miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) I just cannot shake it. I am trying SO hard to be happy for him, and I am, because he was worked so hard for this and he deserves it. BUT, the pictures of Paris constantly, the not hearing from him all day unless he is going to bed or waking up. I know he misses me like crazy, and that him going out all day keeps his mind busy. I just wish I could look at those beautiful pictures and think "Oh how beautiful!" instead of getting grumbly and wanting to say how ****ty it feels to see him enjoying these beautiful things. Still haven't started school. But ****, I feel BAD for feeling like this, even though I can't seem to control it. The lack of communication right now is not helping, he doesn't have data, only wifi, and the wifi sucks where he is staying right now. I haven't even been able to hear his voice in days, and seeing his face? I think I have only seen it once since he left. I am sure being able to actually talk and have a conversation that doesn't cut out every minute would help. But no. Instead I get this heartbreaking sense that Paris is already stealing him away from me. I feel like I am being left in the dark. I am holding it together OK when we talk, but I can tell he can tell how I am truly feeling right now. He feels bad and I know it must be frustrating. I seriously wish there was an easier way to handle this. Even if I was super busy though, I don't think these pangs of jealousy over what he is experiencing without me will ever truly go away. /end rant. Edited August 24, 2013 by miss_jaclynrae 1
stayygoldd Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I feel the same way! All the pictures my boyfriend posts are beautiful but I can't get this ugly feeling out of me. I don't want to see them. & I don't want to tell him how I feel because that would be selfish of me. I'm not the jealous kind at all, but I can't control this feeling. I've tried staying busy, but I'm constantly thinking about what he's doing without me.):
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Seriously... he messaged me for a bit at 10:00 his time and said they were going out for a bit and that he would message me when he got back. It is almost 3 in the morning there now. Another night of "I am exhausted, Ill talk to you in the morning." He doesn't drink, WTF is he doing out at 3 in the morning?
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Jaclyn, why doesn't he have data? Sure, it costs a little bit, but everything in Paris costs. Does he never plan to get it, or is this just temporary and he should get things sorted in a few days' time?
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 He doesn't drink, WTF is he doing out at 3 in the morning? It's not like here, where everything shuts down at 1:25 a.m. 2
xxoo Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 If he's out and about, wouldn't he be able to find wifi? Maybe more easily than where he's living? Do you have a planned time to speak again? Ask him to make that happen: a plan for scheduled communication you can look forward to. 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Jaclyn, why doesn't he have data? Sure, it costs a little bit, but everything in Paris costs. Does he never plan to get it, or is this just temporary and he should get things sorted in a few days' time? No. I don't think so. He gets free wifi at his apartment so I don't think he will get it. It's not like here, where everything shuts down at 1:25 a.m. I know that... But he told me he probably wasn't going to go out. When he tells me he is going for a walk I didn't expect that to mean 5 hours. Yeah, in Europe there are lots of cafes, etc that stay open quite late. He doesn't necessarily have to be at a bar. Have you asked him about what he's been doing on these late nights out? Not in an insecure way, just in a curious way. Or has he volunteered? They all went to dinner and went to find a place to hang out. No details really. That was all I got. That and that they got lost on the way home. Took about and hour and a half to get home. If he's out and about, wouldn't he be able to find wifi? Maybe more easily than where he's living? Do you have a planned time to speak again? Ask him to make that happen: a plan for scheduled communication you can look forward to. Yeah. He pops up on my skype. I asked him and he said his phone picks it up. I then asked him why can't he just shoot me a message so I know he will be out late... I don't know. We just started fighting, about how he can't put me first right now and give me what I want... blah blah blah. All I ****ing want is IDK, a date night where for once he decides to stay in and talk to me rather than go out on late night walks every night. It has only been 2 weeks, but I feel like I am some huge inconvenience where he has to fit me into this schedule, and he would rather be doing other things. meanwhile I just sit here and wait for him come on because I have all these things to talk to him about and we haven't ever gotten to finish one goddamn conversation. I am just so tired. I really hope once he moves into his actual apartment things change. I won't be able to do it like this.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 BTW, he is hanging out with a group that consists of 20-25 year olds. If it was just him, yeah I could see him being at a cafe, with a group like that? Not so much.
xxoo Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Ask him what he feels is ideal communication to aim for. Tell him what you feel is ideal communication to aim for. Then make a communication plan together , and see if he prioritizes it. 2
veggirl Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Why aren't you there with him? WTF lol. should we give you a "welcome to LS" greeting, too? he's on a study program through school, he had it planned before he met her. he will be there a year.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Ask him what he feels is ideal communication to aim for. Tell him what you feel is ideal communication to aim for. Then make a communication plan together , and see if he prioritizes it. He keeps saying communication plan isn't possible right now. I told him all I wanted was for one night to have him say no matter what comes up "Hey, sorry guys, but I have a date with the GF on skype tonight." Is that really too much to ask?
