maidai Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Today is 3 weeks since the break up. Alot has happened since then but not related to him related to me. I have remained NC. I have been out with the girls. I have been to circuit training, swimming and have re joined a gym. I have kept busy and pushed all thoughts of him out of my head with a strength I never knew I had in me. I have not cried since day one. Last night I went to bed and thought of him. I suddenly decided that I seem to have come through this too well and maybe I am not facing things. I tried to force myself to imagine myself with him, picture him in my head, think about all the good times we had together.As I did my heart and stomach gave one bump and then nothing. I literally did not feel anything, no pangs of longing, no pangs of love, no pangs of sadness at what I have lost, no joy at the fun times we had, no smiles at the laughter we shared. Nothing. I just did not care and it gave me no pleasure and no pain. If someone you love deeply treats you really badly and you realise you did not desreve to be disrespected so badly is it honestly this easy to start to feel indifferent to them so quickly? Am I being too strong and lining myself up for the walls to break in the future and for me to get a quick nip on the backside?
LimeBlue Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I am the same - cried the first night we ended it (my EA ended recently), and that was that. Not bothered to cry again, nor do I feel the need to cry. I do feel the need every so often to reach out to him, but he is a selfish sod who treated me like **** which makes my moving on so much easier. I think it comes down to self worth. Those with higher levels of self worth, are able to move forward without living in the past. Although, having said that, after my PA many years ago, it very near killed me when it ended BUT I have grown from the experience and I doubt I will ever mourn a man to such an extent ever again. Good on you! Onwards and upwards!
Author maidai Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I am the same - cried the first night we ended it (my EA ended recently), and that was that. Not bothered to cry again, nor do I feel the need to cry. I do feel the need every so often to reach out to him, but he is a selfish sod who treated me like **** which makes my moving on so much easier. I think it comes down to self worth. Those with higher levels of self worth, are able to move forward without living in the past. Although, having said that, after my PA many years ago, it very near killed me when it ended BUT I have grown from the experience and I doubt I will ever mourn a man to such an extent ever again. Good on you! Onwards and upwards! I think a big part of it is that I know alot about what was soon to be xW. I know so much about their marriage and being openly together for 18mnths I witnessed alot of her venom and behaviour. With me he was a better person, with her she quickly brings out his not so nice side. I know it wont be plain sailing, I know they will not forever swim on a sea of euphoria and I know that he will regret his behaviour and the fact that he lost someone he loved who helped him be a better person for his children and family. Me I will just carry on to be me. A stronger, firmer version of me. A version of me who said the day it happened to friends I will never come back from this and found out less than 24 hours later I was I have also found a new respect for me and learnt that I am a person who can say you know what you treat me badly and **** you I am better than this. Its been a horrid learning curve but its one that I think will help my personal growth for the better x You are right its onwards and upwards.
GreySkyMorning Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Yes I think it's normal. I think once someone has shown you the value they place on you in their life and has disrespected you to that degree, it not too hard to close the door behind them. It gets easier for me every day. Its part of respecting yourself.
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