unicornioblanco Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 This message is long, but I really need some help. Thanks in advance to those who will take the time to read. My ex and I were together for 7 months, after knowing each other for half a year and being in a non-strings attached relationship. Things started slowly but after the day he said he loved me, everything just became like a dream. He said he knew I was the girl for him, that he dreamed about marrying me and having children with me, he would always talk about it even more than I did and always reminded me that I was the first girl he ever felt that way for (he is 27). We used to spend a lot of time together, even though we both knew it wasn't entirely healthy for the relationship... it's just not something that we like and it was too soon, but I was having a hard time at the moment and he didn't want to leave me alone dealing with my problems and it slowly started to affected our sexual life which had always been amazing, but he never dared to tell me he needed more space, space i know he needed to work on his master thesis and to play with his band. We had some discussions and we were about to break up 2 times in the last month of the relationship, but tried hard to stay because we knew everything was going to get better when I could figure things out and could find a better place to live than the one I had (we did not live together), besides we had already booked a trip to south Croatia together. Even though things were a little shaky, we traveled together and it was just magical, like no problems between us existed and we were just perfect. We came back to Denmark full of hope and then after 1 week, we had another discussion for something stupid I did, I admit. Once I went to spend the night with him, when I came in the afternoon everything seemed ok and by midnight when he came to bed, I could feel he was not the same, we started to talk and boom! "I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same anymore, I don't think I love you. And lately it was been hard for me even to kiss you. It's hard for me too, I don't understand how it happened but I think I'm better off alone. I want to remain friends because I deeply care about you and I just love you as a person". I just wasn't expecting that and it completely broke my heart. It has been 5 weeks since we broke up and there's nothing I want more than getting back together, but somehow I just feel that there is just no chance of that happening. I love him as a man but also as a human being, I love his mind and the way he sees the world and that is why I want to try to be his friend and as we both say "it's just hard to imagine not being in each other's life". We have seen each other once per week since the break up, first 3 times I led to that situation, the next two it was him who proposed it. First two it was for coffee and meeting in public places so we could avoid uncomfortable intimate situations, but then the third one was at his place and I could feel how much we both wanted to be intimate again, even though he said that he didn't want to even kiss me before we broke up this time he said there was no woman he could desire more than me but that he knew being intimate would be a huge mistake, still mistakes were made and we have had sex the last three times. I don't feel bad about it, there is just too much passion and we cannot seem to control it, everybody think that in this kind of situation it is just a man using a woman, but I also feel desire, I enjoy it and I don't believe one can be used when actually agrees to do something, we own our body and unless we are being forced, it is our decision to share it with whoever we want. Of course it is hard because I know that the fact he wants to have sex with me doesn't mean that he still loves me or wants to get back… but the sex is not what confuses me so to speak. When we meet I never talk about what happened, we have a lot of things in common and i just enjoy his company, besides I have always remained friends with most of my ex-boyfriends and weird as it may sound, it's just easier for me to cope this way, no matter who broke up. Again I try to never speak too much about what happened and the problem here is that he is the one who always brings the topic to the conversation. Asking me how I feel and if it isn't too hard for me what we are doing, when I tell him it's hard but I'm OK, then he says he is maybe asking those questions to himself and he is just scared everything will be confusing and we will end up hurting each other even more, he specially gets scared when we start doing things we did when we were a couple and sometimes he just naturally calls me those loving names he used to have for me and always goes: "You see what I mean? I get caught in the situation and cannot control these things happening, that's what scares me". He has said he misses me , that I'm still the sweetest person to him and that he thinks about me a lot, that this is not easy for him even though he is the one who broke up, that he wonders everyday why can't it work when we mean what we mean to each other and that there is nothing he wishes more that having those strong love feelings for me again, but he just can't. He says we don't know what will happen in the future when there was so much love between us and that he thinks we shouldn't see other people because he knows deep inside is not what we both want and need now (I know, sounds very selfish, but knowing his background, the way he was raised, I cannot totally blame him or hate him for that) but that for the time being he feels he made the right decision, specially when he thinks of how much he has enjoyed his loneliness (he has been living alone for 7 years and has had just one 4 months relationship in that time) and how much he has been able to focus and work on his master thesis during these weeks without me, considering he has just one month left to hand it in. I know it was long but if someone could give me any advice, I would be eternally grateful. I know I can move on, I know I can love again, I was married before for 3 years and I do know it is possible to find someone special, but I also know this man is the love of my life, that kind that just comes once, the one you really give everything to. I know I can let go and I'm trying hard to move on and find a lot of things to do that keep my mind away from this, I haven't stopped living my life because of this but should I keep any hope? Does it seem worth to wait and see what happens? Or should I just forget and let go right now? Thank you again.
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