Anela Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 He keeps saying communication plan isn't possible right now. I told him all I wanted was for one night to have him say no matter what comes up "Hey, sorry guys, but I have a date with the GF on skype tonight." Is that really too much to ask? It isn't too much to ask. Can't he afford to spend an hour in an internet cafe? 3
sweetjasmine Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 He keeps saying communication plan isn't possible right now. I told him all I wanted was for one night to have him say no matter what comes up "Hey, sorry guys, but I have a date with the GF on skype tonight." Is that really too much to ask? No, I don't think it's too much to ask. If he were only staying for a month, it might be too much, but he'll be there for the academic year, right? If you haven't had the chance to have a decent conversation at all since he's been there, then it's only fair for him to make the time. The first 2-3 weeks or so are full of excitement, so I can see why he'd want to be seeing as much as possible and going out all the time. It's around weeks 4-5 that the homesickness starts to creep in for most folks, IME, so this might just be part of adjusting to the circumstances. At the same time, I have to wonder - have classes started yet? Where on earth are they finding the time to stay out 'til 3 am on a weekday if they're in school? If classes haven't started yet, it might be a big hurrah before they get down to business. In any case, you're right to feel a little upset right now, since he's not even addressing the problem with you. He obviously can't put you first every single day while he's gone, but it's not that difficult to fit in an hour or so of conversation in a 2 week period. 2
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 It isn't too much to ask. Can't he afford to spend an hour in an internet cafe? He feels weird. I am so tired of texting. Tonight we fought through texting, know how ****ty that is? Super ****ty. He keeps telling me this is transition, it will be different when I am in my own place. But ****. I ****ing miss him.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 No, I don't think it's too much to ask. If he were only staying for a month, it might be too much, but he'll be there for the academic year, right? If you haven't had the chance to have a decent conversation at all since he's been there, then it's only fair for him to make the time. The first 2-3 weeks or so are full of excitement, so I can see why he'd want to be seeing as much as possible and going out all the time. It's around weeks 4-5 that the homesickness starts to creep in for most folks, IME, so this might just be part of adjusting to the circumstances. At the same time, I have to wonder - have classes started yet? Where on earth are they finding the time to stay out 'til 3 am on a weekday if they're in school? If classes haven't started yet, it might be a big hurrah before they get down to business. In any case, you're right to feel a little upset right now, since he's not even addressing the problem with you. He obviously can't put you first every single day while he's gone, but it's not that difficult to fit in an hour or so of conversation in a 2 week period. No classes yet. Right now just an activity each day with the group. Student housing so he has a room mate which sucks too. He isn't always out until three. I also have been exaggerating, because now that I think about it, while we barely get to talk right now, we text for about 30 mins every morning and night, but still, he isn't completely "there" because he is getting ready or has to eat or something at the same time. So there is a delay between every single message almost. He joined the group a week ago, so before then he was in SD and a hostel for a few days. Communication sucked then too. I seriously would kill for a full hour or two of uninterrupted time. I still don't know anything about all these people he spends day in and out with, which is adding to my anxiety right now, and the fact that he is going out so late with them all is making it worse. I know we can't talk all the time, but I am tired of him saying, "be back on around 1 your time" and him not getting on until 3. It is a horrible empty feeling just waiting. Then when he does come on it is always "oh we walked here and here and here. I am exhausted." and before I know it we haven't been talking long and he wants to go to sleep. He always says sorry, and he says the sweetest things, but I wish I could have some sweet actions to go along with those words.
