When people say "I need some time away," or, "I need some space," etc does it me

[skeptik224]

I don't necessarily think that "needing space" is an end all to a relationship. It depends on where the relationship was at when the "space" thing came about, what each other was feeling and how the relationship has been in the period before. My ex wanted space because - in 17 years - she has NEVER been alone. She has never been single and never got the chance to do the going out, no attachment, party, grieve and date around thing that we all have done when we were younger. (she's 36) She's told me how much she loves me and she even still wants to date me. BUT - I can not date her while she's dating other people. I deserve the whole loaf of bread - not just the crumbs. For that, I'm the better person. I'm not settling for a piece. In the long run, she'll respect me more but more than that, I'll respect myself a lot more. I - like everyone else on this board - deserve 100%. Sometimes taking that space will help them realize what they had and lost...sometimes not. It's about timing...even though I hate that stupid saying, it is. My ex and I have been going back/forth for 3 months - an e-mail here, a kiss there. She's scared to death of me and the connection/relationship we had. She's told my best friend the same thing. She needs to do this for herself. I respect her for doing what she needs to do - just the same as we all need to do what we need to do.

[skeptik224]

RuffRyder -

 

Your first e-mail is fantastic! I couldn't agree with you more. If things don't work out, make sure you gave 100% of yourself. I told my ex that I wasn't ready to be just friends...but that I wanted to take baby steps to getting to know her again (as she's using this time to get to know herself again). I told her she was the love of my life and I needed some more time for my heart to heal. I REFUSE to play any games. In the end, the one that plays games, loses the game. Don't pretend to be there friend if emotionally you aren't ready for the sake of trying to get them back. It won't work. Patience, love, communication and understanding...that's what it takes - if, in fact, it is meant to be.

[Lonestar]

In my experince.... If a personce wants space this means that they cant take it (you) any more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In love and life don’t ever play games. If you love someone, TELL them, if you don’t, TELL them. The human heart is a very complex thing in that it makes us do the strangest things when it reaches a point of desperation especially when we are hurting. I’m sure many of us have reached that point where we find ourselves attacking the competition “in the name of LOVE” even attacking the object of your affection, some of us have even found ourselves hiding behind bushes or tagging the car playing spy.

 

 

 

At the end of it all, relationships, whether friendships or romance, need two elements to survive - COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE and it needs another two elements two fall apart – PRIDE AND STUPIDITY.

 

 

 

Too proud to say I’m sorry, too proud to say I’m hurting, too proud to say I’m feeling a little insecure. And so stupid, stupid enough to let them go because you think they will be back, stupid enough not to tell them that you love them because you think they will stick around longer if you play hard to get, stupid enough not to answer their calls when you have a fight because you want to make them hurt and you want to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. Watch out you are not the one who learns a lesson. If it’s worth a great person walking out of your life, possibly for good, then by all means knock yourself out.

 

 

 

But don’t cry when that person never calls again, or finds solace in another’s arms, or throws themselves off a twenty story building because the pain you were causing them was too much to bear.

 

 

 

Don’t cry when a beautiful relationship is broken and can’t be fixed because YOU chose to play games instead of laying your cards on the table and working it out. Say exactly what you feel and ask exactly what you want to know. No matter how STUPID you sound. At least you will know exactly where you stand.

 

 

 

And even if after you’ve poured your heart and it still doesn’t work out, you will be at peace because you know you did your best on your part. Your conscience will be clear and you will move on knowing that you didn’t go down without a fight.

 

 

 

Loving someone is not a game.

 

 

 

People are not pyramids; you can’t go off on your own selfish trip and expect to find them in the exact same spot you left them weeks ago. If you don’t take care of your partners needs when they need you to, what guarantee do you have that somebody else won’t.

 

 

 

So when you find your partner in your best friend’s arms or hear they are getting married to someone you thought was just a “rebound trip” after you let them go without a fight:

 

 

 

Don’t cry, ‘cause while you were busy playing games…….SOMEBODY ELSE WASN’T

 

 

LOVE IT! Good post

[skeptik224]

mtl76 - absolutely! Sometimes when emotional things come up, some people need to deal with them on their own. It doesn't mean that they don't love you - it doesn't mean that they care for you any less. It means just what they say - that they need time to deal with things. Not everyone ( I assume like you and I) would rather go through things with a caring partner as opposed to being alone. My ex is definitely one to do things on her own -she's also very blunt. She's one of those that I do believe what she says.

