Speakingofwhich Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 This guy's a loose cannon, Zum. Your best bet is to get as far away from him and possible and zip your lips! Something is very odd about him.
Speakingofwhich Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 "as" possible, (don't know how to edit yet)
Author zum1 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks again everyone ! I will try to not think too much about it.
veryhappy Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 It's impossible to not think about it. You will obsess about it. The point iw to go towards a healthier place. You'll need to give up this wish that he'll pay for what you did, because you know what? He'll likely get away scott free. It happens a lot. Do you feel it's fair? No. The solution isn't to become a bunny boiler though. It can also backfire. There many BW here who say "I cant believe his OW was such a nut case and she gave us such a hard time". They dont understand thatthjs dynamoc can make a fairly normal woman go crazy. They think this os who she is. You'll become the enemy, not him. Let it go even if it's not natural. 1
Author zum1 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I'm not opposed to an anonymous email, but I think he would know the source. =/ I feel anonymousity will create an uproar for a short while may be but may not be enough for her to leave him.
Author zum1 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Just know that this man's wife will want the same kind of revenge on you that you want for MM. And justifiably so. Think about this poor pregnant woman instead of yourself for a change. You refuse to accept responsibility but I guarantee wife will blame you just as much as husband. We OW are at fault, too. Is that a standard way how BW reacts? Can I not expect any understanding if I told her everything as it was with all the emails and text messages ?
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Is that a standard way how BW reacts? Can I not expect any understanding if I told her everything as it was with all the emails and text messages ? I still do not understand how you are painting yourself as the victim here. Why should his wife understand you? That you chose to go after her husband and have an affair with him? Expect nothing from her, that way you won't be disappointed or upset.
Author zum1 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Why should you get understanding from her? We OW are knowingly doing something to help cause great harm to someone else. I know what I am doing, and so did you. Your mm may have lied, but you still went for a MARRIED guy. End of story. You are responsible for your actions and what you have done to her is a thousand times worse than what this guy did to you. Makes me want to tell her ASAP. I wish MM had told me the minute he knew wifey is pregnant. She would feel she should have known about the A when that started so she could have chosen whether to carry this child or not!!
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Makes me want to tell her ASAP. I wish MM had told me the minute he knew wifey is pregnant. She would feel she should have known about the A when that started so she could have chosen whether to carry this child or not!! Then tell her! Option 1) You tell her your side of things and play the victim, make it out that her husband is all to blame and you're innocent, she's gonna laugh at you and think you were chasing her husband all along, then hang up the phone. Option 2)You tell her and own your part in the affair, apologize for helping him hurt her and then tell her how hurt you are and why. She *may actually listen to you because you apologized to her respectfully. She may hear you out and possibly believe some of what you're telling her. Option 3)Don't tell. Just go on with your life, allow yourself to grieve this loss and try your best to make peace with it all so you can live happier and healthier. If you can't do this on your own, then seek counseling to help you cope with it all. If you do option 1 and 2, there IS a BIG chance the truth will come your way and you will be exposed to your family, so make sure you're 100% sure you want to bust open her safe world before you blow up your own at the same time.
Author zum1 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) Then tell her! Option 1) You tell her your side of things and play the victim, make it out that her husband is all to blame and you're innocent, she's gonna laugh at you and think you were chasing her husband all along, then hang up the phone. Option 2)You tell her and own your part in the affair, apologize for helping him hurt her and then tell her how hurt you are and why. She *may actually listen to you because you apologized to her respectfully. She may hear you out and possibly believe some of what you're telling her. Option 3)Don't tell. Just go on with your life, allow yourself to grieve this loss and try your best to make peace with it all so you can live happier and healthier. If you can't do this on your own, then seek counseling to help you cope with it all. If you do option 1 and 2, there IS a BIG chance the truth will come your way and you will be exposed to your family, so make sure you're 100% sure you want to bust open her safe world before you blow up your own at the same time. Thanks . I know all the 3 options. When it will come to 1& 2, I will not call her, I will meet her and let her see all the proofs and if she just reads email & texts then I won't even have to say anything much! I am with option 3 not because that is what I prefer but because I am unable to figure option 4 which is what I am looking for here on LS. If someone can put themselves in my shoes and think out of the box. I promise before I marry anyone I will let then know about this part as it is and admit my mistakes so he can decide whether to marry & trust me or not but my relatives don't have to know. Edited September 3, 2013 by zum1
Red Wolverine Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I feel anonymousity will create an uproar for a short while may be but may not be enough for her to leave him. Telling his wife is not about an outcome. The intention should be for her to know the truth. What she does with that truth is not the point. That is between her and her husband. Do not tell her unless you intend to never speak to him again. If you do, you will have moved from a passive role in hurting her to an active one. 1
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