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 WTF lol. should we give you a "welcome to LS" greeting, too? he's on a study program through school, he had it planned before he met her. he will be there a year. 1337 isn't even new. He just posts this on every single one of Jaclyn's threads, including the original one where she explained the school situation, followed by some poorly-scripted hitting on her. He keeps saying communication plan isn't possible right now. I told him all I wanted was for one night to have him say no matter what comes up "Hey, sorry guys, but I have a date with the GF on skype tonight." Is that really too much to ask? It's not too much to ask, at all. Like sweetjasmine says, if it was a couple weeks or a month of travel, then perhaps I could see it being a bit much, but he's going to be there for a year. One year without regular communication would be immensely tough for any relationship to survive. I could understand if there were unavoidable reasons, like in IslandGirl's case (old LDR poster), but in your guy's case I frankly think he could just make an effort to get a data plan, or get a good connection, or even go to a cybercafe if he needs to. 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 1337 isn't even new. He just posts this on every single one of Jaclyn's threads, including the original one where she explained the school situation, followed by some poorly-scripted hitting on her. It's not too much to ask, at all. Like sweetjasmine says, if it was a couple weeks or a month of travel, then perhaps I could see it being a bit much, but he's going to be there for a year. One year without regular communication would be immensely tough for any relationship to survive. I could understand if there were unavoidable reasons, like in IslandGirl's case (old LDR poster), but in your guy's case I frankly think he could just make an effort to get data, or get a good connection, or even go to a cybercafe if he needs to. That is what I think too. I mean, he is going to be there for a full year. I get the excitement, and I know [even though I can't stand this about him sometimes] that he needs to feel like part of the group, but if it is like this all year, which I hope and he has told me it won't be... I won't be able to do it. I already know I couldn't handle such little connection. It wouldn't even be bad if we were ourselves, but due to the room mates and always being in certain places, it is like we are just totally off.
tbf Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah. He pops up on my skype. I asked him and he said his phone picks it up. I then asked him why can't he just shoot me a message so I know he will be out late... I don't know. We just started fighting, about how he can't put me first right now and give me what I want... blah blah blah. All I ****ing want is IDK, a date night where for once he decides to stay in and talk to me rather than go out on late night walks every night. It has only been 2 weeks, but I feel like I am some huge inconvenience where he has to fit me into this schedule, and he would rather be doing other things.This neediness will push him away. He's in an exciting new city. meanwhile I just sit here and wait for him come on because I have all these things to talk to him about and we haven't ever gotten to finish one goddamn conversation. Stop waiting. Go out. Give him time and space to miss you. Don't contact him. Let him contact you and if it's not convenient for you, too bad, so sad, he'll have to wait for when it is. 4
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 It's actually a lot more simple than you think it is, girl. He has no motivation to make a "date night" with you, because he knows you're sitting around waiting for him, and that basically whenever he wants to talk to you, he can. I think you know how to resolve this... 3
Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Random aside: What exactly is he studying there? Is it culinary?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 This neediness will push him away. He's in an exciting new city. Stop waiting. Go out. Give him time and space to miss you. Don't contact him. Let him contact you and if it's not convenient for you, too bad, so sad, he'll have to wait for when it is. God I want to so badly. I don't have anyone though. I still go to the gym everyday but that doesn't help much. I KNOW how pathetic it is, trust me. I am half tempted to pretend like I am, but I know that won't help me feel better either.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 It's actually a lot more simple than you think it is, girl. He has no motivation to make a "date night" with you, because he knows you're sitting around waiting for him, and that basically whenever he wants to talk to you, he can. I think you know how to resolve this... Random aside: What exactly is he studying there? Is it culinary? The ****ty thing is that you are so right. French. lol
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Why don't you go see some friends tonight. Have dinner and a movie at their place if you don't want to spend lots of money. If I had friends I would. Believe me when I say that if it wasn't for this group he is a part of, it would be the same. Only I don't have a group of people that I am forced to spend time with right now. School starts on monday. Thank god.
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 No offense intended, honest question: Why the complete lack of friends? Did you move here recently? Or do you mean that they're all just away on vacation or something before school resumes?
tbf Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 God I want to so badly. I don't have anyone though. I still go to the gym everyday but that doesn't help much. I KNOW how pathetic it is, trust me. I am half tempted to pretend like I am, but I know that won't help me feel better either.If this experience is telling you something, it's telling you to make new friends and that you're too dependent on him for your happiness. Divert yourself with interests and if you don't have any, get some, NOW. School starts soon and when that happens, you can create a new social network. I'm pushing you girl. Do it!
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