Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

August 28, 2013

If he gives up that easily, he wouldn't make it through actual troubles in a relationship anyway.

Just be warm, but...cool. Yeah, I realize that makes no sense. Pleasant but self-assured and calm?

Look. I want to see him. IN light of my stupid "lets be friends" text I want him to straight away be around me to see I am just silly old Leigh 87 who he laughs around and seems to really be into.

He last texted " let me know how you feel after some sleep"

I have rested so I texted to " come to ____ at 3 to hang out"

It is a long drive away from where he is so the fact he readily drives far to see me, which he does since he lives A WHILE away from me, is already al okay sign.

It is not a bad sign.

I will never initiate texts, however, that is up to him as it innately feels bad whenever I text a dude WITHOUT him initiating the series of texts.

Sorry to have let you down, you are such a cool girl. I am just a bit softie and hate sounding " unavailable" or " aloof". Or just not warm:(

I wanted to see him so I responded to his last text.

I think he was really into me in spite of what some people on here negatively declared.

I had a minor hiccup with me initiating that message before, so I am going to pull back and let him initiate at all times now.

Like Drsgurl said, I have a feeling this guy WILL get into contact with me when I do not initiate messages and I wait for HIM.

I just wanted to see him after that friends message lol. I hate there being confusion.

.............................................

I want to enjoy getting to know a person, without assuming much until he proves it to me through time that he is into me.

I am not going to talk about relationships, dating, or " what are we" I AM NOT going to mention anything pertaining to "US".

I am going to see how it goes for at least a month before I come on here and then ask you guys what to do, in all likeliness.

For now I wanted to see him, I responded to his last text.

I want to end this thread soon because I think I have a handle over who I am in dating, versus who you are ( you would have waited for him to text and then said no to hanging out).

I will also not initiate texts again, but respond keenly with interest and warmth. Because that is who I am.

IF this guy turns out to truly be into me, I can see it working out, as I am really averse to drama and genuinely want to have FUN getting to know the guy.

August 28, 2013

Well now you're backpedaling.

And - Leigh you can't go on and on about stuff like you're such a cool girl, he's beneath you because he's fat with acne and he'd be a fool not to call you because you think you're better than him and the guy you f*ck between relationships is so great. That IS shallow. Then you get all defensive and backpedal when people call you out on it.

This is the theme of all your threads. Your self worth is completely dependent on how desirable men think you are.

NO. I meant to say I am NOT SHALLOW when it comes to men. All my friends agree that I like men who no one else thinks is "hot". I LIKE that quality about myself, that I DO NOT agree to date only the hot guys who ask me out or pay attention to me for sex.

And my self worth is actually raised or lowered depending on how decent of a person I am, thank you very much. I feel great when I exercise and keep healthy and do volunteer work regularly. But thanks for thinking you know how I feel, since you can TOTALLY know what another person feels and thinks.

I felt good that this guy made me feel brilliant when we were together. I made comments about how I like how I am not shallow and, in turn, have more great men to pick from since I do not rule them out when they are not physical perfection. A LOT of women of are like that!

Stop claiming to read my thoughts.

August 28, 2013

Hon, just pick one direction and go in it. For a guy you've known less than a week, you're full of anxiety.

*I* would have canceled and pulled back to think about things and calmed down, but if you want to see him, see him. Just keep it light and casual.

August 28, 2013

I'm going by what you very publicly post here.

Well I am TELLING you how I feel and what I think.

You should listen when people tell you how they are feeling and what they are really thinking.

And a lot of women on here go on and on about how they only date men who are attractive, charming well educated and so on and so fourth.

I, on the other hand, have lower physical standards than ALL the friends I know, because I have learnt to open up my options and not narrow it down to only the sterotype of "good looking".

And don't tell me it is because I am not good looking myself; I am to some men, and NOT to others. Yet I definitely have enough men who think I AM.

I honestly think it is a good thing that I tend to have the capacity to find men attractive who are not sex gods by most peoples standards. And I truly do find them sexy.

It is a common theme among most normal looking women; they want a CUTE boyfriend by most peoples standards.

Where as I just want a normal looking dude who is really amazing.

So yeah. I think my philosophy is better than most women who limit themselves to better looking men only.

I USED to be one of those women too. Until my ex, I kept seeing him after initially I did not think he was good enough; since I had only dates hot model and body builder types. After a week I thought he was the hottest guy out there!

It is very possible for women who discount normal or overweight looking men to actually become very attracted to them through talking to them, opposed to ruling them out based on looks alone with NO interaction.

