templeofmax Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) ...exactly. Sent her some messages about me changing and whether she is moving on or if she needs space and time and I will give it to her and idiotically, that I have strong feelings for her and can't be in the dark. I was even waiting at her place until she came back from work, but decided that was not a good idea and left. Well, she of course ignored my messages. Got carried away by my anxiety and did not pay attention to your advice. So she still got me in her claws and the little power I had taken away I just gave it back to her because of my stupidity. It did not really set me back much in my healing as far as sadness as I was not expecting her to respond, but what I became was angry. Angry at the fact that her last boyfriend was a piece of crap who put ideas in her head about her body and who told her that her cousins were hot, and she being insecure, of course, took that to heart. I took a beating time after time for the sins of that *******. When I met her that idiot sent an email to her with some disgusting stuff, and asking why was she ignoring him. 3 years later I am on the same spot as that mother****er, with the difference being that I do love her and that I did soo much for her and took a beating because of her insecurities and was still there. Now, she is just ignoring any and all messages, 4 months later. Still acting like a child. SHE DOESNT DESERVE ME, and yet here I am needing answers for why she is behaving like this. But I understand its like asking a pear to be an apple, impossible. She needs to grow up and I must be the only idiot who wants to go back to someone that purposefully is ignoring me. Its not like she even spoke to me post BU. She just said things were over in an email, and that it is. 2.5 years, with an engagement to the garbage. Well, not really cause it has helped me grow somehow, but I just got tired of thinking about her all day and wanted to at least get some damn closure so I can stop 'waiting' for her like the idiot I am. That is what loyalty, honesty and patience gets me, to be treated like some criminal. I am not perfect and I made mistakes, but this I certainly do not deserve. Sometimes I wish I could just go and face her and not give her the satisfaction to ignore me, but its pointless. I fell in love with a kid, someone not capable of being in an adult relationship, to trust or to even communicate. That was all I wanted, to communicate like two adults who came out of a 2.5 year relationship, not to be blamed for everything that happened to her in the past, not to be blamed for her father's sins or her ex's sins. But again, she is a pear, not an apple and I can't make her be an apple as hard as I try. I mean, 9 days before she said in a family speech 'my new family' referring to me and my sister. 4 months after she continues to ignore me. She is sweeping the floor with me and I am letting her with my inability to let her go, to understand there is no way to have a healthy relationship with someone like that. I am clinging to what it was, to what she was, or to what she pretended to be or who I thought she was. I gave it my all and she never saw it, in her low-self esteem and neediness she never saw what she meant to me. Edited August 23, 2013 by templeofmax
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 4 months later you're barely a shadow, and she is a complete stranger. would you expect a complete stranger on the street to show you any more respect than she does right now? i'd presume not. once they leave, they aren't "yours" anymore, and you can't pretend or project your beliefs of how they should be behaving. they have their own lives and personalities, and we have no control over that. she is who she is, and she is that person WITHOUT you right now. she is not the same person that was WITH you, and has no obligation to behave that way. and for @#$^'s sake, don't EVER go sit and wait at her house...you'll get stalker of the year for sure, or the cops called. 1
RoxyGirl537 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 YES. I agree with Soat. If I came home and saw you waiting I'd be scared. Lol seriously. Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe she has blocked your number??? My friend had her exes number blocked for a year bc he kept harassing her with texts and calls. When anyone blocks your number they will never know if you've contacted them. Either way, trust me on this one max, she has no interest in having any type of relationship with you. If she did/does she WILL contact you. I feel your pain bc I've been there too with an ex bf ignored me for 4 months too. I know it's hard but you need to bite the bullet and never contact her again. Actually. I did this and eventually my ex did contact me, at that point we were finally able to be civil. You need to really try and move on. It sounds like it's going to be difficult to move on but you need to start now. For yourself!
Author templeofmax Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 YES. I agree with Soat. If I came home and saw you waiting I'd be scared. Lol seriously. Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe she has blocked your number??? My friend had her exes number blocked for a year bc he kept harassing her with texts and calls. When anyone blocks your number they will never know if you've contacted them. Either way, trust me on this one max, she has no interest in having any type of relationship with you. If she did/does she WILL contact you. I feel your pain bc I've been there too with an ex bf ignored me for 4 months too. I know it's hard but you need to bite the bullet and never contact her again. Actually. I did this and eventually my ex did contact me, at that point we were finally able to be civil. You need to really try and move on. It sounds like it's going to be difficult to move on but you need to start now. For yourself! I know what you are saying! No, I don't think she has it blocked, cause last time, two months ago I did call and it went to voicemail. Maybe she did block it, but I don't think she did. If she did not want to have nothing to do with me anymore forever, I think she would delete our pics from her FB and not have my mom, my sis and my friends still as her friends. Or she would say it flat out to move on. But in fact, that is the only thing I can do. I did tell her I will continue respecting her space, but I REALLY have to control this high anxiety of mine cause after 4 months is still through the roof. I still managed 60 days of NC without going crazy, so I know its possible. I just thought after a while she would at least say anything, like MOVE ON or GIVE ME SPACE! I do think that eventually she will reach out even if just to talk. After all, I don't think 2,5 years just passed her by like that. And maybe I am reacting to her silence, but making movies in my head about nothing really instead of continuing my life and what will be will be. My head says that, but my anxiety just ****s it up. I even know that right now our relationship would be futile and that what happened needed to happen cause her self-esteem needs to improve and I need to take hold of the anxiety. Its just missing her becomes too much, day in and day out.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 She's gone! Gone, gone, gone. Leave her alone and heal yourself. That is your ONLY option. Hurts like hell, believe me I know. 3 years and an engagement down the drain for me. But whatever, it's over and I do not and have not contacted her. Over!!
