Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 The sperm donor has a millionaire father so that probably played into the decision. Just cried and I have I idea why, think it could maybe be exhaustion. I f'ing hate feeling like this.... Am I supposed to be happy for her?? Not sure how to feel on that regard either
Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I think I want to be happy for her, but can't because she is misguided and desperate and made a really bad decision. Although truly I guess it could work out, even though odds are she will end up a single mother ( with lots of child support)
Balzac Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Your desire for her to find her hapliness =/= you feeling happy about this. In the future, should you see her with an 8 year old child, her life going well, maybe then you can feel happy for her. In this present circumstance, pain, revulsion and anxiety are your task. Learning how to deal with some embarrassment. Anger that she seems to have made poor decisions. All of this is normal. Ten years is a big investment of time. You were happy. It's not a fault or flaw in you that you weren't up for a baby.
superchick Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I think you have every reason to feel upset by this, but by your own words- you didn't want to take the next step with her- you didn't want to get married or have children yet. After 10 years, if you weren't ready to take it to the next level- I am not sure why you'd begrudge her the opportunity if that was something she was ready for. You were together 10 years- she could have gone off the pill, not told you, and had a happy accident with you had she chosen to do so. 10 years together, and she was taking the pill until the end. I can only assume from that info that had she wanted to trap you at some point, she could have over a 10 year duration with you. I might have skimmed over valuable info, like why you broke up? Otherwise, you've painted a picture of a woman that hit her prime years that wanted children while you didn't. You can blame her for getting pregnant so quickly- but it doesn't seem like the guy she moved onto was concerned with using protection either. So agree with this. She wanted to have a baby and you didn't. You broke up and now she's having a kid on her own. If you couldn't make her happy why deny her happiness somewhere else?
Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Thank you Balzac, those are wise words and I take them to heart. 1
Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Super chick, I absolutely agree she wanted to have a baby at a time I didn't, that is a granite stone fact. This isn't about me not making her happy. It's about figuring how to cope with all the mixed feelings that come along with your ex soul mate suddenly pregnant within 2 seconds of a split after 10 years together. I want her to be happy, I really do. I would never deny her that, but I worry she is looking to be happy in a reckless, desperate way ad don't want that for her. I would wan't better. Not me, but better than what she's done and with who. Where I asked "should I be happy for her", I meant that people say I should be upset, but I'm not the kind of upset they are talking about. Have no anger, and was asking if I am supposed to?
Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Answering my own question:no. Anger or negativity are not helpful or healing, but are waste of energy. It's ok to want her to be happy, even if don't agree with what she's doing or how doing it. It's her life, she can do what she wants and it doesn't matter why or with who. Two separate people, two separate lives. One independent from the other. That's what breakup means. Her getting pregnant immediately was her choice, I may have something to do with why she did it but its not about me at all. Not one bit. It's all about her, her incredibly selfish desire to have a baby ASAP and be taken care of, get to stop working job she doesn't wanna do anymore, and and just be a mom and goto lunches. Yes it's forever, but the girl I knew was already gone forever anyway so there is no goodby here. Already gone. And the images of her all swollen up and chubby faced with big boobs and a belly and a waddly chin, in the hospital bed screaming giving birth, with a kid in the yard, they freak me out because I don't to be a part of them and they scare me to death. Feel very uncomfortable with them. This is not new!! Always felt like that, just it's really happening now so need to remember that I am in no way a part of any of it, and relax and breathe. Not a part of it, doesn't matter, her life, doesn't effect me. Whoa. that felt like a breakthrough. I deeply, deeply thank you all. Being able to pour out my heart and my head in this way and talk to all of you was kind of amazing. Thank you. Peace.
Balzac Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Great soliloquy. We are each entitled the freedom to make mistakes. It's not your mistake. You're not in schadenfreude. You're a good man. You'll love again.
Author Big Pete Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 You are a good man as well, thank you my friend. 1
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