sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) My girlfriend and I dated for 6.5 years before I broke up with her. She was expecting me to marry her. The reason I broke up was I felt that I had to fix things between my parents since my Dad was sleeping around with prostitutes and I couldn't go forward with a marriage unless my parents relationship was fixed. So I broke up with her in Oct. 2012 and pretty much ran away to California. She called me in November 2012 and I told her that I probably won't ever get married to anyone. In January 2013, she called me and I told her to not "have any hope." By the end of January 2013, she was talking with an old flirty friend of hers and they ended up making out and getting intimate. Is this normal behavior to engage in 3 months after breakup from a 6.5 year relationship? Edited August 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
xpaperxcutx Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Since you're the one to break with her, she has every right to move on with another guy who's willing to make her happy. 5
Keenly Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Its normal if breaking up with her was the right thing to do. It looks like it was. Congratulations.
Arabella Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 YOU broke up with her... and you're complaining she moved on? You remind me of my ex, who I ended a relationship with in NO uncertain terms, and 4 months later he was bitching me out for dating someone else. When a relationship is over, it's OVER. What the other person does at that point is just none of your business. 4
Author sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I just feel as though 3 months after a serious 6.5 year relationship is pretty fast.
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) My girlfriend and I dated for 6.5 years before I broke up with her. She was expecting me to marry her. The reason I broke up was I felt that I had to fix things between my parents since my Dad was sleeping around with prostitutes and I couldn't go forward with a marriage unless my parents relationship was fixed. So I broke up with her in Oct. 2012 and pretty much ran away to California. She called me in November 2012 and I told her that I probably won't ever get married to anyone. In January 2013, she called me and I told her to not "have any hope." By the end of January 2013, she was talking with an old flirty friend of hers and they ended up making out and getting intimate. Is this normal behavior to engage in 3 months after breakup from a 6.5 year relationship? You bailed on her and made it perfectly clear you had 0 interest in ever being with her again. What, did you expect her to be celibate for the rest of her life? is it normal? probably not for a lot. maybe a fling, maybe serious. The more important question for me is why do you care if you don't want to be with her anymore? Frankly, I'm not trying to be the one to judge your situation with your family, but you parents are not you. Their marriage might be bad, but that doesn't mean you automatically can't have one. My grandparents were violent alcoholics and horrible parents. My dad and his siblings told people their parents were dead before they even died. My dad doesn't drink and is the greatest man I know. Just because your parents are headed down a rocky road does not in any way shape or form prevent you from having a happy life as well. I don't mean to be rude; perhaps you feel like going into slightly better detail, but from my perspective, your "excuse" for breaking up with her seems like bull****. Edited August 23, 2013 by Knoxpwns
loversquarrel Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Wow, some people really get offended at such simple, straight forward questions.... To the poster: Yes it is normal, especially after a period of three months. Everybody is different. Some will date right away, such as within a week (not the most healthy thing to do), while others will recognize they need some time before they can move on (such as a few months), which is probably the more healthy thing to do. It seems as though your ex chose to handle things in a healthy manner.
Philosoraptor Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Is this normal behavior to engage in 3 months after breakup from a 6.5 year relationship? Well you ended the relationship. Her choices of what to engage in romantically or sexually are her's and her's alone. Some people move fast and some stay alone for a long time. She's just doing what feels right for her right now. All you can do is wish her the best with her life and do your best in your own.
Arabella Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I just feel as though 3 months after a serious 6.5 year relationship is pretty fast. I think anybody should give themselves a period of time to heal from a relationship that just ended, but at some point you just gotta stop brooding and get back on the horse. Three months seem pretty reasonable, considering you two weren't married. It doesn't mean that she's immediately going to get serious with the first guy she dates, but she's likely exploring her options and taking it slow -- which is perfectly healthy.
soccerrprp Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Normal for whom? She didn't do anything wrong. You moved on...and so did she.
Chi townD Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Yep! It is! I mean, what did you expect?! You told her you will not marry her and not to have any hope! So, she's moving on! She was intimate with someone else. Whether she was with this person for solace or whatever...it's really none of your business anymore. Sounds like you don't want her, but you don't want anyone else to have her either.
Author sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I want to get back with my ex after the 10 month breakup. Should I hold it against her that she got with some guy during our breakup. Does it make her a slut? I didn't date around during our breakup. I always loved her in my heart but I just needed time away to see if I really loved her.
Author sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I just felt that she was the type of girl who'd have more respect for herself because this guy friend of hers just ended up using her and she even admitted that.
Arabella Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I want to get back with my ex after the 10 month breakup. Should I hold it against her that she got with some guy during our breakup. Does it make her a slut? I didn't date around during our breakup. I always loved her in my heart but I just needed time away to see if I really loved her. Personally, I would never get back with an ex after they have slept with someone else. While I don't think you have a right to hold it against her (because you did dump her, and it's been 10 months at that point), you also have every right to use whatever criteria you deem acceptable to reconcile. Essentially, it's up to you to decide if this is a deal-breaker for wanting to get back together, and don't be ashamed if it is.
Author sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Well, she got with the guy 3 months after the breakup but I contacted her 7 months later to get back together. Should I judge her for getting with her guy friend 3 months after our breakup? I didn't get with anyone during the breakup.
