Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 They want sex. Would it be better if they pretend to want a relationship to get it? But, they do, initially. Their profile says it, they talk about it before the date, during the date... they make it very clear that they aren't interested in casual, claim they don't multi- or serial date, that they are looking for the real deal. We go out, they're gentleman, I drive away hopeful, and giddy, and thinking, "My goodness, a handsome, successful, interesting, funny gentleman!" Sexting guy walked me to my car, opened my car door for me, and checked on me later to make sure I got home safely, and then continued being sweet for the next week before he fell off the planet...only to reappear two months later with inappropriate texts. Similar situation happened with cock shot. I left that date thinking he might be the real deal because he was good on paper, attractive, and a gentleman as well. Imagine my surprise as I pull in my driveway, excited to see a text from him, only to open it to find two close ups of his penis and a nude selfie in the bathroom mirror - with his face in it! (Which belies stupidity, IMO!) Thankfully, they're not dating me for several weeks and just looking for sex; they do come out with this stuff right away. But, it always takes me by surprise... and it's soooooo disappointing.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 But you're proving my point. I'm obviously doing something that attracts such attention. Vibe, clothing, body language. Something, anything. An isolated incident here or there is one thing. But something that's happening on a semi-regular basis indicates a pattern. I've been dating the same way, handling myself the same way, dressing the same way (right down to the same exact outfit for first dates for a long time now just because it's easy), for a long, long time. If it was "my fault" as you're implying, I'd have been experiencing this BS all my dating life. I'm not. This is 3 this summer. I can't recall it EVER happening before. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 OK I Reread OP. The guy is just incompetent to send something like that "tearing off clothes" gaffe out of the blue. 1. He should have called to get some voice feedback. 2. He should have handled any objections to his past sketchiness first. 3. Then if SG was open to talking, he should have cracked the door with something innocuous, "what's the best thing that happened to you last week?" etc. 4. Then he should have "confessed," "I really called because I can't get you out of my mind," said plainly. 5. Then "I dream about you sometimes and you are wearing a blue dress, we are at a dance. Do you have a blue dress? What does it look like? When did you wear it last?" Then listen to anything she might say and say "listen, I know I just kind of blasted out of the past, would it be OK if I called again soon?" If "yes" then in a couple hours a text: "I can't help it, I want to tear that blue dress off of you." and his odds just went up who knows how much, with just ten minutes of prep. It might not interest SG, but don't deny that his odds went way way up. So why not do that simple prep? He's incompetent, inexperienced, out of practice whatever. But one of these guys got a thread made about him being a perv and the other would likely not. All I'm saying. You're absolutely right. The guy who preps and gets a response that welcomes his behavior would not be viewed unfavorably. But that's not what's happened here, or previously, at all.
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 But, they do, initially. Their profile says it, they talk about it before the date, during the date... they make it very clear that they aren't interested in casual, claim they don't multi- or serial date, that they are looking for the real deal. We go out, they're gentleman, I drive away hopeful, and giddy, and thinking, "My goodness, a handsome, successful, interesting, funny gentleman!" Sexting guy walked me to my car, opened my car door for me, and checked on me later to make sure I got home safely, and then continued being sweet for the next week before he fell off the planet...only to reappear two months later with inappropriate texts. Similar situation happened with cock shot. I left that date thinking he might be the real deal because he was good on paper, attractive, and a gentleman as well. Imagine my surprise as I pull in my driveway, excited to see a text from him, only to open it to find two close ups of his penis and a nude selfie in the bathroom mirror - with his face in it! (Which belies stupidity, IMO!) Thankfully, they're not dating me for several weeks and just looking for sex; they do come out with this stuff right away. But, it always takes me by surprise... and it's soooooo disappointing. Do you disagree that a man could be using OLD primarily to find a wife, but also be interested in sex with women from OLD he is not interested in marrying until he meets her?
Anela Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Yup, exactly right. I'm "asking for it." I don't understand how some people get that idea. I had pictures of myself fully-clothed, nothing remotely sexual there, or in my profile (unless I was telling people that I was not interested in casual sex, or being the third for their threesome - since I had messages about that, again, without having had anything sexual in my profile). Most of the first messages I got from guys were "hey sexy" or "sexy lady." More than one, if they didn't start out that way, and instead just popped in with a, "hello beautiful" quickly escalated to nudge-nudge, wink-wink talk. I stopped talking to them as soon as that happened. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 The point is that despite doing pretty much the same thing, one is perceived as a perv, the other not, so is it really about "pervs abound?" or "incompetents abound?" A pervert would walk up to you in a bar and grab your boob. A husband would walk up to you in the kitchen and grab your boob. Has nothing to do with competence, but what's perverted vs. what's appropriate within the context of the relationship you've already established. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Do you disagree that a man could be using OLD primarily to find a wife, but also be interested in sex with women from OLD he is not interested in marrying until he meets her? Sure. But when he meets a woman and tells her things like, "You are the total package, wife material. I am so lucky you're single, I can't wait until our next date!" and then cock bombs you... Um? I'm not imagining this. This happened. They led me to believe that they are looking for marriage/kids and they think I am a possible fit for them in that regard - with their words. They then show me that they don't really feel that way. 2
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 In my experience....more women respond to flirty(insert your definition of flirty) behavior from a guy than if the guy is straight laced, respectful, and proper. I've tested it myself....if a guy can slip in some dirty jokes, dirty comments, etc...in to the conversation...its tends to open up a new door that wasnt open if I stay tight lipped and proper with her. As far as nude pics....thats just guys fast forwarding days or weeks of give and take, dates, and conversation.....and basically saying...look at what I got...do you want it yes or no? If you say no, they move on to the next woman. YOU as an individual woman mean nothing to those types of guys. YOU are a number. YOU are the odds, and he's rolling the dice. PERIOD. .
