binkelstein Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 i'll try to keep this short, but it's going to be like a page long. sorry. basically, i had a short, intense relationship with a man who called me his dream girl, and the way he presented himself, he seemed like my dream guy. he lived in my hometown, i lived across the country. it came to pass after a couple months with "dream-guy" that i decided to move back to my hometown for reasons that had been in place before i'd met him. so, i went out to see him and we were planning my trip back. he would help me pack, etc. on the way to the airport, as i was flying back, he said "wow. i cannot wait to get you out here. it's going to be wonderful." the next day, he told me he wanted out of the relationship. he gave no clear reason: "it's not working out" "i don't like the way you acted the other night" "you drink too much" and so on down ad infinitum. i couldn't pin any reason down. still can't. anyway, that was about six months ago. it came to pass that i moved back home about three months ago. in that time, i started talking a little to ex-guy. he told me he would like to be friends, and see what happened. cool. i saw him a few times after i got back, we would sleep together, right on, friends, see what happens. and he would always get loaded, and tell me he was still in love with me, that he didn't know what his problem was. i noticed that the nicer a night we had together, the more hostile he would be the next few days. then he started saying: "we need to just not talk! we need to stay away from each other!" okay, i would say, and then, he would call me back like a week later, drunk and professing his undying love. wtf? so, the last time i saw him *i* actually called him because i missed him. i went to his house and spent the night with him. it was really nice. we had a good talk, laid around in bed all morning holding each other, you know. i made no demands and he exerted no pressures. i didn't hear from him for a couple of days, so i called him. "hey," i said, "i guess we're back to not talking?" "yeah," he said, "we need to not do that anymore, we need to move on." okay. a couple days later i called him back. "hey," i said, "why can't we be friends like you and your other ex girlfriends? i mean hey, it was a good time, you and i like each other's company. why not?" he got super freaking hostile! "look," he said, "stay out of my life! leave me alone! move on! what's your problem? f*ck off!" and hung up on me. that was about two weeks ago. about a week ago, he started talking to my best friend, asking her to come over and hang out with him (no interest, she's gay, clearly trying to get info on me or seem like the good guy). in fact, he's called at least three of my friends, MY friends, trying to hang out with them. i couldn't believe it. i called him this morning, about returning some of his stuff, i figured a few weeks of peace, we should be okay. not so, he was awful, very hostile, very crappy. i told him he was abusive. he said "get it through your head that we are broken up!" i said, "well, that's why i'm trying to return these things." he said, "chuck them in the dumpster. that's what i did with the crap you gave me." okay. here's my question for you amateur and pro psychologists out there. WTF? WTF? WTF? what in the name of god is going on here? i don't want him back, for sure, and clearly the guy i met was nothing like the guy he really is. but what is UP with the hostility? any and all input more than appreciated.
Nick14 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I am really sorry to say this, but looks like he used you and got his cake too. Thats all he wanted was to get laid and then say screw off. Ya, I totally move on and keep him out of your life for sure.
Author binkelstein Posted November 11, 2004 Author Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by Nick14 I am really sorry to say this, but looks like he used you and got his cake too. Thats all he wanted was to get laid and then say screw off. Ya, I totally move on and keep him out of your life for sure. i'd think that too, but i made it clear that i was comfortable with that kind of dealio, as long as i knew what was what.
katty Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 You may want to read the book Men who can't love.. or at least pass it on to your ex. I totally think he is a CP , that is why after a great day together he gets all pissy. If you read any of Stephen Carters books on Commitmentphobia you will see why I think your ex fits into this category. Just count yourself lucky that you are out of the situation. No woman or man for that matter should be spoken to like that. He obviously has no respect but than again he probably doesn't even know what the word respect is. You are much bettter off. Stay away from him. He is toxic. I assure you if he is a CP he will be calling you again and trying to get his foot in the door again only to slam it in your face. Just wanted to tell you how lucky you are to be out of that situation.
Author binkelstein Posted November 11, 2004 Author Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by katty You may want to read the book Men who can't love.. or at least pass it on to your ex. I totally think he is a CP , that is why after a great day together he gets all pissy. If you read any of Stephen Carters books on Commitmentphobia you will see why I think your ex fits into this category. Just count yourself lucky that you are out of the situation. No woman or man for that matter should be spoken to like that. He obviously has no respect but than again he probably doesn't even know what the word respect is. You are much bettter off. Stay away from him. He is toxic. I assure you if he is a CP he will be calling you again and trying to get his foot in the door again only to slam it in your face. Just wanted to tell you how lucky you are to be out of that situation. you're so right, that's exactly what he does! tries to get a finger in, so then when he hears from me he has the "right" to tell me to shove off. the commitmentphobe thing has occurred to me, but, why would he be so awfully hostile to me, and yet maintain a speaking relationship with all his other ex boyfriends? my friends tell me it's because he liked me more than he could handle, but that really falls flat on its face to me, i just do not get that, logically. does that make sense?
Author binkelstein Posted November 11, 2004 Author Posted November 11, 2004 oops, i mean his other ex girlfriends... whatever, he IS very pretty. hahaha
LexiB Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Ohh, ok so u did mean "girlfriends" , ha, I was wondering... But anyway, Even though I agree with the previous post that NO ONE deserves to be treated that way, I still think that youre actually lucky he talked to you like that, for 3 reasons: 1) Its so freakin clear that he's INSANE 2) if he, like many dumpers, continued to lead you on/ treat you all sweet and everything while knowing that he never wanted to be involved w/ you again, it would be so much more mentally and emotionally devastating than this. He would be able to play a long and confusing game w/ your feelings that would inevitably lead nowhere and you would let him because hed be sure to leave you with that "hope" that things could one day work out. In this case, hes treated you HORRIBLY--you just had a great date together that you both enjoyed and the next day screams and curses at you???!!( I dont even know either of you and I seriously wanna kick his a** ) It sucks because you obvioulsy care about him alot but this is probably just the slap in the face you needed in order to PERMANATELY slam the door on this part of your life. oh and BTW, 3) Its so freakin clear that he's INSANE (thought that was worth repeating, : ) PLEASE be strong. Id hate for you to get caught up in his mess of a life again. Good luck!
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