Sanctionne Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My goodness! I feel like I'm dating a freakin chick! any little argument or problem we have he posts it all over his FB, or tells EVERYONE his delusional side to his story. Seems to always stab me in the back any chance that he gets, yet he says that he Loves me? I've tried to be patient because of how I feel for him. But will it ever end? and once someone becomes verbally abusive will it ever stop? if he acts like a jerk and I react all of a sudden I'm crazy or bipolar. Sorry buddy, but if you talk a certain way to someone they're going to get upset. That's not called being bipolar, it's called being human. Anyway. I'm just here more to vent than anything. Wondering why this thing we all want (love) has to be so complex? Idk? maybe it won't be once we find the right person. But frankly, I'm sick of searching. p.s... Yes, I know I should dump him. Why haven't I? because I care for him and am hoping things might change. And I know I can't change anyone.
Author Sanctionne Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 We've been friends for many yrs, but began dating late last yr. He seemed to be such a great guy, was very broken up about his last relationship and would talk of it often. I didn't realize until I started dating him that this is a pattern of his. Seems that he likes to get ppl to pity him. And honestly, him putting our business out there has been a constant thing since we started seeing each other. I've talked to him about it many times, but it's obvious that he won't change. I guess my problem other than the fact that I do care & love him is that we have many mutual friends and I am sure he will make me look like a monster. I care too much about what other ppl are going to think/say about me because he does play a very good part as 'The victim'. In some twisted way, I think that's why I started caring for him the way that I do. I know that this is not a healthy relationship for me and I do deserve better. I bend over backwards and constantly go out of my way to do things to make him happy. But I'm getting the same in return and am not happy. You'd think that it would be easy to leave. But it's not. I don't think it really ever is.
MidwestUSA Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Is this the guy you broke up with who implied that you were second to his ex?
Author Sanctionne Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Sigh* Yes, I'm that stupid! I wanted to believe that he didn't mean what he said after he apologized.
MidwestUSA Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Do you think you really love him, or view him as a project you can "fix"? You know we women are like that. You probably need to move on and stop placing so much importance in what other people think (but you know this) 4
Author Sanctionne Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 You're so very right. I am very independent and seem to find these strays. Take them in, try to love them the best I can and give them things they've never had before. I guess I just wanted to feel needed and wanted. I've been told by many friends to hold myself to higher standards. I'm an attractive female w/a great job. I have my own place that I share w/no one. But do I love him? I feel that I do. I have cared for him very much for many yrs. I'm sad w/o him, but I'm also sad w/him because I don't feel appreciated or feel that he sees any of what I do for him. I'm not asking for a trophy. Just some appreciation and respect would be nice.
MidwestUSA Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Remember, what you see is what you're gonna be stuck with if you stay with him. People don't change (not significantly anyway). Listen to your friends! 2
JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My goodness! I feel like I'm dating a freakin chick! any little argument or problem we have he posts it all over his FB, or tells EVERYONE his delusional side to his story. Seems to always stab me in the back any chance that he gets, yet he says that he Loves me? I've tried to be patient because of how I feel for him. But will it ever end? and once someone becomes verbally abusive will it ever stop? if he acts like a jerk and I react all of a sudden I'm crazy or bipolar. Sorry buddy, but if you talk a certain way to someone they're going to get upset. That's not called being bipolar, it's called being human. Anyway. I'm just here more to vent than anything. Wondering why this thing we all want (love) has to be so complex? Idk? maybe it won't be once we find the right person. But frankly, I'm sick of searching. p.s... Yes, I know I should dump him. Why haven't I? because I care for him and am hoping things might change. And I know I can't change anyone. I just want to tell you that I have experience with this kind of man. First of all, this is immature behavior. I believe it's "okay" for everyone to have a confidant. But once you air your dirty laundry to everyone and talk crap instead of trying to find a solution, that's immature territory. In my opinion this is destined to end poorly because one day he will tell everyone something about you that will make you so upset you will have had it. So, if I were you I'd cut it loose early on. This is the behavior of a 16 year old boy you have to understand that. Mature people work out problems with the actual person and don't go sobbing to others to reveal secrets. Again, to go with the prospect of finding a solution is one thing. To go with the prospect of revealing secrets and a pity party is another. And if he's condescending to you then that's all there is to it -- dude is just a boy stuck in a man's body. Find a grown up! 1
Author Sanctionne Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Thank you all for the support. I'm really going to need it. I told him that he needs to pick up his things. Since Monday I've been trying to book a mini trip w/him. I was only going on this trip because he wanted to go to a concert. He doesn't have a car, so I was going to drive us. Yesterday he was finally being nice and in the middle of planning the trip (via FB, because he doesn't have a phone) he disappears. This morning he said he fell asleep. Yet he mentioned a post I made last night. However, I deleted it last night. Funny how he saw this post, yet was sleeping. Now is saying that he booked a room for us, but was trying to see my reaction. You're all right. He's immature and needs to grow up. Who asks to go on a trip, then delays booking the trip, disappears in the middle of trying to make a plan & then says he booked the room, but didn't tell me to see what kind of reaction he'd get from me? So not worth it. It's going to be so hard though. But I don't have the energy anymore. (we are both 35) 3
charlietheginger Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 He has no car then stop picking him up or driving to him all done 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 (we are both 35) sigh....:: face palm :: 1
Author Sanctionne Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 (we are both 35) sigh....:: face palm :: Yep... I know. Very sad indeed that things are this way at this age.
Jbum5 Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 You're dealing with an emotionally retarded moron. These types of guys fail to internalize and deal with what their feeling, so they publicize it in order to get the burden off their shoulders. This is their method of coping. Unfortunately, it's also embarrassing for both of you and arguably disrespectful. So if you can't accept it, let him know directly. If he can't adjust or make compromise, then you should find a way to move on because you are incompatible with each other. 1
crederer Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 No car and no phone at 35? I had an ex that would do the emotional facebook stuff too. Airing our dirty laundry all the time and giving an extremely biased slant on it. But then again, she was 21 at the time. 1
Recommended Posts