AppleBuddy Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Hi, this is my first post here so please don't be too rough on me. I'm a bit nervous. I recently decided to end my long distance relationship with my partner of roughly 5 months. I attempted to handle the situation in as delicate a manner as possible, explaining that I took a lot of time to think and decided that I was not in the right place for a relationship at this point in my life. It was an honest evaluation. I am healing from an abusive past relationship and struggling with depression. He is (and even self-described as) very needy, clingy, and distrusting. Often, being depressed was mistaken in his eyes for neglect and with that was the accusations of cheating (which were not true)! No matter how much affection I gave him, he always needed more. It was like I was a battery he was draining to nothing. So finally, I decided it could not continue. Not when I was on eggshells and anxious over interacting with him because I was uncertain of what version I would encounter that day. Initially he seemed to take it well. I thought maybe, this would be amicable and perhaps, we could salvage a friendship (with revisiting the idea of a relationship perhaps, when we both got ourselves sorted out). This was a short lived bout of optimism. He has since taken to alternating between sending me extremely sweet and thoughtful messages to lambasting me, to downright screaming at me (He includes "Go **** yourself" and reminding me that I am a selfish, shallow woman that he hates and clearly never loved him). This behavior flip flops every few days or so. Realizing that amicable was not going to happen, I have attempted NC. This has only served to incite him and now he is using third parties to continue to what is now quickly amounting to harassing me. I am unsure of what to do, because I am quite upset that he is handling this in such a manner. He is smearing my name to anyone that will listen, berating me, and is actively trying to chase me away from hobbies we once enjoyed together that I truly do love. I don't know what is wrong with him (or perhaps what is wrong with me)? I feel very blindsided and his alternating love and hatred scare me. The only good side here and I use this term loosely, is that he is several states away right now. Can anyone offer some advice or insight as to what I have gotten myself into and how to stop it? Also, my apologies for the length and thank you in advance for reading. It is appreciated.
theonlyjuan Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Just say you need your space and want to be alone blah blah etc Make it clear that you don't need him saying things to you or other people, and stay NC. You have to be quite blunt with the clingy, sometimes the nice approach doesn't work. Some people jump from " I am ok with it, I understand " to " F@#k you! " He is going to go through all different stages, but he has to do it himself. Or just stay NC and ignore the third party
Author AppleBuddy Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Just say you need your space and want to be alone blah blah etc Make it clear that you don't need him saying things to you or other people, and stay NC. You have to be quite blunt with the clingy, sometimes the nice approach doesn't work. Some people jump from " I am ok with it, I understand " to " F@#k you! " He is going to go through all different stages, but he has to do it himself. Or just stay NC and ignore the third party Thank you for replying and yes, I've been trying to do all of those things but it usually devolves into a complete meltdown on his end no matter what I do. The moments I am very blunt, he threatens to SI or commit suicide and it leaves me feeling extremely boxed in.
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