My story and my point is very valid and it does not paint me as shallow, which I am far from.

And I have a lot of decent friends so yeah, you can't really claim to know I have no substance. Without actually talking to me in real life.

August 28, 2013

Hon, just pick one direction and go in it. For a guy you've known less than a week, you're full of anxiety.

*I* would have canceled and pulled back to think about things and calmed down, but if you want to see him, see him. Just keep it light and casual.

Thanks.

I will pull back. I have that inclination right now. After the lets be friends thing, I want to just clear the air and be like.. Normal around him lol and just myself, so he can see it is all good.

I definitely want to pull back though.

He asked to be exclusive when the topic came about he very much wanted me as his, but you know. I think it is too early to think that seriously about him!!

August 28, 2013

Well now you're backpedaling.

And - Leigh you can't go on and on about stuff like you're such a cool girl, he's beneath you because he's fat with acne and he'd be a fool not to call you because you think you're better than him and the guy you f*ck between relationships is so great. That IS shallow. Then you get all defensive and backpedal when people call you out on it.

You did say these things, Leigh. You did.

August 28, 2013

The topic of exclusivity came up when we both said a little about who we were in terms of our values pertaining to sex.

He said he does not really pick up most of the time and does not go out with that goal.

He had only one gf for a year and a half that ended due to not being right for one another.

I thought he had a right to form an opinion on me as to whether or not he wanted more with a girl who had FWB.

I explained that in between relationships, I have a casual FWB as I prefer to just sleep with one guy while I am single opposed to the casual hook up scene, as I tried it briefly and did not enjoy it.

I asked how he felt about me seeing my FWB and he said he did not want me to anymore, that he wanted to both just have each other at this stage.

I know I did not owe him explanation but I just wanted to level with him and ask what he felt most comfortable with.

August 28, 2013

You did say these things, Leigh. You did.

Well I don't think I am as picky as most normal looking girls. Most normal looking girls I now of tend to want good looking dudes or at least cute. I pick cute but not guys who most girls would want to go up and talk to.

That is all I meant. I think it is a good thing I am easily attracted to guys! I mean, it is better than most normal looking girls I know who want good looking dudes.

August 28, 2013

Well I don't think I am as picky as most normal looking girls. Most normal looking girls I now of tend to want good looking dudes or at least cute. I pick cute but not guys who most girls would want to go up and talk to.

That is all I meant. I think it is a good thing I am easily attracted to guys! I mean, it is better than most normal looking girls I know who want good looking dudes.

But that's not what you said, and that's not the impression you gave anyone here - at all.

Once you believed he wasn't texting you as you thought he should, you had very unpleasant things to say about his appearance, and basically made it sound like he should be oh so thankful for having slept with you, because you're hot as he's oh-so-not hot, nor are any of the other girls he's been with.

It was an incredibly shallow thing to say.

August 28, 2013

I have had the last guy I was into from Berlin tell me that he frankly though I was far above his league and he was not sure what I wanted with him.

To me he was gorgeous and I was very turned on by him, yet my friends and other girls around me were like meh. He aint attractive. I would not do him.

I am not stunning to all or most people and do not think I am doing some sort of service to men who are not "hot" by going for them:sick:

I just think I am far LESS shallow when it comes to seeking a long term mate than most normal looking girls are. I need to be attracted to them but I could not give two ****es of he has acne or is overweight.

My more plain looking friends than me have higher standards than me. And no I do not have an inflated sense of what I look like. I do not think I am that good. I think I am very attractive to SOME, yet not others. I do have hot guys who find me to be very hot too. I never said I am everyone's cup of tea though so no need to try to tell me I am up myself. I think I am a normal girl, but one who has certain features that SOME hot guys and guys in general think is very attractive overall.

I go for guys like this latest guy. I am more attracted to guys with flaws to be honest than I am to guys who are gym toned and perfect.

ALL I said is that I am NOT as shallow or as picky when it comes to men, as are all my friends and women I read about on here and women I talk to in real life.

August 28, 2013

But that's not what you said, and that's not the impression you gave anyone here - at all.

Once you believed he wasn't texting you as you thought he should, you had very unpleasant things to say about his appearance, and basically made it sound like he should be oh so thankful for having slept with you, because you're hot as he's oh-so-not hot, nor are any of the other girls he's been with.

It was an incredibly shallow thing to say.

