emva07 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) Work towards a healthy goal, not a goal you THINK men want, because not all men want the same. Some articles: Key points to take home. - It's not so much weight as in fat percentage (BMI) that you need to be concerned about. -It's not so much weight (to an extent) as shape proportion that matters to men. -What women think is the ideal weight is lower than what men think is the ideal weight in women. - You have to truly WANT to change your body for it to have a lasting effect. Not just want to do it for guys. These don't only apply for overweight girls, but also for super skinny girls who are trying to gain weight. I've had friends who's boyfriends always nagged them for being too skinny The Rules Revisited: What Men Think About Your Weight Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Really Think About Super Skinny Girls? The comments are good too. Edited August 25, 2013 by emva07
man_in_the_box Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Tell yourself whatever you want that it doesn't matter. In some cases it doesn't matter, but in others its a big deal (no pun). My girlfriends weight gain destroyed our sexual relationship back when it happened. Perhaps other men can deal with it but there are plenty who cannot.
paigej91 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Don't read if you want to hear something somewhat ugly... I am going to tell you the truth, but tell you tactfully. Men are visual creatures (so are women). What initially attracts men to women is LOOKS. It's superficial and unfair, but it's the truth. Men's interest in a woman INITIALLY peaks because of how she looks, NOT because of her personality. Being thin certainly has a lot to do with it. Being thin helps your face look better. If you want to change your body, you have to find the motivation to work out. So to get a lot of men's attention (though not all) you want to look visually appealing. This not only has to do with thinness, but hair, clothes and your face. Now, with all of that said about looks, if a woman is gorgeous and thin, but boring, she will not have much luck. Men also like fun, carefree women. If you have a fun, cute and carefree personality, men will also be attracted to that. That's my 2 cents on the issue, and I thought I would be honest since some people like to "fluff up" the truth. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 The truth is that it is indeed better to be thinner, more men prefer that, but not TOO skinny. The truth is also that different men prefer different sizes, and MANY men don't like skinny, these like curvy (not fat), round butt, some good boobs, hourglass shape. Nothing is universal. So just take care of yourself as much as possible, and there is someone for everyone. I myself don't worry about that for one second. It's all so subjective. The OP doesn't seem too fat at her height, yeah, not thin but not too fat to attract men anyway. Now it also depends how she's shaped, I think it is more important for women with apple shaped bodies to be thinner, since they tend to pack the weight just around the waist, making for a more masculine looking body. To get around this body shape, being seriously thin (like size 6 or below) is how you make sure you don't have that belly popping out.
dj572 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 As others have said to the right man it does not matter. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I work with a lot of men that are the typical jerks about womens weight but some of us myself included prefer women that are a little larger. Honestly some of the most beautiful women to me are larger women. Be confident in who you are. Only lose weight if it's something you want to do. Never try to change to please somebody else. If they can't accept you as you are then they are not worth your time in my opinion.
dj572 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Why are men jerks if we don't want to date somebody who is not in good shape? If a guy takes care of himself and looks good, then I see no reason why he can't ask for the same in a partner and that doesn't make him shallow or a jerk I'll never understand how men are called negative terms for having standards yet women can have a laundry list of standards for everything from weight to personality, confidence, job, income, etc... etc... and that's perfectly fine. As long as you are not asking for something you can't provide yourself, then what's the issue? The guys I am refering to as jerks say things like "can her a** get any bigger" "I didn't know they could make pants that big" or making pig noises or cow noises when they walk by. Thats what I'm talking about typical jerks. If you don't like larger women don't date them but I don't think you have to be an a**hole about it either. Be as shallow as you want male or female I don't really give a sh*t but it pisses me off when people make fun of somebody because they are larger. I know women can be just as shallow but I have never heard a woman make the sh*tty comments that men make. Maybe they say it but I have never heard it. 2
Leigh 87 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A guy I Am really into is overweight. He is not obese or anything but he has a gut. I do not mind at all. However, if he started to gain more weight, I would ask him to try to do something about it. I would also tell him that I am still so into him and that he still turns me on so much; it is just bad for his health if it gets out of hand and I do not want to be with a guy who becomes and STAYS obese. I like feeling small compared to the guys I date so I actually like that he has some puppy fat:love: but I do not want him gaining much more! 2
Leigh 87 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 And by the way, I have plenty of hot, buff guys who I can pick from yet I chose a guy who was overweight and not because I am desperate and short of options when it comes to men. I am not that perfect but I have chosen to be with an overweight person and I totally love the size of him. 3
emva07 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A guy I Am really into is overweight. He is not obese or anything but he has a gut. I do not mind at all. However, if he started to gain more weight, I would ask him to try to do something about it. I would also tell him that I am still so into him and that he still turns me on so much; it is just bad for his health if it gets out of hand and I do not want to be with a guy who becomes and STAYS obese. I like feeling small compared to the guys I date so I actually like that he has some puppy fat:love: but I do not want him gaining much more! Oh man. Reminds me of this guy I was crazy about. He was about 5'7" and 200lbs. I must say. I must partially agree with some fellas here. A lot of people set their sites on people that are " out of their league " Your friends are the typical jerks that belittle bigger women. You seem to have tunnel vision to only this type of jock-like, bully mentality. Meanwhile there are men out there that love big women.... Big men , black men, Latino men etc.
