Vinsanity1307 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 As the title states I am 32 days NC and 6 weeks since break up and I still feel pretty ****ty. I still have constant thoughts of her and our "in love " moments. I still wake up depressed knowing I have to get through the day never seeing her again or having her touch. I constantly have the anxiety and pressure in my chest which is unbearable. I did all the necessary things to help me get over her. From rearranging my apartment to going out with friends, started reading a little bit which I never did. Trying to just let mnyself "feel" the thoughts and emotions and accepting them. Work is awful cause we met there and just all the memories. Did my heart choose its one love in life???? I dont know what to do things dont seem to be getting easier at all. i feel I am damaged from this and will never recover. Any advice For those of you who dont know my story please read. Here is the link. Help http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years
Kimmie80 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I wish I had the answers as well I have been NC since July 18th. For me, every day is getting worse, not better. As the days go on, I keep thinking that he is gradually forgetting about me. That he has moved on and having a wonderful time. It sickens me to see myself. I am falling apart. No motivation at all. I am trying. I get hit on all the time, but when I start to respond, I feel either guilty or I instantly compare. I feel guilty because I am still holding on to hope that he will return. I made him mad and he walked. So I keep thinking that there is no way that our first fight is going to be the last. I thought I meant more to him. The only thing that drags my a** out of bed is the hope that time will bring him back. And this forum has kept me grounded. Hang in there!
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I am going on almsot 8 weeks since being dumped and officially on 6 weeks NC today....I am still having the obsessive thoughts about her constantly with the anxiety. Is this normal after it been so long? Here is my original story if you so not know... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years Also should you try to suppress the thoughts of your ex or let them flow through?
hurts2death Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 its too early.... hang in there and let all out you will survive . we will wish the best
Misfortune Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 There's no such thing as normal IMO, everyone heals at their own pace. 5 years is a lot of time to get over though, cut yourself some slack. I wouldn't try to suppress my emotions because I don't want all of emotions overwhelming me during a weak moment.
ellowmay Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I would say it is normal, especially if you struggle with anxiety in general. I would suggest picking up a practice that is physical and tangible, to liberate some of the mental energy and channel it away from you. I do rituals with my meditation to satisfy this. Burning. Stuff and blessing and writing and art are all good. Dance, sports, etc.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks for your responses...just didn't know if it is healthy or normal...abd I workout 4 times a week but have always been doing that so I guess that's my exercise for the release I'd the endorphins....and no never had anxiety in my life before this...
ellowmay Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Anxiety is tricky. Getting to the root of it requires a real knowledge and awareness of yourself. If you have eliminated other factors like your physical health, diet, any medication shifts, or other psychological factors like stress and depression, then perhaps you're truly stuck on this. Two months is not enough to properly grieve for a five year relationship. I know, I'm going through this now. Meditation has helped a lot to cool the anxiety, but when I say you need something tangible, I'm not just talking about exercise. I mean you have to find something to really put your spiritual and emotional energy into and get it out of you. Some people write letters and burn them, some people break pottery with paint in it, some people scream, some people pray, but the point is to offer up your anxiety and distress to something more powerful than your mind at this time. Maybe to your future wiser self, if you believe in god, fate, that everything happens for a reason, anything that can help you trust in your decisions and experiences.
ruby77 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Its normal. I had a lot of anxiety too after the break up but it does fade. Im now 5 months post breakup and still not fully over it and the anxiety pops up now and again. It takes time, a long more time than you think and you just have to ride it out unfortunately. Good luck X
KCCK Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 i got dump due to she being infidelity after a 2 year relationship and it has been 5 weeks and I still have flashback from time to time... i am having a hard time as well but I need to accept and face the facts.. denial and anxiety is normal but it wont help.. accepting/facing the facts and loving yourself can help to heal.. it takes time... hope you will do well...