Author templeofmax Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 How long have you be broken up for?
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 3 year RS 1.5 years engagement 6+ months BU 5+ months NC
Author templeofmax Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 You are strong for keeping NC like that! How do you manage? 1.5 engagement, I mean, if you were at that stage, how do you manage to just let go and not have the anxiety to reach out?
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Because she tossed me to the curb like a bag of trash. She used me for what she needed, then got rid of me. Why would I want to chase that? I will admit, I am angry/bitter at this point, but whatever. I am holding on to what little power I have. Self control and self respect. Do I miss her and the great times we shared? Of course. Does it hurt? Absolutely. But I have no choice. So be it... 1
Author templeofmax Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I wish I had the same 'vision'. I feel at the receiving end of a nightmare, and its getting better, I am coming out of the slump, but feel like she just cut me out from her life like a slice of roast beef. Another stupid fight, a 2-line e-mail and goodbye. But I keep 'defending her' and hoping she will realize what she lost and at this point feeling that if that ever happened I would take her back, as if I did not deserve someone more mature. I just get the guilt of the things I screwed up and do feel for her issues, but at the same time think that I don't deserve this treatment. I've had g/friend before, but this one was the only serious one and the one that I thought was it.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Yes, this is common early on. I can only advise putting as much distance between you and her as possible That is the only thing that will help you at this point. Staying close will be a slow, torturous demise!! Be kind to yourself. It's easy to point the finger at your own actions, but any RS and the subsequent BU takes two people. It's not all your fault. Focus on the positives in your life and the bright future it holds
flitzanu Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I know what you are saying! No, I don't think she has it blocked, cause last time, two months ago I did call and it went to voicemail. Maybe she did block it, but I don't think she did. If she did not want to have nothing to do with me anymore forever, I think she would delete our pics from her FB and not have my mom, my sis and my friends still as her friends. Or she would say it flat out to move on. But in fact, that is the only thing I can do. I did tell her I will continue respecting her space, but I REALLY have to control this high anxiety of mine cause after 4 months is still through the roof. I still managed 60 days of NC without going crazy, so I know its possible. I just thought after a while she would at least say anything, like MOVE ON or GIVE ME SPACE! I do think that eventually she will reach out even if just to talk. After all, I don't think 2,5 years just passed her by like that. And maybe I am reacting to her silence, but making movies in my head about nothing really instead of continuing my life and what will be will be. My head says that, but my anxiety just ****s it up. I even know that right now our relationship would be futile and that what happened needed to happen cause her self-esteem needs to improve and I need to take hold of the anxiety. Its just missing her becomes too much, day in and day out. dude, quit bringing facebook into your argument. it's invalid. per your other posts below? 2 years with a girl telling me she wants to marry me, live happily ever after, blah blah. then a huge argument and heavy handed insults and she "needs space". 3 weeks later she's "single" on facebook. OMG FACEBOOK...and yeah i flipped. spent months pining and trying, all for naught, she comes around a little bit and we hang out, then she spaces out again, drops me on halloween, and is quickly with some new dude. oh wait, but 2 years is a long time, and she TOLD me she ONLY wanted to marry ME. she also never deleted my friends (yes, MY) from facebook, the nerve of her...but that must mean she wants to stay in touch right? this happened at the end of 2010. you know the last time i heard from her? 2010. people move on, and most will/may NEVER EVER contact you again.
Author templeofmax Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Man, I understand you are being realistic, but, c'mon...just way too negative as well!!
RoxyGirl537 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Max, I'm sorry but using facebook as a "sign" that your ex wants to get back to you??? LOL. I don't know many people who go out of their way to untag photos of their ex. One day you will want to look back on that, as she probably will. When it comes to your family, you have to remember...when you break up with someone you're breaking up with their entire family. It sounds like she has a good relationship with your family and doesn't want to be disrespectful to them by completely cutting them out. I'm telling you, she wants you to move on. PERIOD. Stop making excuses for her, she does not want to get back together ever, no matter how much you have deluded yourself into thinking otherwise at this point. I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but PLEASE never contact her again. Please 1
Recommended Posts