Well that is not what I was thinking about him. He is a human being for gods sake, not a guy who should be flattered that I picked him:sick:

I found him adorable and very sexy. Obviously.

I was honest though, when I said the other girls he had been with he admitted were not as hot as me, in his eyes!

He also compliments me a lot and I believe he is genuinely very attracted to me.

Therefore, I thought hmm, maybe that gives me an added edge, since he thinks I am really hot. As well as liking me.

That is ALL I meant! An added edge that he likes the way I look a lot.

That means nothing if we do not "mesh" as Emilia said. Though I think we did very much mesh.

August 28, 2013

Now that I have established that I DO NOT think I am gods gift to men, and I DO NOT think this guy is lucky just to have had a " girl like me" pick him, but rather that his strong attraction to me COUPLED with the fact he likes me a lot as a person, would give me an added edge...

I want to get back on topic, rather than have to defend how I think to people.

I told him to pick me up at that place at ___.

He will prob text me after work to say yes or no he is tired.

Though he did text to ask if I wanted to see him and if I wanted him to drive miles to see me at this place, so I think he will respond to me since I was just answering his question.

It is hard, as my best friend had a guy who was so taken by her that he called and texted daily, so already it sort of feels weird.

I guess he will keep on touch with me and maybe he is only interested in texting when he is arranging to see me...

It is a strange notion to accept, frankly. MOST GUYS who are head over heals for a girl from the get go, DO text daily and call daily.

So yeah. It makes me believe if the guy was that into a girl, he would do those things like most other guys do when they feel strongly about a girl.

The only saving grace really is the fact he does not know me LOL, and therefore maybe it will take a week or two for him to ascertain that yes, his feelings are legitimate.

I think he KNOWS that he feels strongly for a girl he only just met, we both admitted we have never fallen THAT fast for anyone else.

I guess it will take time to realise if these are true feelings or not.

I cannot really fathom though, once a guy has established he is really into you that he will not text you daily.

The texting thing will be my downfall I think, IF in weeks to come, he shows every other sign that he is into me and his feelings are legit, yet he does not next unless he wants to arrange to hang out.

It will be weird. To believe any guys is serious about me and adores me that much, without daily texts.

We shall see.

August 28, 2013

You really don't realize what a headache you are?

Your out loud self battle about your degree of attractiveness is tiring. For a 27 year old, you are incredibly naive and childish. And I'll be honest. I'm not sure if any "hot guy" will put up with you long term and it's not even your looks. As another poster said you lack substance and a hot man has so many options to settle for an average woman who doesn't have much else to offer.

August 28, 2013

It's so hard to date when it comes to texting when all the OTHER guys who are into a girl all say they do XY and Z

I guess I have to accept that all men are different.

Maybe this particular guy, along with other men, like to see their girl a few times a week rather than daily texting.

I guess everyone is different.

I have to be more open minded rather than think oh geez, my best friends guy texts her EVERY DAY so hey, the fact MY guy is not doing that means he is not as into me.

I think I have to learn to recognise core things... Fundamental signs that the relationship is the real deal and the guy IS crazy about you.

If the guy does not text daily, I mean, there are surely OTHER sure fire ways to know he adores the hell out of you.

I have not got anything from this guy so far,

Except that I am actually a SHY person. I bet you would not have guess that. Although I talk a lot when around true friends.

He thinks my awkwardness is cute and the way I look the other way and appear aloof or self conscious is cute.

Lastly - this guy said he likes when I am confident. When I say things with confidence.

So that is something I have to work on.

August 28, 2013

You really don't realize what a headache you are?

Your out loud self battle about your degree of attractiveness is tiring. For a 27 year old, you are incredibly naive and childish. And I'll be honest. I'm not sure if any "hot guy" will put up with you long term and it's not even your looks. As another poster said you lack substance and a hot man has so many options to settle for an average woman who doesn't have much else to offer.

But your strangers online. I think I do have substance. I have intellectuals as friends and they think I am great to talk to.

I also do not think all people think I am average and there are some hot men who think I am very attractive. I think 120 lbs and a curvy body type at 5 '5 is an attractive figure. I also have straight teeth and nice skin and eyes, so I am not average to every guy, and I do have options too.

I don't think I am average in terms of my personality and I think I am more fun and interesting to talk to than the average women. Enough people in real life agree with me so yeah.

I listen to people in my real life thanks. Not people like you who try to tell me that I am some average girl with no substance, like you actually know that most guys regard me in that way.

I think I am special and I have enough options to not actually be worried that I will not meet a great guy.

