Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Leigh 87]

A guy won't necessarily appreciate you just because you are better looking than him or his prospects. He needs to get to know you to see whether you mesh.

 

 

 

He said other girls were lacklustre and I was amazing. He had not come across someone he liked as much as me.

 

I genuinely believe him.

 

I think we meshed. I could be wrong though.

 

I hope he at least has the decency to text me and explain that he does not want to continue.

[Babolat]

So how soon should I wait the next time with a guy I feel has potential?

 

Which, by the way, I never seek out and never will.

 

Once they call me and we hang out.

 

A month of hanging out and kissing?

 

Perhaps second base and oral after 2 weeks?

 

Fcked it I know. I have never really dated.

 

I only know the general signs of when a man is into you or NOT.

 

I think each "case" is different. I can tell you the woman I have been with where we had sex within a week, it never worked as I realized I was into them more sexually than anything else.

 

I have had 3 LTS (relationshsips that last over a year):

 

1) My first marriage and I waited 2 years for sex as she was a virgin and wanted to wait until her wedding night

 

2) My second marriage. I think we went for 2+ months before we had sex

 

3) My last LTR, where we waited 5+ weeks

 

Personally, I think you are a littel confused. You have not healed completely from your 3 year relationship. It's all OK, no attacking here. Just accept it. Maybe try being freinds with guys for a while. Or go have lots of sex with many men; bu tlet them know up from if they are looking for a LTR, you are not their gal.

 

We all crave sex; nothing wrong with that.

[Leigh 87]

Again about how awesome and pretty you are, how he's fat with acne, and how your FWB is so much better-looking. You are a broken record.

 

I'm just going to say it. You have absolutely zero substance.

 

Done.

 

 

 

Well I think I do. And my dozens of friends seem to.

 

I am really funny and also I like talking about almost everything.

 

What do you consider substance in real life?

[Babolat]

Again about how awesome and pretty you are, how he's fat with acne, and how your FWB is so much better-looking. You are a broken record.

 

I'm just going to say it. You have absolutely zero substance.

 

Done.

 

And.....

 

BAM... it was boob time!

[Star Gazer]

Agreed. Except I believe he genuinely thinks I AM amazing. Based on who he came across as, and the quality of girls he normally seems to get. Lacklustre at best. Which I am certainly not:lmao:

 

He could want more from me. Who knows.

 

He doesn't know you well enough to conclude ANYTHING about you, whatsoever. Just like you don't know him well enough to even know how he feels about you or wants to see you again!

 

And comparing yourself to other women in this way is really vapid and unattractive.

[Leigh 87]

I think each "case" is different. I can tell you the woman I have been with where we had sex within a week, it never worked as I realized I was into them more sexually than anything else.

 

I have had 3 LTS (relationshsips that last over a year):

 

1) My first marriage and I waited 2 years for sex as she was a virgin and wanted to wait until her wedding night

 

2) My second marriage. I think we went for 2+ months before we had sex

 

3) My last LTR, where we waited 5+ weeks

 

Personally, I think you are a littel confused. You have not healed completely from your 3 year relationship. It's all OK, no attacking here. Just accept it. Maybe try being freinds with guys for a while. Or go have lots of sex with many men; bu tlet them know up from if they are looking for a LTR, you are not their gal.

 

We all crave sex; nothing wrong with that.

 

 

I am over the ROMANTIC feelings for my ex. But I still love him.

 

There is no threat to new relationships there.... Seeing as I would not take my ex back even if I had no new men on my mind.

 

We do not see each other. We talk occasionally.

[Leigh 87]

He doesn't know you well enough to conclude ANYTHING about you, whatsoever. Just like you don't know him well enough to even know how he feels about you or wants to see you again!

 

And comparing yourself to other women in this way is really vapid and unattractive.

 

 

But I am being honest.

 

He is the one who admitted he did not get with women who he is as attracted to as he was with me.

 

I believe him. That is all. I am not the prettiest women in the room by ANY means. I just think I was a good deal insofar as the choices THIS dude had.

