Emma1234 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 How can dumpers just turn so cold? It's like they have blocked out every memory and loving moment from their mind. I know they apparently start to get over it before they break it off but in my situation we started my both breaking it off but then me changing my mind. I grieved a small amount initially as did he but he seems to have experienced nothing that I felt afterwards. I just can't comprehend?!!? He doesn't seem to be slightly bothered. 2
lalalovekay Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 How can dumpers just turn so cold? It's like they have blocked out every memory and loving moment from their mind. I know they apparently start to get over it before they break it off but in my situation we started my both breaking it off but then me changing my mind. I grieved a small amount initially as did he but he seems to have experienced nothing that I felt afterwards. I just can't comprehend?!!? He doesn't seem to be slightly bothered. I have the very same question but what I think is. They do feel it but then they get annoyed of feeling bad eventually they just stop or if they do feel it they dont show it to not seem weak
theonlyjuan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I do the exact same thing and I am the dumpee. It's just a way people cope with a breakup. To my ex I must seem like everything I did and said when we were together was a lie, because how I act now is a massive contrast. I do think about her, I do care about her, it would appear to others like I don't. I'm sure your ex is the same, it's just a persona and a way to cope. He probably thinks of you and misses you. It's like you train your brain to no feel emotion and block out all that stuff. It has helped me a lot and I am usually quite an emotional person. You just have to concentrate on yourself and not worry how he acts or comes across. 1
Author Emma1234 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Probably, I know my ex had the cruel ability to block everything he didn't like to think about out of his mind completely. I just never thought he'd do it to me...
may_girl Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I honestly believe while we are giving them their ego boosts they are so full of themselves they feel like they have the right to ignore us. Stick to NC and prove to them you don't need them. It will drive them mad and they will then care.
Author Emma1234 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Yeah, I refuse to contact him. I know that sometimes blocking things out is a really good way of coping but the way he does it literally allows him no emotion towards the issue what so ever. He won't even acknowledge that he's blocking it out.
theonlyjuan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He won't acknowledge is to you, but he can to himself in private. You need to stop caring about it! You will eventually get to the stage where you think " Sod this! I've had enough I don't care " Concentrate on you, improve yourself, hit the gym . Get in the mindset of " I'll show you what your missing " if you must. Best revenge is living well, dumpers often feel hurt or have their ego crushed when they see you bouncing back and living well without them. 1
LoveIs Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 The simple truth is that they have had longer to process it than you, most likely. You don't just dump someone out of the blue, even though it feels and seems like it. They've had the luxury of sitting there and evaluating and in many instances not properly communicating the tenuous nature of your relationship to you. It might be shocking to you that they want to break up, but it isn't for them.
JDPT Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My theory is that the dumper (coming from a dumpee) is mentally prepared to execute. It's like bungee jumping or sky diving, once you jump there is not turning back. Dumpers apply the same concept, they are determined and adamant about their decision. The dumpee can beg, plead, cry from here to China and the dumper will not contemplate the thought of budging. I personally never dwelled on how "cold" my ex was when she dumped me and afterwards. I believe that I to my benefit managed to understand at an early stage that the relationship was over and perhaps my subconscious was telling me that we were through long ago. I can only suggest to not worry so much about how could they or why would they but rather simply view it as a decision the dumper made and accept it gracefully.
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 How can dumpers just turn so cold? It's like they have blocked out every memory and loving moment from their mind. I know they apparently start to get over it before they break it off but in my situation we started my both breaking it off but then me changing my mind. I grieved a small amount initially as did he but he seems to have experienced nothing that I felt afterwards. I just can't comprehend?!!? He doesn't seem to be slightly bothered. because they decided in their heads a long time ago that they were going to dump you and that they no longer want you to be a part of their life.
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I do the exact same thing and I am the dumpee. It's just a way people cope with a breakup. To my ex I must seem like everything I did and said when we were together was a lie, because how I act now is a massive contrast. I do think about her, I do care about her, it would appear to others like I don't. I'm sure your ex is the same, it's just a persona and a way to cope. He probably thinks of you and misses you. It's like you train your brain to no feel emotion and block out all that stuff. It has helped me a lot and I am usually quite an emotional person. You just have to concentrate on yourself and not worry how he acts or comes across. Pretty much this. If you talked to me to my face, I have a bright smile, I am animated, engaged, and seem like I love life. If you actually entered my head, it's a ****ing nightmare. I put on the mask because I need it. I want to get back to normal life. I want to meet new girls and just feel anything again. None of that can happen if I look like I just watched my dog get slammed by a semi-truck going 90 on the freeway. I'm dealing with my problems. Close friends and family know where I am at mentally. But for everyone else, including her? for all they know, I'm just fine. It's like it never even happened.
MontyCarlo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Not sure how he feels in your case, I've just recently (3days) split with my girlfriend of almost 5 years. I haven't contacted her since, and neither has she contacted me. (which if I'm honest, I'm surprised at, but also happy for her). First time I've had to end a relationship, I feel terrible. Full of doubts, cried a lot by myself over it. Guilt that I've hurt her so much and upset that I've taken almost 5 years of her life. Loved virtually every moment that I was with her but little niggles that I had with our relationship became to much for me to handle, tried talking about them with no result. My eyes started to wander to other girls, I would never ever cheat on her but realised i no longer found her attractive so had to end it. Still crying now, want to call her so much, apologise beg her to take me back, but I wont, I cant, it wouldn't be fair to her....or to me. Don't think he isn't hurting as well, chances are he is as well. Cant love someone then suddenly turn it off, even if you do end the relationship like I did.
Knoxpwns Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Not sure how he feels in your case, I've just recently (3days) split with my girlfriend of almost 5 years. I haven't contacted her since, and neither has she contacted me. (which if I'm honest, I'm surprised at, but also happy for her). First time I've had to end a relationship, I feel terrible. Full of doubts, cried a lot by myself over it. Guilt that I've hurt her so much and upset that I've taken almost 5 years of her life. Loved virtually every moment that I was with her but little niggles that I had with our relationship became to much for me to handle, tried talking about them with no result. My eyes started to wander to other girls, I would never ever cheat on her but realised i no longer found her attractive so had to end it. Still crying now, want to call her so much, apologise beg her to take me back, but I wont, I cant, it wouldn't be fair to her....or to me. Don't think he isn't hurting as well, chances are he is as well. Cant love someone then suddenly turn it off, even if you do end the relationship like I did. My condolences, but it's a lot easier for them when they get to where you were at, then keep it going for another 2-3 years. Pretty much 100% positive my girlfriend forgot who I was the second the door closed.
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