Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Babolat]

I am thrown off by the not calling for a day thing.

 

I am not really used to dating so yeah.

 

It still kind of makes me wonder if he is just going to stop contacting me?

 

I think it's OK to wonder "Why?". Though you have no control over this, over him..so do yourself a favor and get busy doing something else, occupy your mind/time on something else. Go out with your friends, read book, ride that bike I see in your photos..go do something..stop wondering "Why is he not texting me?". The answer is "Because he is not".

[Leigh 87]

Do all of us a favor, don't ever say that again.

 

You cannot make anyone but yourself happy. You can do kind, warm, thoughtful things for someone; you can't make them happy though.

 

And if you are happy, you will attract the right people to you.

 

 

 

I meant I would be a fun loving partner to be with, lol.

 

And I do attract the right friends at least. Even my last FWB still contacts me daily and thinks very highly of me.

 

Besides my FWB who was high quality (and is not the type to screw girls who he does not consider to be decent), I have not really experienced many dates or.... love interests since my ex.

 

My ex was a nice guy but I can do better. He saw hookers and chatted to girls online.

 

So far, I have not gotten to know a guy, besides my two FWB who were well educated and good quality men who liked me.

 

I have NOT gotten to know whether or not I attract the RIGHT guys, as I have not gotten to KNOW any guys well enough yet.

 

I am fairly happy as a person and this is actually what people say draws me to them; that I am positive about life.

[Leigh 87]

I think it's OK to wonder "Why?". Though you have no control over this, over him..so do yourself a favor and get busy doing something else, occupy your mind/time on something else. Go out with your friends, read book, ride that bike I see in your photos..go do something..stop wondering "Why is he not texting me?". The answer is "Because he is not".

 

 

 

Yes I think it is natural to wonder but I will always have to make a conscious choice to keep busy since it will make me happier in doing so, versus sitting around and thinking about crap beyond your control.

[Leigh 87]

Okay. So, maybe he's fine with not calling for a day, and he will call you.

 

No matter what's been said in this gigantic thread, there are facts: You two don't really know each other and no actual relationship has been formed.

 

But what do you think about how you've gone from "he's the one" to "byebye" in basically a few hours?

 

Would you like to look at your CONSTANT need for attention and outside validation?

 

Do you give any thought to the FACT that nobody with their head screwed on AT ALL is going to be able to tolerate that in a partner?

 

 

 

Why do you take everything I say seriously?

 

I never thought he was the one. I was having fun feeling stupidly happy and mentioned that he might be. I was not thinking, in my own head, about having his ... babies or falling in love with him. WE JUST MET.

 

Getting carried away does not mean I THOUGHT those things:sick:

 

And obviously I would not expect a guy to tolerate a girl who..... said she loved him right away and hoped they he was the one. Come on I am not that stupid in love and dating.

[Bluebelle38]

What did I THINK THIS IS IT mean then?

 

The next guy you are going to sleep with more than once???

[Leigh 87]

I still think if something is truly there between two people, first date sex will not hinder a relationship from occurring.

 

However, I do think there are exceptions; certain men who have set values that dictate that they can't allow themselves to take a girl seriously if she bangs the guy too early.

 

MOSTLY, though, a guy will not fight against authentic feelings he has towards a girl he truly likes.

 

The reason I don't feel comfortable giving myself up so soon is because I just don't anymore; I want to get to know a guy, quiet simply. I have done the opposite and I know how it makes me feel about myself.

[xxoo]

It's not about being "good enough" to not be a booty call. It's about actually not BEING a booty call. And that's on a person herself.

 

Read this again, Leigh.

 

Everyone is good enough to be loved. (Do you believe that?) The people who get put in booty call position are the ones that allow it.

[Leigh 87]

What did I THINK THIS IS IT mean then?

 

The next guy you are going to sleep with more than once???

 

 

 

I don't listen to your opinions. Please save yourself the effort of typing here or in any of my threads?

 

You told me that there is no way you believe I am awesome. So yeah. You have undermined any advice you try to throw at me:lmao:

 

And it is counterproductive to poke fun of the fact I have slept with a few too many guys of late.

 

I have stated how I felt about it.

[Leigh 87]

Read this again, Leigh.

 

Everyone is good enough to be loved. (Do you believe that?) The people who get put in booty call position are the ones that allow it.

 

 

 

I have not allowed it. I felt what we had was genuinely more.

 

If, however, he ignored me until the weekend or he does call me to hang out but he always pushes towards sex every day and gets annoyed or loses interest when I do not put out?

 

Then I will know that is all I was to him. And even then I think he liked me.

