Kitchen Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 My ex-gf and I broke up recently, and she is already seeing someone new. I know it's only a matter of time until she gets engaged, as she is obsessed with getting married. I really don't want to know or be around for that event. Her and I are already on NC. However, we are in this rather large group of friends (10-30+ people if you really count everyone). Word goes around, and I'm just terrified about waking up one day and someone telling me "did you hear that so and so is engaged now?!". Or even if not that, I don't want to go to another group event and see her & her bf there. Nor do I want to hear anything about her inadvertently. I want to make it seem to myself that she doesn't exist anymore. And Facebook, gchat, group emails, it all sucks in a situation like this, because there is so much spillover. Facebook especially. I defriended my ex, but there are tons of other people on there that I'm friends with who any minute can put up a picture of or comment about her. Within this group, there are only a few people, perhaps 3-5 that I consider real close friends. I have been thinking of just cutting everyone off temporarily. Maybe 6 months - 1 year. And then coming back into the group when I am finally ready. Of course, I would tell my friends about it in advance. Is this too extreme? Is there a better way around it? I do have good friends outside of the group, so it's not like I'd be alone. But this really sucks that we have so many common friends. My last heartbreak was so much easier because we didn't have a single mutual friend!
iouaname Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I found myself in a similar situation. My ex and I had a lot of mutual friends and had sort of built a social circle together, so when we broke up it was extremely difficult. I cut everyone off, because I didn't think that I could deal with being around them all when I was broken. It made me very lonely and depressed, though. Over the course of the 8 months that we have been broken up, I have wavered between keeping in touch with them and cutting them off. However, every time I would go back, I would initiate conversation with my ex and I would feel worse. As of right now, I am in touch with the mutual friends but I do not engage my ex at all. He is 'seeing' someone else, doesn't have interest in speaking to me and quite frankly, I resent him a lot. So I just speak to the mutual friends and avoid him completely. Do what you feel is right, but if this girl is going to get engaged, it's going to happen either way. I would be careful about distancing yourself from a lot of friends and then having it happen anyway.
JourneyLady Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 When I broke up with mine, he decided to leave the place I was moving to, but first made a lot of friends in groups there that I wanted to participate in. Even as far as starting to have relationship interest in some. It ticked me off, because I knew he was leaving and I didn't want to have a lot of mutual friends -- because he likes to keep tabs on me when we break up (I've seen it before). As it turned out, I was introduced to them BY him in a brief period when we were changing places. I am grateful for each and every one of them, but I was correct in thinking it makes things awkward. The close ones probably would not tell him anything about me, but it bothers me anyway. He's gone for good and NC now, but I happen to know he is still trying to keep tabs on me. It's all about power for him and I was "back up girl" in case anything didn't work out where he moved to.
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