JamesMay Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, Just stumbled upon some pictures of me and my ex while looking for files on my old PC. We broke up almost 4 years ago but we were quite happy together through middle school, high school and college for almost 8... After a respectful but very painful and slow break up she got together with one of my best friends a few months after I cought her making out with a douchy work buddy of mine behind my back. I dropped her and went completely no contact after that. As far as I know she's still dating the 'best friend' who went to comfort her. He was very close to me and helped me over a lot of struggles after my break up. He knew a lot of details about our relationship, probably more than any one. It only made it more akward, painful and impossible to forgive. I fell into a major depression/breakdown, quit college for a while, moved away from my old life, moved countries, came back, moved towns... I have had some good times since: met a lot of new people and had quite some flings but it pains me to say that I am still not over it. Whenever the past comes up, usually with some of the few people from my old life I am still in touch with, there's akward silences. So many people I don't see any more. I think it's the shame. A lot of them only knew us as a couple. I am 25 now and want to move on with my life. It's better now than it was a year ago but still I cope with a lot of feelings of depression and distrust. I feel that most of my fun and happy young life have turned into a nightmare. I still dream about it a lot. I am struggling to finish my masters. When I'm with a new girl it's bad and a lot of memories tend to come back. I haven't been able to form any meaningful relationship let alone feelings. Should I get professional help? Any of you can relate? Really bad day here... the rain and being back at my old parents home doesn't help I guess They feel my suffering and it's making them sad I always feel bad when I come back home. JamesMay Edited August 24, 2013 by JamesMay
BLS Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It was a very long relationship so naturally it takes a very long time to let go. If my feelings persisted as long as yours have, I would seek professional help.
Author JamesMay Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 It's been almost two years now. I was hurt more by what she did afterwards than because of the actual break up. Should I maybe get in touch with her to get some closure? Her going with my friend after also having a fling with one of my co workers left me with a lot of questions. I don't really love her anymore. It's just so... meh.
dgiirl Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Do NOT contact her! It's been 4 years. I know it's hard. It took me a really long time to get over my exh. I know I was still struggling with some issues at 4 years, but I'm so glad I never contacted him. The way she left was mean. She is not going to give you what you need to move on. Closure comes from within, never from an ex. If you are still struggling with depression, I think you should go talk to a professional. I did, and it was very helpful.
Brown-Eyez Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Hi everyone, I am 25 now and want to move on with my life. It's better now than it was a year ago but still I cope with a lot of feelings of depression and distrust. I feel that most of my fun and happy young life have turned into a nightmare. I still dream about it a lot. I am struggling to finish my masters. When I'm with a new girl it's bad and a lot of memories tend to come back. I haven't been able to form any meaningful relationship let alone feelings. Should I get professional help? Any of you can relate? Really bad day here... the rain and being back at my old parents home doesn't help I guess They feel my suffering and it's making them sad I always feel bad when I come back home. JamesMay Yes, go find a good psychologist (phd) counselor--you have fallen into a deep hole of depression that has now become your life. You need a skilled professional to help guide you back into the light.
Author JamesMay Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Thank you for the feedback everyone, I really apreciate it. I had a very bad day yesterday. Therapy is what I must do. It's not that I am not functioning. I do go out, meet new people and have fun. I just want to stop having these terrible throat grabbing episodes when I come to my home town, see old pictures or meet old people. It is probably best not to contact her. I don't really find it hard. I used to hate her guts for what she did. It's just that some people are suggesting maybe it's time for reconciliation. Forgiveness and all. But you are right and I think she is very capable not sincerely apologizing and blaming me for having denied her love and hapiness. It's harsh what she did and the way she did it. I feel after all this time some common friends even blame me for still holding grudges because they want the akwardness to somehow disappear. It seems like I have to constantly remind them it was her and sensitive Mr. Nice Guy who made this terrible decision.
jesse93 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I'm so sorry to hear this man, I honestly think more often or not its the close friends that always go for the girl you were with, It's happened to me a few times where after i break up with the girl one of my good friends will swoop and support her while shes down, and she ends up dating them its sad to know that friends are so willing to do that, I feel like they do it on purpose, the best time to try and get with a girl is right after a break up when they're weak and need someone there for them. I'm sorry to hear it happened to you bro, I can't imagine the pain it must bring you knowing something like that. I think you should get a therapist it will help you in the long run to truly get over the past and help you move on.
TrblinMN Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I don't contact my ex because for me, I don't think I could handle the things she could possibly say that could hurt me even more that the breakup itself. It's not worth the added pain in my eyes.
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