Should I let him know I am still willing to workk things out?

[lalalovekay]

Day 5 of no contact and im dying to text him. ANYTHING just text him.

I ran into his sister today and it made me miss him even more. And one of my friends says maybe I should keep on fighting. And I want to I dont want to give up so fast.

Part of me says hes missing me that hes thinking of texting me but he isnt because I said I needed space and I couldnt just be friends with him. But part of me says if he really wants to work things out he would text no matter what. I just want him to know that I am still willing to give it another try. He tried being friends even after me never initiating the conversation even after not replying for days he always texted me. Until I told him I couldnt just be friends and I needed space. Please help me. What is he thinking? If he missed me he would try to contact me in any way right?

[lalalovekay]

Nope. No contact. Hear it, learn it, live it. Let him come to you.

 

Even if my last words were "being friends wont work and I wont put myself in that situation. I gave you your space so now give me mine" ?

[alphabetagamma]

Even if my last words were "being friends wont work and I wont put myself in that situation. I gave you your space so now give me mine" ?

 

Well, I would not be so strict with it.

 

If you have talked a lot in the past then she will starts to miss you. and if she is not immature girlfriend then she could actually find your NC silly.

 

If she haven't found rebound then you can tell her that, like "sorry, being in limbo is killing me slowly. I just want to let you know that I appreciate your decision and I wish you luck. But unfortunately I'm unable to be your friend right now, give me time to heal"

 

and for real, go and start healing yourself.

 

But 5th day on NC, being back in day 1 sucks as well. Been there

[lalalovekay]

Well, I would not be so strict with it.

 

If you have talked a lot in the past then she will starts to miss you. and if she is not immature girlfriend then she could actually find your NC silly.

 

If she haven't found rebound then you can tell her that, like "sorry, being in limbo is killing me slowly. I just want to let you know that I appreciate your decision and I wish you luck. But unfortunately I'm unable to be your friend right now, give me time to heal"

 

and for real, go and start healing yourself.

 

But 5th day on NC, being back in day 1 sucks as well. Been there

 

I did tell him that I couldnt be friends so to give me space. So the only reason he would text me is if he wants to work it out right?

[barky2]

Listen and I want you to really read this next thing I write to you, believed it because its honest.

 

 

Who give a crap what he's thinking.

 

Who cares how you left it.

 

Nc is for you to heal.

 

Not for him.

 

Got it?

 

 

When he has something to say to you it doesn't matter how its been left, he will contact you.

 

Leave it be.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[lalalovekay]

Listen and I want you to really read this next thing I write to you, believed it because its honest.

 

 

Who give a crap what he's thinking.

 

Who cares how you left it.

 

Nc is for you to heal.

 

Not for him.

 

Got it?

 

 

When he has something to say to you it doesn't matter how its been left, he will contact you.

 

Leave it be.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Thank you. But its hard sometimes you know? Knowing I couldve done something different. But thank you I know I have to heal

[Soat]

Thank you. But its hard sometimes you know? Knowing I couldve done something different. But thank you I know I have to heal

 

Accept the pain. You can't avoid it until its run its course

 

Hit the gym or run or exercise. It really really helps

[lalalovekay]

Accept the pain. You can't avoid it until its run its course

 

Hit the gym or run or exercise. It really really helps

 

Its been 1.5 months since he broke up with me thats why I feel like I cant cry anymore I lost my opportunity to cry. Its been 5 days since I havent contacted him but feels like we JUST broke up

[lalalovekay]

Listen and I want you to really read this next thing I write to you, believed it because its honest.

 

 

Who give a crap what he's thinking.

 

Who cares how you left it.

 

Nc is for you to heal.

 

Not for him.

 

Got it?

 

 

When he has something to say to you it doesn't matter how its been left, he will contact you.

 

Leave it be.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

I just got an email that he wants to follow me on twitter and when I go on my account to see it, it had disappeared.

 

Maybe he changed his mind or whatever but atleast that means he was on my account right?

[templeofmax]

My ex looked me up on LinkedIn 1 month after the breakup!! I thought it meant she wanted to reach out. So I accepted her on the site, and she took me out again! So it just means they think of us, which is LOGICAL! More than that, it doesn't mean anything, only what you WANT or HOPE it means. The only one that knows is her/him and guess what! Right now, no answers will be given. You said you need space, so stick with it or the won't take you seriously.

[lalalovekay]

My ex looked me up on LinkedIn 1 month after the breakup!! I thought it meant she wanted to reach out. So I accepted her on the site, and she took me out again! So it just means they think of us, which is LOGICAL! More than that, it doesn't mean anything, only what you WANT or HOPE it means. The only one that knows is her/him and guess what! Right now, no answers will be given. You said you need space, so stick with it or the won't take you seriously.

 

Thank you! It just made me feel so much better that he did think of me or that he is thinking of me for how ever long it might last. However I am too scared to check if he texted me. I blocked his number so I dont know. But thank you!! Having someone relate helps.

