tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 So last night, a girl I have been seeing for about 9 months slipped and told me after we had been drinking for a while that she had hooked up with a delivery boy a week or so ago after he delivered some things to her house. I flipped out and said all kinds of horrible things. It did not help that I was hanging out with some of her former friends who think she is the scum of the earth (well, her reputation is basically that way all over grad school), and I said about the same to her. I tried to apologize to her this morning, but she was having none of it and we eventually blocked each other on FB. Was I being ridiculous given we weren't in a "defined" relationship. We were still seeing each other exclusively for 9 months before this happened, but I noticed she was acting odd about a week ago and I had a feeling something had happened. We still sit together in a class so I will still see her. She offered to talk it out last night and then changed her tune this morning. Should I just ignore her and move on? I guess I was warned about her by nearly all of her former friends that she has maturity issues and only uses guys for whatever they can give her.
StanMusial Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 So last night, a girl I have been seeing for about 9 months slipped and told me after we had been drinking for a while that she had hooked up with a delivery boy a week or so ago after he delivered some things to her house. I flipped out and said all kinds of horrible things. It did not help that I was hanging out with some of her former friends who think she is the scum of the earth (well, her reputation is basically that way all over grad school), and I said about the same to her. I tried to apologize to her this morning, but she was having none of it and we eventually blocked each other on FB. Was I being ridiculous given we weren't in a "defined" relationship. We were still seeing each other exclusively for 9 months before this happened, but I noticed she was acting odd about a week ago and I had a feeling something had happened. We still sit together in a class so I will still see her. She offered to talk it out last night and then changed her tune this morning. Should I just ignore her and move on? I guess I was warned about her by nearly all of her former friends that she has maturity issues and only uses guys for whatever they can give her. Yeah, time to move on. All the warning signs were there, chalk it up to some good times and leave it at that.
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You can't block someone who's already blocked you, because once they block you, you can't see them at all to block them too. Anyway, if what she told you is true, that's pretty gross and low class. I'm assuming you care about this girl, despite never having defined what you are to each other. Perhaps this is a lesson that next time you ought to define your boundaries better.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah, I never got emotionally invested in her, I guess I was more angry at myself for disregarding all of the warnings and continuing on, and I let it out on her for being herself. She's just a terrible person according to nearly all of her friends from our first year in school, and she hasn't made any new friends, so I guess that says it all. We had some good times, but I could never fully trust her and that was something I could never overcome. 1
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 You can't block someone who's already blocked you, because once they block you, you can't see them at all to block them too. Anyway, if what she told you is true, that's pretty gross and low class. I'm assuming you care about this girl, despite never having defined what you are to each other. Perhaps this is a lesson that next time you ought to define your boundaries better. Oh, for sure. Her friends told me she was raised as trash and simply acts that way. I couldn't believe what she told me, and she was "surprised" the guy wouldn't really talk to her afterwards. I told her I didn't want to associate with such a trashy, low class person and wanted no part of her in my circle of friends, and she got angry. I did care about her as a friend, and I really wanted her to prove me wrong that all of her friends weren't right about how awful she is, but I guess she still is just a child who cannot care for a person. She's 24 and has never been in a relationship, so that is a huge warning sign too.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Oh, for sure. Her friends told me she was raised as trash and simply acts that way. I couldn't believe what she told me, and she was "surprised" the guy wouldn't really talk to her afterwards. I told her I didn't want to associate with such a trashy, low class person and wanted no part of her in my circle of friends, and she got angry. I did care about her as a friend, and I really wanted her to prove me wrong that all of her friends weren't right about how awful she is, but I guess she still is just a child who cannot care for a person. She's 24 and has never been in a relationship, so that is a huge warning sign too. I think you are being a hypocrite, you previously wrote that the 'relationship' was never really defined and you didn't want to take her with you to NY, now you're upset that she 'cheated' on you. You also seem to be gathering a lynch mob to back you up. Frankly you sound like a cake-eater. 1
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 I think you are being a hypocrite, you previously wrote that the 'relationship' was never really defined and you didn't want to take her with you to NY, now you're upset that she 'cheated' on you. You also seem to be gathering a lynch mob to back you up. Frankly you sound like a cake-eater. Maybe I am a cake eater, but I have no interest in hanging out with someone who sleeps with a delivery boy. I may have been wrong, and I think I was, when I flipped out at her like I did because I never talked about our relationship, and that's my fault, but it's over and done with now, I can't take it back. I did my best to right the wrong, but I'm sure I hurt her, so it's time to move on. I forgave her in the past when she hurt me, but I doubt she will have the maturity to do the same for me.
