Floppy Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 My ex dumped me a week ago. We were together for 4 years and lived together for 3 1/2 of those years. This was my 2nd long term relationship (almost 7 year prior relationship that ended with her cheating) and her 1st. The first 3 years were great and we ended up getting engaged. She was 25 and I 31.We had a nice little house we rented together. We got along great and hardly ever fought. When we did fight it was usually about her daughter. Her daughter would never sleep through the night and my ex would ultimately end up in her bed halfway though the night. She was 6 at the time. This frustrated me because I felt she was too old for that, not to mention the girl would yell across the house waking everyone up at 2am. I thought it was disrespectful but felt powerless to do anything. A few times I would lose my temper and yell at the girl and this is what caused friction between my ex and I. Prior to this she had lived with her parents practically all her life with the exception of a few short times. She did leave me 1 time before due to a fight but I can't recall the orgin of that fight. It lasted only a few weeks. Due to circumstances beyond our control (natural disaster) we were forced to move in with her parents. I was against it but was assured it would be only for a short time until we got another place. Moving in with her folks was the downfall. I was miserable at first but it began to grow on me. I got along really well with her parents and they with me as well. Was like a 2nd family. Living there only made her daughter act worse. She ran that house and got away with everything. No discipline what so ever. Again I felt powerless to do anything, so I just kept quiet and let it eat at me. Even through all this i began to love that little girl very much. She was a pain in the ass and out of control but had a sweet side as well. My ex would cry because she did not know what to do with her. The little one was on several medications and was seeing therapists but nothing seemed to help. When it would get to me id kinda blow up and threaten to take off, then I'd cool down and apologize. As time passed we grew further and further apart. She turned to reading all the time and I'd watch TV. I noticed about a year ago she stopped wearing her engagement ring. She said it was due to work so I let it go. I will admit I was very insecure for a while. Being cheated in my previous relationship had taken its toll on me. I always reassured her that I loved her and told her how beautiful she was, sent flowers randomly to her work and such. We just seemed to be different people as time went on. We still laughed but never really went out and had fun together anymore. Her sex drive dropped drastically and all she wanted to do was read. She was depressed and always thinking her life sucked. I was by no means perfect but I loved her in spite of her faults. I confronted her about 3 months ago and she said we were in a rut and she didnt know how to get out of it. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no and that she wanted to try and make it work. Well that never really happened. Last week she told me she wasn't happy and she knew I wasnt happy and asked me to move. I was heartbroken and angry she waited this long to tell me but I agreed. Later in the day she changed get cell number (her prior # was in my plan so they wouldn't let her take it). She sent a group text telling everyone her new number which included me. I responded back asking if she included me by mistake and asked if she wanted me to have her new number. She said I want you to have it if you want it. I said its for the best if I just lose it, so that's what I did. She responded ok and thanked me for being a good father figure to her daughter. I told her I was sorry I couldn't be what she wanted and that I loved her. That was our last contact a week ago. I've deleted my FB so I'm not tempted to look for her. I did text her mom Friday to say I had paid off and closed a joint credit account we had. It's been a rough week, but I feel better as time goes by. I miss her and her daughter, but decided I need to stay NC to heal myself. She knows how to reach me if she wants to. I noticed on my iPad (which was still connected to hers through photo stream) she had been adding pics of herself. I know she has created an online dating account. That was tough to see but there was rally nothing I can do about it. I refuse to beg and lower myself. I love her to death but I'm doing this for me.
Author Floppy Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Any advice? Am I doing the right thing?
Author Floppy Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Does anyone have any advice on this? i know its long. i just need some help.
dearsuzan Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You seem like you're doing things the right way. You're cutting off contact. I wouldn't have recommended responding to the text with her new number. But you've been explaining everything she's doing to move on. What are you doing to move on?
Author Floppy Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Ive been going out with friends and just trying to move on and have a good time. I really do miss her but Ive tried to put her out of my head. I have been feeling better the past couple days but made a big mistake and looked at her FB page. She had a new profile pic. It wasnt anything big just a new pic of her seeming happy and smiling. Ive been all week and did not even have an urge to look at her page but for some reason today i did and paid for it. I got angry! and it was just her. I cant imagine what i would have done if it was with another guy. This is why I CANNOT LOOK AGAIN. I learned mt lesson.
dearsuzan Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Are you still friends on social media? Honestly, block her - that way you will never be tempted to look because you really can't
Author Floppy Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 No, I actualy deactivated my FB account. However hers is public so all I had to do was a google search and can see the profile pic. I was so miserable the last few months because see was so distant and i felt unloved (eventhough she would say it and kiss me). I do love her but i think my biggest problem is not so much missing her as missing the companionship. I thought to myself a few minutes ago, why am i doing this to myself? She cant hurt me anymore unless I allow it. She has no say in my life now. i can do what i want without having to explain or call and say ill be late. Its freedom i just have to embrace it.
Author Floppy Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Ive been able to maintain no contact for almost 40 days. But today I had a big urge to reach out to her. I have not heard anything since the day she dumped me. I feel bad for not fighting so save the relationship. Ive been doing pretty well the past month or so. I still think of her everyday, but not usually as much as at first. I feel so weak today and I dont know why. I want to talk to her but I dont want to put an end to all the good work Ive got behind me.
malin819 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 go for walk or whatever find something to do when you think of her...this way it will distract you for this short time lapse
halifaxboy Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Same timeframe as me Floppy, she dumped me on the 22 of August. Went immediate NC and have never contacted her, neither has she. Felt ok just sad for the most part as i am not indulging anyone who threw me away. Last two days i've been feeling s**tier than the past month, not sure why though. I dont use Facebook so i don't care about that s**t, my sister says she changes her FB pic of pics of her and my dog..lol. The dog she will never see again, kick me to the curb and the dog comes to lick my wound's baby..lol, pisses me off as she knows i will never let her see the dog again. I guess that's her plan..to piss me off..lol. Anyways hopefully im just a little more down the past couple days as having strict NC is making me "accept" everything and that it is done for good after 6.5 years. Oh well,brighter days ahead...i will NOT break no contact!!
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