Arabella Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Well, she got with the guy 3 months after the breakup but I contacted her 7 months later to get back together. Should I judge her for getting with her guy friend 3 months after our breakup? I didn't get with anyone during the breakup. Did you know about this hookup when you contacted her 7 months later? If you knew and it bothered you, why did you contact her at all? It's your prerogative, but you need to pick one and be consistent. If it matters to you, then don't act like you want to get back together. If it doesn't matter that much, then stop questioning it.
Chi townD Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 She got blown out of the water. She was hurt and vulnerable. And she probably wanted to FEEL wanted because she found out that the guy that should have wanted her the most, didn't. So, she may have wanted some human contact. To feel loved and desired even if it was only fleeting.
Philosoraptor Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I want to get back with my ex after the 10 month breakup. Should I hold it against her that she got with some guy during our breakup. Does it make her a slut? I didn't date around during our breakup. I always loved her in my heart but I just needed time away to see if I really loved her. She was single. You can't hold anything against her that she did while you were apart. Whether she slept with someone else or not shouldn't make one bit of difference. Get off your self righteous high horse and realize that if you hadn't ended the relationship, she wouldn't have been seeing anyone else. Just because you didn't sleep with anyone when single, doesn't mean she had to do the same.
Author sernewto Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I found out about the other guy only after I contacted her wanting to get back together.
PlumPrincess Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I found out about the other guy only after I contacted her wanting to get back together. So what? Since October you had been telling her that it was over and then in Januar she finally decided to move on. It's none of your business what she is doing.
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I just felt that she was the type of girl who'd have more respect for herself because this guy friend of hers just ended up using her and she even admitted that. Having the person you love more than anything in your life drop you like a 100 lb sack of **** they never needed in the first place does tremendous amounts of emotional damage. I can say this from experience. Maybe she was the type of girl that had more respect for herself then that, but when the people you love piss in your boots it makes some people do some crazy stuff. Long story short, doesn't matter what she's doing with her free time. You decided you want no part in it, so leave it at that. 1
oldshirt Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 By the end of January 2013, she was talking with an old flirty friend of hers and they ended up making out and getting intimate. Is this normal behavior to engage in 3 months after breakup from a 6.5 year relationship? No. most normal, healthy people would have gotten the hint after a year or so of dating and then started moving on and interacting with other people within a week or so of breaking up.
oldshirt Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I just felt that she was the type of girl who'd have more respect for herself because this guy friend of hers just ended up using her and she even admitted that. Actually YOU were the one that used her and when she is laying on her death bed and her granddaughter asks her if she has any last minute advice for her, she is going to tell her not to burn up her time with men who only want her around for their own convenience and not to waste time with someone who does not want a future with her. YOU were the one that burned up years of her life and used up the best years of her youth and of her "pretty." YOU are going to be the one that she looks back on years from now with regret and not the one night stands and not the guys from the bars and not from the guys that took her out on a number of dates and then decided she was not the one and faded away like a fart in the wind. this new guy is a clean slate, he may work out, he may not but either way he has potential. YOU were the dead end and the one that used up her time and her love for six years. How many of those years did you know that she was not the one and knew you weren't going to make a future with her but kept her hanging on anyway? A guy from the bar will only use her body for night then let her go. YOU used her heart and her body and her soul every single day that you knew in your heart that she wasn't the one and you kept her hanging on. She is bitter and resentful and feels like a schmuck for spending all that time with you and not with him. 1
oldshirt Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 The reason I broke up was I felt that I had to fix things between my parents since my Dad was sleeping around with prostitutes and I couldn't go forward with a marriage unless my parents relationship was fixed. I call BS. You broke up with her because you knew she was not the one you wanted to spend the rest of your days with and this was just the excuse you used to rationalize in your mind so you didn't feel bad for dumping her and hurting her after burning up 6 of her best years. If there is one thing women (and men for that matter) need to know is that if a man is in love with a woman and wants to be with her and give her a home and a family and be with her for the rest of his days, he will stop at nothing to accomplish it. Men will lose their families, lose their friends, lose their educations, lose their careers, move to different countries and learn different languages and on and on and on to be with the women they love and want to be with. Men have killed and men have died to be with the woman they love and not let obstacles get in the way. If a man is 18 and says he wants to wait until he has an education and a career to support a family before he gets married, that is planning for the future. If a grown man makes any kind of excuse on why he doesn't want to get married, he is just blowing smoke and making excuses to justify it in his own mind and keep the woman off his back at that moment. 2
NoLeafClover Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My girlfriend and I dated for 6.5 years before I broke up with her. She was expecting me to marry her. The reason I broke up was I felt that I had to fix things between my parents since my Dad was sleeping around with prostitutes and I couldn't go forward with a marriage unless my parents relationship was fixed. So I broke up with her in Oct. 2012 and pretty much ran away to California. She called me in November 2012 and I told her that I probably won't ever get married to anyone. In January 2013, she called me and I told her to not "have any hope." By the end of January 2013, she was talking with an old flirty friend of hers and they ended up making out and getting intimate. Is this normal behavior to engage in 3 months after breakup from a 6.5 year relationship? Come here...**slap** you deserve it 3
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