loyalwife Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Husband, I thought that my honesty and committment to the marriage would help save it. I thought that if I constantly remind you that I will not leave you that would help you become a gentler person and treat me with more respect. I am wrong. Your emotional abuse continues and every time you abuse me you have a reason/reasons. You pushed me out of your house in 2001 because you couldn't deal with separation. You yelled and screamed and berated me infront of my parents because you were concerned of the kid's health because I drank coffee while breastfeeding. You screamed my name at the park Last Sunday because you were afraid that you would lose the prize that you had won. Also, because (you said) I didn't come when you first called even though I had looked at you. You berated me while we waited for the train in Feb. 2013 because (you said) I didn't listen to you. You used your condescending and scornful tone of voice in front of P and L because I had answered the question you asked P. Yesterday you used your scornful, and put down tone of voice to question me because I had told you that I already heard the quotation you were about to say. (A tried to lighten the moment by joking to me 'oh you are in trouble') Bones can heal but the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a life time. I can recall several abuses so clearly as if they just happened yesterday and the sadness repeats just like I experienced at the time the actual abuse happened. I thought I am feeling better in a marriage until I am truly in touched with my deepest feelings tonight. I realized I have been bleeding inside. In my effort to change myself I have not cried in front of you for quite sometimes. Instead, I sit down and talk with you and try to help you change your abusive behaviour. Do I have hopes that you will change? According to the repetive behaviours I mentioned above, NO. I have actually started to think that it is harmful for the kids if we stay married: The other night you told 'Mommy doesn't want anything to do with you tonight' Multiple times you said to the kids 'Mommy is nasty'. An abuser can't live without a victim and I am afraid that when/if I leave you the kids will be your target. I have also observed that there is a big possibility that you could physically abuse the kids: I witnessed that you have smacked them on the head and other parts of the body. You call it tapping I call it smacking. We have agreed that spanking on the bottom only and that too when it is absolutely neccessary. I'd like to keep this agreement ALWAYS. I view tapping/smacking/spanking a child on any parts of the body other than his/her bottom as an abuse. I also view badmouthing a parent an abuse. I say I want to have the kids birthday at a restaurant, you say you want to have it at home. I say I want to go a few days to switzerland. You say 'No' we have no money. I say I don't want you to go to the US. You say, you are going, you have your money. I qoute, 'I do whatever I want with it' Almost always, the ultimate decision in our marriage is yours. You make all the financial decisions. You NEVER once ask my thoughts on financial matters and only YOU know why you never ask. Everything I mentioned here hurts but nothing Degrades me, humilliates me more than when you emotionally abuse me in front of other people: Shouting at me like you shouted XX, being sarcastic, belittling me. Your abusive behaviour towards me in front of friends and in public makes me feel like I am less than a human being. It kills my pride, it embarrasses me and all I want is to find a cave and hide forever. Sulking used to be because I was mad at you. Nowadays I sulk because I am sad and in despair of our situation. You may not see me cry but I am bleeding inside. I am lost and broken. All hopes that I will ever be happy in this marraige are GONE. All hopes that you will stop emotionally abusing me are GONE. I still remember what XX said about 6 years ago. "If I said to my wife what you just said to your wife, my stuff would be outside and I would have to spend the night at the motel". If your best friend said that to you in front of me the degree of abuse must be extremely bad. Read this email a few time may be it helps you undesrtand how sad and broken I have been. Note: My ability in recalling the abuses here is not because I have a strong memory but because I had a very painful experience. Each time we 'talk' you promise me that you will change, and you do change for a day or two and then you go back to becoming an abuser and I a victim and an enabler.
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