I think you should actually think more highly of yourself.

August 28, 2013

I always thought you were around 19??

Eh, just dont be so idealistic...As a guy I can tell you that most guys see through this. You seem like the type that will give them the key to the city for a few little cute compliments..Dont do that..It devalues you immensely...

I wish you well..

TFY

August 28, 2013

and I am funny to a lot of people, I am curious, I enjoy talking about pretty much any subject, I am very generous and kind and I think I stand out enough for great guys to take notice.

I am also getting a tertiary education so I can hold my own in conversations and I have very clever friends to learn from.

I have also been through a lot of hell in my life so I have EMPATHY and I sound a hell of a lot nicer than someone like you, who sit there and tries to tell me TO NOT be confident about who I am.

Seriously, I like who I am and I definitely have substance and depth to me.

You know. I read books. I have many interests and am curious to try new things.

I also have travelled the world from a young age and have very funny stories.

I think I have a lot to offer a man and I will be damned if some STRANGER thinks that I will believe "them" when they say I am just some boring average lady with nothing to offer.

Best of all, I am in therapy for my issues. Which are not inflated self confidence.

The fact I think I have a lot to offer and that I have substance does not make me over confident.

I have bad things about myself obviously but I work on them and do not carry on about how I want to lose weight to men or people in my every day life.

August 28, 2013

I always thought you were around 19??

Eh, just dont be so idealistic...As a guy I can tell you that most guys see through this. You seem like the type that will give them the key to the city for a few little cute compliments..Dont do that..It devalues you immensely...

I wish you well..

TFY

Well I kissed a 19 year old the other week, who thought I was 22 or 21. With a good nights sleep I look young for my age.

I told him how old I was and he did not freak out but I would have if I were him:lmao:

And you're right, I try to see the best in people and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, which means I should get to know this guy before deciding he is legitimately interested in me.

I want to get to know him at a slower pace so I can see if he is the right person to show all of myself to, including the sex when he wants part.

August 28, 2013

People need not comment if they are just going to tell me that I am silly for having confidence in who I am.

I happen to think I have a lot to offer. I am very social and hang out with a lot of people and have formed this opinion of myself over time and being around a lot of different people, from many different countries and cultures and social classes.

I have friends from ALL walks of life.

Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it?

It says a LOT more about you, when you tell a stranger that they have nothing to offer people in life, be it a man or a friend.

August 28, 2013

Can people only comment on texting and other signs that men are genuine and serious about you as a long term R prospect?

I have already said my piece; I think I am a great girl that has a lot to offer people in her life. The end.

I want people to give me advice on how to slow things down.

Any tips from people that have experience. With dating and who have had successful relationships.

August 28, 2013

Can people only comment on texting and other signs that men are genuine and serious about you as a long term R prospect?

Yes.

Forget about reading into texts, focus on actions. Actions being, a desire to spend time with you, making it actually happen and wanting to learn more about you (wanting to know more about you as a person and not just how wonderful your woo woo is/feels....).

August 28, 2013

And while this might be a bit unfair, most 27 year old women dont really view 19 year old boys as legitimate relationship material...Mostly because the maturity levels are(or should be), miles apart between the two..

Just sayin..

TFY

August 28, 2013

And while this might be a bit unfair, most 27 year old women dont really view 19 year old boys as legitimate relationship material...Mostly because the maturity levels are(or should be), miles apart between the two..

Just sayin..

TFY

I didn't realize that was the age difference here...OP, you little cradle robber you! heehee

August 28, 2013

Yes.

Forget about reading into texts, focus on actions. Actions being, a desire to spend time with you, making it actually happen and wanting to learn more about you (wanting to know more about you as a person and not just how wonderful your woo woo is/feels....).

It is hard when my best friend has a guy who not only texts her every day but who wants to see her most days too.

They have that type of love that is intense and genuine. They are crazy for each other in the way I see last with very few couples, that also started out like them.

I do not want a guy who takes months to figure out if he is in love with me.

I believe the strongest sort of love is known early on, the true love and the deepest sense of love.

People who take 5 or more months to figure out if they are in love, to me, only love their partner and are not IN love.

I think true IN love takes much shorter to know about.

...............................

In saying all of that about my theory on true loves, I want to slow things down and not bother reading into things just yet.

August 28, 2013

I didn't realize that was the age difference here...OP, you little cradle robber

I tend to get with younger guys. But I prefer older men, by a few years.

I had a few early 40s men want to date me but it grossed me out.

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