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Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

Leigh 87

By Leigh 87
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I think that after spending every day together from the first day we met, it was healthy to go a day without contact.

 

I totally understand that he needed a day to himself. We were very full on and couldn't stop kissing.

 

If he mentions my lets be friends message, I'll just tell the truth. I'll say I haven't rushed into things so fast with a guy I had just met, and while I loved it, I got a bit freaked out. Especially since I haven't dated much besides my one ex.

 

I won't bring it up unless he mentiones it. And I'll keep the answer short and to the point. Yet honest.

 

I don't want to talk about anything of that nature with him.

Els Established Member

Els

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Leigh, I think you should just let this thread go. It seems to be feeding into your obsession.

 

I mean, 32 pages in a week? C'mon.

 

Let it go, let him go, and go live LIFE.

  • Like 4
Red Wolverine Established Member

Red Wolverine

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I tend to get with younger guys. But I prefer older men, by a few years.

 

I had a few early 40s men want to date me but it grossed me out.

 

I guess TFY is out for you. I'll take him. :love:

 

Just kidding... Kinda.

Edited by Red Wolverine
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Just one last word of wisdom, in case you might want to pay attention to this:

 

"Couldn't stop kissing." You're setting yourself up for another spin out. Because, in fact, people can and do stop kissing. Except when this happens to YOU, you become obsessed with the fact that a guy doesn't "want you badly" enough.

 

Right?

 

So try some moderation. This DOES NOT mean to institute some more ridiculous manipulative games. Just set a pace that is actually maintainable.

 

Which does not include nonstop kissing OR texting.

 

Good luck with it all.

 

 

 

 

I agree that I should take your advice.

 

I want let things occur naturally.

 

I shouldn't have sent that message to him as a result of him not texting me for a day.

 

If I were him and I'd just spent days with a girl and even expressed to see her again soon, and I received a text saying " well do u want to be just friends then" I would be a bit put off.

 

At least he still initiated seeing me today in spite of the silly text I sent.

 

I am a pretty positive and upbeat person to be around so hopefully he'll feel fine once he is around me.

 

I think I have finally learnt the basics of text etiquette. If a new guy fails to call or text for a day it's crazy to assume that it means they are not interested. When they were very interested the day before and nothing has changed.

 

I honestly think I'll be okay with this now.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Thanks:)

 

All I can ask for is for things to unfold naturally. And to know when to walk away if I'm not getting my needs met

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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Can people only comment on texting and other signs that men are genuine and serious about you as a long term R prospect?

 

I have already said my piece; I think I am a great girl that has a lot to offer people in her life. The end.

 

I want people to give me advice on how to slow things down.

 

Any tips from people that have experience. With dating and who have had successful relationships.

Here's a few tips from some people who have years of relationship experience themselves and who work in the field of counseling:

 

Men are often impressed by women who value themselves enough to be a bit more cautious about who they give their heart and their body to. By giving it away so easily and carelessly, you risk losing the respect of the man you wish to impress.

 

It takes months to really get to know someone enough to really love a person. What happens in a weekend or short term, is infatuation, which should not be confused with real love.

 

As far as how to slow things down, don't expect constant or even daily texts from a man, or you will smother him with your neediness. Engage in activities where you get to know the real person, his attitudes, his feelings about things, his perspective, and his personality. Bedding a guy from the start puts undue expectations on both people, which are not appropriate or conducive to how well you actually know the person.

 

Don't have unrealistic expectations from a guy you just met. The problem with being intimate in the first couple of dates is it fosters physical intimacy without emotional intimacy, and that doesn't make for really getting to know a person on other levels than the physical.

 

As a side note, it's a little disconcerting that you keep putting this guy down as being overweight and with acne, and in the same breath, praising your FWB as being so hot and attentive. If this post is for real (and I have my doubts), why would you be putting down this guy you are supposedly so crazy about? And instead be praising your FWB and comparing this "new love" so negatively to your FWB, a man who is basically using you for sex with no romantic feelings at all. It's surprising you would refer to someone you supposedly love so negatively several times in your thread.

 

I imagine you will dismiss the above points, which I have read and been taught by people who have been in the counseling field for many years, and who know what they are talking about. But there they are.

