grossest part about it. She's 24 and still having one night stands with a guy she's only met for a few minutes and thinks it is completely fine because he was attractive. Talk about trash....
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Okay....so if you DONT want to date her, you think she is "trash", then why do you really care what she thinks? Who cares if she resents you? Dude, wasnt SHE the one who was having sex not you? Why would you want to be with that anyway? This whole thread seems contradictory on your end. You write one message how you didnt want to date her, then "Oh, I did care, then she is "trash", then I dont want her to resent me. Simple answer is to just chalk it up as a loss and move forward.
Author tart6245 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 I guess I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I think I was somewhat unfair to get angry since I hadn't defined our relationship and never made it clear we were exclusive. On the other, I was mad she kept acting like we were in a relationship only to be "confused" when people assumed we were in a relationship. It was like she didn't know how men and women act together. So I guess I just feel like I was a bit too harsh on her, probably because of a combination of alcohol, her former friends jumping on the bandwagon, etc that just pushed me over the edge. You're right that I just need to ignore her and move on. She's been that way all her life. That is her reputation - to be a user, so I need to move on and fine someone else who isn't like that.
Author tart6245 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I sat in a different place today in class. I never officially changed my seating assignment, but today was not the day where I needed to sit beside her. At least it looked like I respected her wishes for now. I am considering what to do next. I could either give up on this: a) move on and not speak to her every again, b) wait a few weeks and see if she is more responsive, or c) contact one of our mutual friends and see if she has said anything and whether they could help me at all. I really do feel bad about what I said to her, worse than I did this weekend. Yes, she did something stupid but I really crossed the line. I'd hate for us never to speak again... but since she has blocked me from everything except school email, I really don't know what else to do.
Author tart6245 Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 I had discussed my situation on here earlier about a girl I was seeing having a 1 night stand, which caused me, drunk that night, to verbally lash out at her, calling her morals questionable telling her I didn't want to associate with her anymore given her already poor reputation at our school... she invited me over late that night to stay at her place and talk it out, but I refused and went home, and she then said she was just going to block me out of her life then. I went way too far, and had I not been drinking (this was during a back to school barbecue), I would have simply stopped talking to her without the fight. Anyway, I tried apologizing the morning after via Facebook (she claimed to block my number, not sure if she did), and she said the things I said would never heal with time and blocked me there too. Should I just give up on this? Or wait a few weeks and see if I can approach her or email her? Go to a friend of ours and see if they have any advice or will see if they can get her to at least talk to me? The girl was using me, no doubt, and I have no intentions to pursue her again, but I felt my actions that night were out of line even though she had done what she did. I feel really awful about it, especially since we are still in grad school together till May.
Author tart6245 Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 How long do you recommend? A few weeks? A month? She could never speak to me again, but I want to make the effort to try to at least not leave things the way we did.
Author tart6245 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I am leaning toward sending my ex-FWB a card next week apologizing. Long story short, if no one has seen my threads, a girl I was seeing had a 1 night stand, and after a day of drinking with a lot of people who didn't like her and encouraged me, I ended up saying some bad things to her. I tried apologizing the day after but she just blocked me after a few exchanges on Facebook. I feel truly awful, so maybe this will at least help her understand. It's the last thing I can do aside from confronting her at class, and I doubt she'd want that.. "I feel awful for what I did to you and to our friendship, and I am ashamed at my behavior a few weeks ago. I have never felt this bad. The truth is, you did nothing wrong and did not deserve any of it. I said horrible things out of anger and nothing that I meant. I really enjoy our friendship and the times we had together, and you are a great person that I respect and enjoy spending time with. I hope in the future you will find it in your heart to forgive me. "
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I honestly have no idea what I was doing. I guess I got protective...
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Letters are almost always a "Hell no". Don't do it.
Misfortune Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I get you but you have to realize that you are not exclusive. You do the business, have fun together here/there and you let it be. When you get into those things you have to tell yourself, "we are not exclusive, we're just FWB". Also, don't give into peer pressure if it doesn't feel right to you. At the end of it all, you're probably the only one that's dealing with the aftermath of your outburst. You're now down in the dumps and they're probably still living life normally.
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I get you but you have to realize that you are not exclusive. You do the business, have fun together here/there and you let it be. When you get into those things you have to tell yourself, "we are not exclusive, we're just FWB". Also, don't give into peer pressure if it doesn't feel right to you. At the end of it all, you're probably the only one that's dealing with the aftermath of your outburst. You're now down in the dumps and they're probably still living life normally. Oh I know. I let the alcohol get the best of me. I was stupid and acted out of character. No other way to describe it. I haven't gotten angry at a girl in maybe 6 years because I usually know better.