StanMusial Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Just drop it dude. Nothing good is going to come from associating with this girl going forward. Heck the delivery boy knows what's up. Hit it and quit it. 2
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Maybe I am a cake eater, but I have no interest in hanging out with someone who sleeps with a delivery boy. I may have been wrong, and I think I was, when I flipped out at her like I did because I never talked about our relationship, and that's my fault, but it's over and done with now, I can't take it back. I did my best to right the wrong, but I'm sure I hurt her, so it's time to move on. I forgave her in the past when she hurt me, but I doubt she will have the maturity to do the same for me. When you had the argument with her did you tell her what her so-called friends were saying about her?
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Maybe I am a cake eater, but I have no interest in hanging out with someone who sleeps with a delivery boy. I may have been wrong, and I think I was, when I flipped out at her like I did because I never talked about our relationship, and that's my fault, but it's over and done with now, I can't take it back. I did my best to right the wrong, but I'm sure I hurt her, so it's time to move on. I forgave her in the past when she hurt me, but I doubt she will have the maturity to do the same for me. I don't think you would have flipped out if you didn't care. You would have just taken a mental note, and disassociates yourself from her. I think you're more angry with yourself for getting so intimately involved with someone who doesn't share your views on sexual...sharing. Lesson learned, right? Pick a better partner (sex or relationship) next time. 1
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 When you had the argument with her did you tell her what her so-called friends were saying about her? Yeah, I basically told her how pathetic her reputation was around school, but I had defended her and trusted her in the past and felt she was being given a bad rap, but now I can see that her reputation was actually what people had said about her. She responded that she didn't need me to defend her ever and it was her life and she could do what she wanted, and her former friends were just jealous of her that she got laid. I told her it was sad she didn't want anyone to defend her over these accusations since reputation in law school is everything, etc, etc. It was a bad fight. One of the worst I have ever had with someone. The combo of drinking + who I was with that night was just the recipe for a perfect storm. She really has no other friends to fall back on. She talks **** about her roommate all the time, so even in her own apartment she's unpopular. She used me for entertainment and other things for the past few months, and I guess when something else came along that she liked, she was done with me except when she wants me to take her on trips/other places.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 I don't think you would have flipped out if you didn't care. You would have just taken a mental note, and disassociates yourself from her. I think you're more angry with yourself for getting so intimately involved with someone who doesn't share your views on sexual...sharing. Lesson learned, right? Pick a better partner (sex or relationship) next time. That's it exactly. I was angry at myself and let it out on her. I knew in my mind I should've listened to the prevailing sentiment, but part of me thought it was just an exaggeration. Lesson learned. 2
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah, I basically told her how pathetic her reputation was around school, but I had defended her and trusted her in the past and felt she was being given a bad rap, but now I can see that her reputation was actually what people had said about her. She responded that she didn't need me to defend her ever and it was her life and she could do what she wanted, and her former friends were just jealous of her that she got laid. I told her it was sad she didn't want anyone to defend her over these accusations since reputation in law school is everything, etc, etc. It was a bad fight. One of the worst I have ever had with someone. The combo of drinking + who I was with that night was just the recipe for a perfect storm. She really has no other friends to fall back on. She talks **** about her roommate all the time, so even in her own apartment she's unpopular. She used me for entertainment and other things for the past few months, and I guess when something else came along that she liked, she was done with me except when she wants me to take her on trips/other places. Well this was a big mistake on your part, you basically told her you were talking about her behind her back and you never mentioned this before except to use it against her. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to talk to you. She didn't use you, it looks like you both used each other as there was no really defined relationship and you were both looking for what you wanted out of it. She didn't cheat on you and you weren't ever really interested in her.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Well this was a big mistake on your part, you basically told her you were talking about her behind her back and you never mentioned this before except to use it against her. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to talk to you. She didn't use you, it looks like you both used each other as there was no really defined relationship and you were both looking for what you wanted out of it. She didn't cheat on you and you weren't ever really interested in her. I did care for her, but I wasn't interested in "dating" her per say. I felt she had a bad rap in school because I didn't see that side of her for a long time, so whenever someone approached me and warned me about seeing her, I just ignored it. I never sought out anything about her. I am a well liked guy in school, so people were trying to look out for me. I suppose you could say we used each other for various things, but she got a lot more out of me than I got out of her. I was her "boyfriend" in every since of the word without the official label. That was my fault, but I doubt there is anything else I can do to fix it now unless she gets bored and decides to open the lines of communication again.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I did care for her, but I wasn't interested in "dating" her per say. I felt she had a bad rap in school because I didn't see that side of her for a long time, so whenever someone approached me and warned me about seeing her, I just ignored it. I never sought out anything about her. I am a well liked guy in school, so people were trying to look out for me. I suppose you could say we used each other for various things, but she got a lot more out of me than I got out of her. I was her "boyfriend" in every since of the word without the official label. That was my fault, but I doubt there is anything else I can do to fix it now unless she gets bored and decides to open the lines of communication again. Well you can argue the toss about who got more out of this but you got sex and she got stuff. You ignored what other people were saying about her because it suited your purpose and then threw it in her face when she admitted to the ONS. At least be honest with yourself, it's a good place to start. I don't know why you want to talk to her again, you're not really interested in her and this is going nowhere. Frankly you both acted a bit ****ty, so just move on and lesson learnt. 1
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Well you can argue the toss about who got more out of this but you got sex and she got stuff. You ignored what other people were saying about her because it suited your purpose and then threw it in her face when she admitted to the ONS. At least be honest with yourself, it's a good place to start. I don't know why you want to talk to her again, you're not really interested in her and this is going nowhere. Frankly you both acted a bit ****ty, so just move on and lesson learnt. The only reason I'd want to talk to her again would be to fix things so we wouldn't hate each other's guts. I genuinely don't want that to be how things end, especially with another year of school together. I don't ever expect us to be back to where we were unless we do some serious soul searching and be honest with each other, but I know she isn't mature enough to ever do that. If she was mature, she would have at least paid some attention to my heartfelt apology this morning, but she didn't. She said the things I said to her would never be healed with time, which I think is a stretch, but it's only been half a day so I don't expect her to be thinking rationally.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 The only reason I'd want to talk to her again would be to fix things so we wouldn't hate each other's guts. I genuinely don't want that to be how things end, especially with another year of school together. I don't ever expect us to be back to where we were unless we do some serious soul searching and be honest with each other, but I know she isn't mature enough to ever do that. If she was mature, she would have at least paid some attention to my heartfelt apology this morning, but she didn't. She said the things I said to her would never be healed with time, which I think is a stretch, but it's only been half a day so I don't expect her to be thinking rationally. It's probably going to be awkward for a while and there's not really much you can do about that, she doesn't want to talk to you, at least for now but this may change if you give her some space. You should stop talking to her 'friends' about her, tell them you're trying to get past it and don't want to discuss her anymore. Just talk to your own friends if you need to.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 It's probably going to be awkward for a while and there's not really much you can do about that, she doesn't want to talk to you, at least for now but this may change if you give her some space. You should stop talking to her 'friends' about her, tell them you're trying to get past it and don't want to discuss her anymore. Just talk to your own friends if you need to. Yeah. The most awkward thing will be sitting next to her in a class where we have assigned seats. She told me to tell the professor we got into a fight and she needed to rearrange our seating charts, but we're 25/24, I'm not about to sound like a middle schooler who can't sit next to her. I just hope she doesn't make a scene on Tuesday when I see her. I have no clue what to expect.