Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Is it really that geographically specific as in cutting slices of a pie, as far as finding such diverse people in the different locations?? Yes, in some places. NorCal definitely has its pockets. My 'hood to where these guys live is like Columbus, Ohio to the Hamptons. Marin County is notorious for being just...obnoxious. Mill Valley is the worst. But it's so effing gorgeous. Sigh.
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'm attracted to bald guys with scruff who wear plaid flannel and chucks and spend their winters living out the back of their vintage 4Runner chasing snow storms and their summers bumming down the coast to surf and barely taking time to find clothes that match. So are these types of guys not in your immediate location??? geez...this thread is movin fast...already got my answer before I asked the question
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 So are these types of guys not in your immediate location??? If they were, I wouldn't have had to expand my dating geographical circle. The good guys my age in my area are all married or in serious LTRs.
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 If they were, I wouldn't have had to expand my dating geographical circle. The good guys my age in my area are all married or in serious LTRs. Yep....and as we get older...the pickins become more slim. Unless you get lucky and someone gets a divorce.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Unless you get lucky and someone gets a divorce. Yeah, I hate to hope for someone's misfortune here, but I have heard of some guys getting divorced and getting a little excited about it... 1
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Yeah, I hate to hope for someone's misfortune here, but I have heard of some guys getting divorced and getting a little excited about it... Don't forget that my H got a little excited a year after divorce and I benefited from his excitement! 1
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I think that's too simplistic though. I tend to favor the "born bad/bad wiring" explanation. It makes more sense given what I've noticed...It's easier to blame it on genetics than to have to change. 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It's easier to blame it on genetics than to have to change. The problem is that there are women that empower this behavior in men....so the men learn that it works. And men like this would rather offend 20 and get laid tonight by one.....than spend 2-3 weeks going out on dates...not having any clue if she even likes him or not. .
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 The problem is that there are women that empower this behavior in men....so the men learn that it works. And men like this would rather offend 20 and get laid tonight by one.....than spend 2-3 weeks going out on dates...not having any clue if she even likes him or not.There are some women who are looking for NSA sex so they're going to respond. How does this have anything to do with three bundles of steel wool, unless you believe that all women shouldn't have NSA sex? 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It's easier to blame it on genetics than to have to change. I disagree. I think it's harder to accept that some things can't change. To accept that control is often an illusion. Like I said, I've seen creepy behavior from guys that aren't even remotely into PUA. 1
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I disagree. I think it's harder to accept that some things can't change. To accept that control is often an illusion.It's true. Average guys never, ever, ever get a date, get into relationships or get married. Average guys never, ever, ever breed. Like I said, I've seen creepy behavior from guys that aren't even remotely into PUA.Sure. But the PUA inflation of nice guy/jerk dichotomy and the silly friendzone, have entered mainstream pop culture so guys panic and start doing stupid sh!7, at rates that won't get them what they want, if they're looking for relationship style women. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It's true. Average guys never, ever, ever get a date, get into relationships or get married. Average guys never, ever, ever breed. Sure. But the PUA inflation of nice guy/jerk dichotomy and the silly friendzone, have entered mainstream pop culture so guys panic and start doing stupid sh!7, at rates that won't get them what they want, if they're looking for relationship style women. I think we're talking about two different things. I think you are confusing me for a nice guy/jerk dichotomist. That's not me at all. I agree that average men get into relationships all the time. But that's not my point. My point is that these men who are sending overly sexual text messages (to Star or other women, like my friend I talked about earlier) are doing it for a reason. It may be because they read some PUA or PUA-influenced book or watched a movie or something and thus do dumb things. It also may be because women in the past reacted to it, or it may be that these men have some kind of disconnect in their heads that makes them act in an anti-social manner. I think it's the last one, but I certainly accept that it's not the only explanation, and it could be entirely wrong too. 2
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It also may be because women in the past reacted to it I think thats the most popular reason I've been doing OLD for years....and I have heard from just tons and tons of women that they get bombed with it constantly. I would imagine it happens to tons more of women that never say anything about it. And I do believe way more women react to it than they will ever admit. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) SG, you gave me some great great online dating advice (off-line). Anyway, this guy just is not worth your attention/mental bandwidth. I am hoping you ignore him from here on out. I have indeed sexted some women, but the way it started was innocent flirting where the heat kept getting turned up. I was always sensitive/aware of the girl's limits (by her responses back to me). And so even though some really steamy stuff was exchanged I rarely crossed the line. And the rare times I did I saw that quickly and course-corrected. Texting a picture of your covck? I would never do that. Girl wants to see my covck she needs to see it in person. Edited August 23, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Imajerk... I still laugh at the cock shots because one of them has his face in it. I mean... he's lucky I'm not crazy. 2
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I expanded my search circle to include San Francisco. The common features of all of these guys? They live in Marin County ($$$). They're all successful in their chosen fields. They are incredibly attractive, like model-worthy (and one of them does, in his spare time). Two are vain enough to fake tan and get Botox. They are 37-39. They have never been married, and fairly recently out of long-long term relationships. They all claim they're looking for the real deal, marriage and children. They all send sexual comments/pictures out of the blue. So, me thinks I'm going to avoid this particular "type" for a while. Avoiding that type sounds wise. I'm curious: what attracted you so much to men so vain? Your "type" sounds like my "type", and I would find the type above a HUGE turn off.