 

Therefore, I am also interesting and funny for him to talk to, so I cannot see why he would call me amazing and then change his mind after the previous night he was texting me about how he could not wait to see me again and could not stop thinking about me.

 

I don't think that many guys flat out lie, and come across as genuine in person.

[Leigh 87]

And.....

 

BAM... it was boob time!

 

 

 

 

Well I don't believe her so anyways.

 

People that are interesting, funny, and altruistic to dozens of educated and high quality friends in their live, generally cannot be too lacking of depth.

 

Oh. And I did grow up profoundly ugly physically with being overweight and acne riddled and all and with awful teeth.

 

Obviously I have had to overcome adversities in my life and this has given me substance. Though in my spare time I enjoy reading books on people who have been through far WORSE than I will ever know.

[Star Gazer]

But I am being honest.

 

He is the one who admitted he did not get with women who he is as attracted to as he was with me.

 

I believe him. That is all. I am not the prettiest women in the room by ANY means. I just think I was a good deal insofar as the choices THIS dude had.

 

Therefore, I am also interesting and funny for him to talk to, so I cannot see why he would call me amazing and then change his mind after the previous night he was texting me about how he could not wait to see me again and could not stop thinking about me.

 

I don't think that many guys flat out lie, and come across as genuine in person.

 

Did you read my post? That you agreed with?

 

He can think you're amazing, and then having your value NOSEDIVE if he gets to stick it in easily and quickly.

 

You have to stop doing that.

[Leigh 87]

Did you read my post? That you agreed with?

 

He can think you're amazing, and then having your value NOSEDIVE if he gets to stick it in easily and quickly.

 

You have to stop doing that.

 

I reckon he will text tomorrow.

 

If not with him, at least I know what I feel comfortable doing.

 

If I am honest, I felt like sex but was no that comfortable with it. You know how it is when you're wanting sex with a new guy...

 

I talked to him about it, actually.

 

I said " I think we had sex a bit too soon, I did not plan to have sex this early and I did not expect it to happen"

 

He agreed but said " it felt good, I do not regret it".

 

I then said " if a guy is into as girl, I don't believe sex early on will make them change how they feel about her. I mean, she is still HER, right?"

 

He totally agreed.

 

Then again, I know if we HAD waited, things would have been different in a way.

 

I admit the sex felt very right at the time, and while I think I over reacted to him not texting for a day (working every day and online studying for college) there is still the chance he won't contact me again!

 

I have a hunch he will though but yah I am still annoyed about these stupid early stages, which I started the thread about:(

 

It does sort of suck wondering if a guy will just, you know. Stop calling/texting you!

 

It especially sucks when things started to heavy. I do not readily believe people lie or see the bad in people.

[Leigh 87]

Since when is acne and crooked teeth adversity???

 

Check out the abuse forum.

 

Going through bad sh.it doesn't make for character. THRIVING after it does.

 

I honestly cannot believe you're 27. And I don't mean that in a bad way because I think you're sweet and mean well. But you have so much growing up to do.

 

 

 

I have been abused by my father and I had anorexia and almost died and had no parents, siblings, family or friends to look after me. Parents lived overseas and I was with a useless pot smoker.

 

My father has been dying painfully of heart disease for years now and is always told he will die any time by doctors. Which I care about as I have made peace with him and we get along now most of the time.

 

And I was a loner in high school and had no friends.

 

I was SEVERELY bullied because of the way I looked.

 

So yeah. I have an idea of what being depressed is like.

 

As I said though - I do put things in perspective and I often read books, namely biographies, about various people who have truly been through uch much worse than I have.

 

You know I lived overseas at a young age and I saw armless and legless beggars on the street.

 

I know a thing or two about how awful the world can be.

[Bluebelle38]

I have been abused by my father and I had anorexia and almost died and had no parents, siblings, family or friends to look after me. Parents lived overseas and I was with a useless pot smoker.

 

My father has been dying painfully of heart disease for years now and is always told he will die any time by doctors. Which I care about as I have made peace with him and we get along now most of the time.

