Barby Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I have cheated. In my marriage (which was horrible, he was an abusive alcoholic and always mean to me but I am NOT making excuses for my behavior which was wrong). He (Antonio) had his friend (Marcos) come to live with us, I had to pick him up from the train station and help him get his things because he didn't speak english (only spanish) so I had to translate. Tony couldn't come with us because he was working nights and couldn't miss work. Well once I saw him OMG there was an instant attraction. Marcos wouldn't stop staring at me, smiling, always complimenting me, ect. Well I ignored it for a long time..like 2 months the tension built up with my exH working nights and us being home alone together, BUT I stayed in my room all night and never made excuses to come out, well one day I ran him to the store to cash his check (he worked during the day) and well he put his arm around me. I wanted to pull away but at first I didn't...he sent the exciting butterflies fluttering around in me, but I removed his arm and that was that...well the same night when Tony went to work he ended up coming into the kitchen where I was (getting a bottle of water) and he kissed me, needless to say it ended up going all the way. He wanted me to leave Tony and move to california with him...I wanted to sooo badly but i feared for my family (my exH always said he'd kill them if I left him) so I ended up telling Tony about what I did because I felt guilty and I felt bad coming in between their friendship, he forgave me But obviously I ended up leaving him awhile later but not because of Marcos (his friend) but just to be alone. So yes I'm guilty of cheating, I cheated on Oscar when we first hooked up, I kissed someone else (it was a big mistake) and he cheated as well (well we were split at the time but he called it cheating even though I figured since we were split up he was fair game to this woman). But we were honest and we moved on and haven't had "repeat" instances...I would never cheat again in any form...ever.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Yes. I've always had an esteem problem, not exactly sure why - maybe from the teasing/abuse from my older siblings. I was "easy" in school, but was still a virgin until I was 16 and in a long-term relationship. After dating this guy for 4 years, I cheated when he was out of town. It was the first time another guy looked/flirted at me in years, so I fell for it. BF found out, and we broke up for 5 months, got back together for 2 more years and called it quits painlessly. When I married, it was the right time, so I figured it was the right guy. After 2 kids and 7 years, things got boring, stale, you name it. He started neglecting me because he was mad at me about a very small money matter. I started chatting online to "get back at him" an things grew from there. Online cheating at first, then I met one of them in person and we had sex once. Then there was another flirt where I work and we had sex once. Then we separated for a few months and I slept with another guy (does that one count?). We went for counselling and got back together and I thought things were good. After a year I was being neglected again. After 2 years we went for 9 months without sex. We agreed to give it one more try over this past summer. I tried, and I thought he tried too. When I realized it was over I met someone else and started seeing/sleeping with him. I talked with hubby and we agreed that it wasn't working and we would separate. Hubby said his heart wasn't in it. I thought he meant like the last 6 months, but then he said he hasn't loved me for 3 years. Before he said that I thought maybe I was doing the wrong thing by separating and not trying harder to make it work. Now I know where I stand and it's over. But on a happy note, the love I share with the new guy is unbelievable - it's indescribable. I know affairs usually don't last after marriage break-up, but I really honestly believe in this relationship and in this man. He is divorced and his wife cheated on him (no kids). I am excited about beginning a new life and right now I don't care what people say or how I am judged. I'm going for counselling to find out how to avoid repeating my mistakes. My STBX is a great father and helps around the house, and was not abusive in any way - just a terrible communicator and I was not much help to him either (and he wasn't that great in bed)...okay just a little bitterness settling in now. So, all you non-cheaters.....as much as it despises you that someone would cheat, please try not to judge - there are always reasons....there are always solutions.....we are not perfect and neither are you.
EC Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 So, all you non-cheaters.....as much as it despises you that someone would cheat, please try not to judge - there are always reasons....there are always solutions.....we are not perfect and neither are you. Ouch! but so true no one is perfect and after all I have said...it happened to me.
bluetuesday Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 add another seat in the weird corner. have never, will never.
BlueLP Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Never would do that to someone I'm with, and if I found myself constantly tempted then I would break up with my s.o., because that would indicate other problems to me. The backbone of a relationship is trust, and if you can't even trust yourself? It would be selfish for me to do that to them.
tiki Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I said never too. It was against everything I'd ever known.
EC Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I said never too. It was against everything I'd ever known. TIKI join the club
BlueLP Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I'm sure a lot of people say never and really do mean it, onyl to have a slip up or something that they feel bad about later. So they sounded previously like some of us do now with the "never" talk. But that doesn't diminish what my personal "never" means.....so far in 8 years of relationships my behavior has matched my promise to never cheat, and I'm going to keep that up Even if I'm drunk and around that really hot girl it'd be fun to make out with
bluetuesday Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 may god strike me down. i've been cheated on. i'd never, ever do it to anyone. or for anyone. not even jude law. ever. i've got a will of iron in these matters, even when drunk. no-one's irresistible. if i'm tempted and don't want to resist, i'll leave the relationship first. but i know not everyone's as strong as me. i'm scarily strong willed. it ain't necessarily a good thing. but i'm not perfect. no qualms about cheating at poker or on diets. and i lie about how much i spend on shoes.
tiki Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Not even Jude Law?! Sh*t, you're serious woman!!!
bluetuesday Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 (ssssh, tiki, kinda hoping i'm never tested on that one...)
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I don't trust myself. I'm going on a business trip with 3 guys next week and I'm terrified!!! I have a lover and I am very much in love. It is not easy to trust oneself. I'm not strong willed.
hotgurl Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I've been dating for 10 yrs and haven't cheated once. but these forums make me scared like 80% of people have cheated. and it seems those who haven't cheated have been cheated on
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Naive asks: Have you cheated? Nope. Not ever. Not "on" someone or "with" someone. Just isn't in me. Just thought I'd add my vote and balance out the scales for those who might be reading this and feeling a bit paranoid right now! Not EVERYONE cheats, or is capable of it. It depends on the 'individual', not the situation.
bluetuesday Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 aah but hotgurl remember there's a lot of f*cked up people on here. no offence, guys. non f*ck-ups are out there being happy and not cheating. have faith. EDIT: no, i'm not saying cheaters are all f*ck ups so don't break my balls, please!
Author Naive Posted November 11, 2004 Author Posted November 11, 2004 that's life!!! JK!! The thing is that usually people come on here because of problems and the ones that don't have any problems most likely don't know about this site because they are to busy being in love!!!
bluetuesday Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 The thing is that usually people come on here because of problems and the ones that don't have any problems most likely don't know about this site because they are to busy being in love!!! ah. THAT's what i wanted to say. naive said it much nicer than me.
reservoirdog1 Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 EternallyConfused wrote: I started to believe you and then I read your sig The sig is meant to be irony, EC. I had hoped that was kind of obvious.
Author Naive Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 EternallyConfused wrote: The sig is meant to be irony, EC. I had hoped that was kind of obvious. I think EC was kidding.
reservoirdog1 Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Maybe she was, naive... but if so, her choice of smilies threw me off.
immoralist Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 I've looked at love from both sides now. It gives one a balanced perspective.
Author Naive Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by mymojo no but I'm considering it. Why?
bluetuesday Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 mymojo, i'm all for you leaving that f*ckin bastard. but do it honestly girl - he's been a git to you, rise above it. find a way to leave him if you can and then get yourself a human being, which would already be a step up from that excuse for a man. sorry, the human kleenex comment still makes me
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