Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I went out with a guy in early June; we had great chemistry, all we did was kiss. He was rebounding from a breakup, and disappeared. Fine. No big loss. Last weekend, (so, like...over two months later), I was awoken by a text: "I want to rip your clothes off and kiss your whole body!" (That's a funny/awkward attempt at sexting, but, okay...) I didn't even immediately remember who he was, it's been that long. "Steven who?" I thought. The next morning, I responded: "Nice drunk texting. I think you had the wrong Star!" He says no, it was me, he was thinking of me, wasn't drunk. I laugh it off, and say it's weird to hear from him after he disappeared so long ago. He apologizes for going MIA. I ignore him. He then texts me again tonight, just now, and says he's going out of town this weekend (aren't they all?), but if I send him a sexy pic, he might change his mind. COME ON. I balked, and he told me I'm BORING. I laughed, and said he had some nerve contacting me out of nowhere and asking me for a "sexy pic"! He then told me I was playing games. HUH? SERIOUSLY. WTF is going on here?! WHAT has happened to GENTLEMEN? Cock shots from the last guy? This crap from this one? The guy in between these two regularly asking, "What are you wearing?" and getting all suggestive? OUT OF NOWHERE. Not invited! OUT OF NOWHERE. Like, they've got some sexual version of Asperger's! And NO, I'm not presenting myself as some hoochie to these dudes. And they're all in their late 30's! I either get creeps like this, or guys who are indifferent. I give up. :stompingoff: 13
Lani Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Perves abound alright!! If it helps, I have noticed the same thing. It's surprising to me when guys don't turn sexual early on these days. I am actually talking to a guy now and he's not made things sexual at all, and I'm starting to wonder if he just isn't interested. How f*cked up is that? 9
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Perves abound alright!! If it helps, I have noticed the same thing. It's surprising to me when guys don't turn sexual early on these days. I am actually talking to a guy now and he's not made things sexual at all, and I'm starting to wonder if he just isn't interested. How f*cked up is that? I know EXACTLY what you mean! I'm so used to, at the very least, over the top sexual innuendo, that if he doesn't go there, I wonder if he even likes me! God forbid he not paw at me, I might write him off as not assertive enough! It's happening right now! 2
Lani Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You could stop responding. To every guy on the planet? Great advice
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 You could stop responding. I hadn't heard from him in two months when I was awoken by the sexts. As for Mr. Cock Shot, I received the pictures on the way home from the first meet/date. It's not like I'm enabling/engaging/encouraging this crap.
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I know EXACTLY what you mean! I'm so used to, at the very least, over the top sexual innuendo, that if he doesn't go there, I wonder if he even likes me! God forbid he not paw at me, I might write him off as not assertive enough! It's happening right now! So if they are too sexual, they are perverts, and if they aren't sexual enough, they are boring/dull/probably uninterested. So guys are stuck trying to find this perfect goldilocks area that is going to be different for every person and personality, and if you were even kind enough to not just ignore them outright they have a solid 1-3 day window to nail that exact area spot on, or pretty much their shot with you dies in a fiery oblivion. and then women ask why there are no good guys left. 3
Lani Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 So if they are too sexual, they are perverts, and if they aren't sexual enough, they are boring/dull/probably uninterested. So guys are stuck trying to find this perfect goldilocks area that is going to be different for every person and personality, and if you were even kind enough to not just ignore them out of the blue they have a solid 1-3 day window to nail that exact area spot on, or pretty much their shot with you dies in a fiery oblivion. and then women ask why there are no good guys left. You missed the point. What I think Star is saying is that we're so used to guys being overly sexual and suggestive that when they don't, we feel like they're not interested. And that's not right, is it? We shouldn't be tuned into feeling that way because everything turns sexual so quickly these days. The whole thing has given us a screwy view of how attractive we are to guys. 4
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Another "the common denominator is you" story. No, it's not, because not ALL of the men I encounter act like this. Just 3 in 4 months. Why did you tell us this story? Because I'm exasperated and ready to give up; it probably belongs in the rants/venting section moreseo than dating. What do you get out of these encounters psychologically? Does it slightly titillate you that men objectify you while at the same time you can pretend to be morally superior to these men yet you are the one who entertains them and their advances? Hardly. It makes me feel bad.
SJC2008 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Just because he hasn't kissed you yet doesn't mean he's indifferent. It's only been two dates and I don't recall him flaking or being bad a getting back to you. Hell, he even suggested getting together again on your second date. I think you need to think outside the box more when it comes do mens "bell curve". Sure most may fall into the biggest part and want sex asap but there are two other small ends of the curve where some men arent going to rush and some may be ultra consevative. Men are taught to make a move fast or be fz'd and your reaction to his lack of making a move backs that up. Now I know you haven't fz'd him but I think you know what I mean. Anyway, there are woman out there who don't go wtf? if the guy isn't busting a move asap even though many will. I didn't go for a kiss until the 3rd date with a woman I dated about a year ago and I got the cheek! Then got dumped via text about 10 minutes later. Well she kept in contact and basically begged me to go out with her again and said she was guarded and even called me a great guy! Another woman I dated dated a guy 4 or 5 times and he never made a move but she dumped him because of some strong signs of being an alcoholic. My point is that not every man/woman fits into the "put in in her before someone else does" and "He hasn't kissed me by date 2 so he doesn't like me" bell curve.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Maturity is not something one necessarily acquires with age. I think this is one of the things I get stuck on. I expect men in their late 30's to behave in a more mature fashion than the guys I dated while in college. Perhaps I should reconsider the whole cougar/puma thing. I think the youngin's would be more well behaved!