[lop98]

It's normal to feel like this in the first months but believe me, from someone that couldn't even cry anymore or stomach food!, it DOES get better, you WILL get better. You have to be consistent, stick to a routine and be determined to get past this pain, your enemy right now is not him or what happened, it's the pain that you're feeling and this urge to drag yourself back to him like an addiction, because it's coming out of pain, not from a healthy part of yours, that's what you need full focus on and that's why distancing yourself from the relationship is so important.

 

Over half a year since BU and 70% over it I will tell you one thing: after the breakup, the fights, silence treatment, bargaining, mean words from both sides, the only thing I truly wish I could take back was succumbing to moments like the one you're going through right now... saying "I'm going to send this, at least I'm being honest with myself" when I was actually cheating on myself by creating expectations and damaging even more the ashes of a relationship... I understand why we broke up, even the mean treatment since we both were hurt but I seriously wish I could take back all the "final messages" "last efforts", I wish I had just walked out of that relationship with my head up and real determination.

 

I also said "I needed space" after BU... and many times I questioned it, even felt stupid for having ever said it, I thought I didn't really want space, just for things for go back to the way they were, I regret ignoring him, thought that had sent all the wrong messages and screwed a future with him that I really wanted... but now that I see things with more clarity, that "I needed space" was a string of rationality in me despite the mess I was, I DID need space... tons of it... it's incredible what just 4 months of NC can do, now I feel better... if we got back together I'd be able to have a healthier relationship because I've worked on issues that contributed to the crash, but turns out, getting back some sanity made me realize I can do better... and I was right, I need space from him, for unlimited time.

[lalalovekay]

It's normal to feel like this in the first months but believe me, from someone that couldn't even cry anymore or stomach food!, it DOES get better, you WILL get better. You have to be consistent, stick to a routine and be determined to get past this pain, your enemy right now is not him or what happened, it's the pain that you're feeling and this urge to drag yourself back to him like an addiction, because it's coming out of pain, not from a healthy part of yours, that's what you need full focus on and that's why distancing yourself from the relationship is so important.

 

Over half a year since BU and 70% over it I will tell you one thing: after the breakup, the fights, silence treatment, bargaining, mean words from both sides, the only thing I truly wish I could take back was succumbing to moments like the one you're going through right now... saying "I'm going to send this, at least I'm being honest with myself" when I was actually cheating on myself by creating expectations and damaging even more the ashes of a relationship... I understand why we broke up, even the mean treatment since we both were hurt but I seriously wish I could take back all the "final messages" "last efforts", I wish I had just walked out of that relationship with my head up and real determination.

 

I also said "I needed space" after BU... and many times I questioned it, even felt stupid for having ever said it, I thought I didn't really want space, just for things for go back to the way they were, I regret ignoring him, thought that had sent all the wrong messages and screwed a future with him that I really wanted... but now that I see things with more clarity, that "I needed space" was a string of rationality in me despite the mess I was, I DID need space... tons of it... it's incredible what just 4 months of NC can do, now I feel better... if we got back together I'd be able to have a healthier relationship because I've worked on issues that contributed to the crash, but turns out, getting back some sanity made me realize I can do better... and I was right, I need space from him, for unlimited time.

 

Thank you you really helped. I hope and want to be like you soon. I just feel in so much pain but reading this helps me reading things like this helps meeee smile help me be strong

[lalalovekay]

He sent a request to follow me on twitter then took it off, I miss himmm so muchh

[Salvatore85]

Why do you miss him? I mean honestly ask your self that instead of just feeling it. You guys obviously broke up for a reason so something was wrong.

[lalalovekay]

Why do you miss him? I mean honestly ask your self that instead of just feeling it. You guys obviously broke up for a reason so something was wrong.

 

Because hes a great person. He was my best friend. I miss telling him everything I miss his caring personality his humor everything about him. I know what went wrong and im willing to fix it..

[Salvatore85]

What went wrong?

[lalalovekay]

What went wrong?

 

From what it seems. Me wanting to see him everyday I NOW know that isnt healthy.

Then I kept talking about babies and marrige. Evern if thats not what I want at the moment talking about it a lot pushed him away.

And I wouldn't give him time for his friends and we got into a lot of arguments. I wish I can show him I realize now thag I can change

[Salvatore85]

From what it seems. Me wanting to see him everyday I NOW know that isnt healthy.

Then I kept talking about babies and marrige. Evern if thats not what I want at the moment talking about it a lot pushed him away.

And I wouldn't give him time for his friends and we got into a lot of arguments. I wish I can show him I realize now thag I can change

 

But the truth is that's your personality and there is nothing wrong with that. You're not a bad person because you enjoy his company and why the hell would you want to be with someone who wants you to change? There's plenty of great guys out there who wouldn't ask you to do this. In a mature relationship you work through your problems and he doesn't seem willing too. And why would you be willing to sacrifice things you want in your life because he doesn't want them? Are you that desperate to be with him that your happiness is secondary and I promise you if that's how it is now that's how it's always going to be. I know you love the guy and that's only natural when you've dated someone for awhile but there are so many other guys out there who won't put you through this crap especially when those reasons are pretty prevelant in almost every relationship.