  • Like 3
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Kathy,

 

I found myself wondering is the reason why Leigh keeps bringing up how "unattractive" her current is and how "attractive" her old FWB is, is because her current's unattractiveness fills a need. I wonder if she really wants to see herself as deep (as opposed to shallow).

 

So the thinking goes, it is all too easy to love someone as or more attractive than you (such as Leigh's FWB) but if you can fall for someone less attractive than you (such as Leigh's current) then you truly are made of special stuff. Especially if you dump someone more attractive (such as the old FWB). So the thinking goes anyway...

 

Leigh I must say, a 26-year-old woman kissing 19-year-old boys.... something about that just seems really off. Most 26-year-old women would just be way ahead in maturity than a 19-year-old and wouldn't be interested. Its not hard for an attractive woman to find guys her own age who would want to kiss her. What is it with these younger guys that appeal to you? Did you discuss w your therapist?

Edited by Imajerk17
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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Wait, who's 26 and 17?

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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Kathy,

 

I found myself wondering is the reason why Leigh keeps bringing up how "unattractive" her current is and how "attractive" her old FWB is, is because her current's unattractiveness fills a need. I wonder if she really wants to see herself as deep (as opposed to shallow).

 

So the thinking goes, it is all too easy to love someone as or more attractive than you (such as Leigh's FWB) but if you can fall for someone less attractive than you (such as Leigh's current) then you truly are made of special stuff. So the thinking goes again...

 

Leigh I must say, a 26-year-old kissing 19-year-old boys....something about that just seems really off. Its not hard for an attractive woman to find guys her own age who would want to kiss her. What is it with these younger guys like that? Did you discuss w your therapist?

The thread does have that theme that because she goes for the unattractive guy, she is not shallow, and she keeps trying to convince people of this, yet she keeps praising her FWB as being so hot, which seems out of place in this thread. And the fact that she keeps describing these various activities with all these random men makes her sound like she has no idea what she wants, no standards, no boundaries, no restraint whatsoever. She's all over the place, and some of the things she says makes it hard to take her seriously. But I don't want to get an infraction, so I'm just going to say that if she is really having these mixed up feelings and behaviors, she should consider how this behavior is negatively affecting her.

 

On another note, women who have been abused as children (if I'm correct in reading that earlier in the thread) tend to have trouble with properly valuing themselves. Their self esteem suffers, as does their concept of boundaries, and that may cause these abused kids to grow up with a poor concept of boundaries and may cause them to need excessive validation because they didn't get the validation they needed as a child.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I mean, 32 pages in a week? C'mon.

 

As the resident time nazi: 4 days. 32 pages in 4 days.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Oh I'm very attracted to this guy!!!

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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As the resident time nazi: 4 days. 32 pages in 4 days.

 

Well, *33* pages in 4 days. I know couldn't resist...

 

Re your other question see the previous couple of pages where Leigh who I think is 26 talks about kissing 19-year-old boys...

  • Like 2
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I meant to say that I am MORE attracted to this guy than I have been to any other guy. Which is a good sign since he is not what other people would consider as attractive as, say, my fwb and other guys I've had.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Oh I'm very attracted to this guy!!!

 

"Hey I met this girl....she's nowhere near as hawt as my ex and she's less attractive than I am but I am so really really attracted to her more than anyone before her!! Even though she isn't as attractive as my hawt lovely ex or even myself for that matter...did I mention that or should I say it 74 more times?? Just in case you didn't get that my new girlfriend isn't as attractive as me or my hawt lovely ex..."

 

Leigh whether you realize it or not that sums up a good fraction of your posts on here.

 

I do hope you consider my response to Kathy.... As I said there I really believe that your new boyfriend's unattractiveness actually serves something for you--confirmation you're deep and not shallow ect...

Edited by Imajerk17
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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"Hey I met this girl....she's nowhere near as hawt as my ex and she's less attractive than I am but I am so really really attracted to her more than anyone before her!! Even though she isn't as attractive as my hawt lovely ex or even myself for that matter...did I mention that or should I say it 74 more times?? Just in case you didn't get that my new girlfriend isn't as attractive as me or my hawt lovely ex..."

 

Leigh whether you realize it or not that sums up a good fraction of your posts on here.

 

I do hope you consider my response to Kathy.... As I said there I really believe that your new boyfriend's unattractiveness actually serves something for you--confirmation you're deep and not shallow ect...

 

 

 

He IS attractive.

