Eternal Sunshine Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Say you are in a foreign city, alone, walking the streets and minding your own business. A wealthy looking businessman approaches you and asks where are you from...from there he asks if I am hungry and if I want to have lunch. I AM hungry and also a bit lonely. My romantic/sexual interest in him is zero though. I accept and we go to a near by restaurant. From there, he says "I am going to pay for this. I want you to order anything you want. Ever wanted to try the most expensive champagne? Well, now is that time." I am like "and what do you expect in return?" he says..."Absolutely nothing. I have more money that I know what to do with. Money is meaningless to me. If I wanted sex, I can hire the most expensive escort right now".. So I order modestly but he orders the most expensive champagne anyway....and I drink some...and we talk for about 3 hours. He keeps ordering expensive extras..He opens up about how lonely his life is. He is...interesting and philosophical. Unfortunately, I am still not attracted to him. He keeps asking me how I see him, what's my perception. Anyway...after lunch I say that I want to go shopping. He offers to go with me and to pay for stuff. I firmly insist on going alone. He says OK and that he doesn't want to hassle so he won't ask me for my number but he will give me his business card and to give him a call as he wants to take me out tonight.. I am now sitting in my hotel room and have no intention of calling. I somehow feel bad and like I have used him, or led him on What's your verdict?
crosswordfiend Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 It doesn't appear to me that you did anything wrong. I feel kind of sorry the guy however.
mammasita Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Awkward situation but eh......free meal. You asked what he expected and he said nothing.....although the only flaw I see is that you hypothetically never expressed to him, from what you wrote, that you were not attracted or interested in him. Had you done that up front and he continued then I would definitely say you did nothing wrong.
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I don't think you did anything wrong per se. I wouldn't have accepted though - it would just have been too awkward and I wouldn't feel good about it. 3
Maleficent Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Say you are in a foreign city, alone, walking the streets and minding your own business. A wealthy looking businessman approaches you and asks where are you from...from there he asks if I am hungry and if I want to have lunch. I AM hungry and also a bit lonely. My romantic/sexual interest in him is zero though. I accept and we go to a near by restaurant. From there, he says "I am going to pay for this. I want you to order anything you want. Ever wanted to try the most expensive champagne? Well, now is that time." I am like "and what do you expect in return?" he says..."Absolutely nothing. I have more money that I know what to do with. Money is meaningless to me. If I wanted sex, I can hire the most expensive escort right now".. So I order modestly but he orders the most expensive champagne anyway....and I drink some...and we talk for about 3 hours. He keeps ordering expensive extras..He opens up about how lonely his life is. He is...interesting and philosophical. Unfortunately, I am still not attracted to him. He keeps asking me how I see him, what's my perception. Anyway...after lunch I say that I want to go shopping. He offers to go with me and to pay for stuff. I firmly insist on going alone. He says OK and that he doesn't want to hassle so he won't ask me for my number but he will give me his business card and to give him a call as he wants to take me out tonight.. I am now sitting in my hotel room and have no intention of calling. I somehow feel bad and like I have used him, or led him on What's your verdict? You don't owe him anything. Don't call him if you don't want to
theonlyjuan Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Wow, I guess money can't buy you happiness. You did nothing wrong 1
Maleficent Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Awkward situation but eh......free meal. You asked what he expected and he said nothing.....although the only flaw I see is that you hypothetically never expressed to him, from what you wrote, that you were not attracted or interested in him. Had you done that up front and he continued then I would definitely say you did nothing wrong. He offered to pay and he said he expected nothing. I don't see why she should have made things weird for both by adding she wasn't going to sleep with him... 1
Philosopher Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I accept and we go to a near by restaurant. From there, he says "I am going to pay for this. I want you to order anything you want. Ever wanted to try the most expensive champagne? Well, now is that time." I am like "and what do you expect in return?" he says..."Absolutely nothing. I have more money that I know what to do with. Money is meaningless to me. If I wanted sex, I can hire the most expensive escort right now".. He was the one offering to buy you lunch and drinks right from the moment you met. So it was clearly his choice. Furthermore it strikes me that for him buying you lunch was only small change to him. So you I do not think you did anything wrong.
theonlyjuan Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I wish I was a woman sometimes lol. To be fair a lot of women would be scared of him being dangerous, so fair play
xxoo Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong. You went on a date of sorts, and aren't interested in another. No need to call, since the purpose of giving you his number was to arrange another date.
johan Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 The guy is supposed to pay anyway, ES. Don't think twice about it. 2
Sunshine87 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Every gold-digger/money hungry lady's dream come true lol. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You are one of the few nice and decent ladies out there. There are so many women looking for a free meal ticket to life...youd be surprised the extent they would go!
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) I don't see this as any different than any other cold approach. You stated your expectations fine. Edited August 25, 2013 by RedRobin
crude Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong and shouldn't feel guilty. However this does show that women use men for freebies, and if a man believes in equality and doesn't think he has to pay because of his gender, don't be one of those women who says he's cheap and not a man, like so many women on LS. And no johan, the guy isn't supposed to pay just because he has a 3" shriveled thing between his legs.
