MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 "He was the type of guy I could be real with...I didnt have to play any games or anything...it was the first time I could be myself" I do not understand that comment. Yet I've heard it from multiple women, when they talk about meeting their husband...or if they have a great boyfriend. Do any of you feel/felt this way??? Why would a woman choose to be real/open/honest with one guy and not with others?? This just adds to the mystery for me....because I'm the same with everyone....a first date, family, friends, coworkers. .
Phoe Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I think it has to do with feeling totally uninhibited, knowing you can just "be yourself" and not get judged. I was with a man a few years ago who I was not totally comfortable being myself around. I kinda withdrew and wasn't totally uninhibited because I felt I would get judged (I'm a total silly goofball IRL and some men aren't fond of it). If I start being uninhibited around a guy and he insults me rather than finds it endearing, I'll be less open with him Then there are men I can be my silly goober self around, and they are happy about it, they can be silly right back with me, and it's just smiles and laughter and a real connection in the personality department. 5
Author MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I think it has to do with feeling totally uninhibited, knowing you can just "be yourself" and not get judged. I was with a man a few years ago who I was not totally comfortable being myself around. I kinda withdrew and wasn't totally uninhibited because I felt I would get judged (I'm a total silly goofball IRL and some men aren't fond of it). If I start being uninhibited around a guy and he insults me rather than finds it endearing, I'll be less open with him So....why would you want to be with someone like that...if you have to customize your behavior/personality??? .
Phoe Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 So....why would you want to be with someone like that...if you have to customize your behavior/personality??? I wouldn't want to, hence one of the many reasons he is now in my past. But when you are in the first stages of really liking someone, you hope that maybe you'll ease into it and be more comfortable. But it didn't take long to realize that our personalities would just never click, at which point it was pretty much over. No hope. 2
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 This just adds to the mystery for me....because I'm the same with everyone....a first date, family, friends, coworkers. Really? I can't imagine. While I'm the same person with everyone, not everyone gets to see every side of me. Take family, for example. If I have a family issue, I'll talk to my H about it, discussing all my feelings and each side of the issue, and then use that to work through my feelings and decide on an approach to handle the issue. The problem family member doesn't get to see my vulnerable side. This is largely about vulnerability. If you are the same with everyone, I wonder if you are vulnerable with anyone?
bentleychic Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I think it has to do with feeling totally uninhibited, knowing you can just "be yourself" and not get judged. This exactly. I am completely comfortable with my current partner and have been since very early in the relationship. Okay, I say completely, but that's not altogether true b/c I haven't farted or gone to the bathroom in front of him, yet. LOL I didn't do that in my marriage for years, though. hahaha Otherwise, I know I can do or say whatever I want or am thinking and although he may not like some of what I say, he's always been 100% on the "You say or ask WHATEVER you want to, period."
Author MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 This is largely about vulnerability. If you are the same with everyone, I wonder if you are vulnerable with anyone? I doubt I am vulnerable with anyone. I am blunt, open, and honest. I really dont see how I would be vulnerable?
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I doubt I am vulnerable with anyone. I am blunt, open, and honest. I really dont see how I would be vulnerable? When you have some time, google Brene Brown's TED Talk on the power of vulnerability. In order to truly connect to anyone, we must be vulnerable. It's damn hard with the right person, and certainly not possible with everyone. 2
Author MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I haven't farted or gone to the bathroom in front of him, yet. LOL My ex-wife....If her kids werent home....she would make me talk to her in the bathroom....while she was on the throne. She would lie and say she "just had to pee" and then the smell would hit me Her saying was "If she had to smell it...I had to smell it too" I would escape....and she would yell for me to get back in there lol
Author MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 When you have some time, google Brene Brown's TED Talk on the power of vulnerability. In order to truly connect to anyone, we must be vulnerable. It's damn hard with the right person, and certainly not possible with everyone. OK...I watched it. I guess if you use her interpretation of being vulnerable....then I am. I really dont have any fears of dealing with people, family, or social interaction. I dont always understand everything, but I'm surely not afraid to learn and not afraid to admit my lack of knowledge. Her interpretation is about being open, not being afraid to be the first one to say I love you.....not being afraid to invest in a relationship that you arent sure will work. She is saying you have to be able to put yourself out there to connect. So that makes me think....on a whole new level. What does this tell us about women that refuse to initiate contact? What does this tell us about women that withdraw....and insist the guy needs to make all the first moves....hiding her vulnerability?? I will be thinking about this for weeks. .
