Have you cheated?

[EC]

quote:Originally posted by reservoirdog1

EternallyConfused wrote:

 

 

The sig is meant to be irony, EC. I had hoped that was kind of obvious.

 

 

 

 

I think EC was kidding.

 

Yes, I was kidding...lol

 

I put smileys for everything I don't know what half of them mean lol I just think they are cute. Sorry if I threw you off.

[hotgurl]

I love this site though. It is so helpful but sometimes it makes me paranoid. Maybe there should be a everything is OK site to balance things out

[EC]

This site scared me too, Now I never want to get married..lol jk but seriously I think this site corrupted me..

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

Not EVERYONE cheats, or is capable of it. It depends on the 'individual', not the situation.

 

 

Couldn't agree more.

 

Having integrity and conviction is what seperates a non-cheater from a cheater.

 

If you can't be a 1 d*ck woman or a 1 p*ssy guy then you should remove yourself from any situation that may make you want to cheat.

 

Example: If alcohol makes you weak minded and you start to sniff around for more than 1 d*ck or p*ssy then don't drink. Or at least don't drink till you feel that way. Know your limits.

 

Example2: If talking to the opposit sex makes you weak minded then don't put yourself in that situation. Ask yourself this simple quesiton.

 

If I was single and the other person was single, would I go out with them?

 

If your answer is a yes, maybe, perhaps, who knows, not sure, possibly, let me think about, etc.... then you know your in trouble and should end all contact with that person or avoid at all possible cost.

 

The earlier you ask yourself that question the easier it is to break off contact.

 

 

Now if you enjoy cheating and feel it's your goal or hobby then go right ahead but at least tell the other person in the beginning of the relationship that your going to cheat on them. It's the least you could do. Be honest with them.

 

Actually now you've made it an open relationship instead of monogamous one. Nothing wrong with that, if both party agree.

[EC]

I don't know...

 

I said I would never..and I never did untill now. I never felt the need to.

 

I think it really depends on the situation.

 

I have an LDR and even though its no excuse it's painful and stressful and I think one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life.

 

I cheated...I feel bad but I do not regret it and even though I didn't need it for confirmation by cheating I recieved confirmation that my bf is the one I want. Now I am terrified of the quote what goes around comes around.

 

Now you can flame me or say I have no morals but you don't know me or what I have been through but all I can say is for those of you that say Never..good I really hope you can keep that up and never have to deal with it. But you never know what life will throw your way or why you do the things you do. You can be the strongest minded person in the world but I believe if its going to happen it will happen regardless.

 

Sometimes you need to learn things, I think I needed to wake up and I am now awake. Will it come back to haunt me?? Who knows?

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd

I don't know...

 

I said I would never..and I never did untill now. I never felt the need to.

 

I think it really depends on the situation.

 

I have an LDR and even though its no excuse it's painful and stressful and I think one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life.

 

I cheated...I feel bad but I do not regret it and even though I didn't need it for confirmation by cheating I recieved confirmation that my bf is the one I want. Now I am terrified of the quote what goes around comes around.

 

Now you can flame me or say I have no morals but you don't know me or what I have been through but all I can say is for those of you that say Never..good I really hope you can keep that up and never have to deal with it. But you never know what life will throw your way or why you do the things you do. You can be the strongest minded person in the world but I believe if its going to happen it will happen regardless.

 

Sometimes you need to learn things, I think I needed to wake up and I am now awake. Will it come back to haunt me?? Who knows?

 

 

Well, yes and no.

 

It all depends on where you put cheating on the pedestal of morals.

 

I think people that have strong morals will put cheating/adultary right up their with murder, pedophelia and torture.

 

If you place cheating in a lower pedestal with lying and stealing then you are probably right.

 

 

In your case, it's like you said, you needed to experience the act of cheating to find out that it's immoral to you.

 

Will it come back to haunt you? I think it has already.

 

You said it was painful and stressfull and that it was the hardest thing you ever experienced. In other words, you found out the hard way why cheating is immoral.

 

You are gonna be fine.

 

There is nothing you can do to prevent someone from cheating on you but you can prevent yourself from cheating with someone.