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Just because he hasn't kissed you yet doesn't mean he's indifferent. It's only been two dates and I don't recall him flaking or being bad a getting back to you. Hell, he even suggested getting together again on your second date. I think you need to think outside the box more when it comes do mens "bell curve". Sure most may fall into the biggest part and want sex asap but there are two other small ends of the curve where some men arent going to rush and some may be ultra consevative. Men are taught to make a move fast or be fz'd and your reaction to his lack of making a move backs that up. Now I know you haven't fz'd him but I think you know what I mean. Anyway, there are woman out there who don't go wtf? if the guy isn't busting a move asap even though many will. I didn't go for a kiss until the 3rd date with a woman I dated about a year ago and I got the cheek! Then got dumped via text about 10 minutes later. Well she kept in contact and basically begged me to go out with her again and said she was guarded and even called me a great guy! Another woman I dated dated a guy 4 or 5 times and he never made a move but she dumped him because of some strong signs of being an alcoholic. My point is that not every man/woman fits into the "put in in her before someone else does" and "He hasn't kissed me by date 2 so he doesn't like me" bell curve. Okay, that's fair, for the "no kiss on second date" guy. But what about this dude, sexting me out of nowhere and asking for a sexy pic?? Am I being "boring" for thinking that's out of line?
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 You missed the point. What I think Star is saying is that we're so used to guys being overly sexual and suggestive that when they don't, we feel like they're not interested. And that's not right, is it? We shouldn't be tuned into feeling that way because everything turns sexual so quickly these days. The whole thing has given us a screwy view of how attractive we are to guys. You also missed the point, being that she allows her perception from a small cross-section of dates influence the way she judges/perceives the majority men.
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Okay, that's fair, for the "no kiss on second date" guy. But what about this dude, sexting me out of nowhere and asking for a sexy pic?? Am I being "boring" for thinking that's out of line? Only you can decide that. There are women who probably would have called the cops, and there are women who probably had some pics left over in the phone to send because why the hell not. Breaking news: all people are different. more at 11
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 You also missed the point, being that she allows her perception from a small cross-section of dates influence the way she judges/perceives the majority men. As if you're not guilty of doing the very same thing with your experiences with women. 1
Lani Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I think this is one of the things I get stuck on. I expect men in their late 30's to behave in a more mature fashion than the guys I dated while in college. Perhaps I should reconsider the whole cougar/puma thing. I think the youngin's would be more well behaved! Nope, sorry. They're the kids I'm dealing with, and they're not behaving. If a person wants to take it slower then that person would be more responsive to a relatable partner. If a person wants to take things faster then that person will be more responsive to an overly overtly sexual mate. Like with like. Somewhere in the middle? I'm happy to move reasonably quickly. I've made no secret of that. But I'd like to have more than say, one conversation, before things turn overly sexual. It's not a big ask, fellas. 1
Knoxpwns Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 As if you're not guilty of doing the very same thing with your experiences with women. I've only been with one woman. I'll let you know once I start getting back out in the dating pool. inb4 I get judged based on this info lol
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Yeah, I'd like to have more than a couple margaritas while watching the Giants before your penis shows up on my phone. Is that too much to ask of your average dude? And if I haven't heard from you since our last/second date two months ago, let's not start the conversation by telling me what you want to do to me naked, and then ask for a picture. Is that too much to ask? You fellas should be angry with your bros, because it only takes a few bad apples to give y'all a bad name (and yes, I know, it works both ways). You wonder why I'm single? This is why. This is precisely why. I go from one extreme (unsolicited cock shots) to the other (hug at the end of the second date, with no innuendo ever). I'm hoping the pendulum will eventually settle somewhere in the middle.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Then avoid them. I would have blocked the number as soon as I got any weird texts or calls. How does that prevent it from happening to begin with? It doesn't.
SJC2008 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Okay, that's fair, for the "no kiss on second date" guy. But what about this dude, sexting me out of nowhere and asking for a sexy pic?? Am I being "boring" for thinking that's out of line? Not at all. It was probably all he could come up with when you called him out for reappearing 2 months later.
snowflakes88 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 To every guy on the planet? Great advice To be clear, perhaps OP would be wise not to respond to a guy who disappeared for 2 months and then sent a sexual text message. Responding at all indulges the behavior. I would have blocked him and moved on... certainly not encouraged further conversation by responding, then entertained his texts today about sexy photos. If you truly find the behavior offensive, don't feed it. Get it now? 6
snowflakes88 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I would have blocked the number as soon as I got any weird texts or calls. Glad to see it's not just me. No, you can't control the initial pervy message, but you waive your right to complain if/when you indulge it.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) To be clear, perhaps OP would be wise not to respond to a guy who disappeared for 2 months and then sent a sexual text message. Responding at all indulges the behavior. I would have blocked him and moved on... certainly not encouraged further conversation by responding, then entertained his texts today about sexy photos. If you truly find the behavior offensive, don't feed it. Get it now? You have a great way of twisting facts to fit the situation as you want to see it. Edited August 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Glad to see it's not just me. No, you can't control the initial pervy message, but you waive your right to complain if/when you indulge it. Blocking AFTER receipt (which costs money, not gonna pay for that) does not prevent it from happening in the first place, which *is* my complaint - that they go there AT ALL, EVER, IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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