bentleychic Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 LOL My ex-wife....If her kids werent home....she would make me talk to her in the bathroom....while she was on the throne. She would lie and say she "just had to pee" and then the smell would hit me Her saying was "If she had to smell it...I had to smell it too" I would escape....and she would yell for me to get back in there lol Oh nasty. In 16 years of marriage, I never did that in front of exH. Rarely pee, but never that. Ewwww nooooo! 2
Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I doubt I am vulnerable with anyone. I am blunt, open, and honest. I really dont see how I would be vulnerable? I think because of your Asperger's, you're not as emotionally vulnerable as those not on the spectrum. 2
Author MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I think because of your Asperger's, you're not as emotionally vulnerable as those not on the spectrum. I would agree with that. 1
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 OK...I watched it. I guess if you use her interpretation of being vulnerable....then I am. I really dont have any fears of dealing with people, family, or social interaction. I dont always understand everything, but I'm surely not afraid to learn and not afraid to admit my lack of knowledge. Her interpretation is about being open, not being afraid to be the first one to say I love you.....not being afraid to invest in a relationship that you arent sure will work. She is saying you have to be able to put yourself out there to connect. So that makes me think....on a whole new level. What does this tell us about women that refuse to initiate contact? What does this tell us about women that withdraw....and insist the guy needs to make all the first moves....hiding her vulnerability?? I will be thinking about this for weeks. . Because vulnerability is hard. If it is easy for you, it probably isn't the same level of vulnerability that we are speaking about. That's why, as in your OP, women are so excited when they find a man they can be vulnerable with.
todreaminblue Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 i think be real with soemone i sreally important, it means to me to feel accepted, that includes first thing in the morning, when having a bad day , to be able to say yeah my day sucks.....not yep i am peachy how about you, this is s stock standard response given to people you are not close too........you dont want to bother them with a bad day or feelings that arent happy and positive so you keep things to yourself.....with a a partner who you can be real with , they want to know exactly how you feel....be real to me is just be able to talk openly honestly with oen person...who to me....shoudl aways be your other half to me ....it is what i miss th emost....because4 i dotn have that person i speak to now, sur ei have friends and really cool family who i speak to.....but soemtimes.....i just cant....they have theri own issues to deal with...a partner is that person i woudl talk to.BE REAL WITH....so now...its between me and god.....deb
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It is a comfort thing. For the first time in a long time, I am with someone who I can be everything I am. I am not afraid of what he will think of me, I don't hold things back because I feel like it is something he wouldn't feel comfortable to hear. As Deb said, he is someone who when I am feeling beaten and defeated, he is the person I know I can go to with everything and anything and he is my biggest supported. I don't worry about looking stupid in front of him. So many things that make me be able to be... me. Not just fun, happy, no problem me. I am not like that with my family, friends, or anyone else. Only him. 1
darkmoon Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 likes me with no make up, does not find fault in my convo flow...so just me relaxed
D-Lish Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 My ex-Husband was one of those people I could be myself around. He knew me inside and out- all the good along with the bad, and he never judged me. I could tell him ANYTHING, I could be silly, I could be vulnerable with him- and there was never any judgement. He loved me regardless of whether I was 150lbs or 105lbs- He loved me when I was sick and looked like a bag of crap. There are a lot of people out there who put conditions on their love for someone else. You can't be yourself around people like that.
Charlie Harper Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 My ex-Husband was one of those people I could be myself around. He knew me inside and out- all the good along with the bad, and he never judged me. I could tell him ANYTHING, I could be silly, I could be vulnerable with him- and there was never any judgement. He loved me regardless of whether I was 150lbs or 105lbs- He loved me when I was sick and looked like a bag of crap. There are a lot of people out there who put conditions on their love for someone else. You can't be yourself around people like that. I am exactly like that, I dont judge, so my friends feel confortable around me, and if I give advice I really try to do it without giving commands or rigid point of views, because I dont believe all situations can be solved with formulas... I am myself and let the chips fall where they may. I consider myself very lucky because I have good friendships and get along pretty well with my family.. They know exactly what to expect from me!
D-Lish Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I am exactly like that, I dont judge, so my friends feel confortable around me, and if I give advice I really try to do it without giving commands or rigid point of views, because I dont believe all situations can be solved with formulas... I am myself and let the chips fall where they may. I consider myself very lucky because I have good friendships and get along pretty well with my family.. They know exactly what to expect from me! I'm the same way with my friends- I don't judge, they can tell me anything. I want the same in my friendships, and my relationships. Strangers open up to me- it's weird sometimes, the things people I don't know feel okay telling me.
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