Zella Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I went on a trip with a group of people and there was a friend's friend there that I met. First day we didn't talk at all, then at night I was tipsy and started talking to him (John). He appeared very shy. Then an old hook up came too and saw me talking to John and was mad at me. We talk and I get annoyed and go back to John because he seemed normal and really nice. I got drunker and John was taking care of me. And he put me to bed. We almost had sex. I gave him a hand job and he came. Things would be weird between the group if I did do it, so I didn't want to. The next day I was hanging out with the rest of the group and he seemed like he didn't want me around at all. I would be talking to other guys who were a lot nicer to me but still I kept thinking about him, so I would occasionally try to talk to him but he would give me one word answers. Then I asked if we were ok and of course he said yes. But still he wouldn't even stand by me. That night he went to bed alone without saying good night. Anyone have a clue why he was acting like that? I'm sure I'll never see him again but it really hurt. Should I have given him a blow job or would he had been different if we had had sex? I need to learn so it doesn't happen again with someone else.
Keenly Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I went on a trip with a group of people and there was a friend's friend there that I met. First day we didn't talk at all, then at night I was tipsy and started talking to him (John). He appeared very shy. Then an old hook up came too and saw me talking to John and was mad at me. We talk and I get annoyed and go back to John because he seemed normal and really nice. I got drunker and John was taking care of me. And he put me to bed. We almost had sex. I gave him a hand job and he came. Things would be weird between the group if I did do it, so I didn't want to. The next day I was hanging out with the rest of the group and he seemed like he didn't want me around at all. I would be talking to other guys who were a lot nicer to me but still I kept thinking about him, so I would occasionally try to talk to him but he would give me one word answers. Then I asked if we were ok and of course he said yes. But still he wouldn't even stand by me. That night he went to bed alone without saying good night. Anyone have a clue why he was acting like that? I'm sure I'll never see him again but it really hurt. Should I have given him a blow job or would he had been different if we had had sex? I need to learn so it doesn't happen again with someone else. You are going in the wrong direction here. First of all, you need to maybe not get hammered when you first meet some one. "taking care of some one" is not fun, its not enjoyable, and it ruined his night. Secondly, you gave this dude a handjob on the night he met you? Why exactly would he respect you after you did that? You need to maybe behave a little bit more classy if you want a guy to stick around and actually care about you, instead of just getting hammered and sleeping with the first guy that you think is nice. You have to make them earn it. 8
JDPT Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Hand job is where you went wrong the first night after getting drunk. I would have lost all respect for you as well. I think you need to consider holding yourself at higher regards and perhaps not thinking that all boundaries are off since you were intoxicated. I'm not certain how often you have "casual sex" since you mentioned that a "hookup" was there drinking with you and became upset at something. You may want to reevaluate yourself and know that you are worth a bit more than just a hand job, blow job or a hook up. 6
Author Zella Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Oh wow, looks like this is ruined completely. Is there anything I can do still? This story made me look terrible and I am so not like that. He did want to have sex and I said no. I thought a hand job was not considered so bad, but I guess it is. I don't ever just sleep around and this was as much as I would do. I'm assuming he told his friend (who's also one of my friends). How do I look this guy in the face again?
Menina Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I will not judge you as I've also had my fair share of drunken one night stands (and I'm sure all of the posters here have). I also don't think that having a hookup automatically disqualifies you as a respectable huuman being (most of my friends' long time relationships have started as ONS or random hookups), and I totally hate the gender double standard regarding sex/sexual interactions during the first meeting. That being said, as someone pointed out I don't think this guy is into you. The fact that you gave him a hand job doesn't matter, what man would turn down that? The whole situation was incredibly awkward and uncormfortable for him and that's why he's avoiding you. Move on and try not to pursue him, he may not want to tell you upfront but it's obvious that he doesn't want anything else with you. When you see him, if he makes no attempt to talk to you, ignore him. 1
JDPT Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Oh wow, looks like this is ruined completely. Is there anything I can do still? This story made me look terrible and I am so not like that. He did want to have sex and I said no. I thought a hand job was not considered so bad, but I guess it is. I don't ever just sleep around and this was as much as I would do. I'm assuming he told his friend (who's also one of my friends). How do I look this guy in the face again? No one is here to judge you, we are simply projecting our thoughts based on what you have disclosed pertaining to your situation. I can explain your concept of a hand job perhaps being ok with you with an analogy. It's like smoking crack and saying "hey, I only took one quick hit but didn't smoke the whole rock..." You need to respect yourself as a person and value yourself highly. And with regards to this issue, you should simply let it be and take this as a learning experience.
