fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Meaning, how important is it that the person you date be independent in their life? I just started a full time job (well, I'll be starting as soon as the background check comes back) in retail sales. It's more money than I had been making (which was literally $0) but still not nearly enough for me to live on my own. Between this job and the business that I'm trying to grow, I won't have enough money to get a third job, so for the foreseeable future I'll be living with my parents. I imagine we're talking at least a year. Should I just forget about trying to date? Should I try to date other people in the same situation? How the heck do I find people like that? Should I try to date younger women who might be in college and still living at home themselves? I understand the idea that I should wait until I get my feet under me before I try to date, but since I"m 25 and completely inexperienced with women aside from some dates/hangouts (never kissed, etc.) I feel like there's definitely going to be a learning curve for me. I'd prefer to deal with that now than years down the road. Thoughts?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I guess this isn't a very interesting topic... 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It's a difficult situation for you. I managed to get some minimal dating experience under my belt as well as sexual in the last year and I'm now trying to sort out my own situation regarding independence too. I have taken the decision not to actively date - if an opportunity comes up with someone who doesn't mind though and I am attracted then of course I won't say no. My advice would be to sit tight - you don't have to go looking for dates if you don't feel comfortable doing so while still living at home. However, I wouldn't be completely against the idea - if a girl expresses interest despite your situation and you like her, then go for it. If not, leave as is. Focusing on your life situation now will probably stand you in better stead as a viable relationship partner for a woman someday. Either way, be open . 1
Els Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I think, like Wholigan says, you should keep yourself open to possibilities, but probably best to put more focus on your life and career for the time being. Girls in college would be okay, especially considering you're only 25, but firstly I'm not sure how you intend to meet them (because non-college guys trawling colleges just to meet them is plain creepy), and secondly their expectations might not necessarily be different. Probably best to simply consider each woman an individual, with individual preferences, and just go with the flow if things develop naturally. I personally think that unless you're going for extremely ambitious and successful women in high-flying professions, you're most likely gonna be okay. Congrats on the job, btw! 4
Star Gazer Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It's critically important to me. As for the rest, I agree with Els. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 What do you mean by business trying to grow? Depends on the goals and the hard work of the individual. For me, mostly because I WAS living on my own and supporting myself, yeah. I wanted that in a partner.
todreaminblue Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I have never judged a man for his job or lack there of, if between jobs, i think a man needs to be motivated to work and want to work for himself not for others......when it includes not working because of drugs or alcohol different outlook then....... i dotn think a guy should ever be in a job he detests....he shoudl look though for th ejob that suits him...as far as independance goes....to me thats living inside yoru means.its a state of mind...if its small money you have you live small and look for free entertainment...as a single mum i can myself live extremely small..my teens i dotn think they undertstand i cant grow money from my handbag......they have been told that many times...handbags dont regenerate money...independance is how you view others money also...i have a friend who isnt independant can tmanage money i do it fo rhim...it gets tiring......if a guy can handle whatever money he has and be happy to handle even the small amount he has that to me is independance...AND it is very attractive...deb 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 What do you mean by business trying to grow? Depends on the goals and the hard work of the individual. For me, mostly because I WAS living on my own and supporting myself, yeah. I wanted that in a partner. I'm part of a small multimedia business. We're not at the point where we can give up our day jobs and make a living off of it, but we're making a lot of progress, like getting advertising sponsors. Like I said, the new job is a full time job, it's just not enough to live on my own. I'm still looking for and applying to jobs that would pay enough to do that, but I don't anticipate getting any of them. I don't exactly have a lot of in demand skills. I'd go back to grad school, but I think that would be a waste of time and money (since I've already wasted time and money on my first degree)...
Els Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I think you're making the right decision in your career choices at the moment, 49k. Working on a side business is a great idea, and if it means you have to stay at home for another year, so be it. Grad school is generally not a good idea unless you actually need it for a specific reason (for instance, you want to work in academia/R&D). 1
KungFuJoe Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Don't even worry about it. Listen to me. If a girl really likes you she won't give a **** what you do or where you live. 5
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I'm part of a small multimedia business. We're not at the point where we can give up our day jobs and make a living off of it, but we're making a lot of progress, like getting advertising sponsors. Like I said, the new job is a full time job, it's just not enough to live on my own. I'm still looking for and applying to jobs that would pay enough to do that, but I don't anticipate getting any of them. I don't exactly have a lot of in demand skills. I'd go back to grad school, but I think that would be a waste of time and money (since I've already wasted time and money on my first degree)... Ah gotcha, I was in the dark as to what that meant. Well that is good. I have dated guys who lived with their parents, one was same age as you. No big deal.
MrCastle Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Don't even worry about it. Listen to me. If a girl really likes you she won't give a **** what you do or where you live. Pretty much this. I don't care about a girl's situation but then again I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I suppose when I do things like that will be of some importance. 1
Els Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Don't even worry about it. Listen to me. If a girl really likes you she won't give a **** what you do or where you live. Well, on the one hand I do see what you mean, and on the other hand... doesn't that apply to anything else that anyone might be motivated to change? "It doesn't matter that you're obese/dress badly/a drug addict/unemployed/in debt/etc, because if a girl/guy really likes you they won't give a **** about that"? Kinda true, because plenty of the people I mentioned above have partners, but on the other hand, there's no denying that many of the above attributes are undesirable to others. It's quite clear from the responses here that independence does matter a lot to some women, although perhaps it matters less to others. Personally, it does matter to me, just not in the same way. 49K's situation is okay to me because he has plans for the future and moving out, ie. it is supposed to be temporary. Another poster who is living with his parents because they are invalid and need taking care of, I also find admirable. On the other hand, a guy in his mid-twenties who is living with his parents because he likes mom and dad taking care of everything for him and has no plans of moving out in the foreseeable future, would be very unattractive to me. From what I have heard from many women, my stance on this is actually on the very lenient side. So, yes, there will be girls happy to date 49k, but I think it's still a good idea for him to motivate himself to have solid plans for moving out. Independence can only better his chances. At everything.
white Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Women's, to me, not at all. I've never met anyone just living off their parents with no plans, it's a fantasy caricature as far as I'm concerned. I've met people with "independence", home, car, job, who are going nowhere in life. In fact that describes half my buddies. Who are all married. I know a girl who's dumped the entire concept of modern upwardly mobile life out the window, moved across the country into a caravan in a wood, no job, only benefit money, no car, no bills. Spends her time cutting wood, getting high, brewing her own booze, and hunting. It sounds awesome. She's got a string of guys. A guy I go to college with lives on his parents farm, in their house, with no plans to ever leave. He's an unhealthy dropout who looks ten years older than he is who I doubt will make it through the degree. Got a really cute girlfriend and they're engaged. The richest guy I know can't get laid to save his life, and we don't even know why. Another guy is also pretty rich doing something important with bank money in London, but he drops in and out of being certified mentally ill, takes a barrage of medications, looks and dresses like a potato, and never leaves the house. What does independence even mean. 1
KungFuJoe Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Well, on the one hand I do see what you mean, and on the other hand... doesn't that apply to anything else that anyone might be motivated to change? "It doesn't matter that you're obese/dress badly/a drug addict/unemployed/in debt/etc, because if a girl/guy really likes you they won't give a **** about that"? Kinda true, because plenty of the people I mentioned above have partners, but on the other hand, there's no denying that many of the above attributes are undesirable to others. It's quite clear from the responses here that independence does matter a lot to some women, although perhaps it matters less to others. Personally, it does matter to me, just not in the same way. 49K's situation is okay to me because he has plans for the future and moving out, ie. it is supposed to be temporary. Another poster who is living with his parents because they are invalid and need taking care of, I also find admirable. On the other hand, a guy in his mid-twenties who is living with his parents because he likes mom and dad taking care of everything for him and has no plans of moving out in the foreseeable future, would be very unattractive to me. From what I have heard from many women, my stance on this is actually on the very lenient side. So, yes, there will be girls happy to date 49k, but I think it's still a good idea for him to motivate himself to have solid plans for moving out. Independence can only better his chances. At everything. Well, I'm also going off op's situation. He's 25...still young. If he was 45, that'd be a different story. I mean, when I was 25...I was living alone...but only because I was renting out my dad's condo and had a roommate. My monthly rent was $250. I wasn't going to school and I was making 38K a year working at an IT help desk. 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Well, I'm also going off op's situation. He's 25...still young. If he was 45, that'd be a different story. I mean, when I was 25...I was living alone...but only because I was renting out my dad's condo and had a roommate. My monthly rent was $250. I wasn't going to school and I was making 38K a year working at an IT help desk. Yeah I'd love to be making $38,000 a year (and pay $250 in rent). As a side note, I do help around the house, which includes driving my father to work and the store and wherever else he needs to go (a responsibility my brother also shares with me) since neither he nor my mother can drive anymore due to health related issues (my father's is hopefully a temporary thing). So I'm not exactly just laying about doing nothing and just mooching. 1
mesmerized Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It's very important for me. But then again I'm in my late twenties and independent myself. I would say as women get older they care more and more about this, specially if they themselves have a good career and a life of their own.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 It's very important for me. But then again I'm in my late twenties and independent myself. I would say as women get older they care more and more about this, specially if they themselves have a good career and a life of their own. Yeah I see what you're saying. I wrote this thread after I came back from hanging out with a good (female) friend of mine. College educated and somewhat accomplished (runs her own business), very attractive (though I'm not interested). But she's living at home and dating a guy who also lives with his parents. So I feel like if it's possible for those two, maybe it's not impossible for me to date while living with my parents. Though I could be wrong about that...
Keenly Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I am completely independent. I would have no problem dating a girl that was 18 to 21 that was not. But if she's 22 or older, has no job, no Car, gets an allowance.... I start to question where she's going in life. I'm looking for wind in my sails, not an anchor.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I am completely independent. I would have no problem dating a girl that was 18 to 21 that was not. But if she's 22 or older, has no job, no Car, gets an allowance.... I start to question where she's going in life. I'm looking for wind in my sails, not an anchor. Well that's an extreme circumstance. I definitely have a car, a job and I don't get an allowance. In fact I really never got one, even as a kid.
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah I'd love to be making $38,000 a year (and pay $250 in rent). As a side note, I do help around the house, which includes driving my father to work and the store and wherever else he needs to go (a responsibility my brother also shares with me) since neither he nor my mother can drive anymore due to health related issues (my father's is hopefully a temporary thing). So I'm not exactly just laying about doing nothing and just mooching. Do you do the basic household chores for yourself - cooking, laundry, dishes, basic fixing, etc? And manage your own banking, insurance, etc? Should be fine if you are. I mean, I can't speak for all women, obviously, but for me the most worrisome part would be guys who depend on mommy dearest to do all of the above (which usually gets transferred on to gf dearest if they ever move in with her ). Seriously, I know guys who are 30 years and above and living with their parents, and a few of them still can't do some of the above! Scary stuff.
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