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Letters are almost always a "Hell no". Don't do it. If not that, then what? I know I could just leave it alone and let it go, but what else do I have to lose at this point? I can't really contact her any other since she blocked me after I refused to talk to her the night of the fight because I was drunk and knew I shouldn't...
Tayla Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Since your actions got you into this mess, let your actions get you out of it. Admit your wrong without "excuses". Drop the "I was drunk" and therefore I wasn't completely responsible for my actions. You are responsible for so long as you are breathing and pumping blood thru your veins. Thank goodness you are experiencing guilt. I mean that in a positive way. it says you overstepped a boundary and recognize it. I agree, a letter is not the way. I sincerely hope you understand and re-adjust your behavior to this lady..SHe deserves a face to face apology ..and you need to hear her out...so listen to her side entirely without prejudice. Best to you...
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 If not that, then what? I know I could just leave it alone and let it go, but what else do I have to lose at this point? I can't really contact her any other since she blocked me after I refused to talk to her the night of the fight because I was drunk and knew I shouldn't... Nothing. Time will do the trick a lot more effectively than a desperate, clingy letter will. Don't compound the break in character with a lovesick apology. If you get in contact again apologize face-to-face if you want. But no letter.
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Since your actions got you into this mess, let your actions get you out of it. Admit your wrong without "excuses". Drop the "I was drunk" and therefore I wasn't completely responsible for my actions. You are responsible for so long as you are breathing and pumping blood thru your veins. Thank goodness you are experiencing guilt. I mean that in a positive way. it says you overstepped a boundary and recognize it. I agree, a letter is not the way. I sincerely hope you understand and re-adjust your behavior to this lady..SHe deserves a face to face apology ..and you need to hear her out...so listen to her side entirely without prejudice. Best to you... I don't plan on using anything as an excuse. I did what I did and I take full responsibility for it. Regardless of how I felt or what she did, I had no business saying what I said, and I understand that. Although, I don't think anything face to face is possible at the moment, unless I try to pull her aside in school. Going to her house will just be a mess, I expect, and I don't want her going crazy. A letter is absolutely not the way to go then? No chance she will read it and consider breaking the ice and at least talking about what happened?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I don't plan on using anything as an excuse. I did what I did and I take full responsibility for it. Regardless of how I felt or what she did, I had no business saying what I said, and I understand that. Although, I don't think anything face to face is possible at the moment, unless I try to pull her aside in school. Going to her house will just be a mess, I expect, and I don't want her going crazy. A letter is absolutely not the way to go then? No chance she will read it and consider breaking the ice and at least talking about what happened? She'll think you are a passive-aggressive lovesick puppy.
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 She'll think you are a passive-aggressive lovesick puppy. Yeah, I could see that. She never accused me of having feelings for her during our fight. She just said she didn't know where it was coming from. So my best bet is to approach her after class then and tell her I'm sorry? Or ask if we can talk soon?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Yeah, I could see that. She never accused me of having feelings for her during our fight. She just said she didn't know where it was coming from. So my best bet is to approach her after class then and tell her I'm sorry? Or ask if we can talk soon? Your best bet is to back off and let her come to you for the time being. Don't press -- just settle down and let her settle down. If you show that it was an isolated incident she's likely to forgive you on her own without an apology. But if you go pushing the issue, she's going to keep her guard up. Just relax.
Author tart6245 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Fair enough. Ill hold off on apologizing then. I don't think she will come around after this one though. If she does, it will be out of boredom because she has no one else to occupy her time (much like it was the first time), and I'm not sure I would want her to use me like that. Ill see how next week goes. I'm going to sit beside her in our class after taking a break last week and informing the professor of what was up. Hopefully that won't cause any problems.
Author tart6245 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 I'm feeling so impatient today over this whole situation. I want to do something now to start the ball rolling on an apology, but I feel completely powerless at the moment. I have so many regrets about what I did last weekend and little hope I will be able to salvage this situation. It sucks so much because she meant a lot to me. I wish I could have just ignored her behavior and continued on like we were doing. I hate myself sometimes.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I'm feeling so impatient today over this whole situation. I want to do something now to start the ball rolling on an apology, but I feel completely powerless at the moment. I have so many regrets about what I did last weekend and little hope I will be able to salvage this situation. It sucks so much because she meant a lot to me. I wish I could have just ignored her behavior and continued on like we were doing. I hate myself sometimes. You screwed up. It happens. But dwelling on it isn't going to get you anywhere. What exactly do you want from this person? I'm pretty sure FWB isn't going to be a good idea because there are feelings involved (you are obviously very attached). It doesn't seem like she has any interest in dating you either. So before doing anything, you should figure out exactly what you want from this person. And then chill and let life take its course. Anything you do would be adding drama to a situation which is already too dramatic.
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