keepontruckin Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Almost five months here, and it does get easier... Funny thing is, I always got her birthday mixed up with others by a few days (I'm terrible with dates), but the day she left is one date that I'll probably never forget:laugh:
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I am a 27 year old guy who was in a "relationship" with a 35 year old women with three kids and divorced twice (Claimed both exes cheated on her). We started dating in 2008. Everything was good in the beginning, the sex was amazing (although nothing compared to the future with her sexually) and we got along. Then as time went on I learned she was still married (separated for about 1 year) and had not even filed for divorce yet. She told me she didnt have the money and whatnot. Anyways I ended meeting the kids 2 months into the relationship and they loved me twins that were 4 at the time and a 14 year old boy. As time went on I would bend over backwards for this girl from bringing the kids to school , getting them ready, or to just taking them out to chuck e cheese. As time went on she was still in contact with a guy she slept with before dating me, and they were talking sexually through facebook. Then her recent ex husband was saying sexual stuff as well to her through text messages. From there it only got worse (Although I couldnt prove anything i saw the messages on facebook of them just talking about it, as well as another guy I had no idea about but couldn't prove it . This girl had alot of health issues that I would stay by her side for operations and whatnot until recovery. So after about a year I was in love with her regardless of all the issues and we got engaged. I was doing everything and anything for her. About 6 months later she dumped me after me bringing up her still talking with these guys. I begged tried buying her things but nothing worked I was heart broken. I tried talking to her about what I did and she ended up running over my foot and as she drove away saying don't bother her anymore... She threw me down stairs if I tried hugging her and I ended up hitting my head and she just leaves.... I eventually left her alone and about 10 days later of no contact she texted me. Just saying ok...... We end up talking in person then having sex and getting back together. As time went on she still was sketchy and*mean*towards me so I told her I didnt want to commit to her anymore after about 2 months. She was devastated. We continued to date but nothing official and I was going on dating websites which destroyed her and she would beg and plead for me to stop and be her bf. I stopped going on the sites as we continued to "date" unless we had a big fight. I would go back on the dating website to piss her off. Then suspend it once everything was settled...For the next 2.5 years she turned into a wonderful person doing anything and everything for me. Even quit smoking for me after smoking for 15 years. I had the I dont care attitude but def showed her the love here and there. We basically acted as a couple unofficially.....Also during this 2.5 years she lost her job and was having issues keeping a car,and even a cell phone. She was going to school to be an EMT after losing her job in late 2010. About 2 months ago i decided enough was enough and would consider making a real go at the relationship seriously. She just recently got her **** together and is an EMT , has a car,and her own cell line that I bought for her.... I was nicer but not needy still had that i dont care attitude but ALOT nicer And giving the relationship a real go... We did beyond things you could imagine sexually(and things she was petrified to do in the beginning.)She would beg for sex from me or pleasure me whenever. It was great And no words can describe the sexual chemistry we had...... We were even getting along really well .We went to Maine together and she was all over me as I was her. She had to leave maine cause she just started a new job and could only get 2 days off. But she drove to and from maine 3 times just to see me.... So when I came back about a day later she wrote me an email saying she no longer wanted kids and ( which is something I wanted and something she promised she would give me for 5 years) she was too afraid of my response cause she thought I would leave her is what the email said. I was upset but told her having her in my life was more important. This was a once and a lifetime chemistry which it really was....She didn't believe so I showed her the engagement ring I bought her to show I was ready to commit and be with her forever. About 2 days later she texts me and dumps me out of the blue . She said she is not in love with me and we hurt each other too much... I begged and pleaded but she just started being mean.I showed up at her house and she flipped out and saw she was even smoking again. She threatened to call the police if I didnt leave. After a while I left. Said Id rather die then go through pain without her she said go ahead and kill yourself then. I wrote her one last text and nothing. So a week and a half go by with no contact and I really still wanted her back. I ended up breaking no contact and I showed up at her house again and tried talking...I quickly looked at her phone and saw she was texting a guy she use to screw right before dating me who is about 40 and he sleeps around ..I am not being conceited but I am a fit 27 year old who works out have muscles w/e..I don't understand going from me to back to him especially after her being all over me in Maine and this guy was one of the guys going for her when we were engaged.....regardless....i acted cool and said I guess that's the nail in the coffin for me... . I told her I loved her and left....Its been almost been 8 weeks since D day and 42 days of no contact I really want her back and have no idea what to do...I am having anxiety issues (chest pain and shaking) constantly, and cant seem to be shaking these feelings .I still spend about 80% of the day thinking of her and the good times ...no matter how hard I try to stop the good thoughts storm in........what do you think I should do...And of this situation..what happened??? Please help....
