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Posted

Hi,

 

My name is Tammy.

 

In September of 1999, I moved from Ohio to Georgia to be with someone I thought at the time I really loved. He is 11 years older than I am. I was 39, he was 50. He was kind and considerate. I had been married twice before and never experienced that kindness and love he gave me so freely. At that time, I swore I would never settle for anything than I wanted and needed. And, when he came into my life, I felt it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

Forward to June 2013... I find out a guy from my high school has been thinking of me for a number of years (I graduated in 1978). At first, I was flattered this guy thought of me for so long. We started talking, exchanging thoughts, and then feelings. In two months, I have come to love him and be in love with him. He has said he feels the same way.

 

My husband is 65 y/o and I am torn as to what to do next. My Mother loves my husband, and I don't want to disappoint my Mom. In the same breath, I am 53 y/o and want so much to follow my heart.

 

Anyone's comments would mean a lot to me... people outside my situation would probably give the most meaningful advice.

Posted

Ask yourself a lot of questions first. Are you miserable in your marriage? Do you have an emotional connection with your husband? Does he treat you well? Most importantly, do you love your husband? Do you feel love in your heart for your husband? Are you unhappy right now with your life or are you just bored? Can you work on your marriage if you are not happy? If not, end the marriage before considering to date anyone. Close one door before opening another.

 

My advice is to NOT enter into a relationship while still married. It will destroy you and confuse you to no end. Affairs make you feel bad about yourself. The guilt and the constant doubting is too much to take. I will never be in a relationship where I have to keep secrets. The lying is not something I ever felt good about. The guilt overwhelmed me. Live your life honestly. If you do, then things have a way of working out the way you want them to. If you are not happy with your marriage, tell your husband.

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Posted
Ask yourself a lot of questions first. Are you miserable in your marriage? Do you have an emotional connection with your husband? Does he treat you well? Most importantly, do you love your husband? Do you feel love in your heart for your husband? Are you unhappy right now with your life or are you just bored? Can you work on your marriage if you are not happy? If not, end the marriage before considering to date anyone. Close one door before opening another.

 

My advice is to NOT enter into a relationship while still married. It will destroy you and confuse you to no end. Affairs make you feel bad about yourself. The guilt and the constant doubting is too much to take. I will never be in a relationship where I have to keep secrets. The lying is not something I ever felt good about. The guilt overwhelmed me. Live your life honestly. If you do, then things have a way of working out the way you want them to. If you are not happy with your marriage, tell your husband.

 

This is really good advice. My affair hurt me in ways I can't even articulate. As well as three other people.

Posted

Before you act at all, get counseling to see if you can repair your marriage. Do not make any decisions regarding the crush until you are divorced and have completely ended your marriage. If this crush cares for you, he will wait for you.

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