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Posted

so i had a conversation with my ex to catch up on things. i told her that i haven't been doing well and its been really hard. i said i'm glad you're having fun but its not easy to forget us..

 

she said this.."And you assume I forgotten about us? It's out of sight out of mind. Its surrounding yourself with people who loves you. It's cherishing the moment we did have and be thankful for them. It's learning from our mistakes and not losing hope. It's finding forgiveness and understanding. It's letting go and moving on."

 

she told me she's already moved on, and when she said out of sight, out of mind, that kinda pissed me off. its basically saying she's erasing me. but goes and says something like not losing hope? hoping for what?

Posted

You shouldn't bother with her anymore. Do not listen to her games.

  • Like 1
Posted

Ya its game playing.

 

She's masking her pain with a bandaid.

 

It effects her I'm sure.

 

Leave her be all your doing is hurting yourself.

 

You'll empty your heart, and shell fake a smile.

 

Most women ( that I've seen ) fake it until they make it...or until the bandaid comes off and they go off the deep end.

 

 

Focus on yourself and who cares what she's doing.

 

Easier said than done I know.

 

Put in the effort, and I guarantee you, you will be happy with the rewards.

 

 

Barky

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Ya its game playing.

 

She's masking her pain with a bandaid.

 

 

Barky

 

i guess you're right.. she tells me its been really hard for her, that she didn't want to break up, but had to. i don't know what to think, seeing her having fun in vegas and clubs.

Posted

Stop looking dude.

 

It ain't helping you one bit.

 

You know what would?

 

Go do it yourself, get off ur tail and go meet people, have fun, live it up....YOUR SINGLE AGAIN!!

 

go do some stuff for you, go buy a new shirt and go show it off.

 

For god sakes ull never be haply if you keep contacting her and checking up to see what she's doing.

 

Leave it the hell alone for awhile and go be freeeeeeeee!

 

 

 

 

You can buy me a beer later.

 

 

 

Barky

  • Like 2
Posted

There appears to be a cycle when it comes to the average female dumper. Many women will try to fix relationship issues while in the relationship, addressing problems with their partners as they happen. Quite often, their partners don't listen or try to minimalize the issues, considering the conversations blah, blah, blah, more chick things. When this happens, women will start to emotionally distance themselves and slowly but surely, by the time they break up, they've already emotionally moved on.

 

The cycle for the average male dumper is spur of the moment angry break up where his testosterone has gotten the best of him. Then he regrets his impulsivity and tries to retract the break up, wanting a second chance. Quite often, the reason for regret is that he can't find anyone better. Unfortunately, once the break up happens, his partner considers him an unsafe investment and won't agree to the second chance. Sometimes they do agree but then, when the guy exhibits same behaviours, they'll break up with him as a preemptive action.

 

These are all generalities where of course, there will be many permutations of these two cycles, reliant on variances within the individuals who comprise the couple.

  • Like 10
Posted

Your ex is the epitome of moving on indeed. Keep in mind, females are more in tuned with their feelings, they seldomly suppress emotions and there for are always in a catharsis state, purging themselves constantly from any bad vibes. I think they also view relationships very objectively and are able to internalize and process reality more rapidly and ultimately execute a decision with no turning back. I think men become anxious and desperate and always feel as if we are at fault and often apologize with no need. We spend time fantasizing and ruminating over the "beautiful" moments we spent we our ex and utterly neglect that our relationship was not as "perfect" as we thought it was. In any event, I think your ex was very straight forward and honest with you. You should see her as an example to move on and improve yourself as a person.

  • Like 2
Posted
There appears to be a cycle when it comes to the average female dumper. Many women will try to fix relationship issues while in the relationship, addressing problems with their partners as they happen. Quite often, their partners don't listen or try to minimalize the issues, considering the conversations blah, blah, blah, more chick things. When this happens, women will start to emotionally distance themselves and slowly but surely, by the time they break up, they've already emotionally moved on.

 

The cycle for the average male dumper is spur of the moment angry break up where his testosterone has gotten the best of him. Then he regrets his impulsivity and tries to retract the break up, wanting a second chance. Quite often, the reason for regret is that he can't find anyone better. Unfortunately, once the break up happens, his partner considers him an unsafe investment and won't agree to the second chance. Sometimes they do agree but then, when the guy exhibits same behaviours, they'll break up with him as a preemptive action.

 

These are all generalities where of course, there will be many permutations of these two cycles, reliant on variances within the individuals who comprise the couple.

