My husband cheated with the same woman for 10 months, found out she is pregnant!!!!!

[stillafool]

 

What i meant by not having a constant life with him is that while he has the job

he has he will never live in the same state as the OW/OC and will be limited in

the amount of time he can take off to see this child

 

Is it a job he can never quit? Does he have an occupation that would enable him to get a job where OW and the baby live? If so, he could always move there and start over. You can't put too much faith in the above until he meets his child. Besides you don't want to hold on to him just because he is too far away from the OW to be with her.

 

 

 

 

When I left for college I never wanted to move back home so I did all I could to

get a job and get on my own two feet and shortly after I actually got

married.

 

Are you working now and would you be able to move out on your own if you had to?

Edited August 25, 2013 by stillafool

[tanai]

He could quit his job in a few years (he is under a contract) and start a whole new career, and as for ever living in the same state, yes it is possible but its a gamble since his transfers are randomly located.

 

I do work but I work from home right now.. I am an independent contractor and alone I do not make enough money to move out on my own.

[SoleMate]

My H is out of town with family and we have not discussed if he wants to stay married now that I know. That is a conversation we needed to have face to face.

 

Another thought for you, Tanai....we've all been treating your situation as if the biggest problem is that your H cheated and got the OW pregnant. But as huge as that problem is, there is another more fundamental and more devastating......your husband is an untrustworthy liar. The counseling shows he can say one thing while doing the exact opposite, on matters that should be bedrock to a married couple - fidelity and fertility.

 

His falseness means that not only is this marriage broken, there is and can be no viable repair mechanism. A marital repair would require much discussion - about true facts, true feelings, true intentions - and of course massive, sustained supporting actions as well. But it makes no sense to try a serious conversation with a proved, hardened liar. He may as well be speaking in Serbo-Croatian (I'm choosing a language I assume you don't speak) for all the usefulness any discussion with him will have. Actually, it's worse...he isn't just incomprehensible, if he talks to you at all he will be trying to twist reality and manipulate you.

 

I understand your family and support mechanisms are not great, but please try to activate whatever you have. You're being let down by your H, you need emotional assistance.

[stillafool]

He could quit his job in a few years (he is under a contract) and start a whole new career, and as for ever living in the same state, yes it is possible but its a gamble since his transfers are randomly located.

 

Exactly! Then what? He may want to move with OW and his baby.

 

 

I do work but I work from home right now.. I am an independent contractor and

alone I do not make enough money to move out on my own.

 

 

I think it would behove you to seek a career and full time employment with benefits so you will be able to take care of yourself.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Another thought for you, Tanai....we've all been treating your situation as if the biggest problem is that your H cheated and got the OW pregnant. But as huge as that problem is, there is another more fundamental and more devastating......your husband is an untrustworthy liar. The counseling shows he can say one thing while doing the exact opposite, on matters that should be bedrock to a married couple - fidelity and fertility.

 

His falseness means that not only is this marriage broken, there is and can be no viable repair mechanism. A marital repair would require much discussion - about true facts, true feelings, true intentions - and of course massive, sustained supporting actions as well. But it makes no sense to try a serious conversation with a proved, hardened liar. He may as well be speaking in Serbo-Croatian (I'm choosing a language I assume you don't speak) for all the usefulness any discussion with him will have. Actually, it's worse...he isn't just incomprehensible, if he talks to you at all he will be trying to twist reality and manipulate you.

 

I understand your family and support mechanisms are not great, but please try to activate whatever you have. You're being let down by your H, you need emotional assistance.

 

^^this^^

 

You can get spousal support until you have a full time job to support yourself. So you need to talk to a lawyer to learn your rights here.

 

I think once you take away the panic about how you would be able to support yourself, you will be able to assess the situation more clearly.

 

This situation sounds like a lose lose for you. You really should think about a do-over.