Leigh 87 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Oh man. Reminds me of this guy I was crazy about. He was about 5'7" and 200lbs. I must say. I must partially agree with some fellas here. A lot of people set their sites on people that are " out of their league " Your friends are the typical jerks that belittle bigger women. You seem to have tunnel vision to only this type of jock-like, bully mentality. Meanwhile there are men out there that love big women.... Big men , black men, Latino men etc. I'm not big myself. I'm of a normal weight. I don't might at all that my guy is a tad overweight. I'm very attracted to him. I have hot guys that take an interest in me. I prefer normal average looking men who are tall and big builds. I don't care if they are a tad overweight or if they have slight acne. And my friends are shallow either. I only have one friend who is a little shallow.
Leigh 87 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 And I definitely don't go for guys out of my league. I don't think I'd look out of place holding the hand of a hot guy. I also don't look out of place with an average looking guy. There is way too much emphasis on leagues. I don't follow them I think I'm attractive enough to attract a wide array of men. Both overweight and very hot guys. I happen to be more attracted to a slightly over weight guy with some acne that has a cute face, than I am attracted to a hot guy with perfect skin ajd a gym toned body. I prefer slight chubby to a gym junkie. 1
Lokie Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Please be cautious of advice from people who have never been in your shoes. The media and diet industry has helped shaped the "desirable woman" of today. These things depend on keeping women focused on feeling bad about themselves and their bodies. ("The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf is eye-opening.) Being large does NOT equal being unhealthy. You may get in shape and remain the same size, but firm up and increase your cardiovascular capability. Men who say "staying in shape" is important to them in their prospective mate typically mean "you are a reflection of my worth and I need you to be thin so I can feel better about myself to the world." They are not interested in you "being in shape" by out running or out cycling them, only by body size. You have the gift of height. Stand proud in that beautiful body of yours! 3
TB Rhine Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I don't get the school of thought that actively encourages obesity and in fact discourages weight loss for whatever reasons. As a heavyset person - I get where you're coming from, and I do believe a lot of the "fat acceptance" rhetoric out there is misguided; or, at least, that the people spouting it are going about trying to make their point in the wrong way. Read this and then come back: Fat Is Officially Incurable (According to Science) | Cracked.com Essentially, real, enormous weight loss (the kind every fat person dreams of... of one day being the fit, skinny, attractive person), sustained over the long haul, is statistically impossible. There are a few freak cases here and there, as the article mentions, but they're BY FAR the exception rather than the rule. I know, I know - your boyfriend's aunt's college roommate lost a bunch of weight once. Doesn't change the facts. So, that being the case - I don't think there's anything wrong with counseling people to try and learn to make peace with who they are, and what they look like, rather than holding onto the pipe dream of losing a large amount of weight that's never going to come off. I'll say it again - SERIOUS weight loss is not just "hard"... it is statistically impossible. Why push the fatties of the world (myself included) to spend the rest of their lives hanging their self-worth and self-esteem on their ability to accomplish a goal they're never going to achieve? I don't think anyone's discouraging weight loss on its own merits; they're simply trying to tell heavyset people not to view weight loss as the magical cure-all (and, above all, infinitely attainable goal) that everyone in their lives and in popular culture tells them it is, every day. And, perhaps, they're trying to tell thinner people not to dismiss the problems of fatties, based on the assumption that they're "just lazy" and "they can lose the weight if they want to."
