MrTurk Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 How many of you bite your tongue....or withhold your opinions when you meet someone new, and you are trying to make that first impression? I have no problems at all telling women about my stance on religion, or other deal-breaker topics.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Are you asking people if they lie to make a good first impression? Or avoid controversial topics? 5
Author MrTurk Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) avoid controversial topics Avoid....or dont go into too much detail, or personal opinion. Example....I dont believe there is a god or any higher power. If a woman asks me about my faith or religion.....I can be totally blunt and state the above. Or if I was the type of person that didnt want to screw things up I could dance around a bit........."I'm open to it....not 100% sure how I feel....but I respect what others believe" Most people do not keep digging once an answer is given....even if that answer sounds like text book political bullsh*t I firmly believe more men will bullsh*t their way through a first impression than women will. Women tend to have more dates, and can be more real and opinionated. Men on the other hand need to generalize themselves more....to fit into the mold that said woman across from him wants. Edited August 25, 2013 by MrTurk
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Women tend to have more dates, ... Logically, if women date men, and men date women, this doesn't make sense. I think there's a way to share your opinions and thoughts on controversial, sensitive topics like faith and politics, that is authentic and sincere and isn't BLUNT. I suspect you're offending women you date not with your opinion but your delivery. Again, an Aspie issue. 3
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Avoid....or dont go into too much detail, or personal opinion. Example....I dont believe there is a god or any higher power. If a woman asks me about my faith or religion.....I can be totally blunt and state the above. Or if I was the type of person that didnt want to screw things up I could dance around a bit........."I'm open to it....not 100% sure how I feel....but I respect what others believe" Most people do not keep digging once an answer is given....even if that answer sounds like text book political bullsh*t I firmly believe more men will bullsh*t their way through a first impression than women will. Women tend to have more dates, and can be more real and opinionated. Men on the other hand need to generalize themselves more....to fit into the mold that said woman across from him wants. Anyone that doesn't have a clear sense of who they are, or low self esteem might do that. I would lose interest in a waffler or people-pleaser very quickly. I'm 100% agnostic, but I respect people who have different beliefs than me. I don't intend to prove to a religious person that my beliefs are right and theirs are wrong. I expect that they can defend their position on that topic. It's very interesting how people believe different things. If I stated that I was agnostic and some guy, who was a devout Christian, changed his opinion on the spot to impress me? Ewwwwwwwww Be what you are- (no need to be rude about it) 1
todreaminblue Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 guys say what they need to say .........to keep a woman interested where women would prefer to be with a man who at least holds the same values and beliefs so women are often more open.....guys say i am cool with that yes you are right....and then the woman falls in love....and then say you know dear....i am not really cool with that btu what can you do know...youre in lurrrrv arntcha,....men suck......i am kidding...not really ...some men suck big time...if you can call them men...i think boys is more apt...and those boys suck........deb
NGC1300 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I like to make them fall for me, then I come out with all the bad stuff and deal breakers. 1
Author MrTurk Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 I don't intend to prove to a religious person that my beliefs are right and theirs are wrong. I expect that they can defend their position on that topic. I have never really met a religious person that knows much of anything about their own religion, let alone be able to defend why they believe what they do. I think its totally wrong the way families force their kids into it at such a young age.....making it become a habit for them instead of a choice. I believe many Catholics(the religion I have the most experience with) are mostly suburban, weekend church goers, that go just "because" they are supposed to go. They dont want any of the community of family looking at them and whispering..."I never see the Smiths at church". Rates for religious participation and belief has been falling for the past few years. I think more and more people are waking up to reality. .
smile1983 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I think its totally wrong the way families force their kids into it at such a young age.....making it become a habit for them instead of a choice. . Interesting that you should say this. I actually took my daughter online to research evolution because she did not know there was more than one POV on how the earth came into existence. That, to me, is unacceptable. Sure we have our beliefs but they are not yet our children's. We must let them decide for themselves. I am a big believer in autonomy. 2
ltjg45 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Controversial topics, I personally don't bring up myself because, in the end, it is almost never a deal-breaker to me anyway. Now if she wants to bring it up, I will tell her my side (but it has a lot of leeway among my opinion. I'm nowhere as strict as almost anyone else out there) and be done with it.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Not me at all, I am one of those people that within several minutes of talking to someone can generally get most people to talk about controversal topics. Thats how I roll. If someone doesn't like it or is to PC for it, than oh well... moving along. Of course, at work and in polite society, I generally just keep my mouth shut and let others make an ass out of themseleves. But in private or meeting new people outside of work, no holds bar is my motto. We would get along great then- because even if I just met someone I have no problem debating with them, as long as they can defend their position (civilly). Then its just interesting and fun. maybe i will learn something- thats cool. That's much more fun than making small talk. I can do small talk if I have to, it's just boring. The problem is when you try to do this with people who take things personally- like it's a personal attack on them if you disagree. That's a red flag for me- I expect people to have opinions. If they don't have any opinions on anything, or are unable to express them because they take everything uber personally, well then they just suck. On the other hand-the opposite type of behavior is a red flag too. I don't know everything. How could I? If I don't know something I can say- I don't know- some people are so opinionated and egotistical they have something to say about everything, whether they have any knowledge on the topic or not. 2
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I have never really met a religious person that knows much of anything about their own religion, let alone be able to defend why they believe what they do. I think its totally wrong the way families force their kids into it at such a young age.....making it become a habit for them instead of a choice. I believe many Catholics(the religion I have the most experience with) are mostly suburban, weekend church goers, that go just "because" they are supposed to go. They dont want any of the community of family looking at them and whispering..."I never see the Smiths at church". Rates for religious participation and belief has been falling for the past few years. I think more and more people are waking up to reality. . Those people would not be good for a debate on religion at all. Find someone who went to seminary or majored in religion,or debate with a priest- then they know what they are talking about and can challenge you. Then it's interesting. 1
Silly_Girl Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I don't bite my tongue. I'm just myself. I'm not really interested in debating abortion, religion, or politics on a first date but if she wants it I'm going to bring it no holding back. That's exactly how I feel. I'd be happy to just see how we rub along at first, and later those things are paramount. I'm always honest about my views, particularly regarding religion, but I am always happy to back up my stance and hear why other people hold the opinions they do. It's become clear as I've got older that the only 'key subject' I really couldn't compromise on/respect another viewpoint is religion. It's the one dealbreaker.
MissBee Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Never been on a date where we ended up debating such topics, but if anything of the sort comes up I won't pretend to hold views other than the ones I hold. If I realize the dude has beliefs which are the polar opposite of mine or I find them outrageous and if he really wants to argue on a date about them and be combative, that tells me a lot, and I will probably change the subject, finish the evening and just not see him again. If it came up and we held similar views or if he had views dissimilar to mine, but which were reasoned, challenged mine but in a good way and he wasn't combative but made me think and it turned into stimulating cocktail convo,then I'd be intrigued and would want to see him further.
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