irc333 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I hear women, all the time that they go out with a guy, and there was simply, (according to them) "no spark". That's what happened with me and my last date on the prev. Sat. night. We went out, heavy flirting went on, touching (just her touching me on the arm all the time), giggling, even told me I had "sexy eyes". Agreed to going out with me again, and then after that...nothing. a few days later I texted her asking what the deal was and she said she just felt no "spark". She said I was one of the best dates she's ever been on, but no spark. I was kind of scratching my head at this, because the determing factor on whether or not I want to go out with them agian, would be if I had a good time and fun or not. If a woman is dull as he** or you have to force a conversation with her, it's a no brainer...and usually that's what I've gone through lately....dull women, but when I meet a woman I FINALLY get along with, flirt, and just simply enjoy her company...there's no question that I would want to see her again. I spoke with a female friend of mine about this and she said women "like" men differently than men do. Men - simply enjoys a woman's company/companionship = he's willing to see her again. Women - "Must be a spark" Sure she may have had a good time, had fun, and all that, (usually I THOUGHT THOSE were the components of a spark which would be having a good time, having fun, laughing, etc) Yep, that's it. Like it's a light switch or something. lol It's almost to a point where I think it's a cop-out actually. Men are just satisfied with having a good time with a woman...but apparenlty, there has to be something more than that?
todreaminblue Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Not all women are the same like nto all men are the same if i went on my history of my last experiences men are all cheats...see ....not all men cheat...i know that for a fact,why would you expect all women to expect the same...what you need is a woman who is willing to take it to two dates three dates even a week of dates to see if somgthing develops.....there are women who would...those are the women you should date,and they are out there........just like there are women out there who want a spark or their shoes to fall of when they kiss someone...might as well wait till the next ice age...shoes dont fall off when you kiss...learnt that in my twenties....i am kidding..but nah....shoes stay on and toes curl instead....lol.... i am nto kidding about the type of women you need to date though and not all men are just happy with companionship a minute few on the first date expect you to show them your room, or do expect that spark...and dump girls for not having a spark with them just as frequently as they do fro not showing them the inside of their doona......so ......good luck irc...hope you find that woman that gives you a chance to settle in and gives you a few dates to do so......deb
kaylan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) I need a "spark" (aka chemistry) to see long term potential with a woman. And both people need to feel this chemistry. Its likely that the women you dated OP, didnt feel what you were feeling. Ive had girls in the past feel more of a connection than what I felt. Edited August 23, 2013 by kaylan 4
Author irc333 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 You DON'T speak for all men. And it's patently FALSE that "all" men will date a woman simply because they enjoy her company and for no other reason. Surely you jest? This is something according to my female friend...she painted this wide brush that's how women are. And I was just asking of it here, don't jump on my case for just asking a question. But, I do believe that there whoever wrote "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" did write the title of that book pretty much generalizing both genders accurately though, wouldn't you say?
Emilia Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 But, I do believe that there whoever wrote "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" did write the title of that book pretty much generalizing both genders accurately though, wouldn't you say? No, I would say he was smart enough to know how to cash in on people's lack of understanding of people around them. 4
Author irc333 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 No, I would say he was smart enough to know how to cash in on people's lack of understanding of people around them. So you can say that those "Self-help" books when it comes to "understanding people" aren't much help and are non-representative of what people should understand?
Emilia Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 So you can say that those "Self-help" books when it comes to "understanding people" aren't much help and are non-representative of what people should understand? I was specifically referring to the Mars-Venus bollocks that you mentioned. There are a lot of very good self help books out there but they tend to be written by psychologists and based on years of actual observation of how emotions affect behaviour and cognition. Not some nonsense that people only read to confirm their mistaken beliefs in gender stereotypes. 1
Imported Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Men - simply enjoys a woman's company/companionship = he's willing to see her again. Women - "Must be a spark" Sure she may have had a good time, had fun, and all that, (usually I THOUGHT THOSE were the components of a spark which would be having a good time, having fun, laughing, etc) Yep, that's it. Like it's a light switch or something. lol It's almost to a point where I think it's a cop-out actually. Men are just satisfied with having a good time with a woman...but apparenlty, there has to be something more than that? Wrong. I can enjoy any reasonable persons company and not go out of my way to see them again. I actually always know what a girl looks like in person before I ever ask her out, so there is no chance I ask out a girl that turns out to be less attractive looking than she is, but I have gone out on dates where it became obvious to me to not pursue further for a multitude of reasons. This does not mean I am gonna sit there like a sourpuss or not try to make sure she enjoys her time with me. Not like I am gonna go, "well, I have come to a decision, lets stop this date now as it is pointless". A girl went out with you pretty much on a blind date. She wasn't attracted, but tried to make the best of it. That is all. Your "female friend" always seems to give feedback to you that supports what you obviously want to think. 4
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 A girl went out with you pretty much on a blind date. She wasn't attracted, but tried to make the best of it. That is all. Your "female friend" always seems to give feedback to you that supports what you obviously want to think. Exactly. Also, she was charming, which led you to feel that spark. She's probably charming by nature. Think about it, even when she turned you down, she did it charmingly, leading with a compliment. 3
MidwestUSA Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 OP, you said there was touching on the date, specifically her touching your arm. Did you reciprocate? Respond at all? What is flirting to you? What is your reply to being told you have sexy eyes? Sounds like a lot of one way flirting, actually. Perhaps her decision regarding date #2 was influenced by this? 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) I think we as men do fall differently. We as men care a lot more about "looks" (in our partner) whereas women need "chemistry". I'm not saying that this is all we as men are (we are definitely more than this), but our reptilian brains are satisfied by "spreading our seed"--having sex many attractive women and then on to the next one. In that vein who cares if you have much in common as long as she's "hawt"? If she has something more besides looks that's great but really if we get sick of her it's onward and upward to the next one. As women are pregnant for 9 months and deliver the baby, her reptilian brain needs to feel at least that the guy has good genes first and foremost--"chemistry". And then after that, she is considering whether he might actually stick around because they actually get along--"connection". OP I think MidwestUSA brings up some good points. I am wondering what really happened on the date--how your conversation went. When she called you "sexy eyes" how did you respond? Edited August 23, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Phantom888 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Chemistry is everything. You can have a great time together, or even flirt a little, but without that "spark", you guys are in the FRIENDS territory. I love hanging out with my female friends. We laugh, tell dirty jokes, and once in a while they flash me for fun. But we are just friends, and we have no intention to get sexual. OP: A great date can be fun...but fun dates also have potential to turn into FRIENDS hanging out.
Author irc333 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Well, let me CLARIFY, I was BOTH attracted to her physically and had a good time. So that being said, I wanted to see her again. I reciprocated the flirting as well as she, it's been a long time since I had witty and flirty banter going back and forth with a woman that was so willing. Just chalk it up that she's fickle or doesn't know what she wants. Wrong. I can enjoy any reasonable persons company and not go out of my way to see them again. I actually always know what a girl looks like in person before I ever ask her out, so there is no chance I ask out a girl that turns out to be less attractive looking than she is, but I have gone out on dates where it became obvious to me to not pursue further for a multitude of reasons. This does not mean I am gonna sit there like a sourpuss or not try to make sure she enjoys her time with me. Not like I am gonna go, "well, I have come to a decision, lets stop this date now as it is pointless". A girl went out with you pretty much on a blind date. She wasn't attracted, but tried to make the best of it. That is all. Your "female friend" always seems to give feedback to you that supports what you obviously want to think.
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