stayygoldd Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 So my boyfriend of about 8 month moved to Hawaii for college, im 20 he is 21..it's been a week since the move and i dont know if im doing the right thing. I so want to try and make things work, but its hard for me to just sit back and watch him make new friends, post ig pictures with people i dont know and talk to girls. He is a loyal person and so am I. We both have set goals. I just need advice about how to avoid feeling down when i see these posts. ANYTHING helps.
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I know how it is. I am in the phase of adjusting myself. I don't have much advice but I know what it is like. Luckily, my mister misses me probably more than I miss him. How long are you guys going to be apart for? 1
Pyro Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 So my boyfriend of about 8 month moved to Hawaii for college, im 20 he is 21..it's been a week since the move and i dont know if im doing the right thing. I so want to try and make things work, but its hard for me to just sit back and watch him make new friends, post ig pictures with people i dont know and talk to girls. He is a loyal person and so am I. We both have set goals. I just need advice about how to avoid feeling down when i see these posts. ANYTHING helps. Only a week and he is talking to girls? Did he talk to multiple girls when he was there with you? 1
Author stayygoldd Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Yep...I guess he's trying to make friends :/ & no we were always together when he was home.
Author stayygoldd Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 He's going to be going to school for two years he will be back holidays and summers...it's just hard not knowing what he's doing. Idk if its better to let him go. He says he doesn't want me to leave that he is happy with me but instill think I'm holding him back. I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish you and your mister the best (:
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 He's going to be going to school for two years he will be back holidays and summers...it's just hard not knowing what he's doing. Idk if its better to let him go. He says he doesn't want me to leave that he is happy with me but instill think I'm holding him back. I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish you and your mister the best (: Is there a reason why you didn't go with him?
Author stayygoldd Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I go to school here in California. My whole life has been here and I couldn't bare leaving everyone behind.
Bubbles_bubbles Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I know how it feels By my experience, an LDR is harder in the beggining. Then you see if it works or not or you get more used to it. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but can become less harder after a while and it can happen that you kind of get used to it. I know this is easy to say, but the best way is to keep yourself busy as much as you can :/ It may take a while, but you will meet more people and find friends. Even if you don't find good friends, you'll always find someone that is nice to talk with or just hang out. Avoid checking facebook or his pictures for a while, if that puts you down. I think you can deactivate the news feed from someone, not sure... maybe it helps ease your pain and not remember that he's having more than you at this moment. And please remember one thing about pictures that people post. Most of the times, they usually seem to show something "nicer" than actually is and it's easy to assume that this person is having a wonderfull time and life. People have fun together, but I bet in other way he's wishing to have you there to complete his life. best wishes, be strong!
Author stayygoldd Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 That really helped, thank you<3333 I'm taking it one day at a time and seeing how things work out. And than you for the picture advice I never thought of it that way (: I'm new to this forum thing and I love it already
InsaneTrombone Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 That really helped, thank you<3333 I'm taking it one day at a time and seeing how things work out. And than you for the picture advice I never thought of it that way (: I'm new to this forum thing and I love it already For someone who got out of a 4 year LDR a few months ago, listen here. One person always seems to be more content in the situation than the other. Trust is HUGE HUGE HUGE. The LDR does not work without trust. Secondly, don't be jealous, but don't be stupid either. He's bound to make tons of new friends, but there's a fine line between friend and flirty fun. It's very difficult to have that kind of relationship with someone local, all while in an LDR. The feeling doesn't get better, you'll always feel like you are missing out, like your life is on hold. You'll see couples randomly throughout the day and think of him. When your friends go out, theyll have dates and you'll be alone. Or they won't have dates, but you'll notice girlfriends and boyfriends and you'll want to wish you were like them. When you go out with your buddies, you'll wish your BF was there with you to enjoy whatever is going on. That feeling never really goes away so get used to it. We went into our LDR with the idea, hey we'll get back together when I finish college! Except college turned into an extra year, and than an extra year ontop of that. We spoke every.single.day. On the phone at night before bed, throughout the day in texts. Communication is huge. Pictures are a plus. Little surprises through snail mail. If I can offer you one piece of advice before you go down the long road of an LDR, please set an end date. Set a day where it all comes to an end, where the distance is no longer. When it appears there is no reasonable ending in sight, that's an extreme issue. After being with someone for so long, you don't really want to end things because its not an issue with the relationship, its the distance. It feels weird to end something when both people aren't upset or out of love with eachother. So be very trusting, communicate as much as possible, and set an end date. 3
justwhoiam Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 So my boyfriend of about 8 month moved to Hawaii for college So, is he studying oceanography? Or marine biology? I hope he didn't go there to study accounting or psychology.... So I guess that knowing there's a good reason behind his choice helps a lot, to begin with. That said... how can you survive that? No one can really predict how long you can bear the LD during college years. It will be very difficult. For both. But not impossible. Though it always takes two. If one gives up along the road (stops caring, calling, being available frequently, etc.), it will soon be over. See how it goes in the first months and talk it through the first time he comes home: what could be improved, what you would like and would like to try with him, what annoys you, what gives you pain, etc. Once he's aware of things, it will be up to him what to do or not do. 1
