HokeyReligions Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I know it is. And it's a very frustrating situation. Believe me. I didn't think things would be like this. And saying I never "asked" isn't entirely true, Rent x 2 Phone bill Power/etc billsx2 Insurance Gas Food Etc etc Debt payments. She has lived off of me for almost the whole Time. I'm glad she is working steady NOW, and was really hoping we could start doing something more like 50/50... And then she broke up with me, because I'm insecure/controlling etc. She didn't break up with you because YOU are controlling, she broke up because she was done controlling you and is, or has, moved on to her next sugardaddy. 4
NateC Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 To be blunt, you were used and tossed when you ran out of money. People like this exist...and this is why it's important to be responsible with your money and know that if you do decide to part with your cash, expect to write it off. The exception is if you're married ...but even then, you can be penniless (laws help a bit...but not much). Take one long look at your dwindled bank account and ask yourself "was it worth it?" If I had to answer this, it's a no. No girl is worth breaking the bank over. Relationships are built on trust and compromise - as in, yes, the girl does help in some way and can be financially independent. This does change through marriage, but in dating ...just no. 2
CptSaveAho Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You were a sucker... Couple rules of dating 1) Watch a girls actions/ not her words (Alot of women are full of **** and the girl you were dating was one of them) 2) Don't date fixer uppers (women who are broke, have debt, massive amounts of loans, cant sign for something themselves) 3) Always invest in yourself (house, car, investments, education etc)... invite women along with you on the way but by no means invest in them. If you have a "feeling" shes using you for your money, she is. 4) Be able to walk away (control your emotions and know how to deal with a loss of someone you do have feelings for/love as to not get played again). Once this is engrained in you (women sense this... millions of doors will open for you and your money/looks/ etc will not matter) 5) Don't settle, be selfish... if someone is ****ty, let them be ****ty and miserable on their own 6) Rule #1 is so important it should be listed twice ... "Watch a girls actions/ not her words" As for a lesson of most guys on this forum, the #1 way women manipulate men is to poke at their white knight inside them (as i like to refer, captain save a ho syndrome) and help them with their problems. This thread is one means, the other big one is when a girl talks about her boyfriend / husband / ex / etc and what an *******/narcissit he is and how he treats her
crederer Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 The thing about getting the money back really isn't about the money. She knows youre a nice guy and likely wont want it back, which is why she saw you as a target to take advantage of. Getting the money back is about getting your self esteem in check in knowing that you did not allow her to completely use you for the money you worked very hard for. She has showed no signs of wanting you back. I know this is hard to accept, I had a hard time with that as well. This is not a unique experience in terms of how you feel towards her. You need to get control over your life and getting that money back is the most tangible way for you to do this. Don't wait too long to do it because I don't know what state you are in but the statute of limitations will kick in at some point and you may be SOL in the relationship AND in the money department. It's really insulting sitting on my end even thinking of how badly she took advantage of you and how you want nothing but to have her back. C'mon man, find your spine! I sincerely hope you take action ASAP and the next post I want to see from you is that her wages are being garnished until you get everything back plus a percentage for inflation, as it's surely going to take her a LONG time to pay it back.
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I only included the portion of stating gifts/extra's because it is also quite a bit. OVER and above the 75,000. i do not regret one bit spending money on dates/gifts occasionally. Thanks for the reply You're welcome. Ok, i get it as long as it's a separate amount in your mind and NOT part of the $75K. If you are "including" in any way or it contributes to your stress about money given to this girl, well then I have to believe you were using the money to control her. And thus got what is bound to happen in a relationship where money and love are bartered. If i hear correctly, you still want this girl (and may have a chance with her based on what she has indicated), it's a really large hurdle to overcome BUT I think if you were to proceed as couple, there are several things to do. You feel like you gave freely and helpfully as your part of the "investment" in your solid future as a couple. Now you don't like where things have ended up because she has issued with the emotional component of your relationship. (i need to read that thread probably to understand) BUT even though it's bit tough to untangle, I feel like you two have to treat these two issues separately. You said you're not going to give her anymore money and she should be made aware and why. And tell her you will help her figure out how to get her finances in order and business up and running as this type of support is normal in a relationship. If she has sincere intentions, this should not bother her one bit. In fact, if she has truly sincere intentions, she should be figuring out some ways to squeeze some of her new income off the top and give it back to you. In addition, she should WANT to be separate from you financially so you both have opportunity to work on the emotional part of your relationship. (She can't have her cake and eat it too. I just find the irony of her calling you controlling yet continually accepting your money to be at odds with one another. too much!) That's just what people who are balanced and fair would do. Or at the very least, use it to contribute to something that makes life better for the both of you. A trip she takes you on. Something new for the apartment, etc. I still think she (from what you have posted) may have no intention of cutting back on her own WANTS (they are not even needs) to repay you or balance things out now that she is earning income. I hope I am wrong. It's as simple as this. Whenever the balance within a relationship is so extreme (whether the issue be over money or other things), there is going to be a problem. You are going to fix the problem by requiring that things BALANCE out. She will either comply or she won't and you will have your answer about her intentions. I do think though that sometimes even with a well-intentioned girlfriend, patterns develop. And so to "withhold" lavishing her with extras and cash, just changes the nature of the relationship and you both don't see each other the same. I don't think there is a way to fix this and it probably won't work in this case. You wouldn't want it to necessarily because it would mean that your money is part of the attraction to you and she CANNOT separate it from you as just the person you are. If she agrees to leave the money part alone, you must do the same in order to work on the emotional or control issues she says you have. As long as she sticks to new money arrangement (ie NONE), you shouldn't bring up or get hung up on the money part anymore. Over, done with. Easier to say than to do....and still get your name off that stupid car. If she won't do that, she is using you. Then you will have a clean-ish slate to work on the emotional part of the relationship. Good luck! Lastly, it's not wrong to want to invest in yourselves as a couple and build a future together. I think many people do the same thing but I she has abused it and therefore trust has broken down. At this point, financially, the ball is in her court to prove that she is worthy of building a future with. She has "messed up"--both for real and in your eyes. I believe with regard to the financially part of your argument, she is in the wrong, so you have to require her to fix it. Probably when I read the control part, we may see that you are wrong and that's why she is requiring you to fix it. If you only fix one part, the relationship will still be broken.
FitChick Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 There is a saying: "There are no victims, only volunteers." He kept giving and she kept taking. If he had stopped, she might have stayed or she might have left. He took a gamble. Sort of like blaming the casino when you are tapped out. I agree that this dude needs to see an accountant and an attorney. What business is she in? Do you both work in the oil fields of the Dakotas? It's like the Gold Rush up there.
Author Floater Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 I appreciate all the input. Really. Thank you all very much. I do want this to work, and she has expressed that if things change on the emotional level from my end, that we could reaproach this. Yes, she broke up with me, I feel under appreciated. But the money shouldn't be the focus as one of you said. They should both be separate, and I should accept responsibility for trusting her, and offering the help I did. We actually live in Canada, I work oil, she works construction. Also, there should be no issue with me not helping any fetcher than I have, she wants to use this break up to focus on some of her own personal issues and a chance to become less distracted by the 'stress' my actions cause her... Issues including her financial situation. She is working, she should be able to pay bills. So, my wallet is closed. And I'm still willing to help out, but it cannot be like it has been. This was supposed to be an investment in the relationship, so we could both work together, and be earning 300,000/year. Big savings. Team behavior. Not give give. Hope that makes sense.
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