Divasu Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Believe it or not, some men enjoy paying for women, especially those with lots of money. Sure, maybe if you agreed to a little friskiness afterwards he wouldn't turn you down, but men who make that much typically feel empowered when they can provide financially. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Japanese businessmen will pay a woman good money and buy her drinks to sit there in a nice bar and have a conversation with him in English for an hour or two. Some acquaintances of mine made a lot of money doing this on the side while teaching English in Japan. One saved $30,000 in one year and used it to start her own business later. But I totally get why you feel weird about this! 2
EasyHeart Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 It's kind of a weird story, but you certainly did nothing wrong. It sounds like you were both upfront and honest.
carhill Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 What's your verdict? I know some people like that. You did what you wanted to do. He did what he wanted to do. EOS. IMO, owning one's personal expectations, their impetus, and processing them in a healthy way is key. If you (hypothetically) felt this was wrong, examine your 'why'. Own that answer. If not, same. Good luck. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Unfortunately, I am still not attracted to him. He keeps asking me how I see him, what's my perception. And how did you answer him? You didn't say.
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 It sounds like you were both upfront and honest. I'm wondering why everyone is assuming this, when ES left out what she said in return to him...? She very well could have said, "I'm not attracted to you at all" in response to his inquiries, but I have a feeling she didn't. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Why do people always place the emphasis around money?....someone who makes a good/excellent income, works long hours and days without much free time isn't going to be as concerned with financial matters as much as the guy who works at Walmart, I'm sure he could afford a one-time date with a stranger...you're talking about two completely different fish in the sea, men who have money...don't mind spending it in what they've already made up their minds they're going to spend it on, they can have much more money than time and they're still going to want the company of a woman at some point. Another thing is, men are expected by many women in certain cultures to always foot the bill, so as part of their responsibility to maintain and protect their masculinity they in a sense "want" to do that....to save face, to be a man, to be a provider and one of the "good guys". It may be tied into their pride to do so because that's what they're taught. But for this guy, he was either making a play or just buying some company...for men you can either go down and buy a prostitute or up the challenge by entertaining a woman that has no reason to give you anything...if it doesn't work out, that prostitute is still going to be there...it's the difference between a man hunting an animal in the zoo or out in the wild...there's no reward, or ego stimulation in just bedding a prostitute that's paid to have sex with all men. He took a risk by asking out a woman he thought probably looked different or appeared alone and that he was interested in, otherwise he wouldn't have made the move and expressed the kind gesture in the first place, if she was 400 pounds I'm sure he wouldn't have been so eager to pop that bottle of champagne or even ask her out to lunch. When a woman sits alone at a bar, eventually some guy is going to come along to ask her if she'd like a drink...it's really no different. He's probing for interest, when she deflected and still went on the lunch date it meant there was a still a chance, In his mind if she wasn't at all she wouldn't have given him the time of day...after all, the guy isn't just looking for a friend or something. The guy was trying to build a relationship of trust and erase the "stranger danger" and see if there was any chemistry or compatibility, because he already found her attractive that's why he pursued in the first place. It could have very well worked in his favor if she was attracted and he was able to charm her way into her comfort zone...was it right to go out with him? depends if you think it's wrong to engage a man that is interested in you but is pretending not to be by asking you out on a date. You didn't technically do anything "wrong", it was his time and money...maybe he just wanted to take a woman out and show her how well he could treat her, with actual little expectations resulting from it...apart of it is probably his desire to have that "girlfriend experience" (a lot of guys do desire this for a short time, without the commitment)...maybe he misses an ex or that companionship...that cover of a "relationship" instead of just bedding a whore...at any rate, it's inconsequential in the bigger picture, these kinds of things happen all the time...some women milk it, others feel uncomfortable with the prospect of being treated like a luxury item he can just buy not necessarily just for sex..but for companionship...in all honesty, men would pay for both experiences if they could, doesn't mean they're any more invested or committed...why do you think men string women along or have FWB that are like relationships? nothing in it for the long-term, but they still have needs right now...as do most people, they just make difference choices in their endeavors. 2
aliveagain Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong, your single, no one to report the lunch to. I have done similar things just for the company. I have many friends but sometimes you meet someone that touch's you and you just want to do something nice for them. The money he spent on you may not make a difference to him but maybe made your day extra special. The thing that bothers me about him is the fact that he pushed for the best champagne and not a good wine or an average champagne. He wanted to pay for your shopping, that tells me he wanted more than friendship, he wanted to buy you into a relationship of some kind. A relationship with him would be risky because if he did this with you he most likely would do it with others. I have given money to people that needed help even though they never asked for it, I tell them "it's a gift from God" and walk away and it's never to be paid back to me but played forward to someone else one day. As it stands this has become a special life experience for you, pursuing further contact with someone your not attracted to could change that and possibly change you.
Woggle Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 This guy is an idiot but he chose it without you asking.
Imported Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 OP, I don't understand why you go out on a dinner date with a total stranger you had no physical attraction to. The guy was obviously pushing that he has money to burn on women, but doesn't want an actual hooker....so what he is looking for is a "kept woman". Which is basically a hooker that he can fool himself into thinking is not a hooker since he was the guy that turned her onto sex for pay.
Benz5 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 wow. OKAY YOU DID USE HIM> I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE CRAZY RICH GUY. i think its weird how he flaunts his money to impress chicks.. i don't do that.. no matter what the amount of money is.. however, i think you owe him a date at least or two.. so you can say you didn't enjoy the convo.. and this time please pay for your part of the date..
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