 

You're not hearing me.

 

It's like you meeting a girl who was not OBJECTIVELY as hot as your ex. You can see this yet your still MORE attracted to the new girl.

 

I'm with him now at the movies. Everything is normal. I just freaked out about the no texting for a day thing.

Calcmag Established Member

Calcmag

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He IS attractive.

 

 

I'm with him now at the movies. Everything is normal. I just freaked out about the no texting for a day thing.

 

You're out on a date with him and you're posting to LS?

You seem to have zero respect for him.

  • Like 4
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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He IS attractive.

 

You're not hearing me.

 

It's like you meeting a girl who was not OBJECTIVELY as hot as your ex. You can see this yet your still MORE attracted to the new girl.

 

I'm with him now at the movies. Everything is normal. I just freaked out about the no texting for a day thing.

 

OMG :D:lmao:

  • Like 7
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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You're all wrong about me and this guy.

 

Things are great with us. I have never been happier.

 

I am SO attracted to him.

 

I respect him very much - I happen to have a large note2 phone because I love cruising online wherever I am. I was at the toilet and a friend messaged me on facebook. I checked my inbox here for a few minutes too.

 

Stop telling me what I think.

 

Anyways. We are very happy.

 

I made a stupid deal over the texting thing, but I did not mention it to him, and from now on he seems to want to catch a movie and have dinner with me EVERY free day he gets, so....

 

And he pays for everything which is really sweet. Although once, I snuck ahead of him to pay for us for the movies, since I felt bad that he always paid for everything.

 

I could not really GET more into a guy.

 

He can see what I have to offer and it makes him so happy, and we do mesh very well.

 

Neither of us are loud people but we are not painfully shy, either.

 

And my father is visiting me for another month and staying at my flat, and he has point blank told me NO BOYS ALLOUD. It is creepy. The walls are paper thin and dads room is next to mine:sick:

 

As for him? Jack is 22 and has temporarily moved home due to his rent being put up:( So we can only meet OUTSIDE of our places. No sex.

 

We are not at all phased by it.

 

We stand there as he walks me to my car, and cannot stop kissing. We kissed for over an hour.

 

So yes we are getting to know each other without sex.

 

And I will not be stressing over him not texting every day, as he does ask to see me often and makes it CLEAR how he feels.

 

I guess it is not like my best friend and her and her b/fs incessant texting.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I don't read replies now cos they are by people who don't know me and make incorrect assumptions about who I must be as a person.

 

No use guys, you aint gunna make me think I am the things you accusing me of. I know who I am to people around me and I know what I think at he end of the day

 

.......................

 

 

 

Jack wants me to meet his friends and he wants to meet my friends.

 

He is not that experienced with girls at all. Yet he does not care that I have been with girls in my past and been with a lot more guys than he has with girls.

He can see I want to get to know him and that I have been hurt in the past through my casual encounters with men; he knows it left me very unhappy.

 

He thinks I am better than the worst things I have done.

 

We mesh very well and we are extremely happy.

 

Sex won't happen until not this weekend but the weekend AFTER; we are going to meet each others friend and go out, and book a hotel room after a night out. Since we cannot go to each others places.

 

It is not a challenge waiting really, since being around each other is great as it is.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Leigh, I'm happy that you're happy.

 

And I agree completely with sweetkiwi.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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You're all wrong about me and this guy.

 

I respect him very much - I happen to have a large note2 phone because I love cruising online wherever I am. I was at the toilet and a friend messaged me on facebook. I checked my inbox here for a few minutes too.

 

I don't even know what to say to this. Respecting my date would mean turning off my phone and giving him my full attention. I hope you carry Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer. :eek:

  • Like 3
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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"the wheels on the bus go round and round" :laugh:

 

TFY

  • Like 4
Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I didn't realize that was the age difference here...OP, you little cradle robber

 

 

 

I tend to get with younger guys. But I prefer older men, by a few years.

 

I had a few early 40s men want to date me but it grossed me out.

 

Hey, don't be busting on us older guys...:D

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Wow, this thread is long. I would say more enjoying the date and less analysis of where it might go and whether he thinks you're an 'awesome' person or not. Just go with the flow.

 

Sorry, did read the rest of the pages, just the title.

 

Don't knock an over 40s bloke, either. Particularly those that go to the gym *drool*...

 

Thank You! :D

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