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Avoiding that type sounds wise. I'm curious: what attracted you so much to men so vain? Your "type" sounds like my "type", and I would find the type above a HUGE turn off. I am curious as well.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Anonymously email it to his employer. He's in law enforcement and his uncle is actually a high-ranking guy in my office (also a form of law enforcement). Oh, the things I *could* do if I was crazy...
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Avoiding that type sounds wise. I'm curious: what attracted you so much to men so vain? Your "type" sounds like my "type", and I would find the type above a HUGE turn off. I didn't realize they were vain by their profiles. They usually don't write, "I'm a model and use Botox." I learned of these things during the dates themselves. Also, trying something different. Pickin's are slim.
johan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It seems odd to me that people are asking how Star got involved with guys who would do such things. As if you can tell that by looking at someone. And I thought the conventional wisdom was that it's important to get to know a person's personality and not judge them only based on how they appear. Give them a chance. It seems like that's what she did. She gave them a chance. Is the assumption that these guys put "oh by the way, after the first date, I get to be extremely vulgar and aggressive" on their profiles? Or maybe they said this about themselves on an early call or during dinner? Did any of that happen, Star? Are you witholding relevant facts? 3
RedRobin Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I've read the whole thread... (obviously) As a guess, this would be the reason. When PUA Internet memes have infested mainstream, guys, especially socially awkward ones, learn this concept but don't have the savvy to know how to flirt and suggest by inference. So they pull out the meat... Yep. PUA shyte has polluted dating. He also said that younger girls are much more playful and don't play games. As though I'm an old lady hag who just can't get down and have fun. When I hear stuff like this, it becomes clear that some men just do OLD to get revenge on 'women'. The world isn't treating you right? Text your cock pic and maybe you'll get laid (doubtful) or maybe you can start an argument and make someone mad or hurt. I suspect the latter is the most usual outcome... and likely these guy's real intentions. To anger or hurt women. I meant that they are only interested in you for sex. Not that they aren't still looking for marriage and children. Men who are looking for a wife may still be interested in sex with women they don't want to date seriously. He probably has a list of women in this category, all while still looking for that "special someone" to marry. Doesn't make it ok to do with these guys did... Also... I don't think it is ok to put women in any category... especially the ones also saying they are looking for a life partner. Behavior like the OP is stating is mean-spirited and abusive. If he was all about having fun, he might have said "Ooops sorry! Just shopping! Carry on!" or something silly... not something offensive and derogatory. If you want to understand why men do this, think of the possible down sides, and the possible up sides. Possible up side: he gets lucky (I bet it happens more than you'd think) Possible down side: ????? Really nothing negative is likely to happen, other than offending a woman he barely knows and doesn't care about. There is no excuse for being an a-hole... I don't consider this behavior to coincide with 'men'... I consider it coinciding with being an inconsiderate jerk... lets stop associating this with being 'men'... to me, that's just another way to shove the responsibility off to someone else. ___________ Star, here is some advice... I've said it before. Stop posting pics. Or only show a one pic... just your face perhaps... or something from a distance. Nothing that gives the wanna-be pervs ANYTHING to go on. Do your own searches... The guys who are trolling for sex are only going to get 'fed' by women they are attracted to. They aren't getting 'fed' if you don't post pics. Yes, it means you will have to be more proactive... but it is definitely worth it. As many know I only use OkC to find friends/activity partners, but try to meet people in other ways.... since I stopped posting pics, the number of sexy-talk type guys have totally been eliminated. Or the ones that do, say right out "can I see pics?" Which I ignore. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Is the assumption that these guys put "oh by the way, after the first date, I get to be extremely vulgar and aggressive" on their profiles? Or maybe they said this about themselves on an early call or during dinner? Did any of that happen, Star? Are you witholding relevant facts? :lmao: Of course not, reasonable man. 1
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I didn't realize they were vain by their profiles. They usually don't write, "I'm a model and use Botox." I learned of these things during the dates themselves. But still, you were excited about these individuals after the date, no? Those revelations would be, for me, a caution flag. Esp as a marriage candidate, because I'm sure as heck not going to be using Botox.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 But still, you were excited about these individuals after the date, no? Those revelations would be, for me, a caution flag. Esp as a marriage candidate, because I'm sure as heck not going to be using Botox. That's you. I plan on using it, eventually.
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