 

Excellent points here, I can certainly resonate with those.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
There appears to be a cycle when it comes to the average female dumper. Many women will try to fix relationship issues while in the relationship, addressing problems with their partners as they happen. Quite often, their partners don't listen or try to minimalize the issues, considering the conversations blah, blah, blah, more chick things. When this happens, women will start to emotionally distance themselves and slowly but surely, by the time they break up, they've already emotionally moved on.

 

The cycle for the average male dumper is spur of the moment angry break up where his testosterone has gotten the best of him. Then he regrets his impulsivity and tries to retract the break up, wanting a second chance. Quite often, the reason for regret is that he can't find anyone better. Unfortunately, once the break up happens, his partner considers him an unsafe investment and won't agree to the second chance. Sometimes they do agree but then, when the guy exhibits same behaviours, they'll break up with him as a preemptive action.

 

These are all generalities where of course, there will be many permutations of these two cycles, reliant on variances within the individuals who comprise the couple.

 

 

 

do female dumpers ever come back?

Posted
do female dumpers ever come back?

 

In my case, I'm certain she will but when hell freezes over first.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
In my case, I'm certain she will but when hell freezes over first.

 

well my situation, its not like she hates me and cut me off. she still wants me in her life and to hang out when the time is right. she told me to work on a friendship first.

Posted

What you need to work on is on yourself not friendship with your ex. She will like to keep you around to make this transition smoother for her and you are willing to subscribe to it as it may be less painful than going cold turkey. I'm of the opinion that pursuing friendship with your exes is one of the many mistakes we often make. It leaves plenty of issue dormant for later on down the line.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
What you need to work on is on yourself not friendship with your ex. She will like to keep you around to make this transition smoother for her and you are willing to subscribe to it as it may be less painful than going cold turkey. I'm of the opinion that pursuing friendship with your exes is one of the many mistakes we often make. It leaves plenty of issue dormant for later on down the line.

 

 

 

she use to be my best friend. i would hate not having her in my life.

Posted

Trust me. Friendship with an ex never ever lasts in the long run. Just makes it harder. Rip the bandaid off fast is far better

  • Like 2
Posted
There appears to be a cycle when it comes to the average female dumper. Many women will try to fix relationship issues while in the relationship, addressing problems with their partners as they happen. Quite often, their partners don't listen or try to minimalize the issues, considering the conversations blah, blah, blah, more chick things. When this happens, women will start to emotionally distance themselves and slowly but surely, by the time they break up, they've already emotionally moved on.

 

The cycle for the average male dumper is spur of the moment angry break up where his testosterone has gotten the best of him. Then he regrets his impulsivity and tries to retract the break up, wanting a second chance. Quite often, the reason for regret is that he can't find anyone better. Unfortunately, once the break up happens, his partner considers him an unsafe investment and won't agree to the second chance. Sometimes they do agree but then, when the guy exhibits same behaviours, they'll break up with him as a preemptive action.

 

These are all generalities where of course, there will be many permutations of these two cycles, reliant on variances within the individuals who comprise the couple.

 

Completely and totally agree; couldn't have said it better.

  • Like 1
Posted
Trust me. Friendship with an ex never ever lasts in the long run. Just makes it harder. Rip the bandaid off fast is far better

 

you know i kinda agree with you.. right when we broke up, she told me we can still be friends and hang out.. but i said "its going to be hard and i will still have feelings for you. its better if we i stay out of your life for good." she told me i'm too dramatic, and she began to cry and everything.

Posted

I actually disagree with this thread title. Women are not any better getting over than men. Both sexes are capable of moving on quickly, I think it's a personality trait more than a gender based one.

  • Like 3
Posted

I'm going to disagree with the thesis of this thread too. I think you're thinking way too generically. Soat is right, breaks up are difficult for both sexes; one side doesn't have any intrinsic upper hand. (Except that women usually have a better social circle to rely on afterwards)

 

My ex broke up with me earlier this spring. We never got to the love stage..so it was quick relationship. She was crying on the phone, saying it just wasn't working. As soon as I said goodbye, I went NC and pretty much thought that was it.

 

3 months later she contacted me out of the blue. We had a phone call where she admitted that the BU was not easy on her - which really surprised me. I thought she was relieved and moved on. In reality; she missed me, cried for days/weeks and wanted to call me everyday. She convinced herself not to. Finally, after a weak moment she reached out...wanting to hear all about me.