[tiki]

I can't believe all of the adultery on primetime television. I'm afraid it's teaching some viewers that "Oh, it doesn't look THAT bad". Adultery is horrible! And you'll most likely get caught.

[reservoirdog1]

Yes, I was kidding...lol

 

I put smileys for everything I don't know what half of them mean lol I just think they are cute. Sorry if I threw you off.

 

No worries, naive... thanks for the note.

 

Great avatar, BTW.

[immoralist]

I think people that have strong morals will put cheating/adultary right up their with murder, pedophelia and torture.

 

Then I proudly join all those with weak morals. To morally equate adultery with murder, pedophelia and torture demonstrates a phenomenal lack of perspective and humanity.

 

It reminds me why I'll always stand in opposition to our smug Moral Guardians on LoveShack and off.

 

Stoning, anyone?

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by immoralist

Then I proudly join all those with weak morals. To morally equate adultery with murder, pedophelia and torture demonstrates a phenomenal lack of perspective and humanity.

 

It reminds me why I'll always stand in opposition to our smug Moral Guardians on LoveShack and off.

 

Stoning, anyone?

 

 

Your thinking in terms of punishment for doing something immoral. It's draconian and I agree with you.

 

I was talking in terms of why it's "easier" to cheat for some then others. Some people don't cheat because they think it's as bad as murder, etc....

 

For others it's on par with lying and stealing, not so "bad" so they cheat.

[Naive]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

 

 

No worries, naive... thanks for the note.

 

Great avatar, BTW.

 

That was Ec who posted that, but thakns for the compliment on my avatar

[hotgurl]

ec you just kissed another guy right? It's not as bad as having sex. i don't think and I can see how that situation would happen i think ldr are very hard.

 

You right about the marraige thing. I think I want to marry my bf and then I o to the ow site and I'm like omg I can't get married. I'd be the lonely stupid wife

[EC]

hotgurl....I know...You read all these stories and then you know these are real day to day people and it's scary...But I'm learning.

 

But it's not only that I mean I have an LDR and I messed but Im going to tell him and fix it..

 

But lately in real life I have been hearing so many stories. Like my friends uncle is cheating on his wife with his secretary whos married herself with kids. So he through a hallowen party at his house and invited her and her husband and family to come over.

So his wife is mingling with this woman having no idea that she gets it on with her husband and the secretarys husband is in the house of the man thats boinking his wife and no one knows the wiser...I mean wow!

 

I would have never thought...could you imagine....????

[tiki]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd

I would have never thought...could you imagine....????

 

Ummmm, yup. I see it all the time, especially working around doctors. A lot of them cheat with their office workers.

[loveregardless]

I would never cheat on my bf now, because I am truly very in love with him. But my ex was in the Marines and we got together two months before he left, we stayed together for 6 more while he was away, and at the end of those six months it was falling apart, he told me we could have an "open relationship" until he got back...well...I openly cheated on him quite a few times. I guess if it was "open" it wasn't really cheating, but I felt terrible when he got back home, and well...I didn't really want to be with him anymore anyway. Now I worry all the time that he is off fighting this terrible war and he is going to die and I will never forgive myself. Even if I was wrong and didn't really love him, I still care about him and want him safe. Meanwhile he apparently keeps calling my house to speak to me, even talking to me sister, but I could never speak to him because Travis **** himself the last time I did.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Bronzepen writes: I was talking in terms of why it's "easier" to cheat for some then others. Some people don't cheat because they think it's as bad as murder, etc....

 

For me, it's "not just as bad"…but maybe just as 'senseless' and unnecessary. If I were that hard-up and miserable in a relationship, the easiest plan of evacuation for me would be to exit. What sense does it make to try to juggle two men if I can't even deal with the one I’m with??

 

As someone else on this thread already said: "There is no one that irresistible." Then again, I'm not one who requires a great deal of ego stroking or attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, it makes me extremely squeamish and uncomfortable. And at forty, I think I'm old enough to know myself pretty well by now and how I manage myself in certain situations. Unless I found myself in a situation where my very life was at steak, my ability to "reason" and think ahead would always override any urge or impulse I had to ignore my own good judgment and common sense.

 

It isn't as difficult to avoid temptation as everyone tries to make it seem when arguing their case. REALLY! And that's why I can say "never" with absolute certainty.