Kozmo Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 fast girls are not what most guys look for in a relationship.
todreaminblue Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Honestly you made a mistake by getting wasted, giving handwork, and then expectign him to feel any different from what he obviously is the next day is a mistake, dont be sad dotn be hurt, you made a gaff its over so move on, dont drink any more if you cant look after yourself while drinking and some other person has to take care of you its childish and immature..actually dotn drink anyway it isnt attractive hwoever you feel when you are drunk, most people look and sound like idots because they are brain dead..sounds like you dotn have a high tolerance fro alcohol which is good...so dont drink....problem non existant then.. you are lucky that i guess, john put you to bed and not soem other guy who could have taken more of an advantage when you fell asleep....... and when you meet someoen on that first night drunk or not never stick your hand anywhere near the guys crotch....learn from what happened dont repeat....ever again..deb
Author Zella Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. It's harsh to hear when someone is not into you. I'm confused as to why he was so interested the first night but whatever, I guess I can't beat myself up over it. Menina, I agree that the double standard is just stupid. Like why do I look trashy and he doesn't? It's just how it is I guess. It was a party and everyone was wasted, so it's not like I was the only one acting like an idiot. But agreed that drinking is bad.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 fast girls are not what most guys look for in a relationship. Unnecessary and very rude. Why would you even say that? SMH
DresdenKing Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I totally hate the gender double standard regarding sex/sexual interactions during the first meeting. I agree that the double standard is just stupid. Like why do I look trashy and he doesn't? It's just how it is I guess. A few reasons for this, actually. (Disclaimer: the following words are not my own) 1) Sleeping around is easier for women. Regardless of how you feel about promiscuity, we can all agree that a guy who manages to rack up a lot of sexual partners has to have some skills. It’s challenging for men to rack up partners, even for men with low standards. A man needs social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence, thick skin, and plain old dumb luck. For women, though, a vagina and a pulse is often enough. Whenever an accomplishment requires absolutely no challenge, no one respects it. It’s just viewed as a lack of self-discipline. People respect those who accomplish challenging feats, while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained feats as weak, untrustworthy or flawed. Women complain about how unfair it is that men are called studs when they sleep around, yet women get called sluts for the exact same behavior. It’s actually not a double standard though, because both scenarios are pretty different in terms of circumstances and consequences. 2) Women have potential to do more harm by sleeping around than men do. If one guy sleeps around with five women, each of whom is monogamous to him, and they all get pregnant, it’s a safe bet as to who the father is. If you reverse genders and have one woman who sleeps around with five men who are monogamous to her, and she gets pregnant, the father could be any of the five men. And if one of those men is tricked into raising a baby that isn’t his, he’s investing time, money, estate and property to provide for a child that isn’t carrying his DNA into the next generations, a costly mistake from an evolutionary standpoint. 3) Promiscuity poses more risk to women than to men. A woman has more to lose from choosing bad sex partners than a man does. She’s the one who gets stuck with going through a pregnancy and taking care of a baby alone if she chooses a deadbeat. For this reason, promiscuous women throughout history have historically been viewed as being a vastly more irresponsible risk takers than promiscuous men, who rightly or wrongly could always run away from the consequences of unwanted pregnancies easier than women could.
Sugarkane Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I find it ironic that people don't have repect for someone that does something sexual, yet don't tell the person to stop and just continue the sexual act.
madmaxinlove Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A woman that gives herself up that easy will never find a man to respect her. You have just taken all of the joy out of the guy wanting to get to know you more. The only reason you didn't go all the way with sex is because he climaxed with your hand job before you even got to have sex! Believe it or not, some (or even most) guys actually find it enjoyable to work for a women's affection who is worth it. I've had a few fast girls in my day, but would never think twice about going further with any of them because it was too easy to get. Be classy and show men it takes effort to get you. eventually it will pay off with the right guy.. 1
Menina Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A few reasons for this, actually. (Disclaimer: the following words are not my own) 1) Sleeping around is easier for women. 2) Women have potential to do more harm by sleeping around than men do. 3) Promiscuity poses more risk to women than to men. I would love to know the sources, but for me this is based in pure social gender constructions rather than scientific data (and even some scientific data regarding sexual interactions should be taken with suspicions as some are based on gender inequalities and patriarchal mentality). Each human being is different, some men like the "chasing", some men like being "chased", it's also something that varies from society to society. That's why you can have polyandrous tribes in some countries of Africa at the same time that you can have polygamous tribes in some places of Asia and America. 1. What you can prove with point 1 is that sleeping around is "easier' for men, I would suggest a great book by American scientist Jared Diamond called The Third Chimpanzee. 2. That's a fallacy wich has no scientific backup. First of all, I don't understand how harm can be based in terms of pregnancies, when, looking at us as an animal species, high pregnancies rates should be looked upon as a sign of our species survival. I would suggest the person who originally wrote this to take an Evolution class. Aside from that, the only way I can see 'sleeping around' as harmful is in terms of health issues. STDs rates varies among people depending on their social background, gender and race, but the truth is that in some cases, like Syphilis, men has higher rates of infections than women. Also, some viruses like HPV, which mainly affects women, can be passed around by men. 3. Again, social construction based on male privilege and patriarchal institutions. This assumption is based in that men should not be responsible for children upbringing, however, if men and women shared equal resonsabilities in terms of parenting, like it happens in many families in and outside the US, then unwanted pregnancies would affect both men and women equally. In the end, OP should not feel ashamed or should not think any less of herself because she slipped and drank one too many drinks and had sexual interactions with this guy. Most posters here will tell you that they would lose respect for a woman who does that while not addresing the fact that the guy did nothing to stop it (and it takes too to tango). Take this as a learning experience and next time don't drink to much. 1
Keenly Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I find it ironic that people don't have repect for someone that does something sexual, yet don't tell the person to stop and just continue the sexual act. So what's the ironic part ?