thefooloftheyear Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) Go big or go home.... Ive had this secret fantasy for Wendy Williams...Im like "yeah, I can take that"...lol TFY Edited August 28, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
Bellamadre Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Um No. I'm very athletic a size 6 and no relationship either. Games! Games! Games! Thats what these men want. So sweetie love you. If you don't change you and see what happens. Spend sometime working on you. Good luck. 1
FitChick Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) So, that being the case - I don't think there's anything wrong with counseling people to try and learn to make peace with who they are, and what they look like So you date women as fat or fatter than you? Good for you! Edited August 29, 2013 by FitChick
mario_C Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Go big or go home.... Ive had this secret fantasy for Wendy Williams...Im like "yeah, I can take that"...lol TFY She's not fat. Not in that way. She does have a perfect body... Just saying.
bentleychic Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I love love love big guys. The guy I'm with now is bigger and I love it. He's my big cuddly teddy bear. I don't think he's obese, but he's definitely overweight. He was attracted to me when I was 60+ lbs heavier and he's attracted to me now that I am a "normal" weight. (This isn't just mouth service, either. He originally approached me to have a relationship years ago when I was at my highest weight.) (My exH was very small, almost always smaller than me so people are shocked when they see my new guy.)
73Fras Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I am 6ft tall and that is more of an obstacle than any weight I am at. Right now I am at my heaviest and very bothered by it. I am 186 but all of my " reasons" or should I say excuses are no longer valid so I am back to running and starting cross fit. I want to be back to 157-160 which I feel my best at. I know my self confidence is hurt by this extra weight some but it's more by my height and sadly there is no changing that, so I will work on being the best Tall me OP - when you are at YOUR best - people will want to meet you.
skibunny Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Weight issues and dating issues... ugh. I feel for you, sister. I used to be a little overweight and I thought that was the reason I had trouble finding dates. Then I lost about 15 lbs (I'm 5'3" tall, so a significant amount of weight for someone my size) and noticed a major change in my dating patterns. As soon as I started losing weight, more guys started talking to me and asking me out. By the time I'd lost 10 lbs, I'd found one I adored and started a committed relationship. Was it the weight loss that changed things for me? Yes and no. Because the changes in my social interactions started before my body looked any different, but as soon as I started losing weight, my confidence increased. I took more pride in my appearance and was more at ease being out in public, and with the idea of guys looking at me. And I think those things improved my interactions with people and made them want to get to know me better. Attraction is a strange thing. Truly feeling attracted to another person makes us feel vulnerable. Guys bond by talking about fashionably or culturally beautiful women because it's easy and it doesn't put too much of their true emotion on the line. So they might be looking at you and thinking, daaaang! but then they say something about a different girl because that's going to get them more points with their buddies, or whatever. Long story short, I'm sure there are guys who are attracted to you at your current weight. Losing weight may broaden your options, but being confident and happy with yourself will REALLY broaden your options. If that means changing your body, then you should try it! If it means a new lipstick color and a sparkly top, try that, too. 1
Sweeetie Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I am 6ft tall and that is more of an obstacle than any weight I am at. Right now I am at my heaviest and very bothered by it. I am 186 but all of my " reasons" or should I say excuses are no longer valid so I am back to running and starting cross fit. I want to be back to 157-160 which I feel my best at. I know my self confidence is hurt by this extra weight some but it's more by my height and sadly there is no changing that, so I will work on being the best Tall me OP - when you are at YOUR best - people will want to meet you. Well you have the enviable long legs if anything
73Fras Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Well you have the enviable long legs if anything LOL - yes I am definitely blessed with long legs.....
TB Rhine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 So you date women as fat or fatter than you? Good for you! Not remotely the point. Regardless of whether weight hampers a person's dating prospects (and it certainly does), losing a LARGE amount of weight (i.e., a big enough amount to dramatically affect one's prospects), and keeping it off over the long haul, is not a realistic goal. Therefore giving someone that kind of advice ("Don't worry, honey, just start exercising in the mornings and lose the weight... you'll be a hottie in no time!") is setting them up for failure. I could probably also improve my dating stats if I could melt steel with my eyeballs and leap tall buildings in a single bound, but telling me to go on the Superman diet would also be a pointless endeavour, and would be of no help to me whatsoever. That, more than anything, is what I'm trying to get across. When someone posts a thread saying, "Is being fat causing me to get rejected?", telling them, "Probably... but it ain't no thang, just lose the weight, sista!" is NOT HELPING. It will not do them any good. Rather than coming to terms with who they are and how they look (part of which may involve, yes, coming to terms with the limits that places on their dating prospects), you're encouraging them to spend the rest of their lives chasing after a pipe dream.
TB Rhine Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I agree, but I'd also add that women aren't much better in this respect. With them it's a combination of how ****able you are, and how much money you have/viability as a provider. You will never see a woman with an unattractive guy who is physically abusive, can't hold a job, and can't spend more than a month out of jail.
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