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah. The most awkward thing will be sitting next to her in a class where we have assigned seats. She told me to tell the professor we got into a fight and she needed to rearrange our seating charts, but we're 25/24, I'm not about to sound like a middle schooler who can't sit next to her. I just hope she doesn't make a scene on Tuesday when I see her. I have no clue what to expect. You should go ahead and do as she requested that will make it a lot less awkward, and it's not really immature I'm sure your professor will have no problem with the request. In fact you will probably get more respect for it.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 You should go ahead and do as she requested that will make it a lot less awkward, and it's not really immature I'm sure your professor will have no problem with the request. In fact you will probably get more respect for it. Maybe I will then, but frankly I don't see it making any difference to her whether I follow her request or not. I certainly don't see her thanking me for doing it. The class is full and if I change seats, someone else will have to be moved around too. If it was easy to find a new seat I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'd prefer to keep this private and not have the whole school know. I expect she will keep being smug until she gets bored. Then she will resurface and want to talk. Or she will find a new guy, one who's 10+ years older like she used to do, and then move on that way.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Maybe I will then, but frankly I don't see it making any difference to her whether I follow her request or not. I certainly don't see her thanking me for doing it. The class is full and if I change seats, someone else will have to be moved around too. If it was easy to find a new seat I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'd prefer to keep this private and not have the whole school know. I expect she will keep being smug until she gets bored. Then she will resurface and want to talk. Or she will find a new guy, one who's 10+ years older like she used to do, and then move on that way. No she's probably not going to thank you for it, still it's the best thing to do with the situation and she will appreciate it whether she says it or not. Do you really want to sit beside her in an awkward silence? or cutting insults? As for the rest of the class I doubt many of them will even notice, no need to get paranoid about the situation, it probably happens a lot more than you think. You can just discreetly change seats.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 No she's probably not going to thank you for it, still it's the best thing to do with the situation and she will appreciate it whether she says it or not. Do you really want to sit beside her in an awkward silence? or cutting insults? As for the rest of the class I doubt many of them will even notice, no need to get paranoid about the situation, it probably happens a lot more than you think. You can just discreetly change seats. If it is really bad on Tuesday, I will ask to move seats and explain to the professor that we had a bad falling out this weekend. I honestly have no clue how she will be in a few days - whether she will start cooling off or whether she will be as angry as she has been today. I don't know how long she will stay "mad," especially if she cares as little about me as she claims. She may well get over it fast.
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 If it is really bad on Tuesday, I will ask to move seats and explain to the professor that we had a bad falling out this weekend. I honestly have no clue how she will be in a few days - whether she will start cooling off or whether she will be as angry as she has been today. I don't know how long she will stay "mad," especially if she cares as little about me as she claims. She may well get over it fast. *Sigh* Don't wait to see how it well be on Tuesday that's definitely going to draw attention switching seating during the class, can you not talk to the professor beforehand? Look she's saying all kinds of things to retaliate against you, most of it is just said in anger. Give her space and stay away from her until she cools off.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 *Sigh* Don't wait to see how it well be on Tuesday that's definitely going to draw attention switching seating during the class, can you not talk to the professor beforehand? Look she's saying all kinds of things to retaliate against you, most of it is just said in anger. Give her space and stay away from her until she cools off. You're right. I guess I think if we do move seats, the chances we ever come to the point where we can talk this out are zero unless she does get bored and decide to act like an adult and open the lines of communication. If I did sit beside her, I would not say a word. I'm not about to insult her. I've said enough
NXS Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You're right. I guess I think if we do move seats, the chances we ever come to the point where we can talk this out are zero unless she does get bored and decide to act like an adult and open the lines of communication. If I did sit beside her, I would not say a word. I'm not about to insult her. I've said enough Trust me, if you ignore her request and try to use it as an opportunity to talk to her she's just going to resent you even more. She'll either ignore you or making cutting remarks, so do the decent thing and best of luck with it!
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