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Healing isn't a linear process. It's full of ups and downs and there's usually a second peak of dread/anxiousness at the 6-8 week mark. But be sure that you are actually attacking NC by being active, hanging with friends, finding new friends, finding new hobbies, instead of sitting around hoping for the phone to ring. 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. About a week ago I had a full blown panic attack and posted here. (It may make you feel better to read it, then you know you're not alone) Anyway, I SWORE I was having a heart attack! It really felt like I couldn't breath and the physical pain was downright terrifying!!! Believe me IT WILL PASS! I know how scary it is. I couldn't even imagine feeling better but I did. I'm still extremely sad. Can't listen to radio, no or little appetite etc. But at least the anxiety is gone. I am at 3 months NC and getting stronger every day. You will too! I PROMISE!!! Take care! (hugs)
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 No I cannot afford a counselor ...I pretty much have the same routine...work both jobs come home go to the gym 4 x a week....Thats really it...its when i am home at night that is horrid... I work till 11pm come home then go out to the gym then come back and go to bed at like 7 am. I ave to keep it this way cause my 2nd job is overnights a few times a week..
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 As the title states anyone know any meditation techniques to rid these visions the good of being with her and the bad of her with someone else??? I would appreciate it I am going insane as my earlier post states 42 days NC almost 8 weeks since being dumped...Help
Salvatore85 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You only think about it because you want to. When you start to think about it, throw your iPod on and go for a run. 1
reddragon588 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 When you're at home, a good workout will help stop the thoughts. If you're at work or somewhere else where that is not feasible, stop, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. That will help as well.
Jiminy Cricket Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 honestly what i do, is get high. if you start to miss her, think of the bad things. get super high and watch a trippy movie.
Misfortune Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I didn't stop fighting my thoughts, I just stop letting them have control over my life. Only thing that matters is how those thoughts manifest outside of my mind. They roam around in my head, but they don't affect my emotions or my actions because I don't allow them to. 1
Betterthanthis13 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Why do you think it will be bad to be with someone else?
melell Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I have mentioned this before in another post, but what worked for me was telling myself we would never ever be together again. Everytime I thought of them I would say that to myself. Eventually it was like it was illogical to think of them because 'we will never be anything again', so I would stop the thought as quickly as I could. Now I hardly think of them. I do occasionally at nights before I fall asleep, but the emotional response isn't there anymore. This is just about three months on after 8 years together. 1
JPMC Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 8 years older, three kids...married twice. You need to stop thinking emotionally. Force yourself to take a logical look at things. She has TONS of baggage. If two guys married her and cheated on her, what's that tell you? It tells me she is a nightmare to live with. You're young, do a positive and negative chart. You will always be batting cleanup on her priority list. You're young, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Have you been looking her up on line? If so, stop. Disappear and go out. Meetup dot com is a great place to start for you. You're a Wistah guy, go to Boston, Newport, Cape, Maine. Go have fun. You need to live in reality, you're in daydream land. I'm sorry you're hurt, but realize it's your ego and emotions. Tell yourself, the situation is hopeless and there is no chance of getting back together. Once you accept this, you will move on. And if you're drinking. STOP. It's a depressant and will give you anxiety.
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