astrid90 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I have been with my bf for a year. He’s a great guy and we are getting along great. But I did something I shouldn’t have and snooped through his stuff and I found something that I am not even sure how I feel about it. It happened innocently enough to start with. We were at his place and he got a call to go into work. I stayed behind and I started looking through some of his photo albums. There was one that had a lock on it. I remembered I saw a key stuck behind his fridge… hey presto, it fitted. It’s what was in this album that has me worried, excited, confused, I am not really sure. It is an album full of ex girlfriends (well I hope ex, lol). They are very hardcore photos including ejaculation and everything. There was even 2 different threesomes with him and other girls. I have no issue with the photos themselves or the acts in them or even with the fact he is keeping them. Each of the pages had a computer link to it (you know what I mean, C:/vids/girls name). The folders are hidden but with the address I went to them and watched. I’ll be honest I was turned on by them. Again I don’t care that he has done these things or kept them. What concerns me more is that there was 9 women in there (we are both 23). Every single one of them is a blond with blue eyes and gorgeous. I am a brunette, I don’t have blue eyes and far from gorgeous. I have been with him for a year and he hasn’t asked me to do any of this (I would be willing, even the threesome. It’s been a fantasy of mine for years). If he has had 9 other women since lets say 18yo then he was not waiting a year to ask them to take photos. Why isn’t he asking me? Should I ask him? That would mean dobbing myself in for snooping. If your partner snooped in this way, but was comfortable with what she found, would you still be angry? Should I ask about why are all of them blonds but not me or is that just paranoia? Should I forget all this and just gently steer our conversations towards filming ourselves in the hope he will ask me?
sweetkiwi Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Firstly- Snooping is bad. Tell him what you found and discuss it like adults. Secondly- It's awesome you're more turned on than anything. That'saThat's great!!! About the blondes thing, I wouldn't worry. A year later you've gotta know he finds you attractive, desirable, etc. It's possible these were casual arrangements, even possibly escorts. Even if he's done threesomes in the past it doesn't mean he needs to do it now. It's possible he had a bad experience with an ex or one of the girls and is turned off. Basically if I were you I would tell him what you saw and tell him right away in the conversation that it turned you on and you're not mad at all. Many people are afraid of their partner's reaction to such things but if you let him know it turns you on he'll have an easier time opening up. Good luck!!!
Author astrid90 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Basically if I were you I would tell him what you saw and tell him right away in the conversation that it turned you on and you're not mad at all. Many people are afraid of their partner's reaction to such things but if you let him know it turns you on he'll have an easier time opening up. I'm afraid he'll be angry though. I did snoop, innocently at first, but I'm not sure he will see it that way. Wouldn't it be better to just say nothing and let him know gently over time that I have fantasies and let him ask me? I don't want to jeopardize the whole relationship by telling him.
Keenly Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I'm afraid he'll be angry though. I did snoop, innocently at first, but I'm not sure he will see it that way. Wouldn't it be better to just say nothing and let him know gently over time that I have fantasies and let him ask me? I don't want to jeopardize the whole relationship by telling him. This one is so crazy. Its good that you are having positive reactions to his sexuality and all that, but you went through GREAT lengths of snooping to find this info. Its really tough. You might have to kind of ease him into a conversation of that kind of thing without either backing him into a corner or letting on that you know. And don't hold it against him if he doesn't want to talk about it. It would be because he would fear that you would leave him for it. 1
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 His potential reactions to you telling the truth "You snoop! What's wrong with you? How could you get in my private business?!?" "Oh my god you aren't mad? I've been worried about how I was going to tell you about my past, and my fantasies. You're not mad? Youre into it? crap thats awesome. I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you earlier, I feel really stupid about that. I don't want a relationship where we snoop on each other. Do you? What can we do to change that? "
Author astrid90 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 OK, thanks for the replies. I think I will tell him that I found the album and had previously seen the key and now that I have seen it I want to try it too. I wont mention watching the videos, I think that is going to look like I was snooping too much and can only cause issues. I guess I'll be back here once I work up the courage to tell him with either good or bad news.
Silly_Girl Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 His potential reactions to you telling the truth "You snoop! What's wrong with you? How could you get in my private business?!?" "Oh my god you aren't mad? I've been worried about how I was going to tell you about my past, and my fantasies. You're not mad? Youre into it? crap thats awesome. I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you earlier, I feel really stupid about that. I don't want a relationship where we snoop on each other. Do you? What can we do to change that? " I know which MY reaction would be!
Author astrid90 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I know which MY reaction would be! Please share. What would it be.
sweetkiwi Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 You need to tell him the ENTIRE truth. Anything less is a lie. Personally I hope he'd think your acceptance was wonderful. Can you see how a lie may ruin that? You want to stay with him? He deserves to know the entire truth like a big boy who can make his own choices.
Author astrid90 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Would knowing they were escorts change anything? I hadn't really given this any thought. He is attractive so getting "hot" women wouldn't be beyond him but the high number is certainly unusual. I don't understand using prostitutes unless you are desperate and I don't think he ever would have had a lack of options. Would it change anything? Probably not, it would certainly raise the question as to why? and why all blonds? And why not a blond now (me)? maybe it's best not to ask. I am starting to think that it's best not to say anything. What he doesn't know (re snooping) wont hurt him and what I don't know (re prostitutes/blonds) wont hurt me. I think I might just start dropping hints about what I would like to try and let him come up with the idea and ask me.
NateC Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You could always "innocently" find it when he's around - like cleaning, etc. I dunno. If you really want to know, ask. If not, then it may eventually make an appearance anyway.
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