He said we need to take time apart. Is it a break or a breakup?

[thewildhunt]

I found myself in a romantic long distance relationship after meeting a man at a wedding. He lives in Hollywood and I live in Ohio, but we connected and communicated intensely every day after meeting. I let my insecurities of the Hollywood image I had of him in my mind and my own fears of being vilnerable greatly affect how I engaged in the relationship and I played a lot of defensive and self-protective push/pull games in the beginning. After 6 weeks of communicating daily, we had an incredible weekend together, followed by a series of problems i kept stirring up in my fear of abandonment. An unfortunate tone was set to our communication early on, one that was based on insecurity rather than security. I see how much of a strain i continuously put on our relationship, but for some reason didnt recognize it was happening in the moment - i was reacting instead of relating. But by the time I got to know him and dismantle the image of who I thought he was based on his job and location - and discovered that he was honestly a genuine, sweet, spectacular guy that just wanted to like me for me -I had unfortunately already missed out on the opportunity to let him see that I am a truly sweet, thoughtful, and down to earth person. He has continuously shown me support, care, tenderness, and emotional generosity and I believe I may have made him feel like it wasn't safe to do that and be intimate with me. He sent love letters, cried out of affection, and texted sweet nothing's throughout the day, but I kept him at a distance. Once I realized my error I panicked and became clingy and needy, because I felt so worried about my past behavior. As those situations always go, as I became needy, it turned into the spiral of him pulling further back, making me try harder, etc. I am so ashamed of my behavior and my poor communication skills with him. I sent him a long email laying out my feelings, and he responded that he doesn't know what to do about us and is too overwhelmed with work to deal with our arguing and crying (he works in the music industry and spends 15 hour work days in a recording studio for a top artist's new album that he has been gearing towards for years). He asked for space and time while he worked on the album, which i eventually agreed to after crying and begging (so ashamed). I want to honor his request because I care about his happiness and success, but I also want to reconcile and communicate how terrible I feel for causing this unnecessary drama - and show him the real me I had been too scared to show before. I'm now afraid that anything I do will just come across to him as needy because of our history of communication, rather than the genuine soul searching I have done over the past couple of weeks. I'm full of so much guilt and regret because I am in love with him - I cannot believe I hurt someone so precious to me. I have started seeing a counselor to try and understand these unhealthy behaviors I displayed in this relationship, but my fear is that it is too late.

 

After 2 weeks, I sent him a text 2 days ago, which he responded to a few hours later, but the exchange has left me confused. I can't tell if its a brush off or a willingness towards reconciliation?

 

Me: Hey, I've done a lot of thinking and reflecting. I'd really like to apologize and talk sometime. Would you be open to that? It would also just be really great to hear how you are.

 

Him: Hey, I'm down to talk, but you don't have anything to apologize for. Can't tonight though.

 

Me: Ok great, I'm looking forward to it. I know how busy you are, so give me a call when you can:)

 

I haven't heard from him following the texts, so it is now 2 days later. To me, it seems like he's willing to talk because he feels like he owes it to me to have a "final" conversation, but that he really doesn't think sorries are even worthwhile or necessary at this point and it is over? Thoughts? I think if he had spent the last two weeks hoping to talk to me, he would have set a firm date and time or let me know he felt positive about it in some way. Am I reading too much into this or are my assumptions correct? Is he genuine? Is his request for space to focus just a healthy self protection? I worry because I found his okcupid profile whch he has re-activated since we started our break.

 

Thanks!

[Soat]

I found myself in a romantic long distance relationship after meeting a man at a wedding. He lives in Hollywood and I live in Ohio, but we connected and communicated intensely every day after meeting. I let my insecurities of the Hollywood image I had of him in my mind and my own fears of being vilnerable greatly affect how I engaged in the relationship and I played a lot of defensive and self-protective push/pull games in the beginning. After 6 weeks of communicating daily, we had an incredible weekend together, followed by a series of problems i kept stirring up in my fear of abandonment. An unfortunate tone was set to our communication early on, one that was based on insecurity rather than security. I see how much of a strain i continuously put on our relationship, but for some reason didnt recognize it was happening in the moment - i was reacting instead of relating. But by the time I got to know him and dismantle the image of who I thought he was based on his job and location - and discovered that he was honestly a genuine, sweet, spectacular guy that just wanted to like me for me -I had unfortunately already missed out on the opportunity to let him see that I am a truly sweet, thoughtful, and down to earth person. He has continuously shown me support, care, tenderness, and emotional generosity and I believe I may have made him feel like it wasn't safe to do that and be intimate with me. He sent love letters, cried out of affection, and texted sweet nothing's throughout the day, but I kept him at a distance. Once I realized my error I panicked and became clingy and needy, because I felt so worried about my past behavior. As those situations always go, as I became needy, it turned into the spiral of him pulling further back, making me try harder, etc. I am so ashamed of my behavior and my poor communication skills with him. I sent him a long email laying out my feelings, and he responded that he doesn't know what to do about us and is too overwhelmed with work to deal with our arguing and crying (he works in the music industry and spends 15 hour work days in a recording studio for a top artist's new album that he has been gearing towards for years). He asked for space and time while he worked on the album, which i eventually agreed to after crying and begging (so ashamed). I want to honor his request because I care about his happiness and success, but I also want to reconcile and communicate how terrible I feel for causing this unnecessary drama - and show him the real me I had been too scared to show before. I'm now afraid that anything I do will just come across to him as needy because of our history of communication, rather than the genuine soul searching I have done over the past couple of weeks. I'm full of so much guilt and regret because I am in love with him - I cannot believe I hurt someone so precious to me. I have started seeing a counselor to try and understand these unhealthy behaviors I displayed in this relationship, but my fear is that it is too late.

 

After 2 weeks, I sent him a text 2 days ago, which he responded to a few hours later, but the exchange has left me confused. I can't tell if its a brush off or a willingness towards reconciliation?

 

Me: Hey, I've done a lot of thinking and reflecting. I'd really like to apologize and talk sometime. Would you be open to that? It would also just be really great to hear how you are.

 

Him: Hey, I'm down to talk, but you don't have anything to apologize for. Can't tonight though.

 

Me: Ok great, I'm looking forward to it. I know how busy you are, so give me a call when you can:)

 

I haven't heard from him following the texts, so it is now 2 days later. To me, it seems like he's willing to talk because he feels like he owes it to me to have a "final" conversation, but that he really doesn't think sorries are even worthwhile or necessary at this point and it is over? Thoughts? I think if he had spent the last two weeks hoping to talk to me, he would have set a firm date and time or let me know he felt positive about it in some way. Am I reading too much into this or are my assumptions correct? Is he genuine? Is his request for space to focus just a healthy self protection? I worry because I found his okcupid profile whch he has re-activated since we started our break.

 

Thanks!

 

He's just being nice as you're reaching out begging... let it go. BEsides, you really want to get into a LDR?

Read my link below

[loversquarrel]

LDR's are not worth the strain. How can you expect a relationship to last when in reality it really can't get past the phone-a-friend stage? Relationships need to grow both on a physical and emotional parallel with eachother, otherwise there is no balance.