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Well we all know that fake boobs tend to swell in the heat during the summer months. Come on, we were warned of this on the table. Men can't help but notice. It's almost as if your sweater puppets are pulsating through your tube top. They take on a life of their own. Mine tend to look like those googly-eyed things you stick to your dashboard. Men simply feel the need to reciprocate and show you that their balls hang lower in the heat. This is biology, there's no getting around it. Next time put those tits away and stop inviting trouble into your life. Can we drop the fake boob stuff? They're not getting your sarcasm, and as we've talked about ad nasueum in other threads, not all implants are obvious. Mine certainly aren't.
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Sure. But when he meets a woman and tells her things like, "You are the total package, wife material. I am so lucky you're single, I can't wait until our next date!" and then cock bombs you... EVERY time I hear a woman reference the above such line.....99% of the time the situation didnt turn out good. Guys just dont say things like that from the get-go. And if they do....its a line of bullsh*t. Why would women believe such comments....after not even knowing the guy long enough for such a comment to have value?? . 1
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 In my experience....more women respond to flirty(insert your definition of flirty) behavior from a guy than if the guy is straight laced, respectful, and proper.Flirting preferences are subjective so that's why you have to be observant, instead of using a one size fits all model on every woman. That's why you test a bit, to see where her boundaries lay. This is the nature of social skills. 2
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Sure. But when he meets a woman and tells her things like, "You are the total package, wife material. I am so lucky you're single, I can't wait until our next date!" and then cock bombs you... Um? I'm not imagining this. This happened. They led me to believe that they are looking for marriage/kids and they think I am a possible fit for them in that regard - with their words. They then show me that they don't really feel that way. It's clear they don't. But it was also too soon for them to be talking that way, anyway, so that's odd as well. But yeah, when a guy leads with sex and no prelude, take it as a blessing. He's showing his true colors honestly, no possibility of miscommunication. 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 But yeah, when a guy leads with sex and no prelude, take it as a blessing. He's showing his true colors honestly, no possibility of miscommunication. I still find it a shocker that women are shocked and surprised at this behavior. As if its so rare?? If I was a woman....I would be shocked if a guy didnt do it!
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 But once again, you have admitted that the guy who laid proper groundwork would not be perceived as a perv, the relationship nexus or context hasn't changed at all. Groundwork = establishment of some sort of relationship nexus and context. You can flirt, lay stepping stones, bricks of flirtation, to build a sexy house for the two of you to have your sexy relationship in. OUT OF THE EFFING BLUE does NOT equal establishment of some sort of relationship nexus and context. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I still find it a shocker that women are shocked and surprised at this behavior. As if its so rare?? If I was a woman....I would be shocked if a guy didnt do it! Who says I'm shocked? I'm fully aware that perverts exist. It's more like exasperation. 2
sweetkiwi Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I don't understand how some people get that idea. I had pictures of myself fully-clothed, nothing remotely sexual there, or in my profile (unless I was telling people that I was not interested in casual sex, or being the third for their threesome - since I had messages about that, again, without having had anything sexual in my profile). Most of the first messages I got from guys were "hey sexy" or "sexy lady." More than one, if they didn't start out that way, and instead just popped in with a, "hello beautiful" quickly escalated to nudge-nudge, wink-wink talk. I stopped talking to them as soon as that happened. Yup!!! I had put in my profile "I am a fun, adventurous, curious woman who loves the outdoors and cooking for friends and family" and that was turned into something sexual... 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Flirting preferences are subjective so that's why you have to be observant, instead of using a one size fits all model on every woman. That's why you test a bit, to see where her boundaries lay. This is the nature of social skills. Read this again, daesin. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Yup!!! I had put in my profile "I am a fun, adventurous, curious woman who loves the outdoors and cooking for friends and family" and that was turned into something sexual... Threeways in the woods bareback? 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Star Gazer.....do the guys that end up being the pervs fit into any sort of category, as far as looks, confidence, status??? I would not be surprised if these are the over-confident, jerk type guys, that think women love them....and probably get a lot of women too.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Star Gazer.....do the guys that end up being the pervs fit into any sort of category, as far as looks, confidence, status??? Read the thread. I'm not repeating myself.
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I still find it a shocker that women are shocked and surprised at this behavior. As if its so rare?? If I was a woman....I would be shocked if a guy didnt do it!Notice how you completely disregard or negate anything that doesn't fit into your internal concept of what is or should be? Learn to gauge by individual, not by stereotype and this will go a long way to not exceeding social dynamics of acceptable behaviours. As it relates to this thread, these guys have not only exceeded SGs social boundaries, they've smashed head first into her natural moron wall, brain matter and guts flying all over the place. 2
sweetjasmine Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I've been dating the same way, handling myself the same way, dressing the same way (right down to the same exact outfit for first dates for a long time now just because it's easy), for a long, long time. If it was "my fault" as you're implying, I'd have been experiencing this BS all my dating life. I'm not. This is 3 this summer. I can't recall it EVER happening before. It just seems like a string of bad luck, Star. That or there's something in the drinking water. I doubt there's anything you can do to prevent this kind of thing from happening, short of not dating altogether. I hope your luck turns around. 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Learn to gauge by individual, Explain to me oh wise one.....HOW in the world am I going to gauge guys as an individual....on this topic.....since I date women????? I am speaking from experience, hearing story after story from tons and tons of women, that this happens to them over and over. .
GorillaTheater Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 As it relates to this thread, these guys have not only exceeded SGs social boundaries, they've smashed head first into her natural moron wall, brain matter and guts flying all over the place. Dang, that sounds offal. 5
xxoo Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Is it about their lack of social skills, or about the fact that you wanted this person to look at you differently?
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