 

Is my brain really wired any differently than the majority of other folks??

 

Maybe I'm the one who needs the couch time?

[loveregardless]

No I agree with you completely. This case was very isolated and strange. I am not someone who could, or who would have any desire to ever cheat on someone I was in love with.

[immoralist]

For me, it's "not just as bad"…but maybe just as 'senseless' and unnecessary. If I were that hard-up and miserable in a relationship, the easiest plan of evacuation for me would be to exit. What sense does it make to try to juggle two men if I can't even deal with the one I’m with?

 

 

Now that makes sense. No moral hysteria.

[Babylonia Beaune]

Yes, I did. I cheated with another woman, a long-time affair, years and years and during that, several times with other women and her together. I talked about sexual issues with my husband, really only one issue, but he was just like a stone, unmoving. He either ignored me, listened politely, or laughed. I tried for years and years (8 to be precise) to get him to change for me, to accomodate me. I begged, pleaded, cried. I threatened. Nothing worked. Nothing. He seemed to enjoy torturing me in just this one way, and I was dying with frustration and anger, but in all other ways, he was wonderful. So, I cheated. Having to lie all the time was hell, but hell also was living with my pent up desires never being satisfied (it would have been easy for other men to to do the things I wanted , but my husband couldn't be bothered). I thought, cheating with another woman is less bad than cheating with a man. I still love my husband tremendously and still ask him occasionally to lighten up and "do stuff" but he's so lazy about sex... If he only knew...

[EMJ]

Two Women together is one of the most standard male fantasies out there.

 

The thing they never get about it is that there is NO ROOM for them is that scenario. None, nada, "No Help wanted". Hit the road Jack!

 

But he should feel threatend. Because there is a huge VACANCY in the Passion department at home. No one knows better than a Woman how to satisfy another woman. But as a Man, he's likely only be threatened by another penis, because he mistakenly thinks that's where the power is-it's not. Not for her. No. Not at all.

 

If he knew how much power he could have by being able the properly navigate the female anatomy on a regular basis, he do it. Oh, I forgot, he's too lazy to please his wife.

 

Does everyone see how easy it is for people to cheat with these kinds of marriages??

 

By the way Why did you marry him??

 

Clearly not for the lovin'. Must be a good financial provider..at least thats something (?) he's good at....

[VnusMars]

I'm completely stunned and appalled by some of the flippant and stupid attitudes towards infidelity I'm reading in this thread.

 

Take it from one who knows - I've BEEN THERE.

I cheated on every GF/spouse I ever had, including my current wife, the love of my life.

And she cheated on me, before she found out about my affairs.

Our D-Day was the same day - I found out about hers at the same time she found out about mine.

 

And this past 1.5 years has been the most awful, painful, destructive time in my 36 years on this planet.

But it's also been a great year, because I was able to say "WHAT THE F**K DO I THINK I'M DOING" and get out of that ridiculous and evil way of life, and start to change myself into someone worthy of being called human.

 

Why did I cheat? For the same reason EVERYONE else cheats:

Because I was stupid, stupid, weak, stupid, ignorant, STUPID AND F*&KING STUPID.

That is the ONLY "reason" for cheating.

 

Those of you trying to make rationalizations for cheating or making claims that it's not that bad - "ohhh, I did it because my hubby doesn't want sex, she doesn't pay attention to me, blah blah blah" - you're kidding yourselves. And you're kidding someone who, despite their faults, doesn't deserve to be kidded.

 

Why don't you do the right thing and tell them exactly what you've been up to, and let them make up their own minds?

 

Either be married/committed, or LEAVE.

That's the only thing that's fair and right.

 

I'm not trying to be judgmental - I would never criticize others for things I know nothing about - I've made worse mistakes than most of you, and I'm only coming from the standpoint of sharing my experiences in the hopes that others don't do the wrong thing...kinda like a drug dealer in prison who turns their life around and crusades against drug use.

 

I'm lucky in that by realizing what an evil, destructive sham ANY affair or any form of cheating is, and turning myself around, I may have another chance to rebuild a real and faithful marriage with my wife, and that's the greatest thing in the world.

Despite everything I've done and all the pain I caused, there IS hope.