Steven33 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 So my boyfriend of about 8 month moved to Hawaii for college, im 20 he is 21..it's been a week since the move and i dont know if im doing the right thing. I so want to try and make things work, but its hard for me to just sit back and watch him make new friends, post ig pictures with people i dont know and talk to girls. He is a loyal person and so am I. We both have set goals. I just need advice about how to avoid feeling down when i see these posts. ANYTHING helps. Hi there, it is rather tough, my gf has been away for two months already, works on a Cruiseline, she is in a different country like every 2nd day and she is loving it, another 7 months to go and its not easy, we almost broke up because of trust, her best friend was a guy after knowing him for a month, watched movies together in each others beds ect, but yea ask questions if you feel you need to, try and be open as much as possible, we have been together 3 and a half years...they are your last thought when you go to bed at night and your 1st thought when you wake up, each day and every day....believe me trying to keep busy sure does not help, I play sport every day of the week after work in the evenings, lots of friends and I go out...you still wonder what he or she is up too even if you busy.... 1
HeavenOrHell Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 This totally. I've done this for 3 1/2 years, no end in sight, but still love each other so it's not easy to walk away. It's a no win, a form of slow torture. If I can offer you one piece of advice before you go down the long road of an LDR, please set an end date. Set a day where it all comes to an end, where the distance is no longer. When it appears there is no reasonable ending in sight, that's an extreme issue. After being with someone for so long, you don't really want to end things because its not an issue with the relationship, its the distance. It feels weird to end something when both people aren't upset or out of love with eachother. So be very trusting, communicate as much as possible, and set an end date.
soccerrprp Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 So my boyfriend of about 8 month moved to Hawaii for college, im 20 he is 21..it's been a week since the move and i dont know if im doing the right thing. I so want to try and make things work, but its hard for me to just sit back and watch him make new friends, post ig pictures with people i dont know and talk to girls. He is a loyal person and so am I. We both have set goals. I just need advice about how to avoid feeling down when i see these posts. ANYTHING helps. Let him go. Live your own life. Unless you have a "plan" to see each other monthly, I would say that it is simply WAAAAY TOOOOO complicated physically and emotionally. There is a chance, but they, I believe are very small. He will be making new friends, meeting new girls, new interests, etc. and all w/o you present. You say he is loyal, but he wasn't thousands of miles away before. He is still very young and no doubt finished with exploration of various forms. I truly believe the distance and all mentioned above will make it vastly difficult. I know it's not what you wanted to hear. It is only my opinion. 3
clia Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I tend to agree with soccerrprp. Spending two prime years of your life at 20 years old in a long distance relationship while in college is not ideal. How much are you going to miss out on in your life because you are sitting around being sad because he isn't there? How many college dances and parties are you going to miss out on? Also, you have only been with him for eight months, which isn't much in the grand scheme. It's no fun to be in an LDR when you are in college. I tried it for two years and regret wasting that time when I could have been dating others. 1
Steven33 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 That really helped, thank you<3333 I'm taking it one day at a time and seeing how things work out. And than you for the picture advice I never thought of it that way (: I'm new to this forum thing and I love it already Ey, I have been asking my girlfriend for over a month now for a "Skype Dinner Date" she never really said when, just we can when she has the time, ect...always a story...so today we together for 3 years and 7 months, we will be skyping at 9pm tonight, so I am taking this "Dinner Date" into my own hands....I have a bottle of wine, two glasses although she is on the other side of the world....snacks, her favourite chocolate and also Dessert......we have had our ups and downs with this long distance, its only been two months that she has been away...but I am going ahead with this Skype Dinner date even though it will just be me on the other side eating....but cant wait forever for her to decide on a date....as it just wont happen....so I will keep fighting for our love and for us to get through this....
Author stayygoldd Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Everything everyone said was really helpful, we are both very young and it might be a waste of time but for righ now, im willing to see how things go. I mean it never hurts to try. I was always reallya gainst ldr because they seem so hard and confusing. But when your put in the position your mindset changes. They way i see is, ill give this a few months to see if it works. If it doesnt, oh well we had out happiness and maybe if our paths cross againit will work out in the future. Thank you all<3
nomadic_butterfly Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Yea, it's definitely worth a shot!! Good luck :-). And just so you know, a lot of people may break up when they are younger but if it is meant to be, you will cross paths again when you are mature and settled and if you are moving in the same direction, you can still have your happily ever after so remain open minded and positive no matter the shorter-term outcome! Everything everyone said was really helpful, we are both very young and it might be a waste of time but for righ now, im willing to see how things go. I mean it never hurts to try. I was always reallya gainst ldr because they seem so hard and confusing. But when your put in the position your mindset changes. They way i see is, ill give this a few months to see if it works. If it doesnt, oh well we had out happiness and maybe if our paths cross againit will work out in the future. Thank you all<3
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