 

And I was a loner in high school and had no friends.

 

I was SEVERELY bullied because of the way I looked.

 

So yeah. I have an idea of what being depressed is like.

 

As I said though - I do put things in perspective and I often read books, namely biographies, about various people who have truly been through uch much worse than I have.

 

You know I lived overseas at a young age and I saw armless and legless beggars on the street.

 

I know a thing or two about how awful the world can be.

 

And this is why all those pages back I said you crave love (without knowing all this).

 

For the love of God, you are 27, step back from relationships and work on yourself. Once you have you will not need male validation. You will know you are enough without needing to hear it/prove it.

[Star Gazer]

Um … there you go again.

 

Enough with the "ENOUGH."

 

Your substance and personality does not have anything to do with whether you're a booty call or not. Whether you have provided the services and presented yourself as a potential booty call is all that matters.

 

I assure you that regardless of a person's "substance" and "personality," she can set herself up as a booty call.

 

You misread her. She wasn't talking about being enough to be worthy of a booty call. She was talking about being MORE than a booty call, aka relationship material.

 

I disagree that he did not think I had enough substance and a good enough personality to feel I am only worthy of a booty call.

[Babolat]

I

I talked to him about it, actually.

 

I said " I think we had sex a bit too soon, I did not plan to have sex this early and I did not expect it to happen"

 

He agreed but said " it felt good, I do not regret it".

 

I blew snot out of my nose laughing at this one! Really? He agreed it was too soon, but followed up with "but it felt good!". I am shocked! So it's ok if it's too soon, so long as it felt good?

 

Again, no disrespect at all. If I recall he is 22? You are 27? He is a kid.

[Leigh 87]

Um … there you go again.

 

Enough with the "ENOUGH."

 

Your substance and personality does not have anything to do with whether you're a booty call or not. Whether you have provided the services and presented yourself as a potential booty call is all that matters.

 

I assure you that regardless of a person's "substance" and "personality," she can set herself up as a booty call.

 

Now don't start talking about how all your friends are models and your boobs and how slim you are, please. It's nonsense.

 

If you want to have a discussion with adults then you will have to step up.

 

 

 

I think he had feelings for me beyond a booty call. That is my main point.

 

I have been around a few guys.. The way he kissed me, over and over when we were just hanging out all day with no sex on the agenda, I dunno, I just got the distinct feeling he was also developing feelings for me, as I was to him.

 

I could be wrong but still. I think he definitely saw me as more than a booty call.

 

He will be sadly mistaken soon if he tries it on me. Sadly for him, if he tried to step up after attempting to try me out as a booty call, I would obviously not talk to him again. Even as a friend.

 

Even though I really felt for him I respect myself too much to talk to him again if he did want to see if he could get away with using me for sex.

 

I still think he felt for me more than he would a strict booty call though.

[Star Gazer]

I think he had feelings for me beyond a booty call. That is my main point.

 

Past tense, right?

 

And why do you think it's past tense, and not present tense? THAT is all that matters right now.

[Leigh 87]

And this is why all those pages back I said you crave love (without knowing all this).

 

For the love of God, you are 27, step back from relationships and work on yourself. Once you have you will not need male validation. You will know you are enough without needing to hear it/prove it.

 

 

 

But I like my personality and I have great friends and enough people in my life who reinforce I have some pretty cool things about me.

 

I don't need guys to prove I am worthy.

 

I 100% believe I will make a very lucky guy, very happy.

 

You don't seem to understand that I have been using FWB for SEX. I enjoy wine food and SEX with men I enjoy being around. They are attracted to me but that is not a driving force behind my interactions with them.

 

I am getting therapy thanks.

 

You need to LISTEN to what I tell you about who I am and HOW I think about things.

 

And by starting out telling me that " you do not think I am awesome" only makes me not listen to a word you say, since I do think I am awesome. You do not have to believe it but hey, enough people in my life do for me to live a full and happy social life.