 

I only hope those of you who are cheating, thinking of cheating, or making excuses for cheating...get with the real world someday, for your sake and the sake of your SO.

[Leikela]

Glad to hear that you're trying to work things out with your wife again. I hope it's not too late for both of you. Best of luck!

[EMJ]

You are a serial cheater, you made it your way of life. Don't think that's the case for most people. One affair is usually enough to "mess them up good".

 

This whole:"I'm completely stunned and appalled by some of the flippant and stupid attitudes towards infidelity I'm reading in this thread". Stunned and appalled?? ok?

 

"...kinda like a drug dealer in prison who turns their life around and crusades against drug use". Yeah, because he got BUSTED and it ruined his life, like serial cheating did to you.

He would not have stopped otherwise, You also quit because YOU got BUSTED. You said so yourself.

Why did I cheat? For the same reason EVERYONE else cheats: Because I was stupid, stupid, weak, stupid, ignorant, STUPID AND F*&KING STUPID. That is the ONLY "reason" for cheating." Those are your reasons and they ARE valid for you.

 

Your situation is extreme, not the norm, and not what other people know as THEIR truth. You don't have to understand or have any compassion. You can assume everyone is like you, but they aren't. Not by a long shot. They are different and their TRUTH is just as valid as yours. Hope things improve on your end, really.

[VnusMars]

You are a serial cheater, you made it your way of life. Don't think that's the case for most people. One affair is usually enough to "mess them up good".

 

This whole:"I'm completely stunned and appalled by some of the flippant and stupid attitudes towards infidelity I'm reading in this thread". Stunned and appalled?? ok?

 

"...kinda like a drug dealer in prison who turns their life around and crusades against drug use". Yeah, because he got BUSTED and it ruined his life, like serial cheating did to you.

He would not have stopped otherwise, You also quit because YOU got BUSTED. You said so yourself.

Why did I cheat? For the same reason EVERYONE else cheats: Because I was stupid, stupid, weak, stupid, ignorant, STUPID AND F*&KING STUPID. That is the ONLY "reason" for cheating." Those are your reasons and they ARE valid for you.

 

Your situation is extreme, not the norm, and not what other people know as THEIR truth. You don't have to understand or have any compassion. You can assume everyone is like you, but they aren't. Not by a long shot. They are different and their TRUTH is just as valid as yours. Hope things improve on your end, really.

 

Yes, I was a serial cheater. Thank god I've put that behind me now and am improving my life, eh? I wish some of the deluded people who replied to this post would get over themselves and their stupid reasons for thinking infidelity is OK, they'd be amazed how much relief honesty and clear thinking would give them.

 

And yes, I got busted. And you know what? I'M GLAD. I'm glad because I don't know if I would have had the strength to stop by myself. All I know now is that it had to stop.

I didn't STOP cheating because I got busted, I stopped cheating because AFTER I got busted, I realized what a horrible mess I had made of my life and how badly I destroyed my wife. I could have just as easily said "oh well c'est la vie" and kept going, destroying more lives and continuing the pattern.

Better late than never.

Yes, I do wish I had had the strength to realize all of this BEFORE things spun out of control and came crashing down - but that's not how it happened. But honestly...is that at all relevant anymore? What's done is done...I can't change the past, but I can change the future. I wasn't strong enough to be smart then, but I can be strong enough to be smart now.

 

And I COMPLETELY disagree with the idea that some affairs are OK and some aren't. What's worse, a string of meaningless casual affairs or one long very deeply emotional love affair? I think they're both equally devastating and damaging.

No, something like kissing another girl one time isn't as bad as having regular clandestine sex, but then the severity of the cheating is all relative to how it makes the cheater's SO feel. Besides, a kiss is still a violation. Having an affair because you're unhappy in your relationship is a violation. And a lie is a lie regardless of what rationalizations the cheater likes to believe, and it's always wrong.

 

Doesn't matter anyway...I'm not wasting my time on the immaturity and irrational thinking that is rife on this board. My own wife was once here, too, and she left for the same reason, don't know why I thought I would fit in any better.

 

There are better places for those of us who have a clue about the REAL nature of cheating and all the damage it does...

[lilmoma1973]

 

No i have never cheated on noone and never will!! Know how it feels and wouldn't never ever put someone through that i love!!