[lalalovekay]

But the truth is that's your personality and there is nothing wrong with that. You're not a bad person because you enjoy his company and why the hell would you want to be with someone who wants you to change? There's plenty of great guys out there who wouldn't ask you to do this. In a mature relationship you work through your problems and he doesn't seem willing too. And why would you be willing to sacrifice things you want in your life because he doesn't want them? Are you that desperate to be with him that your happiness is secondary and I promise you if that's how it is now that's how it's always going to be. I know you love the guy and that's only natural when you've dated someone for awhile but there are so many other guys out there who won't put you through this crap especially when those reasons are pretty prevelant in almost every relationship.

 

Hes just everything I always wanted. Someone I could go to church with, someone my family loved, someone I can laugh and tell everything to. He was that person but youre right I guess I wasnt HIS person. It just hurts and it gets harder day by day, I stead of easier

[Salvatore85]

Hes just everything I always wanted. Someone I could go to church with, someone my family loved, someone I can laugh and tell everything to. He was that person but youre right I guess I wasnt HIS person. It just hurts and it gets harder day by day, I stead of easier

 

I've gone through this with my ex twice. We were together 5 years combined and getting back together was extremely exciting at first and then after we moved back in together it fell apart again. She was my best friend, the person I wanted to spend my life with and have children with and trust me I'm not normally that type of person. I was devastated both times we broke up and sat down and wrote letters about changing for her and doing things differently but after much reading and thinking I realized I did nothing wrong. I treated her like a princess, everything she wanted I gave her and it was never enough. I know exactly how you're feeling and what you're going through. They're the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing on your mind when you fall asleep. Every song or movie reminds you of them in some way and it eats you up. It's the most agonizing pain you've ever experienced but the reality is you don't deserve to do this to yourself. You seem to be a wonderful person with a very caring heart and someone would be very lucky to have you. Take your time, get yourself together and then your confidence will come back. You're worth it, don't let this defeat you!

[lalalovekay]

I disagree. There are some things she could work on.

 

OP, we're you the kind of person who would reject hanging out with your friends to hang with the bf instead? That's a fatal mistake, as is depriving him of his friends.

 

It is critically important that we allow our partners time to hang with their friends and enjoy hobbies and time separate from us. And we should do the same. It creates a well-rounded individual. Couples should have some space from one another, it strengthens the bond between you.

 

Also, it's perfectly fine to tell a man that you see a future that includes marriage and babies. But you don't need to tell him 20 times. How old are you/him and how long did you date?

 

Aand thats exactly what I want to tell him!that I know I can change. After highschool I lost 90% of my friends so he was all I had but he still had his friends so when he went out w his friends I would get I dont know weiird and act distant with him.

 

We're very young hes 20 and im 19.

We were officially together for 5 months but casualky dated for 3 months before that.

 

I told him thought that even if I talked about babies and marrige that I didnt want that for years and years to come. I just ssee my future with him.

[Salvatore85]

I disagree. There are some things she could work on.

 

OP, we're you the kind of person who would reject hanging out with your friends to hang with the bf instead? That's a fatal mistake, as is depriving him of his friends.

 

It is critically important that we allow our partners time to hang with their friends and enjoy hobbies and time separate from us. And we should do the same. It creates a well-rounded individual. Couples should have some space from one another, it strengthens the bond between you.

 

Also, it's perfectly fine to tell a man that you see a future that includes marriage and babies. But you don't need to tell him 20 times. How old are you/him and how long did you date?

 

I was assuming she was rationalizing his decision to break by magnifying her problems and making them sound much worse than they were. I'm willing to bet there were underlying reasons why she didn't like him going out with his friends without her, which is completely unhealthy in itself. And I do agree with everything you said I just highly doubt she talked about marriage and babies constantly. But who knows maybe she went over the deep end with baby talk and insecurities?

[lalalovekay]

I was assuming she was rationalizing his decision to break by magnifying her problems and making them sound much worse than they were. I'm willing to bet there were underlying reasons why she didn't like him going out with his friends without her, which is completely unhealthy in itself. And I do agree with everything you said I just highly doubt she talked about marriage and babies constantly. But who knows maybe she went over the deep end with baby talk and insecurities?

 

 

Thing is he would also talk about that stuff with me too. Playing around and everything I think it hit him though when we would baby sit his neice and she would play mommy and daddy with us and while I was enjoying it he was just there.

[Salvatore85]

Thing is he would also talk about that stuff with me too. Playing around and everything I think it hit him though when we would baby sit his neice and she would play mommy and daddy with us and while I was enjoying it he was just there.

 

You need to move on. You have things you need to work on and lusting after someone who is wrong for you is unhealthy. You're only 20 years old and you honestly have no clue what you want yet. I just turned 28 and I can remember what I "thought" I wanted to do then and boy is it different. You've got time and plenty of it.