[Babolat]

I have been abused by my father and I had anorexia and almost died and had no parents, siblings, family or friends to look after me. Parents lived overseas and I was with a useless pot smoker.

.

 

Thank You! This is the deepest thing you have shared with us.

 

Your story reminds me of my ex gfs. Her parents abandoned her at a young age, both were heavy drug users, mom did not even want to have her, she was raised by friends, neighbors, her grandmother, she lived in various homes, at 17 she was homeless, turnd to those who accpeted her and gave her attention, the drug using crowd; and these are her closest friends now.

 

She knows she was damaged, she has been working hard to improve herself.

 

You have too so kudos to you. I think you had a set back with this kid...realize that and move forward. Learn from it. Respect yourself, know yourself, know your boundaries, love yourself...don't put all of that onto a man.

[Leigh 87]

I think it was amazing.

 

 

 

I think I am interesting, funny, fun, adventurous, altruistic and very generous and kind.

 

I am also lazy, wrongly portray myself and have screwed up a lot of my life due to being lazy. I have made a lot of mistakes with men.

 

I am a realist. I have a few good things I like about myself and I DO think, to enough people around, I AM a pretty awesome girl.

 

I also think this guy agrees with me..

 

I don't think I was a booty call but yes he could have changed his mind about things. Who knows?

[Babolat]

I 100% believe I will make a very lucky guy, very happy.

.

 

Do all of us a favor, don't ever say that again.

 

You cannot make anyone but yourself happy. You can do kind, warm, thoughtful things for someone; you can't make them happy though.

 

And if you are happy, you will attract the right people to you.

[Emilia]

I think I am interesting, funny, fun, adventurous, altruistic and very generous and kind.

 

I am also lazy, wrongly portray myself and have screwed up a lot of my life due to being lazy. I have made a lot of mistakes with men.

None of these things matter. What matters is how two people mesh. What matters is that the other person likes your crazy and you like his crazy. Compatibility, mutual respect, shared interests, being able to laugh together. Of course good altruistic qualities are great but ultimately it's about compatibility not a sum of characteristics.

[Leigh 87]

This thread is seriously bumming me out for you OP.

 

Please take the rest of the day to relax and reflect. Not about what you *think*, but about what you *know*.

 

I wish you the best.

 

 

I listen to people like you with your advice.

 

I don't give a crap about what certain people think though:lmao:

 

I am sure not bummed, although I hope this guy and I can continue things, as I though we had something. It is never fun to be proved wrong:lmao:

 

Honestly man d/w about me or this thread. I have a great life now, my past has made me a much happier person.

 

And new people who meet me often like how I am so caring towards others due to the fact I had a very unhappy upbringing in my teen years.

 

I have a pretty easy life now, men are my only concern. Which is a good thing (that they are the WORST of my concerns!)

[xxoo]

Therefore, I am also interesting and funny for him to talk to, so I cannot see why he would call me amazing and then change his mind after the previous night he was texting me about how he could not wait to see me again and could not stop thinking about me.

 

I don't think that many guys flat out lie, and come across as genuine in person.

 

There are a million reasons why someone can get caught up in a moment, feel real emotion, and later not feel the same way.

 

He might do this with every girl he goes home with. He might be extremely impulsive, but have no follow through, will many aspects of his life. He might have been on drugs. You simply don't know him well enough to know.

[Leigh 87]

Past tense, right?

 

And why do you think it's past tense, and not present tense? THAT is all that matters right now.

 

 

 

I am thrown off by the not calling for a day thing.

 

I am not really used to dating so yeah.

 

It still kind of makes me wonder if he is just going to stop contacting me?

[Leigh 87]

There are a million reasons why someone can get caught up in a moment, feel real emotion, and later not feel the same way.

 

He might do this with every girl he goes home with. He might be extremely impulsive, but have no follow through, will many aspects of his life. He might have been on drugs. You simply don't know him well enough to know.

 

 

 

I don't believe he goes home with girls often or that he is this into every girl.

 

I have talked to him enough to have a better informed opinion than people on here.

 

I just did not get from him that this is a very typical pattern for him.