 

I think I should have read all of the posts and reply in one post as opposed to individual ones...sorry.

[Jadey]

In my experince.... If a personce wants space this means that they cant take it (you) any more.

 

If a person needs spance that mean that you cant go foward in a relanshonship so putting it blunt your not going to recover from that. So back off and dont pay attention anymore. I was engaged for over a year and then she pops up and says i want space. So hat is what i gave her BUT she still wants to live in my houde and live off my money so in actule fact she didnt want space she wanted something else all together what i dont know however im dating someone else and she cant take it. Now the story is that she loves me and misses me and and and but you all know the story once burt is enought.

 

So the space thing is an excuse for I dont want you any more or it could be a simple give it time.

 

Read the following its damn good

 

To all play boys and play girls, maried, single, flirting etc, this is for you, please pass to all people that you know

 

 

 

In love and life don’t ever play games. If you love someone, TELL them, if you don’t, TELL them. The human heart is a very complex thing in that it makes us do the strangest things when it reaches a point of desperation especially when we are hurting. I’m sure many of us have reached that point where we find ourselves attacking the competition “in the name of LOVE” even attacking the object of your affection, some of us have even found ourselves hiding behind bushes or tagging the car playing spy.

 

 

 

At the end of it all, relationships, whether friendships or romance, need two elements to survive - COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE and it needs another two elements two fall apart – PRIDE AND STUPIDITY.

 

 

 

Too proud to say I’m sorry, too proud to say I’m hurting, too proud to say I’m feeling a little insecure. And so stupid, stupid enough to let them go because you think they will be back, stupid enough not to tell them that you love them because you think they will stick around longer if you play hard to get, stupid enough not to answer their calls when you have a fight because you want to make them hurt and you want to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. Watch out you are not the one who learns a lesson. If it’s worth a great person walking out of your life, possibly for good, then by all means knock yourself out.

 

 

 

But don’t cry when that person never calls again, or finds solace in another’s arms, or throws themselves off a twenty story building because the pain you were causing them was too much to bear.

 

 

 

Don’t cry when a beautiful relationship is broken and can’t be fixed because YOU chose to play games instead of laying your cards on the table and working it out. Say exactly what you feel and ask exactly what you want to know. No matter how STUPID you sound. At least you will know exactly where you stand.

 

 

 

And even if after you’ve poured your heart and it still doesn’t work out, you will be at peace because you know you did your best on your part. Your conscience will be clear and you will move on knowing that you didn’t go down without a fight.

 

 

 

Loving someone is not a game.

 

 

 

People are not pyramids; you can’t go off on your own selfish trip and expect to find them in the exact same spot you left them weeks ago. If you don’t take care of your partners needs when they need you to, what guarantee do you have that somebody else won’t.

 

 

 

So when you find your partner in your best friend’s arms or hear they are getting married to someone you thought was just a “rebound trip” after you let them go without a fight:

 

 

 

Don’t cry, ‘cause while you were busy playing games…….SOMEBODY ELSE WASN’T

 

 

This is a good post but then again if this is true, doesn't it kinda defeat NC??

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I think it depends on the situation. If as BR_HW said, I think it is okay if your partner asks for a time frame, such as...let's take a week to think about things but also communicate very clearly what it is they need to think about.

 

If things are left up in the air, then so is the relationship and there are no guarantees either one of you will stick around.

[sinkerswim]

well, in early 2004, when my ex fiance said he needed "space"...

that meant he was leaving me.

But he never told me he was actually breaking up with me.. he just wouldnt speak to me anymroe.

[oss91]

It simply means they want some time apart, but aren't quite ready to rule out possibly getting back together down the road. I gave my ex that talk a few times because I just wanted to play the field. Then she told me the same thing a month ago because she just wants to screw other guys and play the field.