Knoxpwns Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 So what's the ironic part ? I would have called it less irony and more of a pot calling the kettle black. You have no respect for someone who would engage in a sexual act on day 1, but have no problem being the recipient of said act. You are just as shameful. (Also, in terms of a HJ, we can do that ourselves. just a thought.)
Author Zella Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Madmaxinlove, you say the only reason I didn't go all the way was because he climaxed with my hand... Actually he was starting to take off my pants before I even started with the HJ. I don't know why I did that, and yes, alcohol probably clouded my brain, and yes I was an idiot for doing that. I have never had a man disrespect me and avoid me and that hurts, but I stopped and said no when he wanted it, then my dumb self felt somehow bad for him and I was "thinking" I'd help him out, the only way I can without feeling like a complete slut. When he started on me, I pulled away. That's the truth and I now know that all of it was a mistake. However, Knoxpwns, like you said men can do the HJ themselves, and I guess that is exactly the reasoning behind why I did it. I thought it wasn't anything special. After reading these comments I am now realizing how naive I was. The truth is also that I haven't slept with anyone since my long term ex. And I feel like I am out of the game and don't know the rules any more. If I pull back all the time, like I have been, I will get the mens' respect but never sleep with them. Another question: Would it have mattered if I slept/jerked off with him on day 2 instead of day 1? A friend of mine did it on day 2 and the guy is still calling her...
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Oh lawd...did I really come across this thread? OK. First off...if you hook up with a dude first night..handjob bj anal whatever....your a one night stand. No dude will go back..or at least I wouldn't. Men love the chase. I've had plenty of one night stands...and I'm sure if one of them didn't put out I woulda asked for their number to bring em out to dinner first. And we are the difficult ones? Lord I read it all. Listen....you want to see difficult? If you only cranked me off on the first date...I wouldn't have called you neither. Lol...my filter is gone for this thread. Barky
Author Zella Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Barky2, yes, I have gotten the point, no one night stand. I made this thread to ask for help and figure out how far is too far because I obviously didn't know. I will get over this one, but I don't know why you would laugh about my problem, since obviously I am hurt. I get it, he won't call and I am a slut now, wonderful, thanks for letting me know. Guys like the chase, really? Well, I guess all the girls I know that slept with the guy on the 2nd or 3rd night also while being drunk, would not fall into the one night stand category. Right? Also, I know guys personally who are too shy/afraid to ever go and chase what they want. And constantly I see girls that throw themselves at them...win. (how far their relationship goes I don't know) I am confused, hurt, and now mad. You must be a hunk of a guy who is not afraid or shy to get what you want, well good for you. Truth is, I haven't had anyone I was even remotely interested in chase after me in three years. I'm used to pulling away and not sleeping around... hey it's really been that long and I'm used to it and don't need it. The reason I gave him a hand job was because I felt bad he didn't get it from me and he was so amazingly nice earlier. Do you really think a woman enjoys giving a guy a hand job? (The hook up guy I talked about in the beginning of this thread was only making out with me when he grabbed my face before I went home) Yeah, now I made a mistake... Since you put it so nicely and are laughing about it, I will crawl back into my hole and be lonely forever. Hey no chance of getting made fun of at that point, right? Oh yeah, and everyone will continue to respect me.
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 All kidding aside...you live and learn. Maybe he was only out for a lil action? I guess my humor was misplaced in some way. Have I been in your shoes...and rubbed a girl off and got nothing back? Sure have. Trying not to be graphic. Yes I've been there. Was I bothered? Sure..do me I do you. The thing is, is this...yes I'm a hunk All kidding aside...you lived and learned. There's no point to being hurt. How would you felt of u blew him and he never called? At least it was only your hand. And yes sweetheart, guys want a chase. Then once we get it, we make you,,ours We are very simple Barky
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