 

Our phone call was amazing. Filled with laughter and teasing, and catching up. But once she started talking about dating life, and what I thought about the BU, she started to cry again. She said that I was one of the most genuine guys she's ever met and cares for me. But she never quite felt at ease with me (strange since she reached out after a weak moment, looking for comfort) She told me she really thought we needed to just move on and not look back. So despite the obvious emotional connection we have, she's trying to reason with herself that it was right...and I think that's causing the distress.

 

My point is; sometimes it's really not easy for the dumper.

Posted
I'm going to disagree with the thesis of this thread too. I think you're thinking way too generically. Soat is right, breaks up are difficult for both sexes; one side doesn't have any intrinsic upper hand. (Except that women usually have a better social circle to rely on afterwards)

 

My ex broke up with me earlier this spring. We never got to the love stage..so it was quick relationship. She was crying on the phone, saying it just wasn't working. As soon as I said goodbye, I went NC and pretty much thought that was it.

 

3 months later she contacted me out of the blue. We had a phone call where she admitted that the BU was not easy on her - which really surprised me. I thought she was relieved and moved on. In reality; she missed me, cried for days/weeks and wanted to call me everyday. She convinced herself not to. Finally, after a weak moment she reached out...wanting to hear all about me.

 

Our phone call was amazing. Filled with laughter and teasing, and catching up. But once she started talking about dating life, and what I thought about the BU, she started to cry again. She said that I was one of the most genuine guys she's ever met and cares for me. But she never quite felt at ease with me (strange since she reached out after a weak moment, looking for comfort) She told me she really thought we needed to just move on and not look back. So despite the obvious emotional connection we have, she's trying to reason with herself that it was right...and I think that's causing the distress.

 

My point is; sometimes it's really not easy for the dumper.

 

 

 

i hope you're right. i got on my ex's case for deleting pictures of me and her and blocking me on social networks. she told me it wasn't easy looking at those pictures, i didn't believe her.

 

yes, my ex has a lot of friends who feed her bs, like "you can have any guy you want.." she told me this, but said, "i dont want any guy, i want one person, but he's gotta meet my expectations." i don't know if she was talking about me or what. she didn't want to break up, but had to, because our fighting was becoming too stressful. i'm going NC, and hoping that she'll reach out to me as your girl did.

Posted
do female dumpers ever come back?
No idea. Depends on how bad the situation and how far she's emotionally detached. Based on the information provided in the opening post, it sounds like she's completely moved on, even past the anger stage. I wouldn't hold on. It's time for NC so you can emotionally detach.
  • Like 1
Posted

You don't have to hope I'm right. Everyone is different...and everyone is the same. Even though you're ex is having a rough time post BU, I think:

 

1. If your relationship failed due to stresses caused by fighting...do you really want to go back to that so soon? I recognize your avatar, and vaguely remember your story...and I think it's best you leave this one alone for some time. NC definitely.

 

2. Why would you want her to come by like mine did? To tell you that despite caring about you and you're amazing she still doesn't want you. Or to hear her still cry and be upset over the break up? Cause that's not really something you should relish hearing.

Posted

I think it's more a case of people hiding it better. If they really loved/liked their ex there is no way they move on as fast as they seem to be. I am moving on fast and to some people I seem totally fine and completely over it, they can't hear my thoughts though. I do think about my ex, I do miss her and the relationship now and then. To her I probably seem like a robotic sociopath.

 

Even if they get in a new relationship I can guarantee you they still think of their ex now and then. It might not be as emotional for them but there is still something there

Posted

Yea friends is no good, I tried being "friends" with my ex but our conversations were just short ended we both pretended that we were perfectly fine being friends and that everything was ok, that our lives we're great but I'm pretty sure deep down we both were just putting on an act, to try and show each other that we're doing fine when in reality idk about her, but I was doing pretty bad, I couldn't handle being friends with her while I still love her, so I cut off the contact.

Posted

You know my ex said similar things when I ask her that during the first few weeks after our break up. I told her I'm lonely and sad. She told me don't I think she feels the same way. Found out later she was already dating another guy in those 2 weeks.

 

so i had a conversation with my ex to catch up on things. i told her that i haven't been doing well and its been really hard. i said i'm glad you're having fun but its not easy to forget us..

 

she said this.."And you assume I forgotten about us? It's out of sight out of mind. Its surrounding yourself with people who loves you. It's cherishing the moment we did have and be thankful for them. It's learning from our mistakes and not losing hope. It's finding forgiveness and understanding. It's letting go and moving on."

 

she told me she's already moved on, and when she said out of sight, out of mind, that kinda pissed me off. its basically saying she's erasing me. but goes and says something like not losing hope? hoping for what?

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