 

Still. Genuinely liking a booty call is not enough for me to be compelled to sleep with him.

 

I will soon see. If he contacts me again. Hopefully one day of silence does not indicate that I will not hear from him again.

[xxoo]

I still think if something is truly there between two people, first date sex will not hinder a relationship from occurring.

 

However, I do think there are exceptions; certain men who have set values that dictate that they can't allow themselves to take a girl seriously if she bangs the guy too early.

 

MOSTLY, though, a guy will not fight against authentic feelings he has towards a girl he truly likes.

 

The reason I don't feel comfortable giving myself up so soon is because I just don't anymore; I want to get to know a guy, quiet simply. I have done the opposite and I know how it makes me feel about myself.

 

You have this backwards. Mostly, early sex will lead to diminished interest. And it isn't because of the men's values, but simply because sex was the main interest initially, and once that is "conquered", he is more tempted by new pursuits.

 

Most people don't have authentic feelings toward people they just met. They have early impressions. Early sex is part of that early impression, telling him who you are, and it doesn't generally help to paint an attractive picture.

[Divasu]

Sex is more than a physical act of pleasure. It strips us.

You've been STRIPPED in this thread, see?

 

People can disagree until the cows come home. A casual relationship, whether it be a ONS, "Friends with Benefits", whichever...most women cannot separate the two (intellect over emotion). You can keep pretending though...

[Star Gazer]

What did I THINK THIS IS IT mean then?

 

The next guy you are going to sleep with more than once???

 

Do you realize that talking to her like this isn't helpful? And does more harm than good?

[Leigh 87]

You have this backwards. Mostly, early sex will lead to diminished interest. And it isn't because of the men's values, but simply because sex was the main interest initially, and once that is "conquered", he is more tempted by new pursuits.

 

Most people don't have authentic feelings toward people they just met. They have early impressions. Early sex is part of that early impression, telling him who you are, and it doesn't generally help to paint an attractive picture.

 

 

 

I disagree.

 

I think authentic feelings can develop from the get go. Albeit not LOVE:lmao:

 

I also think open minded people realise that plenty of fantastic and high quality women have casual sex.

 

Casual sex is not the equivalent to "a women with little moral values, who is not wife material and who is just not a very kind or respectable person"

 

Only close minded folks think that in my opinion.

 

Of course a ONS or women who gives it up early can be every but as amazing and remarkable as a women who does not.

 

I personally believe it is INNATE: the set of values people have in this day and age.

 

Men may prefer to wait for women they like the most because it enhances a sense of.... seriousness. Since screwing around is sterotyped as " not serious"

[Treasa]

Do all of us a favor, don't ever say that again.

 

You cannot make anyone but yourself happy. You can do kind, warm, thoughtful things for someone; you can't make them happy though.

 

And if you are happy, you will attract the right people to you.

 

THANK YOU.

 

Leigh, you said, "Men are my only concern."

 

I think that's exactly the problem. Unfortunately, no one here is going to make you see the light.

 

Since you're so awesome and he didn't lie to you, then you have nothing to worry about.

[Star Gazer]

I am thrown off by the not calling for a day thing.

 

I am not really used to dating so yeah.

 

It still kind of makes me wonder if he is just going to stop contacting me?

 

You're not used to dating; you're used to casual sexual "relationships."

 

The way to learn how to date is to date; leave sex out of it for a while.

[Leigh 87]

Sex is more than a physical act of pleasure. It strips us.

You've been STRIPPED in this thread, see?

 

People can disagree until the cows come home. A casual relationship, whether it be a ONS, "Friends with Benefits", whichever...most women cannot separate the two (intellect over emotion). You can keep pretending though...

 

 

 

Well I am not cynical and pessimistic as a person, and the guy flat out told me he liked me as more than a ONS, and he wanted to date me.

 

He told me he wants to be exclusive with me.

 

You can assume all you want, that all men are *******s, men lie, and men who have sex with you early on will ALL WANT THE SAME THING.

 

This guy stated his piece and I have yet to find out how he truly feels.

 

He could have not been lying though. Not all men do.

[Leigh 87]

THANK YOU.

 

Leigh, you said, "Men are my only concern."

 

I think that's exactly the problem. Unfortunately, no one here is going to make you see the light.

 

Since you're so awesome and he didn't lie to you, then you have nothing to worry about.

 

 

 

But I have zero desire to get into a LTR anytime soon.

 

It happened that I met a guy I thought had potential.

 

That is all.

 

I hope it works out but it if doesn't I do not feel any need to have a guy in my life.

 

I like sex though and will continue things with my FWB. He is so hot and lovely to be around and it is not a relationship.

