The myth of "Women should initiate more..."

[tbf]

The fact is you want to be equal to men. You have to accept everything its simple as that.

This is your subjective personal value, not a fact or reality. Otherwise, men would have to share 50% of pregnancies. Oh wait, it's not biologically feasible, right?

[joystickd]

This is your subjective personal value, not a fact or reality. Otherwise, men would have to share 50% of pregnancies. Oh wait, it's not biologically feasible, right?

 

Well equality is everything right. You are irrational

[joystickd]

Funny you want to hide behind science and biology. In the animal kingdom there are species where the female approaches. Im too pissed at my buzzkill of a family right now to continue

[xxoo]

If a woman is interested, she'll let a man know.

 

If he doesn't approach after that, either he isn't interested (so there is no point in her approaching) or he lacks boldness (in which case her interest may be affected).

 

Personally, I would not remain attracted long to a man who lacked the boldness to approach a woman he wants.

[xxoo]

And why do you think that is?

 

Because women don't approach them?

[jma500]

There are a lot of threads by guys on LS (often but not always guys who aren't doing well with women) saying that they wish women initiated more. Well I have news for you guys. The way things are now actually works in your favor if you are willing to use it.

 

I had this realization on the date I went out with last night. I met the woman via cold-approach in the grocery store. I asked her if she had noticed me before I went up to talk to her. "Truthfully no. I was busy thinking about my day."

 

And what if she had been thinking of meeting a man and was willing to approach? Well, I'm realistic. There are a lot of younger taller better-looking guys around. I do OLD and despite writing good emails, I rarely get a response. So what I am getting at is that she probably would have approached some other guy and not me. That's what guys need to get: If women did approach more often, why would they approach *you*?

 

HOWEVER, as she doesn't approach, and the better-looking guys didn't approach her, that left an opening for myself. And I took it. Taking initiative is a very attractive quality. I have that, and even though it doesn't show up in OLD, it shows in person, and I really use that to my advantage.

 

There are openings for we guys all the time, we just need to take them.

Whatever. I am not buying any of this and the last sentence is horrendously incorrect. There are openings for some guys and some only. As for the theory that it is a numbers game. This is bs plain and simple. I have seen posters on ls stating that they have approach numerous and been rejected every single time and the reason for this isn't because he is doing it wrong. He simply is not the type of man these women want approaching them because women turn their noses up at most men. Then they wonder why men aren't approaching. Its because the cost/ benefit analysis is totally skewed towards cost. Guys look at this and see that its mostly cost and very little benefit and decide what's the point in approaching women?

[joystickd]

Because women don't approach them?

 

No. Actually its because of the irrationality of women

[jma500]

If a woman is interested, she'll let a man know.

 

If he doesn't approach after that, either he isn't interested (so there is no point in her approaching) or he lacks boldness (in which case her interest may be affected).

 

Personally, I would not remain attracted long to a man who lacked the boldness to approach a woman he wants.

 

She will let a man know? With signals that can be construed as two or more different things? I have seen umpteen posters state this and the woman wasn't interested.

[joystickd]

It's only the dudes who are unsuccessful with women that wish women would approach more.

 

Yeah I said it.

 

 

Men who are good with women don't sit back and say, "Gee, my life would be so much easier if a girl would just come and give me the time of day."

 

 

I don't cold approach men and I've never had to. Not going to start now, either.

 

Then you shouldnt ask to be equal to men then

[jma500]

It's only the dudes who are unsuccessful with women that wish women would approach more.

 

Yeah I said it.

 

 

Men who are good with women don't sit back and say, "Gee, my life would be so much easier if a girl would just come and give me the time of day."

 

 

I don't cold approach men and I've never had to. Not going to start now, either.

 

What a load of a crap. Men who are good with women are so because women wish them to be and treat them accordingly. A man is either attractive to women or he isn't. Period. This is pure drivel and arrogance. When you have walked a mile in in another's shoes, then and only then can you pass judgement upon them.

[xxoo]

She will let a man know? With signals that can be construed as two or more different things? I have seen umpteen posters state this and the woman wasn't interested.

 

And there are millions of relationships because she was interested. Fate favors the bold.

 

If dating was equally hard for women and men. There wouldn't be so many more men whining about dating than women.

 

The fact that the consensus is that the man should approach women, makes it easier for you.

 

There is no "should". Men DO approach. And those that do tend to get the girl.

[joystickd]

What? You mean because I don't cold approach men I shouldn't be paid a fair wage and denied the right to vote or own property???

 

 

Did you just crawl out from under a rock?

 

 

News flash dude: I am in a great relationship with a man who made no bones about making me his, I vote and I make great money.

 

 

Too bad so sad.

 

Hell yeah thats what i said. Im a bad mood right now! Thats another thread. I just got to create some trouble

[xxoo]

No. Actually its because of the irrationality of women

 

What is irrational is expecting women to approach men they have no burning desire to date.

[GoodOnPaper]

There is no "should". Men DO approach. And those that do tend to get the girl.

 

I'd question the last sentence but even so, I do NOT recommend that men leave the approaching to women -- and this is coming from someone who has always been terrible at attracting women.

 

Here is my reasoning: What are you (generally speaking to guys who struggle) going to do when you are facing a woman that out-of-the-blue likes you more than you like her? Are you going to have the heart to reject her? We (again, meaning struggling guys in general) don't get any practice at that.

[xxoo]

Should women initiate as often of men? Of course. This is a case of selective equal rights ("We're equal when it's convenient for me.").

 

What is unequal? We have the right to approach. We don't have the desire, or the need.

 

You don't have to approach, you know. No one is forcing you to!

[joystickd]

What is unequal? We have the right to approach. We don't have the desire, or the need.

 

You don't have to approach, you know. No one is forcing you to!

 

I agree with him.

[xxoo]

I agree with him.

 

You agree with the idea of unequal rights?

 

We have equal rights to approach.

 

Neither men nor women have the right to be approached. That choice belongs to the person approaching.

 

Neither men nor women are required to approach. That's an option.

[Imajerk17]

It's only the dudes who are unsuccessful with women that wish women would approach more.

 

Yeah I said it.

 

 

Men who are good with women don't sit back and say, "Gee, my life would be so much easier if a girl would just come and give me the time of day."

 

 

I don't cold approach men and I've never had to. Not going to start now, either.

 

I agree with this.

 

And I think it's part of a larger truth. I'm coming to see that people who are successful in any field don't whine about things or worry too much about "fairness". It's not that these people don't see injustices that need to be fixed or that they don't care about right and wrong or integrity. It is instead that these people don't have time to whine--they are just too busy seeing opportunities and hustling after what they want and making things happen, doing the things that others won't do.

Edited August 24, 2013 by Imajerk17

[xxoo]

That's quite a hostile attitude towards men who don't like approaching.

 

I'd invite them to my dinner table and offer them a beer and a good conversation.

 

But I wouldn't get sexual with them.

[fortyninethousand322]

I have no issue approaching and initiating. It's just I'm afraid of being too forward or being a creep. It's my general understanding that women don't like it when I'm into them...

[white]

Some posts starting in here I wouldn't expect to see from their posters.

[RedRobin]

Personally, I don't like gender stereotypes....

 

If I see a guy I like and it occurs to me to approach him or ask him out, then that's what I'm going to do.

 

I always do it in a way that is low or no pressure though... With the intention of getting to know him better and that's it. I always know him in some other setting. Never a cold approach.

 

The guys who approach me tend to have a pretty hard agenda and expect me to warm up to their advances in record time. I don't find anything appealing about it. The mainstreaming of PUA stuff has pretty much ruined any semblance of normal relating, best as I can tell. Not only that, most of these guys are also multi-dating like crazy (or trying to) and for some odd reason thinks any woman with half a brain can't figure that out.

 

I'm more inclined to feel comfortable with men I've gotten to know organically and in a group setting... where we both feel each other out a bit and I know their history.

 

Since I'm looking for a partner, not a daddy, a protector, a provider, or a 'leader'... all he needs to be is considerate, consistent, and competent in his own life and how he treats people.

 

all that male-female dynamic cr*p makes me ill, frankly.

Edited August 25, 2013 by RedRobin

[jma500]

So? Some men aren't attractive to women. Nothing new here.

 

 

This is the turn that all of these threads take. You simply want a place to come and whine that you can't get your cock wet, get validation from others and blame women for it.

 

 

And I'm sick of it.

 

I do not whine nor do I complain about women. I am just sick of women like yourself making arrogant judgement statements about something you clearly know nothing about.

[PJKino]

Why would I want a guy whom I had to approach? First off, I'm always going to have the nagging suspicion that I'm more into him than he is into me. Second, there is absolutely nothing attractive about a gutless male. The guys who wait or expect women to approach are the same ones who don't have an ounce of boldness in their meek little bodies; the same ones who don't know how to lead. I can feel my vagina drying up already.

 

 

So men who approach have to wonder wheter he is more into the women then vice versa which is one of the reasons women dont want to approach it gives the them power because they care less then the man..

[PJKino]

Personally, I don't like gender stereotypes....

 

 

Since I'm looking for a partner, not a daddy, a protector, a provider, or a 'leader'... all he needs to be is considerate, consistent, and competent in his own life and how he treats people.

 

 

Im glad you feel that way..women who harp on needing a man to lead her as if she is a child seems like theyre looking for almost another father figure..its kind of creepy imo