LeahP Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My ex boyfriend and I had been together for 2yrs when he proposed to me in March of this year, I said no to him because I was freaked out as the thought of marriage scares me, I loved him so much but when he asked me I said no and we broke up the next day. I am 26 and he is a 30yo cop who works around the area I live in and we both still have mutual friends so some nights out can be awkward, My ex can be quite short fused and we would fight a good bit but when things were good they were amazing and we loved each other so much! Neither of us has dated since the break up but I seem to become a ***** when he is around and I start to flirt or dance with some guys. The other night after I was out with some friends after the bar closed he was working there to clear the area and I was talking to some guy but he came over to me and pulled me aside asking what the f**k was I playing at? and that I was acting like a sl*t etc, Longs story short I pushed him away and we started having an argument in public, He was in uniform and was shouting back at me so his colleagues who I also know told him to calm down and walk away so they eventually calmed him down and I just walked home alone. The next day he came by my place and apologized & that he shouldn't have acted like that but it killed him seeing me with another guy, He told me that he cant imagine his life without me and him, that without me he has absolutely nothing and kept telling me how much he loves me etc! I love him so much and I wanted to give in to him but our relationship has always been this volatile and although I really want to be with him again, I cant go back to living like that, Him being overly jealous and us fighting so much. Any advice would be great!? Thanks in advance.
Philosoraptor Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You love the good but want nothing to do with the bad. I don't blame you. Jealous and controlling is not something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. You need to do what is going to give you the best chance at having a healthy, happy, and stable future. 2
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 so wait, you admit to going out of your way to flirt and dance with guys specifically when he is around, then demonize him for being jealous? Please tell me you understand why this makes no sense and is completely backwards. 7
Phantom888 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You love him, but can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him? I mean, 2 years of dating, and at your age, you should know if he's the one for you. If not, then move on. Yes you still have strong feelings for each other, but it doesn't mean you are right for each other. 2
FitChick Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He has a gun, a bad temper and is "nothing" without you. Bad combo! 1
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My ex boyfriend and I had been together for 2yrs when he proposed to me in March of this year, I said no to him because I was freaked out as the thought of marriage scares me, I loved him so much but when he asked me I said no and we broke up the next day. I am 26 and he is a 30yo cop who works around the area I live in and we both still have mutual friends so some nights out can be awkward, My ex can be quite short fused and we would fight a good bit but when things were good they were amazing and we loved each other so much! Neither of us has dated since the break up but I seem to become a ***** when he is around and I start to flirt or dance with some guys. The other night after I was out with some friends after the bar closed he was working there to clear the area and I was talking to some guy but he came over to me and pulled me aside asking what the f**k was I playing at? and that I was acting like a sl*t etc, Longs story short I pushed him away and we started having an argument in public, He was in uniform and was shouting back at me so his colleagues who I also know told him to calm down and walk away so they eventually calmed him down and I just walked home alone. The next day he came by my place and apologized & that he shouldn't have acted like that but it killed him seeing me with another guy, He told me that he cant imagine his life without me and him, that without me he has absolutely nothing and kept telling me how much he loves me etc! I love him so much and I wanted to give in to him but our relationship has always been this volatile and although I really want to be with him again, I cant go back to living like that, Him being overly jealous and us fighting so much. Any advice would be great!? Thanks in advance.This is a textbook model for abusive relationships.
ddlovexx Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You love the good but want nothing to do with the bad. I don't blame you. Jealous and controlling is not something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. You need to do what is going to give you the best chance at having a healthy, happy, and stable future. You have to take the good with the bad sometimes... honestly it's not something that can't be worked on/fixed. Especially if you "love each other and want to be with each other", you should be willing to work with each other. Although, from the actions you described, you may need to grow up a little bit. Both of you have issues to work on. Best of luck!
bentleychic Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He has a gun, a bad temper and is "nothing" without you. Bad combo! I agree completely. Very bad combination. Volatile + gun = potential for bad, bad decisions in the heat of the moment. (And I have NOTHING against responsible gun ownership.)
StanMusial Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My ex boyfriend and I had been together for 2yrs when he proposed to me in March of this year, I said no to him because I was freaked out as the thought of marriage scares me, I loved him so much but when he asked me I said no and we broke up the next day. I am 26 and he is a 30yo cop who works around the area I live in and we both still have mutual friends so some nights out can be awkward, My ex can be quite short fused and we would fight a good bit but when things were good they were amazing and we loved each other so much! Neither of us has dated since the break up but I seem to become a ***** when he is around and I start to flirt or dance with some guys. The other night after I was out with some friends after the bar closed he was working there to clear the area and I was talking to some guy but he came over to me and pulled me aside asking what the f**k was I playing at? and that I was acting like a sl*t etc, Longs story short I pushed him away and we started having an argument in public, He was in uniform and was shouting back at me so his colleagues who I also know told him to calm down and walk away so they eventually calmed him down and I just walked home alone. The next day he came by my place and apologized & that he shouldn't have acted like that but it killed him seeing me with another guy, He told me that he cant imagine his life without me and him, that without me he has absolutely nothing and kept telling me how much he loves me etc! I love him so much and I wanted to give in to him but our relationship has always been this volatile and although I really want to be with him again, I cant go back to living like that, Him being overly jealous and us fighting so much. Any advice would be great!? Thanks in advance. Hmm. I'd like to hear his side of the story. You turned down his marriage proposal, which is bad enough. But why do you feel the need to stick it to him like that? You obviously know how to push his buttons. My advice? Don't do that. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 None of these are the actions of love....you are not going to like that I say this now, but you will thank your lucky stars several years from now. Just because you are hurting doesn't mean you shouldn't move on. You miss PARTS of the relationship, that's normal. If you care about your ex, stop flirting with other guys in his presence for a bit. He has a lot to lose (with his job). Continue to flirt with other guys and go places where he will not be so you can do so and move on....I think you sensed that you weren't ready---whether it was him as a person or where you are in life yourself--it's fine not to be ready. You will be when the right person comes along. It's immature of you to flirt with others in front of him to hurt him and also immature of him to flip out--especially when he's on duty...He's truly not ready either if he cannot control himself in this situation. And if he's the type who NEVER can, you have made a good choice by saying no. Possession is not love. 2
MrCastle Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You love him, but can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him? I mean, 2 years of dating, and at your age, you should know if he's the one for you. If not, then move on. Yes you still have strong feelings for each other, but it doesn't mean you are right for each other. She's 26. I'm 25 and I don't even say the M word. No one my age does. People in their middle 20s should not be looking at marriage. No offense to those who did.
loversquarrel Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 To those of you saying he's being abusive....cut the ****. Seriously. I see a woman scorned and spiteful at being dumped. I mean seriously, of course he's upset, what person wouldn't be??? You are admitting to jamming it straight up his ass right in front of him with other guys. No wonder your relationship is volatile, you show absolutely no respect for him, yet you claim to have feelings for him? He should be thankful you said no and let you become someone else's problem. You're actions are malicious, you admitted it yourself. 2
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