 

I won't ever do the casual sex thing again though. Boy did it make me feel bad:(

[Divasu]

You can assume all you want, that all men are *******s, men lie, and men who have sex with you early on will ALL WANT THE SAME THING.

 

Where did I say that?

I said you come across as impressionable and easily manipulated. It doesn't necessarily have to be another person who is doing the manipulation...

 

Understand?

[Leigh 87]

I am nervous about him calling me again.

 

Based on how things went with us, I expected things to keep going.

 

If I am wrong I will be disappointed but I will get over it fast since I did not invest in the guy.

 

I feel like I have done what I needed to do now, in order to know when I am comfortable sleeping with a new guy.

 

It is not like I am going to withhold sex from him if he does come around to me.

 

I will just get to know him far more than I sleep with him.

 

Sex would still happen. Just when it feels right for me.

[Leigh 87]

Where did I say that?

I said you come across as impressionable and easily manipulated. It doesn't necessarily have to be another person who is doing the manipulation...

 

 

 

You said it was a one nigh stand to him.

 

I do not believe it was, as he told me he really liked me and wanted more.

 

He said he wanted to spend time with me. Without sex.

 

He explicitly said that he just loved to be around me without the sex.

 

He took me on a date to the movies and to lunch. We spent an entire day together with no intention of having sex.

 

I chose to believe him.

[Bluebelle38]

Do you realize that talking to her like this isn't helpful? And does more harm than good?

 

Um, Leigh said she was not thinking this guy is the one should would marry or have babies with, so what the heck does 'this is it' mean?

 

It sounds like yes, she did in her head think this could be a big relationship with her. And therein lies the problem - getting 100% carried away. it isn't about this guy, he could have been any guy that showed Leigh affection.

 

We can all dance around the problem, but there are serious issues here - nothing that will be solved on a discussion board.

 

Leigh needs to stay away from relationships because this is going to keep happening until she finds peace with herself.

 

And Leigh, I will post where I like - it is your thread but you can't say who can post on it.

[Star Gazer]

We can all dance around the problem, but there are serious issues here - nothing that will be solved on a discussion board.

 

I agree, and if you mean these words, all the more reason why you should stop attacking her here on this very discussion board.

[Leigh 87]

Um, Leigh said she was not thinking this guy is the one should would marry or have babies with, so what the heck does 'this is it' mean?

 

It sounds like yes, she did in her head think this could be a big relationship with her. And therein lies the problem - getting 100% carried away. it isn't about this guy, he could have been any guy that showed Leigh affection.

 

We can all dance around the problem, but there are serious issues here - nothing that will be solved on a discussion board.

 

Leigh needs to stay away from relationships because this is going to keep happening until she finds peace with herself.

 

And Leigh, I will post where I like - it is your thread but you can't say who can post on it.

 

 

 

Yeah but you're wasting your energy typing cos you post mean jack to me:lmao:

 

You come here and you tell me what it is I am thinking.

 

I know what I am thinking.

 

I did not meant "this is it" to mean " he is the one"

 

You read me wrong so you're wasting your time trying to help me.

 

People who help listen to what people have to say. I said I DID NOT think this guy would have my babies and that I think that is crazy of women who DO think along those lines!

 

I have never felt a desire to be in a relationship, or I would have taken up the first hot guy who offered, which, by the way, have been plenty.

 

If you were right about me, I would be in a long term relationship now if I felt the need to have one, since I have the option of being in one if I so choose.

 

I have zero inclination to be with a guy, nor will I think I will marry him or have his babies until I get to know him better.

 

You do not do a good job of listening to what a person is TELLING you about what she thinks.

 

I am telling you how I feel, if you are going to say I am lying about it or that I cannot properly feel how I think, then you can believe your own reality; it is not my reality.

[Bluebelle38]

I agree, and if you mean these words, all the more reason why you should stop attacking her here on this very discussion board.

 

How was I ATTACKING her?

 

I asked what this is it means?

 

Did she mean simply she was going to sleep with the guy again? What else could it mean other than she thought he was the real deal - a relataionship? And she had said that is not what she meant. I was asking her to clarify what she meant.

 

How is that attacking her?

[Leigh 87]

I agree, and if you mean these words, all the more reason why you should stop attacking her here on this very discussion board.

 

 

 

Exactly - I HAVE a therapist to help me deal with my personal issues.

 

Who, by the way, does not think I have a problem with needing men's validation, since I she knows I turn guys down and do not date just "any guy" who offers.

 

That lady is a joke though.

 

I am not the sort of..... person who discounts the great things I feel are true about myself, due to one stranger on the internet saying she does not think I am awesome:lmao: