FearingTEN Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) My long story short: -Dated a girl for 2 and a half years. -All was well until she admitted into having a crush with another guy a year into our relationship -Things went downhill as her talking to this guy made me super protective (which she didnt like ) -Had many arguments but always forgave each other in the mornings -She breaks up with me out of the blue -She dates the other guy 2 weeks later -I begin crying, pleading and begging her back for two months -She said to leave her alone and became VERY harsh and bitter towards me -Decided to stop begging and go no contact (2 days ago) Now that I am in no contact... I have a few questions -What does NC achieve? -I know that you SHOULDNT use NC to make your ex miss you.. but does it? -How long do I do NC for? -If she texts me, do I reply? Or ignore her? -Is it true that that dissapearing from her life will make her wonder and be attracted to me again? -Any success stories that you can share? Thank you. Please help. Edited August 23, 2013 by FearingTEN 1
clairedunham Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Time heals all wounds. It probably seems impossible for you as for me right now but NC would take you to a another great world outside your r/s and you'll feel better.
Faith13/2 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My long story short: -Dated a girl for 2 and a half years. -All was well until she admitted into having a crush with another guy a year into our relationship -Things went downhill as her talking to this guy made me super protective (which she didnt like ) -Had many arguments but always forgave each other in the mornings -She breaks up with me out of the blue -She dates the other guy 2 weeks later -I begin crying, pleading and begging her back for two months -She said to leave her alone and became VERY harsh and bitter towards me -Decided to stop begging and go no contact (2 days ago) Now that I am in no contact... I have a few questions -What does NC achieve? -I know that you SHOULDNT use NC to make your ex miss you.. but does it? -How long do I do NC for? -If she texts me, do I reply? Or ignore her? -Is it true that that dissapearing from her life will make her wonder and be attracted to me again? -Any success stories that you can share? Thank you. Please help. As you said NC shouldn't be used for your ex to miss you. Yes, sometimes that is exactly what happens. What you need to ask yourself though is do you really want her to come back? Chances are if she does it's because things didn't work out with the other guy and she knows you're still emotionally available to her. Do you want to become a rebound? Are you willing to take a chance that she only sticks around until she finds someone else as she did in the first place? NC should be used for your healing process. This should be the time where you focus on yourself and try to relieve your mind from her. If she does come back at some point whether it be days, weeks, months, or even years, then you have the chance to decide whether or not being with her is something you really want for yourself. I know you want her back, but once she comes back will you be able to trust her? Or will you be insecure that she may do the same thing again? These are questions you should use this time to ask yourself.
Arabella Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Here you go: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated All your questions answered and then some. 1
summerlovin Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 -What does NC achieve? The goal of NC is for you to get yourself back. After a breakup you're left pretty broken and dejected, and NC allows you to pick up the pieces of your heart and put it back together. Talking to your ex is like pouring salt in your wound..however, if you're oblivious to what your ex is doing, it allows you to move on much quicker. -I know that you SHOULDNT use NC to make your ex miss you.. but does it? Yes, sometimes it does. At first they feel relieved when you stop contacting them, but then eventually they start to miss the attention. So sometimes they either contact you for an ego stroke, or because they truly do miss you and realize they made a mistake. NC also makes you seem mysterious so sometimes they wonder what you've been up to without them. Not all ex's miss you with NC though, some move on quicker and interpret your silence that you've moved on. -How long do I do NC for? I would say until you're indifferent to your ex and you have a hold of your emotions. Only contact them if you won't be phased by them not answering you or being blunt with you. -If she texts me, do I reply? Or ignore her? That's up to you...sometimes by ignoring them, it makes them try frantic and try harder. If they really want to talk to you, they will keep trying. If you really want to answer, make sure you compose yourself and keep the conversation short and light. Don't disclose too much information about yourself or seem too excited to talk to them. -Is it true that that dissapearing from her life will make her wonder and be attracted to me again? Sometimes. There are no guarantees. Improving yourself is what will make you attractive to her again.
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My long story short: -Dated a girl for 2 and a half years. -All was well until she admitted into having a crush with another guy a year into our relationship -Things went downhill as her talking to this guy made me super protective (which she didnt like ) -Had many arguments but always forgave each other in the mornings -She breaks up with me out of the blue -She dates the other guy 2 weeks later -I begin crying, pleading and begging her back for two months -She said to leave her alone and became VERY harsh and bitter towards me -Decided to stop begging and go no contact (2 days ago) Now that I am in no contact... I have a few questions -What does NC achieve? -I know that you SHOULDNT use NC to make your ex miss you.. but does it? -How long do I do NC for? -If she texts me, do I reply? Or ignore her? -Is it true that that dissapearing from her life will make her wonder and be attracted to me again? -Any success stories that you can share? Thank you. Please help. sigh. NC is not "a thing". NC is exactly what it says, it means No Contact. if you stay in contact with the person that dumped you, you'll never start healing. NC means you stop all forms of communication with them and move on with your life. if you believe NC is going to manipulate her into wanting you...it isn't. if you do it for some reason thinnking she will come back...she won't. 1
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 -What does NC achieve? A multitude of things. First and foremost, it gives you space to clear your mind of her. Secondly, every time you come back in contact with her, it's going to be like a searing hot cattle prod piercing your chest. Every. Single. Time. You break NC. Pretty much, its more for you than anyone. Allow yourself to get mentally stable. You can't do it with her around. -I know that you SHOULDNT use NC to make your ex miss you.. but does it? Depends on so many factors, mainly including your relationship and her ending feelings toward you. I can't really tell you, but to be frank, it probably wont. She said she doesn't want you around anymore (been there dude, brohug) so what can you really do? at the same time, the only way for her to miss you, is for her to not have you around. don't accept this as false hope. assume she will never talk to you again. -How long do I do NC for? Forever + 10 years. Never talk to her again. She left you, so the only way you could ever see her again with her holding any amount of respect for you is to let her come talk to you. maybe she will, maybe she wont. Even if she does, it promises nothing. Expect the worst case, imo. You can't be let down that way. -If she texts me, do I reply? Or ignore her? Honestly none of us can tell you that. The best thing for you to do, is once she does come back ask yourself some questions. - Is it even plausible she wants me back? If so... - Do I even want her back? (sounds impossible right now, I know, but time does wonders. trust me) - If I took if I took her back, would anything REALLY change? Sadly the answer to this is almost always no. This isn't hollywood, breakups rarely end in the couple involved "happily ever after". Only you can tell you if its right to respond. Don't make rash choices, even if she did respond I would wait a day before you responded back, if at all. -Is it true that that dissapearing from her life will make her wonder and be attracted to me again? eh... Yes and no, again it depends on the person. As I said earlier, she cannot miss you without you having been gone first. Do you miss having your computer/phone right now? No, because you're sitting on it, staring at the forums like us. At the same time, this is no indicator that she will ever actually come back around. only time can tell, and this is why it's that much more important for you to never break NC, and allow her to come to you (if she ever does.) If you break NC, she will hate you, be disgusted by you. But if you leave well enough alone, then maybe down the road she might go "I wonder what ever happened to XXXX..." -Any success stories that you can share? Nope. If you want I can direct you to my story of being cheated on and dumped by the love of my life of over 6 years. I can tell you that I'm getting better, I feel better every day, that it's only been a month and I'm already hitting on girls and feeling happy again. If you wish to take that as a "success" story, then there you go. But in terms of me getting back with her, there is no success story, and I doubt there ever will be. Just good ol' fashioned heartbreak. I know, there is so much here you probably don't want to hear. I know because a month ago I was sitting in your shoes. My relationship fallen the pieces, and absolutely no clue where to go next.I read advice after advice, and I didn't want to hear any of it. I thought these people didn't understand what I was going through. I thought my relationship was special/unique/different, but it wasn't. A girl I met on this site was dumped the exact same day as me for almost the exact same reason as me. My unique breakup happened to someone else at the exact same time. not that unique after all. So many of us here have walked in your shoes. Many of us know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. Many of us have experienced the exact same shock, sadness, and false hope you feel. Its hell, it honestly is. I never spoke to her again, really. Tomorrow is exactly 1 month NC for me. I've felt the feeling that breaking NC brings. Its the feeling I get when I get on facebook and I am scared I will see her profile with my "replacement". Its a mash of adrenaline, pure sadness, hatred, hope, love, and yearning for the past. It's not fun at all. Live to forget... it's hard but its the only way you will feel happy again. Best of luck man. Let us be your brothers and sisters in hearbreak, heh.
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